A final final admission: I do need my own space and time

 I was in Brookline for four days, took my fully-configured laptop ready to bash out so many words on the keyboard. And what came of it? Nothing, besides those two remarkably low-effort posts, even for me they're a little embarrassing.

And it wasn't due to the lack of free time, let me tell you that. Never have I reddited more than I did in the last four days, despite the multiple layers of blockers I have in all my devices.

The problem is when you're at somebody else's place, you don' have a space to hide. I can't write when there's somebody else watching over my shoulder, people shouting and talking and watching tv, expecting my attention. That doesn't happen, it's impossible. So the lack of a personal space is a big issue, you can't just go to a separate room and 'make it your own' like you have with your bedroom.

The other issue is that of social obligations. When you're at somebody else's place, there's an expectation you'll talk to them, hang with them, and just chill with them, and not be in your own personal bubble. Cellphone usage is allowed, that's what everybody does, but working on your personal project when somebody is hosting you and give you their time is just so rude. And they're going to make it known. It's not something that's done, unless you communicate it beforehand, and even then they'll feel you're on a 'working holiday' and not there to spend time with them, which is not how a reasonable person treats their loved ones.

It's also about time. To be productive you need a big chunk of time to get into the mood, up the motivation and just get on it. That's not possible when you're running by somebody else's clock. The mealtimes are set by their clocks, the walks, the entertainment and conversation block too. There's no place for you to 'borrow' or escape, unless you want to come off as a self-important jerk. Which I'm not beyond doing, but...not worth doing in this case.

And finally, perhaps most importantly, it's about motivation. You've been writing throughout day in day out for days weeks months and years, maybe you want a few days off, your mind needs freshening up. Maybe you're in the holiday mood, when the mind doesn't want to work, so it'll come up with all sorts of excuses and reasons to not do what it must. Basically, it's so much easier to justify procrastination and cancelling the writing projects,

Which is why -- and this is the final time I'll admit this realization because I've done it a couple of times before -- I realize now that I need my personal space and my personal time. Yeah I can crash at people's living rooms for weeks and months, but it's not on my terms, and I'm never as effective as when I'm by myself. As social as I am and want to be, I want space for myself, and run on my own schedule. There's no way around it.

Perhaps it's something I should work towards improving upon.