Q: Why are there creepy redeyed and sharp-toothed former employees running about the office campus?
A: Our corporation is an inclusive place, we take offense at our former employees being referred to as creepy. Having said that, they are the undead, whom we've resurrected and invited back to the office to offer assistance in our high-pressure times. They've agreed to help us in return for a minimal amount of human blood and flesh.
Q: Where's the human blood and flesh going to come from?
A: While we have not yet figured out the complete logistics of the arrangement, our colleagues in the necromancy department have assured us that the collateral damage will be minimal and we will not have to be concerned about business continuity. Additionally, we have consulted with hiring and there might be new openings for persons who are willing and able to take positions that might make them more vulnerable to be in closer contact with the departed.
Q: Why is the company doing this?
A: As we all know, Covid has had a large impact on our bottomline. We explored all the options and in the end it made total financial sense to invoke the great forbidden spells hidden under the tombs of the great pharaohs with dangerous spells for thousands of years to leverage our workforce so we can be nimble while maintaining a lower cost profile.
Q: Are we allowed to protect ourselves?
A: There should be no immediate concern for any employees who consider themselves to be working hard and contributing well for the company. Those who feel otherwise may prefer to work for other workplaces, we'll guarantee them a month's leave to hasten the transition.
Q: How are you going to get rid of them after this is over?
A: The current plan is to evaluate the possibility of keeping the arrangements in the long-term, so we are currently also exploring the sustainability of the practices we've currently deployed.
Q: What's that large horde outside your window behind you?
A: What? What are you even talking aboaaaaaaaaaaaa
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