The river floweth

Part of Appointments & Disappointments

She was happy.

She wanted it. Her dream. Goal of her life. Expanding her horizons. Breaking the cocoon. A butterfly. Flapping the wings. New sensations, sights, smells. New level of understanding. People too. Cute ones. Smart ones. Kisses. Stolen glances. Sex. She sighed. Any other great emotions. She could see herself. Flustered. Confused. But content. The same her but different. A confounded clone. Cooler, more mature, smarter. Better equipped for the world.

And why not. Like a river, she flowed. The lake was not her destiny. An ocean was. Globespanning, fierce, strange. She'd be an expert. Know things. Have skills. Be patient. Be better with emotions. Less moody. Kinder, more mature. She wanted it. Her, but version two point oh. Take me there, take me there now. Am I turning myself on. She sighed.

She was living the life. A good job. She was good at it. They liked her. Personal freedom. She bent the rules. Who didn't. They drank. And smoked. And other things. Not her. She had the option. Not the opportunity. Whatever. No responsibilities. No teachers. No homework. So much money. Money to travel. To drink. Smoke. Dance. Watch movies. Gorge. Life couldn't get better. This was temporary. It wasn't long term. This was an airport. You didn't want to get stuck.

She was tired. Funtimes were had. Life was long. This was not an investment. It was a distraction. She was young. But she couldn't party forever. The future was scary. She needed to prepare. A monster to be defeated. A fiend to be thwarted. A criminal to arrest. You cook yourself as a person. Grow mature. Learn things. Avoid mistakes. Life wasn't an unending party. It'd be a boring party. She wasn't into parties. It would be an interesting trip.

She was sad. The friends would be gone. The fun would stop. Responsibilities would go up. Stress. Confusion. Anger. Hunger. Homesickness. Heartbreaks. She'd break hearts too. Why. Broken friendships certainly. Strained relations. Places to leave. Cultures to understand. Languages to decipher. Humiliation. Confusion. Eventual understanding. It wouldn't be easy. She couldn't take anything for granted.

She was content. Surrounded by close friends. And her lover. Oh the clingy lover. Useless. He was nice. She was unsuccessful. Why me, she wondered. Ah well. It was not her time. It would come. Some day. Sweet guy. They would talk. She wasn't a monster. Until things ended. They invariably would. He wanted a girlfriend. She needed a lover. Times takes its toll. Friends are forever. A year until the reunion. Sweet memories. Friendship would only grow stronger. She was looking forward to that.

Life was uncertain. One year. It would change her. It'd be challenging. New friends, new place. Would her heart change? Would friendships change? What were her goals. What did she want? She felt sad. It wasn't easy. Things moved fast. She wanted a redo. Do things differently. What would she do? She didn't know.

The future was uncertain.