Angry fanmail to the favourite breakfast cereal's fan podcast

Fiction, fyi.

Dear podcasters at the KraZeeHealthy StraberryNuts Breakfast Cereal Box fanclub weekly podcast,

I'm writing to you in regards to let you know my displeasure at the last week's podcast. Last week Mike and Eve talked about how sometimes the breakfast cereal can be too sweet specially when you're hungover and you need something else, maybe something savory. Well I have a response to that: are you stupid, or what?

Because this goddamn cereal is the best breakfast cereal ever created. Fullstop. It's not even subjective, countless of polls and faq's done my uncountable podcasters and bloggers and youtubers have shown that there's no second cereal in the world. And it gets its popularity for one reason and one reason only, because its appropriate for every situation.

So when you said you didn't feel like having on in the morning for breakfast on certain days when you were hungover, were you trying to tell the rest of us who do enjoy it that we're stupid and that our opinions have no value to you? It's like if I came to your house and you said your mother was the nicest most caring woman in the world and I told you no actually sometimes I think your momma's a big fat hussy who's been with everyone and she's so big she swallows black holes for lunch. Not breakfast obviously because even her, despite having the misfortune to be your mother, definitely obviously only eats our cereal for breakfast.

In any case, I hope you've realized your horrible mistake, and make it a point to apologize to the listeners whose emotions were hurt during your broadcast. Do you guys even know your audience, geez, sometimes it feels to me like I could do a better job than all of you with your fancy recording machines and producers and software. You're lacking that certain heart, and a whole lotta' dedication you need to have for a corporate product that has been widely criticized as being extremely unhealthy. You just don't have it in you okay. Hand it over to someone who cares instead of destroying our beloved product and the podcast associated with it if you hate the cereal and all of us who enjoy eating it every morning with a bowl of milk, milk optional.

If I don't see you guys resigning, or at least apologizing, I'll start a boycott of all your shows and products, and not contribute to your pledge drive. You have no idea what a large portion of your pledge is supported by me, and if you don't reply it'll all be gone. Is that what you want? Is that what you want? If not, then listen to me and just set things alright?

Thanks,

Ye old fan of our only great superduper cereal to be eaten for breakfast everyday.