Context: This is the part of the weekly writing sessions we've re-established, SK and I. We ended up with the prompt and I went wild with it. Probably the dirtiest thing I've written, ever? here.
My favourite toy is the vibrator. I like it so much because it vibrates so much. Vibrate vibrate vibrate, whenever I am bored I look and it and it’s like bzzzt bzzzt bzzt, vibrating all around. And I think how can the vibrator be vibrating so much, happy or sad, always vibrating, will it ever stop, where does it get all its positive energy from. What is it that gives the vibrator its radiance and energy that makes it vibrate throughout?
One day my friend, let’s call him Janmadataa came to my room. And I showed him my vibrator, because he heard something vibrating, he was like hey man what’s up, what’s the thing that’s vibrating, and I was like ohhh that’s my vibrator, and by the way it’s my favourite toy. He wanted to check it out, figure out what the big deal with the vibrators was. He said everybody he knew had a vibrator and they all loved loved their vibrators. It’s like I’m living in this world where everybody’s got this amazing secret romance with their personal vibrator and I’m here unaware of the existence of this ecstasy unsure where to go on. So I was like sure man just check it out, just don’t fuck yourself with it okay cos’ it’s gross and I don’t want your shit on my stuff, or get pregnant in the butt. Butt pregnant they say, it’s one of the new things to come on, most people don’t know about it. He didn’t know what butt pregnancy was what an innocent boi oh my. Anyway so I let him touch my vibrator. Did it feel weird letting another man touch my vibrator that had been inside the holiest of the holiest? Yes, very much? Did I get turned on a little bit secretly, also yes. You know there are some things you can’t just admit, and it was one of those situations.
Anyway so this dildo, and by dildo I mean my jackass friend who wanted to look at my vibrator checks out my vibrator and I think ohh he’s just going to inspect it and be done with, but no he has to turn it all around and play with the buttons and comfort settings and what not. And he’s like getting horny as he’s touching it. And obviously this makes me a little uncomfortable because it’s like someone decided to clean up one of your used condoms, fill it with water and use it as a lolaa during holi. It’s gross and obviously very disgusting but also you’re a little curious about the dynamics you know, like how strong is the lolaa, is it going to blow up if it hits anybody? How many liters can it hold? Could it hold the same volume of sex juices or would that not work because it’s got a different density than water? How does one even go around filling them, and dear gods the smell, the gross smell alone would kill many a strong man and woman. And RIP to all those brave women and men who would have contributed their hornywater to to the cause. So many questions, so few answers.
So back to what I was talking about. The dildo. Who was playing around with my vibrator. Which is my favourite toy, because dear god when it vibrates it makes my whole world shake. It feels like I’m in this tall house whose floors have given away, the entire earth has given away to be replaced by shaking reality, everything vibrating throbbing moving moving moving, and then, rainfall. So to speak. And then darkness. Unconsciousness. Or release, as the hornies call it. I never liked the language. Make sex more transcendental, I say, more spiritual, not gross and horny and smelly and dingy like the cheaply made porn sites that are ready to shut down and start all over again with a different name overnight when they get sued. Sex is about permanence, connection, and getting more in touch with your reality. That’s what my vibrator means for me, connecting to myself, to my former self...I’ve had it for twelve years, I can remember all the good times and the bad times I’ve had with it, it takes me to a strange secret cave in the North Pole of my own, like Superman’s Fortress of Doom. They’re both just as snow-white.
They tell me it’s time to grow up, the technology has caught up these days, there’s advanced things that can connect to your phone and songs and videos and what not. Apparently the latest models can be remotely connected by somebody across the globe so you can feel the emotions of not...being alone. That doesn’t feel true to the vibrator ethos. Using a vibrator is about being confident and comfortable about yourself, happy in the knowledge that it doesn’t matter if there’s nobody else for you, you’ve got you for you. And that is the power of the vibrator. It makes me a stronger person, a more honest person, a more outspoken person. My vibrator is my favourite toy.
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