I'm still around, no need to freak

So anyway, I was gone for a while and now I'm back haven't written for three days because it's holidays I wrote some words, a few words, not many words but enough words yesterday and then somehow it got deleted, and I was hopeless. First time I've written something in three days and why not, yeah?

I write this in my emacs editor, in my linux chromebook computer with a custom OS, and couple of extra addons to the editor, so I'm in a terminal-only mode with nothing else visible. I'm so very proud of all of this, hope that the productivity doesn't end at setting things up but goes beyond. My case is not lost, I have not abandoned. The holidays, blame the holidays.

Still in Brookline, per the usual, doing things, walking walks, going to boston and not writing. Spending hours everyday cooking, many hours deciding what to watch on tv, fewer hours actually watching, cooking two meals a day, cleaning up well which is more than I do on an everyday basis. Things are fun low-key boring really, nothing exciting ever happens in my life, what a surprise.

Thinking out aloud the plans and fears about the future, people give ideas and tips, but in the end it's all pretty generic, you can't have people deciding your life for you, specially since you're not even clear what you want.

In some ways life is better, perhaps it's the age that's made me more experienced, perhaps the circumstances have worked out in my favor but friends have been kind and generous rather, life's been good. It's unclear sometimes if telling people certain things is the way to go, which feels like it should be, and sometimes it feels like that would be an awful idea. I am as always, a dork.

It's barely four hundred words and I'm struggling. What has BECOME of me. Jeez this is depressing.

Oh yeah the meditating is going well, more pleasantly that I'd have hoped, 40 minutes in the morning, and a couple of minutes of self-practice every day. Need to get it high to 60 hopefully 80. It can come from my superduper long walk time and the wasted evening time that's gonna go to the mornings.

Anyway, this has taken a very long time to write, two hours almost, because I was complaining about somebody to people. Not something I want to do regularly but sometimes you want to explode, exploded this evening for an hour. Shouldn't have done this but it is how things are.