Why I stopped meditating

It was so stressful, in February, when I was tight with the work I promised to do for half a year but couldn't deliver because there were so many other things happening, at work and in life. And in the last few weeks before the deadline, I started freaking out and couldn't function. So much stress that my dealing-with-stress mechanism broke down, the act of meditation itself reminded me of the fact that I was going through too much. I was napping, so tired from the mental energy that meditation became less useful. And eventually it petered out. Because I couldn't handle the very thing I hoped to use meditative and mindfulness practices to deal.

As a coping mechanism to stress and anxiety, I started distracting myself going to the orange site and the other hellsite that I taught myself to stop going years ago but now I was bad. So much constructive information there(!), I'd think and then would not let it go. And it's been back. All this year.

So, that was why I stopped meditating. Because it was too stressful to. And because there was nothing else to do, I sought time wasting information addiction website, which put me in a vicious spiral, and here we are, all sweaty and without ability to speak properly because I need the hit bro, gimme gimme the hit maan, I'm sweaty I can't talk, just give me it, I need that addictive information. I need it, I want it, please please I beg of you, how much you want, I'm willing...

Actually, no, stop, that's a topic for a different post, about my information addiction. We'll get there, soon. For now, this will have to suffice.

I'll meditate again, very very soon. As in tomorrow or the day after. Stay tuned. I'm not beaten yet. The workouts will start too.