Looking back

 You’ve been outside digging a large hole for several hours when you realize that you can’t recall why you are digging it. Retrace your steps to try to discover your motivation.

Prompt

My back hurts, sweat drips from my forehead flowing to my lips and my knees are ready to give up. It's been a while since I last dug, or used a shovel at all, I'm probably doing it wrong. I should pause or I might fall down of exhaustion. I close my eyes, let the shovel go.

Wait.

Why have I been digging? I don't remember. I've been doing it since...lunch time it was I think, almost time for dinner now. And I can't goddamn remember why I'm doing this. Almost killed myself for something I don't even remember. Why am I digging? What's up?

The last thing I remember, I was eating a very healthy serving of lobster mac-and-cheese. A new place just opened, some celebrity chef I think. They had introductory deal sort of offer. I went all in. It was supposed to be for two, I ate it all. I was stressed okay.

Why was I so hungry, so upset, so stressed. Okay, I went to the takeout place, got it, and had dinner. Which means I had the presence of mind to go for pickup, couldn't have been that upset. Watched tv before that, my team lost it was horrible they hadn't played so bad in decades. Perhaps I was trying to bury the memorabilia I owned because I was so ashamed? Doesn't make sense, there's dozens of easier ways to dispose of things you clearly care about.

The shower, it was long, before the match. I was tired, groggy wanted to freshen up before the match. Remember going through my shower playlist once so that must have been thirty minutes at least. It was so rejuvenating. No I couldn't have been trying to bury my clothes, wouldn't help me feel refreshed. I felt like a new man, smelled like green forest with fairies flying around. The memory fills my heart with pleasure. A little horniness too. Is that weird.

Got up tired, I remember that, so very tired, the joints were aching. Forehead was throbbing, took two extra-strength tylenols to feel normal even. Couldn't see straight, got worried I had gone blind. It was alright in the end, just the hunger and the exhaustion from the last night.

Last night, what did we do last night. When did we come back. I was out with the boys, remember coming back home, stumbling into the living room. The door was open I remember. Had to force it shut because I was afraid somebody might rob me. Did I kill somebody? Did I kill the intruder?

Wait.

Why am I digging here? This isn't even my backyard. This isn't my house! They all look so alike!

It was no intruder, must have been the owner of the house. I was too drunk to notice, and must have killed him somehow, and now I'm trying to hide the evidence. Yowza!

Wait no that can't be true, the owner of the house Thom is waving at me right now from the windows. I for sure didn't kill him then. Phew. Why am I digging a deep trench in his yard then, did he kill somebody? Did somebody die? Why don't I remember.

Huh, what's in this tarp, it's a strange long body looks like. Ah yes, his dog who died this morning, he called me to dig a ditch for it and bury it, he's sick and all of that. Awh man, this sucks. For a moment I thought I was finally disposing of the asshole that was trying to mess with me in the bar last week who's in my freezer. Bummer. Another day I guess.