Some updates on the long-term series I've been working on

 I write this on the first day of December, backdating it by a single day so it doesn't look like I was underachieving in November.

Regular readers and observers may have noticed in the past year that all the homeworks and excitement I had for novel and other long-term series writing has gone wayside, to be replaced by slash-fiction pieces. Most of them half-hearted as well.

It's true, I've not added any new pieces to the various storylines I planned on writing for this year. However planning work has been going on for some of the lines I've enjoyed working on. The appointment & disappointment series has had considerable character work done, plot points are coming up nicely. Need to tie out individual storylines, combine them into a central arc, and then work towards the scene work. Basically bash out single (or multiple) descriptive lines for each of the scene that's going to be in the book, Thinking somewhere around 70-100. I know the overall arc, I know the characters, once I know the exact scenes, the progress will appear much faster.

This year I've added at least two new potential long-form pieces that would be interesting to do. The first one which is named 'Escape from Kathmandu' is a political drama but I fear it may be beyond my plotting abilities. I don't understand politics, it could get out of hand. But then the other thought is, maybe I don't need to know anything about the inner workings of other characters who we never see as well, what if I'm just as lost confused and dazed as my characters, and it's a journey of how they deal with loss and separation? The hook is going to be how the rebellion is going to be organized, but the central tenet is basically a mystery: sure something bad happened in the country, but why is literally nobody doing anything about it, why are they letting it become a cesspit, a new North Korea times a thousand? An easy way out for me would be to not answer any of those questions, go along with the characters for a ride, and discuss their theories and ideas. If I ever complete the piece, and it's read by pretty much anybody other than me and close friends who I'll force to read, I can think of some way out. It'll be a good problem to have. When your readers want a nice reveal.

The other piece I see going somewhere is the "Jestha 19' series I began writing the last week. The idea is that the government has decided at some point in the near future that the original investigation's results are not valid. They investigate the involvement of the later royal family and come up with pretty much nothing, no evidence. To save their face they make it about national price, the solution to one of the greatest royal mysteries of the world. They ask for comments and suggestions from citizens all over the country, possibly beyond, and a central board is tasked with interviewing them, and evaluating if those theories are worth investigating and putting resources into.

So it's a great opportunity for me to show some character work. Sure it's about the conspiracy theories everybody has, but what about the people who come up with those ridiculous ideas. How can I reveal the most while stating the least. And it's also about the interviewers themselves. How would one reveal a character's personality when their only task is to listen and ask questions about a theory. So ideally somebody could read the various chapters and think, ohhh it's this interviewer in this chapter because they talk in a so-and-so manner and ask such-and-such questions, and I see how it relates to something that happens in the chapter after because their personality shows the effects. Etcetera. Sounds like a bit of a challenge though. Still, 30 wild stories to discuss and write is a crazy idea I just can't let go of.

More on this later. It's a work in progress.

What really happened on Jestha 19, part VIII

 This is turning into an anthology more than I thought. The idea is to come up with 20-30 most ridiculous ideas and write mock research essays. They need to be more fleshed out than what I did for the last one, but that's going to come as things evolve. I'm just having fun here, nothing to see. Continued from here.

...Additionally, the use of modern up-to-date techniques will encourage other parties, governmental and non-governmental to do the same, thereby elevating the minimum technical standards used in such cases...

Alright, tell us your theory.

Sir to the point I think, it was not Prince Paras who did this at all. However we should not also doubt the evidence provided by all the individuals there including the members of the Royal family and the royal guards. So when you think that it wasn't Crown Prince Dipendra but everyone saw the likeness of him committing those great crimes, how can you reconcile the two contradictory facts? By considering the possibility that there was a duplicate of him at least one around who was doing it.

Lets take a step back. Why does your theory assume that Dipendra didn't commit the crime. What evidence or suggestions are there for that to be true?

I find it difficult to believe sir that the crown prince who would soon have become the King, who had such good reputation among the commoners would be able to do that. Even if he had consumed a lot of alcohol and the black product that according to the original investigation, these things can only bring out what is already inside a person, it doesn't turn a human being into a monster. Additionally, if you have tried walking straight or doing anything, you will realize that when one is not sober it is exceedingly hard to walk straight, let alone carry a very heavy weapon, point it at your nearest and dearest ones and shoot, while they shriek in agony, beg for mercy and try to run away from you. Some people must surely have come ahead and tried to stop him too, some must have tried attacking too. So sir think of yourself in your most drunk situation, imagine you are carrying something that is 5 kilos in one hand and then it's pushing back because of the recoil. Now think of people running away and throwing things at you. It would be a difficult time to just stand up, let alone target and hit something. Finally, some have suggested that he was shooting just randomly and because there were so many bullets it had to hit someone. But if you think about it sir even that is not possible, from the distances we talk about, if you use a mathematical calculation, it would be unlikely that random firing would have gotten to them. While they were running. Too many things don't add up. And there were so many young folks in the crowd too, even if you discount the King and the Queen. And surely they must have heard the loud noise, why did not anyone reach out for their army members or ADC's? No, it doesn't make any sense. It wasn't a drunk and intoxicated man firing, the person firing must have been well trained and in the best abilities of his skills. However Crown Prince Dipendra must have been drunk and intoxicated if the medical reports suggest so. Therefore there was somebody else who looked like him who was doing these things.

Can you tell us about the motivations or potential identities of this person or persons? How would they manage to look like Dipendra?

I believe they used masks, similar clothing and wigs, selected men with his general height and build, it was not uncommon. They must have found out what he wore generally through various sources, in the Army or the Royal offices, such information is not too hard to come by. So they give good training to a couple of men, dressed them up to look like the Crown Prince in fatigue and Army boots, and send them in.
There I have one doubt. I could also believe that at least one or more source inside the palace is in cahoots with the guilty party, and somehow encouraged the Crown Prince to wear Combat dress and Army boots so their work would be easier. If he for example wore an expensive foreign suit, they wouldn't be able to copy it and it would be suspicious. With the similar clothing, they could make their way inside the innermost chambers, bypass the guards, and openly fire at the royal family members without the fear of being identified. Also sir you have to remember the masks don't have to be perfect, the royal family was all very drunk that night, they wouldn't have paid too close attention to the faces. As long as somebody had the general facial features of the Crown Prince, they wouldn't have had too hard of a time hiding their identity. Additionally, even if they were seen, the witness would be meant to die anyway if they saw him face-front, so it was only the onlookers from faraway that would be of any concern.

Return home, meditations, sandwich lunch, eager cooking, bad weather, lots of writing [Mon 30]

I write this at 8.45 of the next evening, Tuesday the 1st of december. Everything before this has been backdated.

Got up at 8 in Brookline, got ready to head out. Didn't do the regular morning meditations with JD because she was busy and AD had his meetings. The weather was really bad, it was windy and rainy and overall not suitable for walking two hours. Also I believe my laptop backpack is unsuitable for walking around for many hours as my back's begun to hurt.

Walked to the Brookline village stop, took the Green line to Park St, Red line to Davis and walked back. Some really nice pics on the way. So few people on the trains it was depressing.

Decompressed, and did a tonne of writings, like really a lot lot lot.

For lunch I toasted the three remaining marathon breads, cooked up some eggs, cheese, tomatoes and had a nice sandwich. It was so filling too. They're 'traditionally' breakfast meals, but I don't follow no rulez.

Didn't go out in the cold and the rain, the wind was fierce, our porch was covered in rain, hadn't heard such a strong patter in a very long time.

Wrote instead. And yes I wrote a lot. Like 14 posts lot. I was at 98 for this month before yesterday and finishing with 120 after this so yeah wrote so much in the last two days, an average of 11 posts. Feels good. Shouldn't put myself in a position like this again.

Did 2 separate rounds of meditation. Should have done three but got tired at night, didn't want to waste it by napping.

In the evening cooked up some okra and potatoes, ate with rice, furikake, seasame oil soy sauce etcetera. Fun fact about okra, they take more time to cook than potatoes so you need to dump them into the pan before you do potatoes.

Went to bed at 11ish, but got distracted talking to my international friends and they kept taking forever to reply so actually fell asleep at half past twelve. What a waste.

Read a couple of pages of the campbell book and did 20 pushups. Can't seem to feel those anymore which means I need to up the count. And the frequency.

The plan going forward is to put my phone away from easy reach when I'm ready to sleep so I don't distract when getting ready for bed.

And thus ends my November. Gonna bang out a few more posts and call it an early night. Wanted to be in bed at 9, maybe 9.30 is too aggressive but them's the rules. This I write the next day obviously.

Looking back

 You’ve been outside digging a large hole for several hours when you realize that you can’t recall why you are digging it. Retrace your steps to try to discover your motivation.

Prompt

My back hurts, sweat drips from my forehead flowing to my lips and my knees are ready to give up. It's been a while since I last dug, or used a shovel at all, I'm probably doing it wrong. I should pause or I might fall down of exhaustion. I close my eyes, let the shovel go.

Wait.

Why have I been digging? I don't remember. I've been doing it since...lunch time it was I think, almost time for dinner now. And I can't goddamn remember why I'm doing this. Almost killed myself for something I don't even remember. Why am I digging? What's up?

The last thing I remember, I was eating a very healthy serving of lobster mac-and-cheese. A new place just opened, some celebrity chef I think. They had introductory deal sort of offer. I went all in. It was supposed to be for two, I ate it all. I was stressed okay.

Why was I so hungry, so upset, so stressed. Okay, I went to the takeout place, got it, and had dinner. Which means I had the presence of mind to go for pickup, couldn't have been that upset. Watched tv before that, my team lost it was horrible they hadn't played so bad in decades. Perhaps I was trying to bury the memorabilia I owned because I was so ashamed? Doesn't make sense, there's dozens of easier ways to dispose of things you clearly care about.

The shower, it was long, before the match. I was tired, groggy wanted to freshen up before the match. Remember going through my shower playlist once so that must have been thirty minutes at least. It was so rejuvenating. No I couldn't have been trying to bury my clothes, wouldn't help me feel refreshed. I felt like a new man, smelled like green forest with fairies flying around. The memory fills my heart with pleasure. A little horniness too. Is that weird.

Got up tired, I remember that, so very tired, the joints were aching. Forehead was throbbing, took two extra-strength tylenols to feel normal even. Couldn't see straight, got worried I had gone blind. It was alright in the end, just the hunger and the exhaustion from the last night.

Last night, what did we do last night. When did we come back. I was out with the boys, remember coming back home, stumbling into the living room. The door was open I remember. Had to force it shut because I was afraid somebody might rob me. Did I kill somebody? Did I kill the intruder?

Wait.

Why am I digging here? This isn't even my backyard. This isn't my house! They all look so alike!

It was no intruder, must have been the owner of the house. I was too drunk to notice, and must have killed him somehow, and now I'm trying to hide the evidence. Yowza!

Wait no that can't be true, the owner of the house Thom is waving at me right now from the windows. I for sure didn't kill him then. Phew. Why am I digging a deep trench in his yard then, did he kill somebody? Did somebody die? Why don't I remember.

Huh, what's in this tarp, it's a strange long body looks like. Ah yes, his dog who died this morning, he called me to dig a ditch for it and bury it, he's sick and all of that. Awh man, this sucks. For a moment I thought I was finally disposing of the asshole that was trying to mess with me in the bar last week who's in my freezer. Bummer. Another day I guess.

Bad boy billionaires of India: A review

Watched the three released episodes on Netflix, more or less.

I didn't know any of it, had heard about Ramalinga Raju and the Satyam scandal which apparently is the fourth unreleased episode. The other three were informative, instructive and angering.

Wonder if it's going to continue, the naked corruption and the billionaire and multi-millionaire tribe's open looting of India's wealth. To quote a character, when a farmer can't pay back 5000 rupees of loans he dies, when a billionaire can't pay back 5000 crore rupees, nothing happens. The rules are clearly so different for the rich and the wealthy in India.

It's a must-watch show if you haven't, go ahead and check it out. Wait for the Satyam episode too.

The fact that the news is out, the anger is festering, that the government has promised to do something about it is a good sign, hopefully? Or has the globalization of finances and the existence of tax havens made such corruption and looting more convenient and looting, made such unethical and clearly illegal acts simpler and frictionless? Will these keep happening more?

What was also clear was the Indian ego, the need for validation in the west, of constant reminder that India is great, that Indians doing great things means incredible things. It's quite obvious from youtube, all the <so-and-so> [white person's] opinion on india and indian culture video, didn't realize it went all the way up the the rich and the powerful too. A little pathetic really. The constant need for acceptance feels like an unlikeable younger brother who doesn't amount to much constantly trying to one-up you and reminding that he's in fact better and taller and more awesome in everything.

Were the Japanese like this when Japan was a rising modern power? What about the Koreans, were they just as annoying too? Or were they more self-confident in their rise and sharing of their culture technology with the rest of the world.

Either way, good show. Don't want to go into the details because it's enraging quite honestly, and the details themselves are boring. The institutions of the rest of the world are complicit in a lot of this corruption, but the chain is only as strong as the weakest link. The Koreans don't complain about literally everybody else, neither do the Japanese, the Malaysians, despite their recent very bad experience with big international banks don't go about moaning how everybody is so corrupt everywhere, it's not just Malaysians okay. Because they know when the check of power inside is stronger, it flows. You cannot rob a well-secured vault.

Watch it.

Feelings of a big scary hunk of rock

 Ay, how's it going? It me, the big scary hunk of rock and metal that's hovering around earth, ready to strike at any moment.

Now you might say, hahh no chance, we've probably got you tracked, or scientists are going to send in a nuclear bomb or some other big fat equipment to get rid of you. Well you know what, nuh uhh ain't gonna happen bromigo never gunna happen Imma just run away into a different orbit. And you know what if they piss me enough I might even decide to strike prematurely if you know what I mean heh heh heh.

Anywho you're probably wondering hey man what's up with you whatchu got against the big fat big-blue planet and the beings livin' in it, why you gonna be such an asshole and threaten to destroy it all amirite? Well here's the dealio...okay, and I don't want you to go all gloomy about it and like go jump into a puddle or something it's just a fact of life and the universe and have to accept it and not go crazy. Alright here it is: nobody gives a crap, alright? Take me for example. I came from a stony planet billions of years ago, something else crashed into it I was pushed into the ether and flug into nothingness. Eventually I got caught around the gravitational pull of the sun that sorta kinda intersects with Earth's orbit at certain times. Not always, I'm not like a creep or anything always following your goddamn planet but when the time's right I come about say high etcetera check up on what's happening and go my own way. Keepin' it casual you know. And my planet, you might be wondering where the rest of it went. Well it's sort of...gone now. It's a part of you, a part of me, a part of your cellphone, there's a lot of it on the moon the stars everywhere. It turned into dust, into elementary particles and doesn't exist in the form it was. And yet I'm around and having fun ain't I? So what's the big deal, I didn't cry like a crybaby and complain all the time about how my planet was destroyed and I had nowhere to go boohoohoo, just sucked it up and lived as if nothing was up.

And yeah, things are lonely sometimes, I'll give you that. It's not being a cold large piece of metal hurtling through the space. All the cool kids are in the asteroid belt near Jupiter and here I am close to the inner planets, uncaring about their exclusive club. So it's a little hard alright. Don't get to see friends that often, relationships are even rare. But hooo boy lemmee tell you somn', when there's something good, like when I meet another asteroid whom I fancy let's call it that, there's ooof fire and explosions. Like literally, boom boom boom. By which I mean sex yes, but also literal explosions in space it's something of a spectacle. They're not dagerous enough to harm either of us generally but so much fun. You might think what a sad pathetic existence this is, to spend all eternity for that round of intense fucking that comes once in a million years if you're lucky but life is slow around here. There's nobody to tell me what to do, where to go. No chores to keep up so to speak, no buses to catch. So I chill, take my own sweet time to ponder and consider. Naps, they're lovely, they're so long. Been taking a lot of those.

So yeah, it's not awful being a rock. Just don't mess with me or make fun of me and I'll let you hang around, generally speaking. I know some of you arrogant assholes get too cocky and say things like, haha loser it's not like you can do anything to us, your path's pre-determined by the laws of gravitation and simple laws of motion and we can predict whatever you're gonna do and react to that! To which I say: yeah fucko', think about your own life, where do you think YOU come from, where do you think YOUR agency comes from? Ya' think there's some secret sauce that's imbued inside your tiny watery bag that I don't have? Cos think again MORON you're so so very wrong alright. We've got the exact amount of agency, and if you can decide you want to get on a cruise line in the middle of a pandemic, so can I just jump myself into a lower orbit and destroy the little pathetic ball you call Earth.

Watch out, I'm coming for ya'.

A colorful past, a drab future

 They call me the stupidest of the three friends. When they see me they act like they know me and love and respect me and everything. Coach what a wonderful life you've lived they tell me. But I know the truth, after I leave they speak of the adventures of my youth and how I didn't have anything to contribute. It's great, they say, it worked out for him, this...this gig, yannow, and least he's decent in this. Otherwise...you know...his wife, she's a sure minister in the coming years, the first muggle even, they're saying she's going to bring about big big changes, with other magical creatures and what not. And hee...he. You know he's got a great family too. Father was in the muggles office, one of the best, the most honest and hardworking the ministry has had in a long while, his mother brought up eight of the brood, such hardworking lovely woman. His older brothers have all gone to do great stuff, younger sister is an international star, yea yea...yup that's her, she's quite the name by herself, most don't even know who her husband is.

That's what they say. A disappointment to my family. The lowest achieving among my friends. The dotard.

Can you blame me then, if I've got to distract myself with...mead...in the evenings? Drinking's not good for your physical self, specially when you've got a job like mine, I know that alright of course I know that my players have to go through the test every week to make sure they've not been slagging off. Keep to your best health I tell them, you never know when danger might strike. You're preparing not just for a tourney, not a match, but for your whole life. This is a workout for your being, I tell them. And they look at me with awe. My players they do respect me that I'm proud of. They hold me to the highest of regards because I expect so much out of them, I give them such respect. You need to have respect for somebody, what I don't have for myself the players get that.

Every evening after the wife has gone to bed -- she goes early for she wakes at 4 which is even earlier than mother does -- I take the bottle I've strategically hidden around the house and go at it. Look at the old photos, newspaper clippings, the articles and profiles they've done on me. Every one of them, every goddamn one, has the longest piece on what my wife does, what my best friend does, what my family is....my achievements seem to be on the byside even when the whole goddamn article is supposed to be about me. Talk about me and what I've done I want to shout at them how does my wife play into this my bestfriend is not the one training the players, my sister the international diva has her own life don't drag her into my achievements, but no I do none of that. I explain to them patiently with a large stupid grin taped to my face that I'm indeed very proud of the people I've got around me, what a goddamn honor it is to be in the company of such great men and women etcetera etcetera.

My heart swells up when the few times of the year we go back to the school and I see the kids and their achievements, and reminisce about our own. We lived such great exciting lives, our intellect and courage tested at every moment but we never gave up. We were tested by fire...dragonfire, quite literally and we came out stronger and wiser than ever. Perhaps I hold myself to standards too high, there's no comparing myself to those days. We were young and foolish, we could take the weight of the world on our shoulders without so much as a peep. I couldn't do that again, never. Too much worrying, I've got other hobbies and interests, dealing with bad people and constantly fighting evil is not something I want to eb doing again. My friend, he's got the mentality to do that, he has to keep fighting or he collapses in. Sometimes when the wives are away we get drunk and cry to each other. He says he has to live on the edge or he stop functioning like a normal wizard, turns into a puddle of laziness and tears. I pat him on the back, tell him something similar but even then I'm too ashamed to admit my true failings. I'll cry, but for different reasons.

I am Ronald goddamn Weasley.

Long phonecall, sunny blue skies, shakshuka and soup, cemetery and reservoir walk, quick-cook grainy colorful dinner, animaniacs [Sun 29]

 Got up pretty early for a change this day, did the meditation with JD. Was just ambling about, watching tv and what not, talked to PA on the phone for more than an hour. I was supposed to make them happy and positive, made them pissed and bummed about everything which is my specialty I have realized, wonder if there's any money to be made bumming people out. Hmm. Something I should look at.

The skies were so blue, the sun so unseasonably warm, the winds so friendly and charming dare I say. Spent some time soaking in everything.

For lunch we had sourbread with Shakshuka on it, avocado on the side, and butternut squash soup. I napped during the day, I think, JD was working because she has a deadline coming soon, I was upto no good.

In the afternoon -- as I check the photos it turns out it was only 2 but it felt like it was six -- we walked over to the nearby cemetery and looked at the stones and markers. The place has been renovated a couple of times in the last several decades and is still falling apart. We discussed whether having a property next to an old cemetery would make it more expensive...no annoying or loud neighbors and nice scenery-- or more expensive because ghosts. I personally wouldn't mind buying a property next to one of those at all, I could make all the noise in my parties and the ghosts wouldn't give a damn. I'm a loud guy 'kay, something I gotta deal with everyday.

We then walked to the reservoir, it's so clean and well-kept. Had the warm afternoon sun, so unseasonably warm for this time of the year. Talked about investments, people etcetera.

Walked back, I had a nap, everyone was working I was trying to kill time. JD was busy so AD and I made dinner. Thought of ordering in from Domino's but decided against it. We had 'mixed grains' that had mostly couscous but tonne of other healthy grains too, with dark-roasted brussels sprouts tossed with oil, parmesan and lime juice. I made garlic-butter with rabe, mushroom and bok cboy. The bokchoy was old and tough, it didn't give so it was a little unexpectedly crunchy when we had it, Stuck in my nose, so annoying. Still, simple dishes, everyone appreciated.

Watched animaniacs at night. First two episodes, they're pretty good, JD needs convincing though.

Went to sleep at 12, half past, something around then. Need to get sleep cycle in order.

This is the last most I'm actually posting for this month, the remaining eight posts are to be backdated for today. It's fine, whatever. Something I've discussed in deal previously. Will get around to improving the timetable eventually.

Virgnia's sandwich, scenic walk to Boston, long chats, Primark shopping, Macy's, holiday Amazon shopping, buttery bean-rice [Sat 28]

 Had a nice breakfast of oats and peanut butter, so filling.

Did an hourlong meditation with JD, fulfilling. I need to up the meditation I'm doing every day. For that I should wake up early in the morning.

Wanted to have everyone walk to Boston, nobody wanted to. We reached a compromise, they'd all come halfway with me, we'd get lunch and they'd consider going with me.

Walked to Virginia's, a sandwich shop in Brookline Village. Got a tonne of pressed panini sandwiches. JD and I switched our halves. Mine was better, who knew cheese and artichoke hearts gone along so well on a sandwich. After our little picnic outside the Brookline Town Hall, in front of their bell, I departed for Boston downtown they went to the public library.

On my way to Boston I had a serious chat on text with KS about life, choices, circumstances and how we shape our destiny. How the mistakes we make affect primarily us, and if we are to be responsible for our choices, the owning of decisions need to be squarely on us. The day was amazing, it was a little cloudy and a little sunny, the photos that I took came out so cute.

Stopped by in Boston Public garden to take some pics, then walked all the way to Downtown Crossing. Checked out the drummers, the carolers, the salvation army outside Macy's, everything was so festive. There was a good number of people out and about, it felt good. It was outside, it was safe.

Went in to primark, got myself some really good pair of underpants and long john's. My old Hane's crappy ones will be thrown. Went to Macy's to use their restroom, checked out the wares decided to buy something but it was emblazoned with a large levy's logo, asked JD if it'd be good she said no which made sense. Walked back to Brookline mostly in the dark. It got a little boring because my earbuds ran out of juice.

For dinner we had rice, black-eyed peas and eggs. I added ghee and lemon ko achaar. Ooof so good and soo filling, I dumped two spoonfuls of it. Amazing.

Don't remember if we watched anything at night. JD might have been busy with her work so we might have waffled and done our own thing. I do remember I was obsessed with reddit so that's probably what I was using that evening.

Love witch, leftover meals, TJ's trip, soup and brownies [Fri 27]

 Got up late, as usual because that's how things are in the weekends, they spoil me for the days I'm back working really.

Did an hour of meditation with JD, she did hers I did mine.

Since it was gloomy and rainy we didn't want to go anywhere or do anything, I was tired from the day before and the rainwalk so I watched the movie Love Witch. It's actually surprisingly nice, I enjoyed it. JD was a little grossed out and disturbed by it, I thought it was so campy and ridiculous I loved it.

We had leftovers for lunch nothing remarkable really.

Went out on a walk, also to do groceries at Trader Joes. Got bread, supplies for butternut squash soup, eggs, avocado, potato etcetera, the regular.

For dinner we made butternut squash soup with apple and pulverized bay leaves [unknowingly]. It wasn't bad really, after we added enough salt and sour, the apple contributed positively, we also finished the leftover mushroom and potatoes. It was good, worth making again.

We also baked the Ghiraldelli's Brownies, I put in an entire Orange worth of zest and a lot of pre-grated garlic. The orange's sourness came through quite well, the ginger disappeared. The only problem was the sourness also brought out the sweet rather prominently so it got overwhemingly sweet. We should have added a bit of salt to balance things out, forgot during baking, didn't after because they didn't have sea salt. JD said she didn't like it but she ate a lot lot of it.

We didn't watch any movies because we couldn't agree on anything so it was mostly trailers and random one-offs.

Went to sleep quite late because I tried writing, couldn't, kept distracting myself, chatting people up etcetera. It just wasn't working out. So very lame.

Rainy day, fresh walk to Brookline, long Thanksgiving dinner prep, Friendsgiving, one hell of a scary movie [Thu 26]

 I write this, and the three following, at 10.35 of the Monday after. As usual, holidays happened, I was in Brookline, and couldn't get any productive writing done. Wrote some this evening and throughout the day. Tomorrow is the first day of December, I'll write the four posts due for today and the four I've been lagging behind and be caught up with November. Still playing catchup but at least I'm not behind.

Got up early, had told JD I'd leave as soon as I could realistically. It rained in the morning so that was a bit of a show-stopper. No matter, I showered, packed my goods into two bags and went to SS's. Talked to SS's mom who was on the phone caught up with him, handed my personal clothing because I had thanksgiving supplies in my backpack and headed towards Brookline on foot, with their tiny pink umbrella on hand.

It was gloomy and rainy and windy, the rain stopped for a bit and then roared back, stopped for a bit and roared back. I opened and closed the umbrella maybe a dozen times. I was hungry, the load on my back was heavy, I was tired, and worst of all I was wet. My shoes and socks got wet in the rain, I'd not dressed for the weather.

At Harvard I took a few pics of the campus and the bookstores there, sent pics to IH . Really good photos of naked trees, yellow leaves and the wintertimes. Rainy days are so photogenic.

At Brookline, I spent an hour getting rested and setup. Made a vegetable of alu jeera because I was really hungry and couldn't function without eating something first. We made alu-jira sandwiches with tomatoes and snacked on them, some more so than others, so we filled ourselves on potatoes bread and tomatoes two hours before the thanksgiving dinner.

I made thanksgiving dish of Butternut Squash Hummus with Pomegranate and feta, the pomegranate is such a revelation in savory dishes. It went so well with the fried tofu that JD made.

Since my dish was the one being worked on actively, the guests came about at 4.30 ish and SS and JM helped out a bunch, everyone just went at it and loved loved it. I'm lucky in that all the dishes I make are always the crowd favourite and finish first.

Our thanksgiving meal was amazing, I can count nine dishes, eight of which I tried, each better than the next. Eight of them were vegetarian, one chicken dish made by SS. There was three of the Brookline household, three of us Medforders and AD, which made seven of us.

Took tonnes of photos and ate. I couldn't eat because I'd filled myself up on the hummus and the sandwich before. Got very very sleepy mid-dinner.

Spent a long time deciding which movie to watch that night, we agreed upon Hereditary. I didn't really watch, I looked up the plot and it was spooky though towards the end it got exciting so I started peeking. Our plan was to play board games after, but the movie freaked us all, so the party disbanded at 9.

We spent some more time talking and discussing, went to bed at 11-ish, I'd guess.

Boxed in to hell

 The department store elevator shuts down on the way to the fourth floor, with you and ten other people in it. You remain calm, but other people begin to panic. Write this scene and the dialogue between characters.

Prompt

It's going to be fine, they're going to send the repair people soon, there's no need to panic, I say.

Oh dear, I left the chicken out in the open to thaw. Wonder how long that's gonna be before the elevator people come in. That chicken's gonna go bad, it was a good purchase.

Stop stop about your chicken okay, my child is trapped there my goddamn son of three freaking years is with his babysitter in the apartment, what's he gonna say when I don't show up ya' crazy your chicken is not freakin' more important than my child, it's my fuckin' child I'm talkin' about so can you just...just...shut up.

Ma'am could you please...with the languge? My triplets, they're just four they're learning new words, don't want them learning that sort of nonsense. Okay boys, that's what big people talk like, some big people who are mad and you're not supposed to say those words okay, because that's something dirty people say, good people don't talk like that okay dears?

Is that woman a dirty person?

I heard that, I heard that! No, no listen your mother and I and you and your brothers are all trapped in this...hell...elevator so I'm a bit stressed out okay so a bit like if you got a timeout but you didn't do anything wrong, and you want to go to meet your friends, except the people you're meeting are not even friends, they're...they're...people you created, children, just like you and mommy, would you mommy not be freakin' out if she was far away from you? That's why...I'm about to cry, because mommy would too, any good parent would...to stay away from kids, possibly ne'er see 'em...sob sob...

I believe we're going to be saved very soon ma'am there's no reason for concern. You heard the building supervisor talk on the phone, the fire depart's on the way. They'll get us out one way or other, in one piece safe and sound. We'll be great. Your child will be safe. It's not time to be anxious.

Easy for you to say you don't have a goddamn piece of meat that you spent fourty bucks on because your friend convinced you it was made with gold or somethin', thought that was gonna' be the best goddamn meal of my whole life now if I can't make it...I'm gonna be real pissed if something happens to me...or welll...the chicken.

You folks have no reason to worry, we've been through this several times back in the day. It was a monthly happening practically. That's how the two of us met actually for the first time. I was back from the war, just...and she was...what were you doin' in that building again...were you the teller...or...or was it the time you were the secretary for the legal firm again? Anyway we got stuck and got to talking to each other. I asked for her number when we got out and what would you know she had a piece of paper with her name and number ready to hand. We got talkin' and talked and talked and now we're still talkin' all the time, six...sixty odd years later...Hehehe.

Ohh dear it's mostly you doing the talking now hehehe. It was the time I was working as a paralegal I think....for the lawyer, what was his name again...he was in the supreme court for sometime before he...he later went to florida I think, got into trouble with the authorities there did he now....that day though, it was magical, and six hours we were stuck in it too, the most memorable six hours of my life, I'll forget everything about this life but not the six magical hours, hold my hand tight now dear...

Hooo boy six hours ehhh, that meat's gonna be toast, the maggots will have had their way with it, not even a bone they'll leave. He said it tasted like strawberry, some strawberry it'll be that rotting piece of flesh now.

We shouldn't worry folks it'll likely not be six hours at all, the fire department's already in the building now probably, a few minutes more, it'll be like we were stuck in a traffic jam on our way back.

I hope that girl doesn't leave my baby alone, she's irresponsible, she'll probably put her to sleep and have sex with her boyfriend or something, or leave thinking I'd never no, I do hope she doesn't go anywhere, I do trust her, just...that you can't trust teenagers to be responsible, it should be fine, I hope.

Teenagers these days are more responsible than we were ourselves back in the day! My boys have had no problem with them at all until now, have you now? They barely drink, or go outside, they're just stuck to the tv and their phones, you shouldn't worry at all!

The beginning of a beautiful day

 It’s Sunday morning. You’re ready for a relaxing day at home but you realize that you’re all out of coffee. You take a quick trip to the grocery store, and while you’re in line to check out, someone comes up behind you and points a gun at the cashier. “Stop what you’re doing. Give me all the money in the register.” What do you do? Do you run or do you stop the robber?

Prompt

I'd get a coffee to go with it. Because coffee's bitter, a strong cup of coffee can push through anything. That was the only thing on my mind, the trip to the grocery store for the strongest coffee they had. Nothing else.

After a ten minute wait in the line -- how was the store so busy on a friday morning for goddsake -- I got them to give me the strongest nastiest brew they had as the cashier fumbled around with my credit card. Sorry, he said, first week here, trying to get the hang of these things, it'll be a moment please. I opened the small packet and dumped the contents into my brew, it was still bubbling violently like a witch's brew. No rush, I said, it's a slow day, I have nowhere else to go.

Just as the young fool had gotten my card into the machine, an achievement of great significance from the looks on his face, the guy with a black leather jacket on who was fidgeting a lot came up behind me and pointed a gun at him. "Stop what you're doing. Give me all the money n the register," he said in a voice so calm I realized it was going to be the last living day for more than one person in the store. I forgot to breathe for a moment.

"What are you looking at", the man said giving me a dirty look, "you fucko, don't you realize this is a fuckin' robbery and I've got a fucking fireworks on my hands, gonna blow this guys face off if you're thinkin' of doing something," he said to me. I hadn't even taken the coffee yet.

"Nothing," I said, "I'm just waiting for my card, he has my card, this is his first day and he has my card, I don't have any money, he has my card, I just wanted some strong coffee." "Yeah you fuckin' nit, you think you're a smart guy or somethin' not carrying any money just the card, you think you're probably so smart for not being robbed don't you fuckin' prick, tell you what I'm gonna buy this fuckin' store with your money," he said, waving his gun at me. I just wanted the coffee, he caught me glancing at it.

"And you know what, I won't even let you have your fuckin' morning coffee you asshole, coming here all swanky no cash an' all, you prolly thought I looked like a robber dintcha even before I started robbin' and all prob'ly thought ooo this guy looks dangerous I betta stay away from him by the looks of you," he said, as he snatched my coffee from the counter. "Tell you what," he said looking at the cashier. "Give me all the money in the register, and charge this guy a thousand bucks, I'll take whatever the fuck you got, anything that'll fit in my backpack," he said.

The young man looked helplessly at me. "Go on," I said, "it's gonna be fiine."

"Finally come to your senses, haven't ya mr. smartass I don't get robbed, now you see our way. And here's your fuckin' coffee, you'll be a thousand quids lighter and won't get your mornin' hit," he said, as he took a test sip of my cup. It wasn't too hot, so he gulped down the entire cup. He slammed the cup in front of me, empty. "There you go, master, 'ave a good day!" he said in his best British sort of impression, I didn't know what he was doing.

There was seventy dollars in the register that morning, the morning consignment was yet to arrive. He grabbed maybe fifty bucks worth of cheap candy and stashed it all into his backpack, took a few six-packs of beers, and ran out.

"I'm so sorry," the cashier said, "I can undo...the charges".

"No worries," I said, "Why don't you do an inventory and find out how much he took, besides the cash. Charge it all on my card."

"I can make another coffee for you," the terrified young man suggested.

"Nah, I'm fine, I'll be back to check my receipt later," I told him, "don't think need the coffee now. I've gotten my hit for the day."

I walked out of the store slowly. That'd be the least I could do for that poor fucker. I'd spent how much, seventy dollars in the deepest darkest corners of the internet to acquire the pouch of powder give me the most painful and terrible death, impossible for the doctors to revive me they said because they'd never know what it was. The Universe had convinced me otherwise. It was looking to be a good day.

Fable: The haugty crow learns a lesson

The moral of the story is arrogance brings about downfall.

The haughty Crow flew about the forest every day, telling animals and birds what to do. He told the owls to hoot in a proper manner, the deer to organize how they eat their grass so they didn't have to travel far and wide every day. He taught the fish how to swim so they wouldn't get tired, the moles he explained the most proper way to dig good tunnels deep and strong. He didn't do any of it, but he told them all about it.

I am the smartest of them all, he thought, all of them combined are no match for my intelligence and abilities. Why must I be surrounded by such medicore fools, he said while nobody was around, and sighed. I must suffer through life so I mady help others, he said around everybody else, how would you guys even survive without me. The forest will disappear the day I'm gone. The air will stop flowing, the rivers will freeze, I worry so much about each and every one of you, and all everybody does disappoints me, he said out aloud.

The animals got pretty annoyed at his words and actions, but they kept quiet. In the forest meetings they talked about him and his arrogance. He told me how to collect juice from a certain flower more efficiently, the honeybee said, and when I asked him how he just shook his head and said I was such a fool for not knowing that and flew away. The butterfly said, he told me about changing my patters so I'd look pretty for the guys and gals out there, but when I asked how he said I was probably too weak and stupid to do it anyway even if he told me. He told me he knew of a technique that'd help me move much faster, the turtle said, and he never followed up even when I offered him lots of money to help me.

The animals talked about how the haughty Crow loved crowing about doing things well and succeeding and achieving greatness but he had never broken as much as a twig by himself. He was too lazy even to make a nest for himself and bring up his young chicks, he hid his eggs among others birds so they did that work. We have to teach him a lesson, they agreed, but they couldn't agree on what thbe lesson would be.

One day as he flew about the forest looking to impart his tremendous wisdom to the unconsenting animals of the forest, he saw something shiny in the ground. He flew carefully to it, but couldn't figure out what he was. As he landed to the ground and walked at it, he realized it was another crow. My, he thought, what a beautiful crow it is, just like myself. What great eyes, what great wings, the color is just wonderful. I need to befriend this beast.

As the haughty crow walked towards the shiny object, an automatic trap fell upon him, entrapping him into a small space. He realized the shiny object was just showing a reflection of himself in the mirror. He pecked at the cage to no avail, he pushed at it but it wouldn't budge. He tried digging into the ground to tunnel away from it, but the ground was far too packed for his weak beak.

Eventually, he began calling various animals and birds of the forest for help. Oh, they said, one after another, can't you just push it away? Can't you just bite the wire? Can you not fly with the cage? Are you too weak to stomp the cage? And so on and on and on. Finally, an old owl came to him and said, dear Crow friend, you have found yourself in a real trap laid by the humans, but now you feel how the rest of us feel when we need help and you show your arrogant ways to us. As you can see, you can survive and succeed in this forest only when we actively support each other without judgment. I hope this has been a lesson for you.

The haughty Crow realized the mistake of his ways, and promised to not make fun of others in the forest, not be arrogant and haughty in front of others. He said he was terribly sorry for making the mistake, he didn't realize he made other people feel like crap and he wouldn't do it again. It was enough for the denizens of the forest, and they used their combined skills to tear apart the cage and set him free. The human hunters came back that evening to find an empty chewed-out cage.

Thereon the Crow lived in peace with everyone of the forest, and helped all with great earnestness.

Will the Bad Boys of India ever be punished?

 The bank was robbed? Why did nobody stop it? If the guards were on it, is it the robber to blame or the buffoon that hired them without any considerations whatsoever? At what point do the robbed ones take some responsibility? Or does the onus lie completely upon the robber? Had the bank vaults been totally open and out in the open, and the robbers had casually walked in, scooped a few single-digit billions in changed as one does and walked out would they have been under as much scrutiny? Is being guided by an insider, and being given keys to the kingdom not the same?

Why were the locks non-existent, the employees so easily bribable, the system so easy to break into? Why did the international banks trust the dinky national bank that had already been in hot water in the past for losing billions? Who was to be on the hook for the two billion and change, that's in freedom units too, that had gone missing to the tax havens in the Caribbean and Switzerland? If the Indian aam aadmi was mad, should they not be mad equally at those that are assisting in the corruption and the looting? Why does nobody do anything about those offshore tax havens that will hide any amount of dark money as long as they're paid enough? Are they not complicit? Does responsibility disappear when it's distributed so wide nobody cares? Is that the only way one's going to be able to rob in the question? Is the way of the future robber one of diluting the involvement, so what's illegal becomes immoral, what's immoral gets into the gray area and everyone who's anyone's involved and the old boys' club decides you know what nobody cares lets just shut up about it?

Is this era of the reverse Robin Hood, one who steals from the poor out in the open, enriches themselves and their rich friends and makes a run for far away, far enough to be not caught? Are there literally no legal avenues, international or otherwise, black-and-white or those in the greys, that will allow the victims recovery and relief to the victims, or has that become a joke now? Is modern finance really that corrupt that immoral that it doesn't care about the fact that it's mostly based on trust beyond everything else, and if the little guy -- and gal -- stops believing in it, they are done for?

Why do the Bad Boy Billionaires of India -- those from the Netflix show that inspired this piece -- still roam free like embarrassed Lions in their forest? Why does the little guy who steals a few hundred here and there gets fucked over for life, figuratively and unfortunately literally as that poor clerk's story from the jeweler scammer shows, while the rich asshole who truly screws over the livelihoods and lives of millions not even get touched? It's not even about 'unfairness of the world' is it? Is it not about a system of trading and business that seems to have forgotten what its founding principles are, and may soon see the day when nobody trusts it anymore? Are they really daring governments and international agencies to form an alternative system that has smaller -- nor no -- pet escape doors for the rich and the fabulously corrupt?

Are they stupid, or just so fattened with greed and avarice they just don't give a fuck anymore? Have they got no decency? Is there any hint of humanity or ethics left inside them or do they somehow dissipate the responsibility into the larger system, always convincing themselves they're just a cog in a machine that's fundamentally broken, there's nothing nobody can do about it, as they actively oil and run it, and profit handsomely off of it?

Do they not have fear? Can they not see that as global wealth increases, as the global middle class rises, so does their expectation of rule of law and justice, and a thumbs-down at them is showing your buttocks do your dearest believers? That the system only works when everybody believes there's a fair chance they're going to make it one day if they play by the rules, the rulebreakers get punished, and that actions have consequences? Does not not occur to them that breaking the action-consequence relationship is bad, that a few rulebreakings are acceptable but when your entire base begins believing the system is fucked and is to be taken advantage of it breaks down and you can't top off the cream anymore? How disappointing must those idiotic savants be?

Am I recommending the show, Bad Boy Billionaires of India? You would think so, would you, with all that I've written? Why haven't I explored this format more?

What really happened on jestha 19, part VII

This is turning into an anthology more than I thought. The idea is to come up with 20-30 most ridiculous ideas and write mock research essays. They need to be more fleshed out than what I did for the last one, but that's going to come as things evolve. I'm just having fun here, nothing to see.

Tell me how you found out about the investigations committee and how you made it through the steps.

Our madam said this was happening, the government is sending representatives to the citizens of this country, in every district and village to find out the truth of what happened on that very important day in the history of our country Nepal, which has forever changed our destiny. She said since I was somebody who could speak, and had presented some thoughts on this matter, and also had the capacity to think about issues, I should reach out to the representatives and give them my view point. It is also important to me that there be a good representation of stories and theories about what happened in the royal palace in that unfortunate day, and if there are only certain kinds of people with certain theories it may not fully reflect the reality because those people cannot see somebody else's point of view of the world. As a woman I have a unique perspective on this matter, much different than how the men coming to this committee approach this issue, and by contributing I'll be helping everybody have a multidimensional analysis of the events that must have transpired.

How old are you now?

I am about to be twenty-five years old, I'm in my bachelor's degree third year, one of the first women from my village to be completing my bachelor's degree. It is a matter of great pride and honor for the people I am representing to have somebody to express their perspective on an issue of such great national importance.

How old were you when the Jestha 19 incident happened?

I was a few years old, I don't remember it clearly since we were in the village and news didn't travel as quick then. We heard it in the radio but everything went silent, they said the king and queen had died but there was no widespread knowledge about who or what had happened. There was so much confusion, that is one thing I can clearly remember out of everything.

Where did you find the ideas you're about to present? What do you think makes you helpful in the investigations when you were barely able to comprehend at the time the events took place?

While it is certainly true that I was far too young to understand what was happening, it does not deter me from helping the committee in any way. After all, all these years the investigations have been run by people who were very much alive and present then, to no great avail. Moreover, the original investigation was run by people who were not just close to the palace but some even lived there and witnessed the event first hand. It is my belief that in this particular case, due to the sensitive nature of the situation, being close to the crime was a hindrance rather than an asset, Since I'm so detached from the events temporally and physically it gives me an opportunity to analyze the event from a psychological point of view, like a detective using various pieces to solve a piece of puzzle. 

I found about the theory that I'm about to present just in the village, with people talking everywhere but I didn't give it much thought during those days. Slowly over the course of years I grew more curious and decided to explore the possibilities by myself like a detective, connecting various pieces. I consulted the internet and various books on forensics and similar events that occurred in the past, and use that to come to the conclusions I did. People tell me that my theory seems to be the most correct if they think about it, because I have thought about it like a detective in foreign countries would do. There is no emotion involved for me, since I wasn't related to anyone and didn't have to fear the consequences of thinking or presenting my theories to anybody.

Okay good, and is your degree in anyway related to the matter at hand? Under what contexts did you teacher present the current work to you in school?

If one had to be very truthful sir, my degree is not very much related to this matter since I'm studying in chemistry. However, in foreign countries chemical analysis and labwork are used to do an analysis of the crime scene and identify the culprits. I do believe that running similar identification of evidence obtained there, using an impartial third party would be a scientific approach that would get much closer to the reality. Additionally, the use of modern up-to-date techniques will encourage other parties, governmental and non-governmental to do the same, thereby elevating the minimum technical standards used in such cases.

What really happened on jestha 19, part VI

This is turning into an anthology more than I thought. The idea is to come up with 20-30 most ridiculous ideas and write mock research essays. They need to be more fleshed out than what I did for the last one, but that's going to come as things evolve. I'm just having fun here, nothing to see. Continued from here.

 ...ohhh sir I see I see it's like that, I didn't know sir I'm just a simple man, and I thought maybe...since...I have connections too in Kathmandu few people. So this son of my uncle, he went to the same school as Dipendra, and he told us stories about when he was younger. Many years ago, before the scandal happened, now if you go ask him he'll pretend he didn't even hear you, but back then he told us stories....

I understand, you're a man of great reach in Kathmandu. But you've been invited here because of  the help you might be able to provide the government with the investigation, not because of you know so-and-so. We have been under strict instructions not to follow any leads, because this is a criminal investigation and we don't want to corrupt it. You were talking about your contact's relationship with Dipendra in school.

Yes yes sir, I didn't -- I didn't -- not not trying to influence, it is related to the story sir I was telling you the story it's all related. So as I was saying, he is a very clever man and in the past, before that happened in the palace, he used to tell us stories, about what plans Dipendra had for the country. And I thought that during all this time, it can't have been the girl, it must have been something much bigger that he couldn't come out to the public about. That's what I was trying to tell you about.

Okay, yes go ahead. What did he tell his school friends when he was younger.

I have heard this from my contact but many others are talking about it too, even then they were saying things like ohh he is going to do this, he is going to this when he becomes the King. According to what my fellow said, the villager brother, Dipendra didn't want to be the King. He was thankful to have been born in the royal family but he thought it was not suitable for a country like Nepal. He is said to have told his friends that he wanted to become the first President of Nepal, and then hand over the power to a commoner after holding peaceful elections. Even when he was a schoolboy they said, he didn't want to bear the weight of the crown on his head. And you know the young boys, they tease each other for even small things, and when they did instead of getting mad or something he would say no that won't happen when I'm the King because I'll declare it a republic, and they'll make me the first President, after that they'll just let me go, and as a commoner I'll be just like you, no helping you there.

So...so I heard that there was constant friction between his father and mother and him in that regards. Because you know the old King, he was beloved but but he didn't want the monarchy to end, he wanted very much for the Shah dynasty to continue in the country. The King apparently threatened to take the Crown Prince out of succession and make his brother the future King, the brothers are said to be on good terms generally but because of this it created some sort of bad blood. Now the only people inside the family who didn't have any opinion one way or another was Gyanendra and his family, because they didn't want to be in power since they weren't like, nobody liked them. They knew about that of course. And with...you know...Paras...and his problems, it wouldn't work, they knew one way or another Paras would never become the King even if worst came to worst. So they weren't openly supportive of Dipendra but when there was fight between the Crown Prince and the King, he used to go over to Nirmal Niwas and live with his uncle and his family.

And and and another thing sir. This story is known to everybody. You know about the old story about how the Shah Kings aren't allowed to go to Budhanilkantha because of the curse, which is why the Malla King someone made a copy of it in Rani Pokhari. When Dipendra was studying in the school, he went to the temple many times they said, he didn't care about not becoming the King because it was not a part of his plan. Some even say the death and the entire incident happened because of the curse...the curse was not just about somebody not becoming a King but the destruction of their familial line, by going to the temple, he brought upon the death and destruction of his family.

I see, so you're suggesting that the motive for Prince Dipendra wasn't the issue of marriage as was claimed in the original report, but political ambitions?

That is right. Some say the issue was growing bigger and bigger by the day, because of you know the maoists they were growing stronger, and the palace had some kind of relationship with them. Dipendra didn't want to be the King on one hand while fighting against his own government through the help of the guerilla fighters. He wanted to bring them to the table, hand over the power, and just retire. He was not a good man sir, many many bad habits, but he was good at heart. So the issue became of great importance in that party, and due to his festering anger from many years, and the combination of drugs, he saw no good outcome for himself and the country. He was under the influence of the drugs, but in his mind he was doing the right thing, for himself and the country. By removing the King and the entire royal family, he would speed up the country going towards republicanism, even if that meant he wouldn't be the first president, or be around to see it even.

Good good, we've gotten the gist of your story. Do you have any solid evidence of any of these incidents and actions?

Sir it's all the sayings of people who went to school with him, and whatever was printed in newspapers and magazines that time. I do not know of too many other places where this was said, I don't know much.

Thank you, thank you for your help. We'll reach out to the relevant sources, and send out the token of thanks for you and the family.

Covid updates, heading to the end of the pandemic?

 More deathnews from Nepal, I've heard of fiveplus COVID-related deaths of people I knew in Nepal, twice that if I include news from friends. No close family or friend until now thankfully, lets keep our fingers crossed. What can we do, the government gave up completely two months ago right when the numbers actually started picking up, and now are actively pretending like it was all a big ole' misunderstanding there's no pandemic ravaging the country etcetera. I'm told the ICU's are full, the hospital beds are all taken for. They've stopped counting the deaths, the number of infections don't count anymore because everybody's given up. Call it the KP-virus, or the commie-virus if you must, because that's what it become in Nepal. It's the carelessness, corruption, and collapse of institutional trust that's gotten us here. Any hope I had remaining has gone.

Not that the US is much better in terms of cases, but deaths have gone steady and news of near and dear ones' infections have slowed down. Everybody is being extra cautious, the tests are helping quite a bit so you hear about covid scares here and there but they amount to nothing mostly. The surges have been in places that hadn't seen the rise until this point, the disease denying denizens are the ones suffering now. The coastal states and big cities have taken it seriously, apparently the 500-person party in the Upper West Side of Manhattan was broken up by the cops, and the organizers and participants charged with penalties. Infection rates in colleges and universities are minuscle thanks to tight testing and control of who the young folks are hanging out with, the numbers are remarkably better than any place in the world.

We're already in the middle of the fall surge like they predicted, now there's going to be a Thanksgiving surge obviously, which is going to go all the way to Christmas it appears. I was hoping things would be more manageable by then, it'd be nice to see folks in Philly or DC but the numbers being as they are right now with a good chance of going up, not going to leave Boston. No thank you, this year's christmas and new year's will be low-key if that means I don't suffer and potentially die, or be responsible for somebody else's illness.

The good news is, we're in the last stretch of the disease they're saying. The vaccines are coming out, great rates of success, they're handing out to the first-responders and at-risk folks soon. Six hundred thousand of them for MA by the end of December, the news says, not enough for the population of twenty-two million but enough for right now. Hopefully by March or April things will start getting more normal, whatever the new normal is going to be.

I'm worried about cities, white-flight and wealth-flight from cities, but they've always been hubs for arts, culture and innovation, not sure how things will turn around, seeing there's nothing else hurting them. The prices for dwellings and apartments have gone down, but significantly only for the very very expensive ones. Seems like it's only the richie-riches who were holding seven or eight places in the cities as 'investment properties' who are having second thoughts. Really hope that's the case. Don't want the MBTA to go bankrupt.

The more I write, the more I prevaricate about my writerly dreams

Yes this is an excuse to use that wonderful SAT word from the bygone era that I am using to show off my excellent vocabulary skills. Stay with me here though, the meat isn't here but if you fry or roast it in a lot of fat and cook with water or some sort of stock over many hours you'll be left with an amazing broth. It'll be watery but nourishing. A perfect summary of my personality you might say.

It is true, since I started writing a a healthy page last June or was it July I've come much closer to being a writer writer. It's become clearer what it takes to write on a daily basis, how much of an effort sticking to the same theme and topic through days and weeks is. I'm also more confident with words and 'ideas' and the fact that one doesn't need worry that one might run out of ideas or thoughts...they just...jump into you when you need them shall you reach out desperately enough to them, hopelessly and with sufficient duress. It's taught me patience, long-term planning, and good discipline.

And also how hard it would be to do things in an organized way. It's not much to write a thousand or two, or even five, thousand words describing what you want to write, and outlining it. And it's not hard at all to write slash fiction, just dump the crap floating in the ether of your consciousness. To organize it all though is a different tale altogether. The potter takes the formless clay and molds them into beautiful vessels, she fires them in the burning hot oven, glazes them, refires them, adds decoration. A child who plays with silly putty and makes a decent-looking 'bowl' is not comparable to a potter. They're not in the same league even.

Thus the realization. Perhaps I'm a little further away from my first novel, or collection of fictional pieces, than I'd have hoped I'd be. If you'd told me two years ago I'd have written almost a million words over the course of a year, I'd have believed it was at least three published works, not a zillion pieces of random wandering. Oh how deluded I was! Now I know I can write but writing a longform piece, something that can be compiled into a book is a tough cookie to bite indeed.

And yet it's not insurmountable. Maybe the timelines have shifted but it was never going to be easy, I was aware. It was a passion of love and labor, it wouldn't be for pleasure, surely. I knew that coming in. Now I know exactly how hard it is and what needs to be done. And deep within there's what's needed to write and complete those large complete pieces, I know. Nobody will want to read it yea but that's never been my goal. At this point I don't care about being read, I care about being published.

As my output has increased, so have expectations and expectations of quality. There is not a doubt in my mind if I planned out a novel, and took a 4-day vacation I could bang out a shit book in that time. It's not hard to become an unpublished novelist. It's about putting in the hours for planning out the scenes and characters, and then the grunt work to connect the pieces.

This comes up now because we're all evaluating our future options, in a post-COVID world. The pandemic has forced us to consider what we care about really, what we're living for and where we want our lives to go. I get afraid, vertigo from the dizzying heights of nothingness, that there seems to be nothing supporting my feet and my body, that I may have gone up in an untethered balloon. What was I going for again, I have to ask. And then it comes back in. Oh yea that is what the plan is, to write and write and write, while other things keep happen. Make it a point of meditation. What's beyond the wall of writing? Who cares. It doesn't matter. I don't know about my future but nobody does. And what I know and want very few people have that awareness to begin with.

The unknown personal future shouldn't be the cause of fear and anxiety, but for enthusiasm and excitement. It portends infinite possibilities!

A final final admission: I do need my own space and time

 I was in Brookline for four days, took my fully-configured laptop ready to bash out so many words on the keyboard. And what came of it? Nothing, besides those two remarkably low-effort posts, even for me they're a little embarrassing.

And it wasn't due to the lack of free time, let me tell you that. Never have I reddited more than I did in the last four days, despite the multiple layers of blockers I have in all my devices.

The problem is when you're at somebody else's place, you don' have a space to hide. I can't write when there's somebody else watching over my shoulder, people shouting and talking and watching tv, expecting my attention. That doesn't happen, it's impossible. So the lack of a personal space is a big issue, you can't just go to a separate room and 'make it your own' like you have with your bedroom.

The other issue is that of social obligations. When you're at somebody else's place, there's an expectation you'll talk to them, hang with them, and just chill with them, and not be in your own personal bubble. Cellphone usage is allowed, that's what everybody does, but working on your personal project when somebody is hosting you and give you their time is just so rude. And they're going to make it known. It's not something that's done, unless you communicate it beforehand, and even then they'll feel you're on a 'working holiday' and not there to spend time with them, which is not how a reasonable person treats their loved ones.

It's also about time. To be productive you need a big chunk of time to get into the mood, up the motivation and just get on it. That's not possible when you're running by somebody else's clock. The mealtimes are set by their clocks, the walks, the entertainment and conversation block too. There's no place for you to 'borrow' or escape, unless you want to come off as a self-important jerk. Which I'm not beyond doing, but...not worth doing in this case.

And finally, perhaps most importantly, it's about motivation. You've been writing throughout day in day out for days weeks months and years, maybe you want a few days off, your mind needs freshening up. Maybe you're in the holiday mood, when the mind doesn't want to work, so it'll come up with all sorts of excuses and reasons to not do what it must. Basically, it's so much easier to justify procrastination and cancelling the writing projects,

Which is why -- and this is the final time I'll admit this realization because I've done it a couple of times before -- I realize now that I need my personal space and my personal time. Yeah I can crash at people's living rooms for weeks and months, but it's not on my terms, and I'm never as effective as when I'm by myself. As social as I am and want to be, I want space for myself, and run on my own schedule. There's no way around it.

Perhaps it's something I should work towards improving upon.

Jeez this end of the month rush has to end now

Every month, towards the end I'm in a massive rush to get all my posts in order. I'm in deficit against my average monthly goal by 22 posts, which means I'll have to write many many many posts today, and a large number tomorrow and backdate them for this month, so it doesn't look like I'm fudging numbers though in reality I am.

I'm not a multibillion massively overvalued car company with a egomaniac CEO who's going to sink the ship and gonna go to jail, but not before completely destroying life savings of hundreds of thousands of overconfident tech nerds among others. I can't do the end-of-quarter rushes like them. Like any other car company, stable experienced and actually knowledgeable in what they do, I have to distribute my posts out evenly so I don't find myself in a similar position again.

The first strategy is to go to bed on the fucking time I plan to go, which will mean I can get up early and do my morning posts. That also means moving up my sleeping time earlier than is reasonable. I've been targeting 10.30 and making it by 12 generally, but every morning at 4.45 on the dot I need to use the loo, on cold mornings it's difficult because I can't make myself get out of the comfy warm blanket which means I'm up for good. That leads me to not getting enough sleep throughout the day, napping in the evening, and leading to the vicious cycle of fucked sleeping and waking pattern. I need to break the pattern.

The second is to really get done with everything by 8 in the evening, give me an hour to write and read, do other pre-sleep chores, so I'm covered in blanket at 9pm sharp. That way, even if I am forced to wake before 5 in the morning, I've already had enough sleep.

Finally, I need to resist evenings naps no matter what. It's hard, the weather's gloomy, I'm cold tired and sleepy and I convince myself it'll be a powernap and my sleep cycle won't get screwy after but who am I kidding, that never works out. I need to get things in order, goddamit.

Projects update

The kombucha has been a relative failure, I used way too much sugar in it, then put in banana syrup which was already very sweet, and then added ginger syrup. It's way way too much. If you cut it with water 50-50, it's still a bit too sweet. Massive massive mistake. Considering turning it into booze.

To cut the sweetness of the plum wine, I added kombucha which means it's now sweeter than the sweetest rose. Need to get back into mushroom farming soon, gotta get myself set for the winter.

Kimchi's been lasting myself long, happy about that. Thinking of working on the sprouts soon enough.

My goal for the short- to middle- term is to get myself away from distractions of the internet, focus on things I find interesting explore my hobbies and most importantly go to bed early and get up early. It's comical I know that this is all I talk about, but these are my struggles wish there was something I could do about it. My plan is to get a few of those timed plugs in, so when I'm ready to get up, the lights turn on, the heater's running pretty warm and I have nothing in the world stopping from getting up.

Or maybe it's just going to be a waste of money, I've been doing a lot of thanksgiving shopping this year. As a form of therapy I suppose, not much else to do or talk about.

Need to get back to sprouting moong beans as well, something else on my radar, the moong beans are ready to go. Just need my attention.

Meditation's been going well enough, doing 2 20-minute sessions everyday, need to up that to three, even four. Or maybe not, three seems to be the decent number. The problem is, if I do something in the evening, I will without any doubt reach deep slumber quite easily, so there's only the morning and afternoon for me to complete those.

Thinking of getting persimmon and kiwi the next time I'm at haymarket for winemaking. Should be exciting.

That's all I got for right now. Hadn't done one of these forever, it's nice to organize my thoughts and plans for the future.

Yet another unsuccesful attempt to write

This is terrible, the less I write the further away I get from the posts that need to be written. Awful really. So I'm just trying to fill up the numbers because come December I'll be scrambling, absolutely scrambling to maintain my averages. It would suck so bad, so the plan is to power through the next four posts no matter what even though the current time is...late, it's very late, I spent the day talking to friends and chillaxing, lost all count of time. Walks to boston and back are so common they've become boring. Life is funny that way huh.

Just so bad, I'm on the bed ready to sleep on my sides, and I'm writing this the most half hearted writing anybody will write every. SO half-hearted nothing will come off it except complaints, dear gods please make the one thing I've been hoping for happen even if you don't do anything else I haven't asked for much recently. I should make the next post about corona updates because good news js coming it seems, I'm so so tired oh so sick and confused who knows what the future holds, this goddamn thing has messed us all up hannit. After that only two posts will remaining, those I will bullshit my way through.

I need to write a poem, the phuli, it's gonna be there soon. Just need some peace quiet and inspiration. Or is it fooli. HoBoy.

okay I need to sleep, this can't sustain.

I'm still around, no need to freak

So anyway, I was gone for a while and now I'm back haven't written for three days because it's holidays I wrote some words, a few words, not many words but enough words yesterday and then somehow it got deleted, and I was hopeless. First time I've written something in three days and why not, yeah?

I write this in my emacs editor, in my linux chromebook computer with a custom OS, and couple of extra addons to the editor, so I'm in a terminal-only mode with nothing else visible. I'm so very proud of all of this, hope that the productivity doesn't end at setting things up but goes beyond. My case is not lost, I have not abandoned. The holidays, blame the holidays.

Still in Brookline, per the usual, doing things, walking walks, going to boston and not writing. Spending hours everyday cooking, many hours deciding what to watch on tv, fewer hours actually watching, cooking two meals a day, cleaning up well which is more than I do on an everyday basis. Things are fun low-key boring really, nothing exciting ever happens in my life, what a surprise.

Thinking out aloud the plans and fears about the future, people give ideas and tips, but in the end it's all pretty generic, you can't have people deciding your life for you, specially since you're not even clear what you want.

In some ways life is better, perhaps it's the age that's made me more experienced, perhaps the circumstances have worked out in my favor but friends have been kind and generous rather, life's been good. It's unclear sometimes if telling people certain things is the way to go, which feels like it should be, and sometimes it feels like that would be an awful idea. I am as always, a dork.

It's barely four hundred words and I'm struggling. What has BECOME of me. Jeez this is depressing.

Oh yeah the meditating is going well, more pleasantly that I'd have hoped, 40 minutes in the morning, and a couple of minutes of self-practice every day. Need to get it high to 60 hopefully 80. It can come from my superduper long walk time and the wasted evening time that's gonna go to the mornings.

Anyway, this has taken a very long time to write, two hours almost, because I was complaining about somebody to people. Not something I want to do regularly but sometimes you want to explode, exploded this evening for an hour. Shouldn't have done this but it is how things are.

Thanksgiving shopping, chromebook setup linuxcitement, lazy gloomy rainy day, sandwich lunch wegmans pizza dinner [Wed 25]

Got up at 7, a bit of chattin' up with folks, really up at 10.

Set up the laptop, put linux on it, so excited, so busy, didn't think of anything else. Didn't write or anything in the morning. Bottled the kombucha, fridged it, and made sure all the projects were safe and sound. This round's kombucha is far far too sweet, almost thick like a syrup, it's possible the microthingies may be dead, need to save them somehow.

For lunch I had four slices of my nice marathon bread, thick layer of hummus on them. Aloo zeera on top of hummus, well cut small tomatoes, well salted on them. It was healthy, it was tasty, and the layering was good. Yum. If I put more thought into it, it could be a real thing.

After lunch worked a bunch on the laptop, set it up exactly like my current browser, emacs is on, this is my first real working linux lappie, I'm so excited.

Talked to JD about going to Brookline, took it for tomorrow because the weather was crap, I was still tired and not feeling very well. Took a nice hot shower in the evening, went to wegmans did thanksgiving shopping for the potluck tomorrow.

Was still low on energy, didn't want to feel the same forever, so chilled there, ordered a small pizza, margherita it was. So good, the small size is quite small for 7.50 which is more than domino's, but it's also much much better than dominos, it's not a fair comparison. So juice. Spent thirty minutes not doing anything just relaxing.

Walked back, talked to PK and ND, they're going to NYC on the Amtrak tomorrow. Teased them, discussed plans, and here to write.

Did 20 pushups, one round of meditation, 4 page of Campbell's book, every other chore for he day, and wrote a bunch. A lot actually, 8 posts, I'm proud. It's very late and I'm way over time, but I'm goddamn done. It's 12.55 as I write this. Will go to bed now.

Goodnight folks.

Last workday before Thanksgiving, naps, laptop setup [Tue 24]

 It's 12.44 of night of the next day, which means I'm quite late. More explanation later, but the cold and awful weather combined with me talking to people until wee hours of the evening has done me wrong.

Went to sleep at 1, possibly 2 in the morning because I was chattin' with SK. I don't even know what the s stands for to be quite honest at this point but this is not the sk I'd been talking to the week before. Gotta try to talk less.

I figured I'd sleep late. Got up at 4.45 for the restrooms, it's like an alarm. Didn't go to the restroom because the heat was off, i'd turned it down the evening before and I couldn't make myself do it. Couldn't fall asleep the rest of the morning. Slept at 7.30 when I did finally go to the loo, then got up at 9.30, groggy tired and grumpy.

Work was busy, mood was low, made bed superlate, did meditation at some point during the day, just one at least I did that thanks to the gods. Finished all the remaining of the pancakes in the morning. For dinner I had rice and scrambled eggs with classic east asian rice fixins.

Napped after work. Ate, talked to roommates, slept worked on my laptop, used so much of internet I'm grossed out. Watched arrested development. A lot of it. Probably a season's worth. Until 2 in the morning. Which meant I didn't get anything written, the entire goddamn day. What a loss.

Oh, got the gigglies at night, because I wanted to sleep and sleep well. Tried rolling something myself. Perhaps it was the poor rolling, perhaps my mind was shot already but I didn't feel much. Just felt so.very.tired.

I should really really get my sleep in order. Should be the primary goal, get sleep cycle in place during the winter.

Why's the government doing this? Why now?

 I'm in the flow sort of, low-effort flow so I decided to knit this into the 'jestha 19' series too. A introspection on what it could turn out to be. Maybe I should write a poem on it too, haaah.

Why did the government decide to do it? Why now? Did they really think there was any evidence against the former royals? What was their gameplan after every thread of evidence had been forensically eliminated by an international group of spies an scientists? How could they ever justify the millions of dollars they spent trying to what in retrospect seemed like frame the former King and his rather sad and pathetic family?

Or was it a conspiracy, as some in the left had already begun suggesting, by the monarchists, trying to frame the family in a better light, turning a personal and national tragedy into an elevated risk hoping to gain sympathy points from it? Perhaps the government was really actually apologetic, and really wanted to get into the depth of what had happened and why? Maybe there was real desire for justice and rule of law? After all, if the most powerful and all-controlling family could meet such a fate, who could ever trust in the law of the land?

Was it possible as some of the kookier theorists had suggested that the unfufilled spirits of the former royals were haunting certain special people, and the only way to get rid of those ethereal beings was to bring the truth out to the world, and perhaps them as well? This couldn't have been one giant unending expensive and according to some rather pointless episode of Ghostbusters: Himalayas edition, could it?

How had the public bought it so easily? Were they really so repressed all they ever wanted was somebody to listen to their improbable theories and ridiculous tales, their personal issues and connections to power and wealth, and the plethora of conspiracy theories they surely were the only people to have every heard or thought of? Or was everybody on it, that it was a mass therapy, there was no real interest in figuring out the tragic massacre?

Why was the whole goddamn nation on it, and why was the international media interested in it too? Were there not enough going-ons happening in the country, the rapes and death threats against women, the hunger in the mid and far west, the abject poverty crop failure, total failure of governance, the simmering rebellion in the north-east and the complete collapse of whatever broken-down national healthcare system there was, that they needed to focus all their attention in a pointless clickbait tale? Or was this all a distraction, for people of power because they woudn't be accountable, and for the general public because they wanted to stop crying to sleep everyday, distract themselves from the real horror of the pathetic existence by distracting themselves with the level of vapid nonsense that had easily outdone Jersey Shore my several orders of magnitudes.

The stories that were taken seriously, promoted and given more attention, what was the actual criteria used to select them, had anybody followed the guidance on that? Or was it all based on how saucy of a story it would make, the splash it could create in the international media, that it was all basically a giant mass media campaign by the government? Were they really that smart? Or were they lucky donkeys?

Whose idea must it have been, when it was first brought up? How on earth was it not laughed out of the room? Who was the first bureaucrat who took it seriously, who was the first politician? Or is this a conspiracy too, everyone of those rotten assholes conspiring to keep robbing in the open while they put on a kabuki theater on for the world to watch?

Had the whole goddamn world gone mad?

What the hell was the plan anyway? What would they do with the winning plan, crown the top story-writer the winner, give him a prize for imagination, and turn it into a movie? Or publish it into a novel or a series of books and sell it to the rest of the world so they could pay for good hospitals and schools, sewage and food for those dying of hunger? Where was it going, where could it possibly go? Were the leaders not afraid of the consequences? Or had they given up all pretense of caring?

What really happened on jestha 19, part V

 This is turning into an anthology more than I thought. The idea is to come up with 20-30 most ridiculous ideas and write mock research essays. They need to be more fleshed out than what I did for the last one, but that's going to come as things evolve. I'm just having fun here, nothing to see.

Alright, alright, this is your original concept, makes sense. Now explain to us, in detail, what you think happened on Jestha 19th in the royal palace.

So sir if I really have to say, I think the tale of the events of that day must have gone back a long time. If you ask me why, the Prince can't just have carried the big gun and killed everybody like that. A man's body gets tired, the mind gets tired. It cannot kill so many people of his own family. And moreover he was a crown prince, he didn't have so much courage to do it all in a moment of anger. In our area too sometimes men get angry, they get drunk and high and take other drugs. They beat their wife, their kids, attack other people, sometimes even the police, and they get send to jail. There are stories of people getting in the daze and using guns to kill one or two people or pushing something like that. But no matter how many bullets one's gun has, one man cannot kill so many of his own family in cold blood. The heart doesn't let you sir. One needs to have been trained like a soldier, only a soldier can kill like that. Or another reason one can kill is if one has a of anger. Surely you must have heard of the stories too. The son killing his mother and father. Or wife killing husband and kids, or husband killing whole family. Things like that. Because there is a fire of anger, it is only a spark but the fire can't go anywhere so it keeps burning inside the hard it gets bigger and bigger inside one's own body and one day it makes the whole heart into ash, charcoal, sir. There is no heart, only dark black liquid. Then he becomes blind, he acts like an animal and just attacks, goes at it with everything he got. He doesn't have regret, he doesn't understand fear. That fire wants to burn everything in the surrounding, friends or family, children or elderly, man or woman, relations or stranger, it doesn't care. It only wants to burn, destroy everything.

--right, right, go on --

Yes sir, that is what must have been happening with Dipendra, he wasn't just drunk and dazed and killing somebody. His inside was all burned-out, he was not a man sir, he was a monster at that time already. And even in the news they said, ohh this girl he wanted to marry but they told him to marry a different girl, so this and that. I don't believe that sir. When you are a prince, when you are going to be the king, they don't teach you to back down because of a girl. In our own village, the mukhiya's son, he won't back down if the father says no, not this girl, another one. That is because sir he has gotten everything he wanted even as a small child. He has been brought up as a king. And what kind of king says, oh no sorry father, sorry that I wanted to marry this girl but you told me not to and to marry another girl and there is nothing I can do, so I will hide my anger inside and inside for many many years until I kill the whole family. No, this is the heart and mind of a king, a ruler, who knows what he wants. In small things like the matter of the woman, his wife, he would have fought with the father, sir, if it became a big news, he would even give interviews to radio and newspaper, to other countries tv and internet if they didn't let them publish here. He has the fire that burns inside the king. The proud King doesn't shy away because somebody says he needs a different queen.

Okay so you're saying Prince Dipendra's cause of discontent with his family was not the girl, there was something else happening.

Yes sir, there is no chance it could have been the girl. It's a small reason for someone like that Prince, he would have married her because the King's ego doesn't let him back out of anything small like that. In my mind there had to be something more big, something even his big ego would be afraid of speaking out aloud. There had to be something that could create so much disruption, and fighting and even warfare that he didn't dare leak it himself. Something much more important than the girl, but also something difficult that he couldn't just tell it to the public.

And what would it be?

I'm a common man, I hear things other say. In my village our uncle's son he went to school in Kathmandu, in the boarding school. He was in the same class as the Prince. Now he is a doctor, he sometimes even works for the government, he is a big person but even now in Dashain time and others we meet even though he has big friends and he's done well he treats us with great respect. Maybe you even know him...

I don't know, we have been told to not talk about things like that, this is all being recorded and somebody else is listening to it. Please get back to the relevant part of the story.

ohhh sir I see I see it's like that, I didn't know sir I'm just a simple man, and I thought maybe...since...I have connections too in Kathmandu few people. So this son of my uncle, he went to the same school as Dipendra, and he told us stories about when he was younger. Many years ago, before the scandal happened, now if you go ask him he'll pretend he didn't even hear you, but back then he told us stories.

What really happened on jestha 19, part IV

This is turning into an anthology more than I thought. The idea is to come up with 20-30 most ridiculous ideas and write mock research essays. They need to be more fleshed out than what I did for the last one, but that's going to come as things evolve. I'm just having fun here, nothing to see.

What is your understanding of what you'll be saying here?

Sir they said the government is asking from normal people like us about what happened in the royal palace massacre, and I said I have been saying the same thing to everybody but nobody is listening to me. They all say I am mad mad he hasn't got a brain how would he know and I'm saying no this is why it happened. So when the government sirs came into the village asking for the story everybody is taking me seriously now, they say if the government cannot find out the reality maybe the reality must be different from what they thought previously. And it must be different from what everyone was thinking you know...like gyanendra did this all they said and I was the only one not to believe it, now they are all saying in the village and our own district wow this man knew more than everybody and they're respecting me so I'm here to explain to you my theories and understanding of the event that took place in the royal palace on the night of jestha 19.

That is correct, although us inviting you and hundreds of people like you to get to know your theories and conspiracies doesn't mean we think you're right. We just want to know what everybody is saying. You can't go to your village and tell them we told you you are correct okay, because we found out some people who did that. That is lie, and a misrepresentation of wht was said by a government official doing a serious research. The law will get after you if you do things like that, understand. We will send people to your village and to your district to make sure you're not spreading any unsubstantiated rumors, do you understand?

Yessir, yessir I understand, I will not tell anybody you all said I am saying the right thing. Only that you listened to my story like a judge. And you listened to many others dozens of stories and like a judge you are trying to find out which one of is telling the truth and which one is not.

Yes, yes, that is not exactly what we are doing, but for your purposes it is acceptable that you tell that to the villagers.

So let's start, when did you first come up with this...idea, and who did you talk to about it?

Sir I thought about it for two three weeks after they all died. It came in the radio and everyone was afraid some said the Indians killed them some said the maoists some were saying this and that and this and that. So much confusion. But I'm thinking no no it doesn't make sense, because there were some friends of mine who had gone to the maoists side. They didn't care for the king. They said he is our king too we don't mind. Communists respect the king too, you know in 2006 it wasn't communists who removed the king, it was india, they say. I don't know sir I'm a poor stupid man but they are saying that. And I think, and I come up with this idea, I tell everyone, in the first few months they make fun of me, and then everyone forgot about it all. Every year during jeth it comes in the radio tv internet about how many years it has been and I bring out my idea and now they're making lesser and lesser fun as years go buy. The younger people are believing in me more because they think my idea makes sense. The old people they think they know everything, their understanding is the best, but even they now are thinking ohh he thought different, he came up with an idea nobody did maybe he is thinking the right way.

How much education have you had?

Sir in terms of studying I did upto 10 class but it was the village education, I know how to read and write I can read newspaper slowly, read letters, use facebook and viber. My idea didn't come from the books sir, not from reading anywhere, some said ohh he read this in this book, maybe this story, but sir I tell you I haven't read one single book in my whole life. Even the book they gave us in school I read only two days before the exams.

And sir I haven't watched too many films either. Some like to say, ohh his story sounds like this hindi cinema or this english cinema or this and that, even foreigners think I came up with this idea from outside from tv or film but I have't watchd many. I watched Sholay sir a few nepali movies but this is nothing like nepali cinema this is a new kind of idea.

Alright, alright, this is your original concept, makes sense. Now explain to us, in detail, what you think happened on Jestha 19th in the royal palace.