This is the big one

This post is about how important the upcoming temporary shift to a different city is for me, and why I'm so excited, eager and also quite anxious to make the jump.

This is the big one, the one move that will make me force to make adult choices and decisions that'll have long lasting impact on my life. Even though in terms of time frame it's not too long and I've committed to it not being a long-term change, but the way I intend to pull it through and make a living for myself in the new town will make it clear why it's so important for me.

To put it in short: it feels like I'm on the cliff, and this is the big jump everybody's been talking about. You know you have to make the jump, and you're just pushing it off, trying to joke to people about one thing or another hoping to distract them from the matter at hand so they just forget why you were here and instead escape out of view, but no, you know this will not work. This is going to be it. You'll have to grow up, act like an adult and make all the difficult decisions because if not now, when. When will you come to terms with the hard facts of life and decide to act like a goddamn grown-up person.

It's about buying real furniture, living all by myself for the first time in a position where I'll be seeing other people and hosting them, it's about living in a really central location, and inviting friends and family to my place finally, it's about acting like a goddamn adult and dealing with adult emotions and problems and logistical nightmares. It's about finally being on my own, lost and adrift, and sorta' alright with it because I won't always have my strong existing social infrastructure to back me up.

So if I'm lost, it's by design, because this is a lesson everybody needs to learn. I've rejected going to far from where the leash is, and sure this ain't no random town with nobody I know, but this is still a place I don't yet have a foundation. I need to make sure the social connections are where I need them to be at, make my own circles and groups and interest situation. This is going to be lots of hard work and dedication, finally an opportunity to shape my life in my own goddamn terms.

It's exciting but very very scary. I'm a bit stressed out, obviously. SS tells me this is actually great because I'm not committing to anything right now, but it feels like I'm committing to a lifestyle that would be very difficult to move out of even when this part of my journey is over.