CL posting, Umbrella Academy binging, naps [July 31]
Woke up pretty late, work was normal, had lunch for the fifth day the same thing I've been having. Much cheese this time, stinky cheese goes really well with shakshuka. Got patted on the back by manager after lunch. Watched tv with roommates after lunch while working. Wrote a bunch talked to folks on the phone. Posted my room up on CL after work, also on Facebook. Got no replies until three days later. Started watching Umbrella academy season 2 on netflix starting at 7pm, watched until 2am, finished the show. It's a good series, not gonna watch season 1, but season 2 was good.
CL posting not so good
Posted my housing ad on FB [thanks to SS] and craigslist on Friday. Didn't hear back from anyone yet. I'm afraid the housing market is too tight and it may not be the right time to leave. I'm not excited about the thought of having to work hard on getting rid of one apartment and then spending just as long looking for a new apartment. The original idea was to let go of my lease here in Boston and get a new apartment for myself in the new town but it's not looking like my plans are likely to come to fruition. Sucks but that's how it's in pandemic times even though Americans like to pretend nothing is wrong it's back to usual why are you being such a drama queen. It's all really messed up, hope things improve.
Great Zombieland on Earth
Who on earth thought of that what a stupid stupid name man you need to tell your people to come up with better names or else we're taking the privilege from your group. Do you not understand why naming a topsecret government intelligence program GOAT is a stupid decision because it's like naming something HORNY or COOL or whatever lingo the young folks have come up with in recent times. This is not something you can just bullshit around with. Think of more traditional names, names from Greek or Roman, Norse, Egyptian even Hindu mythology. Or references to Chaucer, Shakespeare and the other greats. Names after relevant geographies, rivers peoples are also acceptable, or some high-falutin' pun is good too as long as it's not some reference to some lame mee-mee that the young people are talking about right now because this will go out of style in two years no one will get the joke and we'll look like idiots that named a secret program worth billions of dollars after some farm animal, and not a particularly smart one. It's like you're trying to make us look like idiots.
Here's a good name: FLAME. Or here's another one: SWORD. Another another one: POWER. You see? They mean business, they give you a sense of what the program is about, which lets be real about this is the task of eliminating our enemies their families and their acquaintances from the face of the Earth and we don't care if they are non-fighters or children or babies or pregnant women or what not. They're all potential threats they're all terrorists with the intention of destroying our great nation and they can only be destroyed like fire destroys wood. A fire doesn't care if something has children or is pregnant or is very sick or is a busfull of innocent kids, it just destroys them. And a sword is just sharp it doesn't care what lies at the other end of its edge. That's what we are. Pure power, projection of greatness. Greatest nation on earth that's where everyone wants to come and we need to make sure people understand who we are and not mess with us. This is the law of the land, we run on proper law and other unlike those wild animals who do whatever they want to and disregard the rules of engagement.
I'm disgusted can't even write yuck.
Here's a good name: FLAME. Or here's another one: SWORD. Another another one: POWER. You see? They mean business, they give you a sense of what the program is about, which lets be real about this is the task of eliminating our enemies their families and their acquaintances from the face of the Earth and we don't care if they are non-fighters or children or babies or pregnant women or what not. They're all potential threats they're all terrorists with the intention of destroying our great nation and they can only be destroyed like fire destroys wood. A fire doesn't care if something has children or is pregnant or is very sick or is a busfull of innocent kids, it just destroys them. And a sword is just sharp it doesn't care what lies at the other end of its edge. That's what we are. Pure power, projection of greatness. Greatest nation on earth that's where everyone wants to come and we need to make sure people understand who we are and not mess with us. This is the law of the land, we run on proper law and other unlike those wild animals who do whatever they want to and disregard the rules of engagement.
I'm disgusted can't even write yuck.
Seven other names of heaven
- Beeaven
- White haven
- Place where literally only people from my denomination go to, and also it doesn't include people from other races from my church because heaven is obviously segregated and no animals either so it's just like it is here but better for myself and my family do I really care about what happens to other fucks
- Beardy dudes land. But we don't know he's a dude for sure. Beardy person's land.
- Mehven. For people that are hard to please.
- Seaven. Like the movie Se7en, just for the heck of it. It's not as scary in the end and involves much fewer murders. Alternately: heaven but for sea creatures.
- Closet where teenagers go into after getting drunk to make out and paw at each other. They generally stay there for seven minutes but sometimes get carried away for muchmuch longer and sometimes they come out after ten seconds after a light peck on each other's noses because both their crushes are in the room and also they're not into one another and possibly are of the wrong sexual orientations.
Swimming with the ducks in the middle of the storm, Philly planning, Fall is coming [Thu 30]
It's five past twelve and for the first time in this month I've gotten around to writing the daily journal on about the day the events occurred. Exciting. I'm also very tired due to the swimming but generally so this is going to be short.
Getting up was not as easy as I hoped, I lazied around. Still got some stuff written, work was productive, but the work I've been doing had to be shelved. Lunch was the same thing I've been having for the last three days. Except this time I added a bunch of cheese to it. Realized really stinky cheese goes so well with bean shakshuka, something to experiment with later.
JD helped me take photos of my room for the vacancy ad. Talked to folks on the phone, don't remember who. Worked out in the morning. Chilled a lot. Wrote and did work until 5 when SS (Phd) said they were ready. Biked my way to his house, where we used his bike-repair equipment to tighten my brakes. We packed water, coke, and clothes, and headed out to the mystic lakes in a convoy of three bikes. SS is a pretty decent biker, JM likes to keep it slow, I was in the middle. It felt like they were escorting me, but apparently that's their biking strategy.
Went to our destination through the scenic route though it took us a couple of extra minutes it was so worth it. Nice houses of North Medford and Winchester, the trees, the people, riding through baseball parks and mountains. Pleasure.
We got there, not right at the beach because it's too busy and a little boring but in the middle of the woods, parked our bikes took off our clothes and jumped into water. The guys swam and played around I waddled about and eventually learned to swim on my back thanks to SS's guidance. There were so many ducks in the water, I got a little concerned we were swimming in duckshit but then I remembered they were swimming in humanpiss too so that made me feel better.
The weather was crazy. It got very dark and stormy the clouds looked menacing we thought there was going to be thunder lightning possibly hail. Nothing happened. We thought we'd at least get a heavy rain as we swam, that didn't happen either. A light shower that didn't even wet my backpack. We talked about families things we've been upto future plans between taking laps, diving in.
SS saw a single red leaf on a tree. THE FALL IS BEGINNING ALREADY AND IT'S NOT EVEN AUGUST YET.
We swam a lot more, the skies cleared the scenery wasn't as crazy anymore the other families were packing up and it got dark so we packed up and biked back home. Left SS and JM at their homes, came to mine. Wrote a post, cooled myself down in front of the fan, looked at a bunch of housing postings for Philly. Talked to NG about my future plans, selling my room, and moving to Philly and we tried figuring logistics. Friend-of-the-house ND is over here too, before retiring into my room said hi to her, we carried down all the trash and recyclables. House is a little bit more clean.
My arms hurt my body aches. Regardless, I'll do fifteen pushups now before going to bed.
Ta-ta
Getting up was not as easy as I hoped, I lazied around. Still got some stuff written, work was productive, but the work I've been doing had to be shelved. Lunch was the same thing I've been having for the last three days. Except this time I added a bunch of cheese to it. Realized really stinky cheese goes so well with bean shakshuka, something to experiment with later.
JD helped me take photos of my room for the vacancy ad. Talked to folks on the phone, don't remember who. Worked out in the morning. Chilled a lot. Wrote and did work until 5 when SS (Phd) said they were ready. Biked my way to his house, where we used his bike-repair equipment to tighten my brakes. We packed water, coke, and clothes, and headed out to the mystic lakes in a convoy of three bikes. SS is a pretty decent biker, JM likes to keep it slow, I was in the middle. It felt like they were escorting me, but apparently that's their biking strategy.
Went to our destination through the scenic route though it took us a couple of extra minutes it was so worth it. Nice houses of North Medford and Winchester, the trees, the people, riding through baseball parks and mountains. Pleasure.
We got there, not right at the beach because it's too busy and a little boring but in the middle of the woods, parked our bikes took off our clothes and jumped into water. The guys swam and played around I waddled about and eventually learned to swim on my back thanks to SS's guidance. There were so many ducks in the water, I got a little concerned we were swimming in duckshit but then I remembered they were swimming in humanpiss too so that made me feel better.
The weather was crazy. It got very dark and stormy the clouds looked menacing we thought there was going to be thunder lightning possibly hail. Nothing happened. We thought we'd at least get a heavy rain as we swam, that didn't happen either. A light shower that didn't even wet my backpack. We talked about families things we've been upto future plans between taking laps, diving in.
SS saw a single red leaf on a tree. THE FALL IS BEGINNING ALREADY AND IT'S NOT EVEN AUGUST YET.
We swam a lot more, the skies cleared the scenery wasn't as crazy anymore the other families were packing up and it got dark so we packed up and biked back home. Left SS and JM at their homes, came to mine. Wrote a post, cooled myself down in front of the fan, looked at a bunch of housing postings for Philly. Talked to NG about my future plans, selling my room, and moving to Philly and we tried figuring logistics. Friend-of-the-house ND is over here too, before retiring into my room said hi to her, we carried down all the trash and recyclables. House is a little bit more clean.
My arms hurt my body aches. Regardless, I'll do fifteen pushups now before going to bed.
Ta-ta
On my room being occupied by bugs
I'll keep this short. My body aches because it's the hardest I've worked out in a long while, and also the first time I did anything that could be described as 'swimming', too many muscles that had never before been extended worked overtime today, they need some rest.
A few days before I came in to Boston my roommates informed me there were a couple of patches of small bugs in my room. Not bedbugs or lice, they explained, but more like woodroaches. They took photos of the insects and looked them up online. Spraying the room with insecticides so I'd have a leg up in getting rid of them didn't work out because one of them was not here and the other had sprained his leg attempting to go on a run.
I took a report of the situation. It wasn't too bad. There were a couple dozen on the floor, and a couple on my bed. Totally manageable. Went to Home Depot and got two different kinds of insecticides: one to spray directly at them so they died on contact, and the second one was a 'fogger'. So a fogger for insecticides is kind of like the smoke grenade dwight uses in the office. You shut the doors and windows of a room, make it as airtight as you can get it, and turn this container on and escape. It slowly releases the chemicals and fogs up the room. The longer you leave the room the stronger it will work. It will penetrate corners and light clothes to kill the buggers off the face of the earth.
The next day I broomed the crap out of them, the dead ones. So many dead bodies of bugs in so many corners. I'm glad I used the foggger because I wouldn't have seen half of them had I tried manually spraying on them. There were still a few dead ones left in the deep corners that I missed out on because it got too tiring. Kept cleaning the room over the next few days. And now there are none.
Until recently I saw one or two of those bugs around the room walking hiding all dazed and confused probably wondering where the rest of their clan is. At first I was concerned there might be a nest I'd not thought about, then I realized there had to be a few that must have survived somehow. Made sure to take care of those that I found, and hand-sprayed the general location where I saw them. Three days on and I haven't seen any anymore. I've been brooming the room every day too, just to make sure there aren't any left to stink up my room.
If I see more than a couple within the next week, I'll set off another round of fogger in the room so that their mating cycle is disrupted. The eggs will have hatched, but the new bugs will not have reached sexual maturity to lay eggs, so they'll die childless virgins. And thus they'll be eliminated forever.
I have a few bites on my legs and arms from the first day I got back to Boston. Surprisingly they were not from my room but from SM's room, when I didn't cover myself with blankets and got bitten by mosquitoes. A little ironic, in my opinion, that when there was a minor infestation of bugs, I was bitten but not by infesting bugs but the lame boring mosquitoes instead.
A few days before I came in to Boston my roommates informed me there were a couple of patches of small bugs in my room. Not bedbugs or lice, they explained, but more like woodroaches. They took photos of the insects and looked them up online. Spraying the room with insecticides so I'd have a leg up in getting rid of them didn't work out because one of them was not here and the other had sprained his leg attempting to go on a run.
I took a report of the situation. It wasn't too bad. There were a couple dozen on the floor, and a couple on my bed. Totally manageable. Went to Home Depot and got two different kinds of insecticides: one to spray directly at them so they died on contact, and the second one was a 'fogger'. So a fogger for insecticides is kind of like the smoke grenade dwight uses in the office. You shut the doors and windows of a room, make it as airtight as you can get it, and turn this container on and escape. It slowly releases the chemicals and fogs up the room. The longer you leave the room the stronger it will work. It will penetrate corners and light clothes to kill the buggers off the face of the earth.
The next day I broomed the crap out of them, the dead ones. So many dead bodies of bugs in so many corners. I'm glad I used the foggger because I wouldn't have seen half of them had I tried manually spraying on them. There were still a few dead ones left in the deep corners that I missed out on because it got too tiring. Kept cleaning the room over the next few days. And now there are none.
Until recently I saw one or two of those bugs around the room walking hiding all dazed and confused probably wondering where the rest of their clan is. At first I was concerned there might be a nest I'd not thought about, then I realized there had to be a few that must have survived somehow. Made sure to take care of those that I found, and hand-sprayed the general location where I saw them. Three days on and I haven't seen any anymore. I've been brooming the room every day too, just to make sure there aren't any left to stink up my room.
If I see more than a couple within the next week, I'll set off another round of fogger in the room so that their mating cycle is disrupted. The eggs will have hatched, but the new bugs will not have reached sexual maturity to lay eggs, so they'll die childless virgins. And thus they'll be eliminated forever.
I have a few bites on my legs and arms from the first day I got back to Boston. Surprisingly they were not from my room but from SM's room, when I didn't cover myself with blankets and got bitten by mosquitoes. A little ironic, in my opinion, that when there was a minor infestation of bugs, I was bitten but not by infesting bugs but the lame boring mosquitoes instead.
On my newfound love of water
Some people are like eel. Or frogs or dolphins or some sort of aquatic creatures. Or mammals because apparently they can swim really well too. Born swimmers. You take them into the water and in two weeks they're taking lengths at a time, standing up on their noses inside water, waving those less fortunate with their feet. Merpeople them. Being in water and swimming comes so naturally to them.
I'm not a natural swimmer. If anything I'm the opposite of that.
I went to a school for ten years where they had mandatory weekly swimming class. You could go again in the weekends from your house, and then once more if you could finagle it through special interest groups or clubs. You had ample sufficient some people might say way too much access to water and the pool. At the minimum, one would expect those who came out of it to be able to swim.
Not so.
I went to swim classes every week...bunked them often or made excuses but mostly got into the water. Never learned to swim. I was too afraid of water. It could choke me mess up my eyes ears brain it's cold it's annoying it causes me trouble breathing. Water is not a natural state of being for humans, we may like to think of ourselves as dolphins or eels or some sort of other mammals, at home in water, but when push comes to shove water is an unreliable friend. One moment you could be having the time of your life, the other one of your muscles gives or you get a terrible headache and bam!
Drown! Dead!
Awful things happen in water.
My college offered swimming courses, I went to the pool a dozen times...maybe more than that, but never actually learned to swim. On family outings back in Nepal we went to resorts with pools, where I got in like everybody else. While my cousins lapped around me I just uhhh played with water, splashed it around made bubbles, sat on it. Had fun. Didn't swim. Couldn't swim. I was trying at this point, in my late teens and early twenties. But I had no good teacher.
This I find interesting. I don't know many people who are so bad at swimming but will still get into water just for the heck of it. Just to splash things around. Last year when we were at the cape, with CC and her friend from NYC, we didn't plan on jumping into the sea since we had no clothes. Folks jumped in anyway. Because they could swim. And they swam. All around up and down. The folks that couldn't swim, sbk pb didn't get in. Because there's no fun in getting wet and not doing that's meant to be done. I didn't think that way. I just went in, got wet had fun, tried to teach myself to swim. Failed again but water was fun.
Couple of trips to the lakes when I was in NH. Never swam. Always went into the water. Unlike everyone else.
Two weeks ago in Philly, when we went for the hike and stopped at the watering hole, SHK was the only one who swam. It didn't matter to me. YP and I went in, into depths that were way too deep for us, because we liked water. It's cool and refreshing it doesn't matter if you're adept at waterbending.
We went swimming earlier today to the mystic lakes. It was my idea. SS (Phd) and JM went in swam around. I was fearful for the first hour or so. Eventually I came to terms with the water, took out my 'skills' aka floating on my back and floating generally. SS taught me a technique, hand movement. I did that. I began to move! I won't claim I know how to swim, but if left in water, I can breathe on the surface and locomote around even though I won't have full control of anything.
I'm excited. Where this newfound love of water came in the past decade I don't know. Water was never my friend. It's grown into me. I've been asking people out on swim hangs lately, considering taking people to swim dates. Why not.
I wasn't a born dolphin, it's not natural to me. What I do enjoy is the feeling of fun when I'm in a manageable body of water. Swimming and interacting with it, the techniques around that, will come to me eventually.
I'm not a natural swimmer. If anything I'm the opposite of that.
I went to a school for ten years where they had mandatory weekly swimming class. You could go again in the weekends from your house, and then once more if you could finagle it through special interest groups or clubs. You had ample sufficient some people might say way too much access to water and the pool. At the minimum, one would expect those who came out of it to be able to swim.
Not so.
I went to swim classes every week...bunked them often or made excuses but mostly got into the water. Never learned to swim. I was too afraid of water. It could choke me mess up my eyes ears brain it's cold it's annoying it causes me trouble breathing. Water is not a natural state of being for humans, we may like to think of ourselves as dolphins or eels or some sort of other mammals, at home in water, but when push comes to shove water is an unreliable friend. One moment you could be having the time of your life, the other one of your muscles gives or you get a terrible headache and bam!
Drown! Dead!
Awful things happen in water.
My college offered swimming courses, I went to the pool a dozen times...maybe more than that, but never actually learned to swim. On family outings back in Nepal we went to resorts with pools, where I got in like everybody else. While my cousins lapped around me I just uhhh played with water, splashed it around made bubbles, sat on it. Had fun. Didn't swim. Couldn't swim. I was trying at this point, in my late teens and early twenties. But I had no good teacher.
This I find interesting. I don't know many people who are so bad at swimming but will still get into water just for the heck of it. Just to splash things around. Last year when we were at the cape, with CC and her friend from NYC, we didn't plan on jumping into the sea since we had no clothes. Folks jumped in anyway. Because they could swim. And they swam. All around up and down. The folks that couldn't swim, sbk pb didn't get in. Because there's no fun in getting wet and not doing that's meant to be done. I didn't think that way. I just went in, got wet had fun, tried to teach myself to swim. Failed again but water was fun.
Couple of trips to the lakes when I was in NH. Never swam. Always went into the water. Unlike everyone else.
Two weeks ago in Philly, when we went for the hike and stopped at the watering hole, SHK was the only one who swam. It didn't matter to me. YP and I went in, into depths that were way too deep for us, because we liked water. It's cool and refreshing it doesn't matter if you're adept at waterbending.
We went swimming earlier today to the mystic lakes. It was my idea. SS (Phd) and JM went in swam around. I was fearful for the first hour or so. Eventually I came to terms with the water, took out my 'skills' aka floating on my back and floating generally. SS taught me a technique, hand movement. I did that. I began to move! I won't claim I know how to swim, but if left in water, I can breathe on the surface and locomote around even though I won't have full control of anything.
I'm excited. Where this newfound love of water came in the past decade I don't know. Water was never my friend. It's grown into me. I've been asking people out on swim hangs lately, considering taking people to swim dates. Why not.
I wasn't a born dolphin, it's not natural to me. What I do enjoy is the feeling of fun when I'm in a manageable body of water. Swimming and interacting with it, the techniques around that, will come to me eventually.
6 Swimming styles newcomers don't know about
- Doggy style:
You my have heard of the dog paddle where you paddle like a puppy. Apparently it's like that. Not to be confused with the other style, they tell me, that would not be in good form for swimming. Unless you're an extraordinarily physically fit person, in which case you know your animals and their styles. - Froggy style:
I am confident I've written about this before. You kick your licks like a frog and use your hands in front of you to push away the water, always looking up for some reason. Occasional croaking is recommended. Can't recommend this personally because this may look cool but I tend to rotate about a single point with this. - Caligal style:
On your back, legs straight, arms a little stretched out, May need to kick your legs once in a while to stay afloat. Need some breathing control because you need to turn your body into a balloon to stay afloat. It's cool because once you're good enough at this, you can use your hand to carry a drinks glass, add a straw and you're livin' the lifeee babyy! - Butt style:
It doesn't matter what kind of stroke you're doing, the most prominent part of your technique has to be your butt. As in, how much is it bobbing compared to everyone else, how prominently does it show compared to the rest of the body, how is it that your butt is dry when the rest of your body is very deep inside the water. These are the questions this interesting approach raises. It's scientific mystery this one. - Snek style:
This is a rather advanced technique for beginners, but it's worth discussing here. This when you jump into the water and the onlookers see nothing but a tight straight wake above where they would expect you to be, and the next thing they know you're at the other end of the pool, having glided like a snek under the water. It's a pleasure to look at, even more than the butt style. Depending on the butts obviously, but in general I mean. - Flail style:
To an untrained eye this looks like no stroke at all, rather it is most commonly thought that the swimmers practicing this style don't know how to swim at all and could drown very soon if no one were to save them. That is in no way close to the truth. As long as they're locomoting, they're swimming. Those who swim this style have a knack of beating all expectations and being places where no one would expect them to be.
On confusing hunger and pain
This has happened to me on several occasions in the past, so I've got a good reading of it. It can be tricky to figure this out when you don't know this is possible, so putting this out as a public service message.
Let's cut it short: it's possible to confuse hunger, deep hunger for other bodily pains, a stomachache or even a severe headache. If you feel a strange pain in your body, general lethargy and haven't had a lot to eat, but can't feel discernible hunger, it's quite possible that your severe pain is actually hunger, masked by everything else happening in your body.
First, take a nice long shower. Make sure you don't pass out of exhaustion. Then, eat comfort food, high in calories and fat, but make sure you've got your proteins too. Meat or egg, or beans and lentils and green veggies, there's so many options. Eat more than you normally do, making sure meanwhile that you're hydrating yourself. Take slow and deliberate bites, use water to ease the food's journey deep into your stomach. Avoid eating gassy soda or drinks, or crappy snacks at this point, look we all love Doritos but it's got a time and place for it, and this particular occasion would not be it. After you feel content and possibly a little comfortable due to over-eating, take a few more sips of water to make sure you're not dehydrated. Then nap. Set a timer for an hour or two if you have somewhere to be, if not, nap unrestrained.
When you wake up, the headache or the other pain should have gone completely, at the very worst you will have a mild ache remaining as if a reminder for the ache you had before. Don't put yourself in a place that is like to stress you out, chill music chill people chill environment. Listen to slow songs. Drink lots of water and fruits [or fresh juice if you can]. Look at the trees, go on a nice walk, talk to a friend or an interesting person who always brings you joy. Keep it low-key and slow.
Look at the stars.
Appreciate how insignificant we are, how what seems so urgent and demanding is actually an illusion, a demand for something seemingly different and unrelated. Appreciate that the hidden truths out there are out for unraveling if you're looking at the right place. Listen to soothing music, a glass of lemonade or lemon soda with a little bit of pink salt. Something else if you want to soothe your stomach. Think happy, comforting thoughts. Don't get angry excited horny. Long breaths. Looong breath. This is good, you're one with yourself, it's going to be fine.
Consider the headache you found debilitating a few hours ago. It's disappeared completely now. Sleep a peaceful comfortable thankful sleep.
Let's cut it short: it's possible to confuse hunger, deep hunger for other bodily pains, a stomachache or even a severe headache. If you feel a strange pain in your body, general lethargy and haven't had a lot to eat, but can't feel discernible hunger, it's quite possible that your severe pain is actually hunger, masked by everything else happening in your body.
First, take a nice long shower. Make sure you don't pass out of exhaustion. Then, eat comfort food, high in calories and fat, but make sure you've got your proteins too. Meat or egg, or beans and lentils and green veggies, there's so many options. Eat more than you normally do, making sure meanwhile that you're hydrating yourself. Take slow and deliberate bites, use water to ease the food's journey deep into your stomach. Avoid eating gassy soda or drinks, or crappy snacks at this point, look we all love Doritos but it's got a time and place for it, and this particular occasion would not be it. After you feel content and possibly a little comfortable due to over-eating, take a few more sips of water to make sure you're not dehydrated. Then nap. Set a timer for an hour or two if you have somewhere to be, if not, nap unrestrained.
When you wake up, the headache or the other pain should have gone completely, at the very worst you will have a mild ache remaining as if a reminder for the ache you had before. Don't put yourself in a place that is like to stress you out, chill music chill people chill environment. Listen to slow songs. Drink lots of water and fruits [or fresh juice if you can]. Look at the trees, go on a nice walk, talk to a friend or an interesting person who always brings you joy. Keep it low-key and slow.
Look at the stars.
Appreciate how insignificant we are, how what seems so urgent and demanding is actually an illusion, a demand for something seemingly different and unrelated. Appreciate that the hidden truths out there are out for unraveling if you're looking at the right place. Listen to soothing music, a glass of lemonade or lemon soda with a little bit of pink salt. Something else if you want to soothe your stomach. Think happy, comforting thoughts. Don't get angry excited horny. Long breaths. Looong breath. This is good, you're one with yourself, it's going to be fine.
Consider the headache you found debilitating a few hours ago. It's disappeared completely now. Sleep a peaceful comfortable thankful sleep.
10 Things to not tell people when they tell you about their father's passing
- I hope this is not related to the lightbulb was it that he got stuck in his....thing...the one you mentioned the last time we talked?
- Again? Didn't you take like a three week vacation last year because he died then? Did he come back from the dead or what.
- Did YOU shoot him, because you need to be careful with those pointy things man almost took my damn eyes out the other day, don't don't don't go about pointing them at me again noww!
- Wait I thought you didn't know who your father was and that any man over the age of twenty seven and under seventy-five could have been your father, you said the other day?
- Oh man, does that mean you can't come with us to get custard?
- ...so what? Thousands of people die in this town every day. His death is less than one percent of one percent of one percent of one percent of deaths happening right now, in the big picture it's absolutely nothing. You're not crying for all the hundreds of thousands millions of people dying everyday are you? YOU HYPOCRITE LIBERAL TARD! Snowflake! Grow up, you freakin' hypocrite open you eyes up and see the reality.
- Did you really have to tell me that just as I was about to cum?
- So is he like your father father as in husband of your mother, progenitor of your genes, grandparent to your child-to-be, or was he like one of those sex daddies people have these days? Whaaat?
- Talk of catastrophe! This is the worst, I'm so sorry! You lost your father, I lost my comb that I swear I put it on my dresser. Can things get any worse!
- OOoohhh when's the funeral, I'm excited for a nice buffet, I'm dying for a good well-catered funeral party!
Where now?
It's hard enough that you forget the name of the protagonist in the favourite arc of yours that you want to write. It's so so so much worse when you forget who she was or what she did, and begin wondering why was she a big deal again, her family history sounds interesting wonder what her mom's life was like. Like cheating on your character, you'll have disappointed her.
This I'm doing as a periodic reminder that a novel needs to be written comma by me comma and very soon. A crappy hackjob of a novel it maybe it doesn't matter the words need to emanate from the fingers the visuals in the eyes the sounds in my ears. I need to feel the cold rush of air and shiver as I write that weather up, feel the excitement at the prospect of being with a teenage self's partner alone and undisturbed in Kathmandu. Or have these become so commonplace there's nothing to it.
What am I doing here. What's the purpose Andy, what's the purpose of it, whyy are you doing this, the office asks Andy when he invites them to his garden party. He pretends it's just a fun garden party no hidden agenda no sirreee, the offices deduces that it's to impress the new CEO Boberto Carliforno. What's my purpose then, why am I doing this. Where do I want to go from here. These are tricky times for the best of us. I've seen smart cool level-headed folks make rash decisions at moment's notice because they're feeling the pressure they're under the stress of the collapsing world. People have turned about on how they think about things and their approach to dealing with life. Are they making thoughtful well-considered evaluations after consulting with close friends and family, or are they terrorized as we all been by the circumstances and the agent of them. When on a hike you step on the stone that's closest to your path, unless it's sharp pointy and has a snake ready to strike on it. What if we're there right now.
As I write this I've taken a twenty-minute break. Checking out apartments and sublets in Philly. Philly life would suit me for a bit, if I got a good temporary sublease, at a nice person's fully-furnished house. Prices seem to be allover the place, as if people aren't sure what the world is going to be looking like in three months. I suspect a LOT of scammers out there too, it's strange that when people are the saddest and in need of the most help these grifters see that as the perfect time to strike. A fully-furnished temporary sublet in the city of brotherly love for a few months would be lovely, if I can get my current place rid. Haven't taken photos of it yet, under the impression that the rental market was stable and of course people would be dying to take it off my hands. Not so it appears.
It's a little challenging, I need to find someone to take my room a reliable person my roommates can get on with and then get a short-term rental at my place at my destination. Many moving parts things are bound to fall out. It'll be an adventure.
In a good way, one hopes.
This I'm doing as a periodic reminder that a novel needs to be written comma by me comma and very soon. A crappy hackjob of a novel it maybe it doesn't matter the words need to emanate from the fingers the visuals in the eyes the sounds in my ears. I need to feel the cold rush of air and shiver as I write that weather up, feel the excitement at the prospect of being with a teenage self's partner alone and undisturbed in Kathmandu. Or have these become so commonplace there's nothing to it.
What am I doing here. What's the purpose Andy, what's the purpose of it, whyy are you doing this, the office asks Andy when he invites them to his garden party. He pretends it's just a fun garden party no hidden agenda no sirreee, the offices deduces that it's to impress the new CEO Boberto Carliforno. What's my purpose then, why am I doing this. Where do I want to go from here. These are tricky times for the best of us. I've seen smart cool level-headed folks make rash decisions at moment's notice because they're feeling the pressure they're under the stress of the collapsing world. People have turned about on how they think about things and their approach to dealing with life. Are they making thoughtful well-considered evaluations after consulting with close friends and family, or are they terrorized as we all been by the circumstances and the agent of them. When on a hike you step on the stone that's closest to your path, unless it's sharp pointy and has a snake ready to strike on it. What if we're there right now.
As I write this I've taken a twenty-minute break. Checking out apartments and sublets in Philly. Philly life would suit me for a bit, if I got a good temporary sublease, at a nice person's fully-furnished house. Prices seem to be allover the place, as if people aren't sure what the world is going to be looking like in three months. I suspect a LOT of scammers out there too, it's strange that when people are the saddest and in need of the most help these grifters see that as the perfect time to strike. A fully-furnished temporary sublet in the city of brotherly love for a few months would be lovely, if I can get my current place rid. Haven't taken photos of it yet, under the impression that the rental market was stable and of course people would be dying to take it off my hands. Not so it appears.
It's a little challenging, I need to find someone to take my room a reliable person my roommates can get on with and then get a short-term rental at my place at my destination. Many moving parts things are bound to fall out. It'll be an adventure.
In a good way, one hopes.
On Mosquito bites
This one's going to be quick.
I hadn't been bitten by mosquitoes in a very long time. In Nepal mosquitoes had a particular distaste for me, they sang around my ears and dance about my eyes and nose but they never came down to biting me. And when they did bite, the fat greedy bastards were always the one that got me it was easy to smoosh them splat and end that right there. Keep the blood stains around so the rest know who they're messing around with. My cousins and family got those small bite marks that got bigger as you scratched it. I saw people with legs and arms and face covered with bite marks. Poor sods, I thought to myself they don't know how to protect themselves from those buggers, imagining I had some secret mantra or trick of keeping myself safe.
It finally happened.
I've never been bitten when I'm in my domain. In my room, house etcetera. I was out of my domain for a short while. After I came to Boston last week, my room was temporarily occupied by a couple of woodbugs, in numbers enough to cause me consternation and make me not want to enter my room. Fumigating and spraying the room would take a couple days, I slept in SM's room instead. He took a rescue flight to Nepal and his room has been unoccupied for two months.
That's when they got me!
Small pokies on my feet, that's what they were at first. Things I would pay no heed to, something a matter of entertainment. Oh look, I said, I got bit by mosquitoes how charming. Figured the bitemarks would go away quick. Until they started itching. And I scratched. They grew. Bigger and bigger, itchier and itchier, scratched and more scratched. It was getting a little ridiculous, it's possible I could have eventually given myself sepsis that way.
But I took a stand.
Went to wegmans the other day, got calamine. It's an anti-itch cream, doesn't necessarily help with the wound care, stops it from getting bigger since you won't be scratching it. Every time there's an itch on my feet now, the target area gets a nice rubbing of the ointment. A few minutes later the itch goes away and my feet are saved.
Two days on and the huge boils of bites that I inadvertently created are receding, shrinking and drying into nothingness. It was my guess that the itching would go away entirely by now, but there's still the occasional urge. Not that I give in. That's when I know it's creanrubbing time!
I hadn't been bitten by mosquitoes in a very long time. In Nepal mosquitoes had a particular distaste for me, they sang around my ears and dance about my eyes and nose but they never came down to biting me. And when they did bite, the fat greedy bastards were always the one that got me it was easy to smoosh them splat and end that right there. Keep the blood stains around so the rest know who they're messing around with. My cousins and family got those small bite marks that got bigger as you scratched it. I saw people with legs and arms and face covered with bite marks. Poor sods, I thought to myself they don't know how to protect themselves from those buggers, imagining I had some secret mantra or trick of keeping myself safe.
It finally happened.
I've never been bitten when I'm in my domain. In my room, house etcetera. I was out of my domain for a short while. After I came to Boston last week, my room was temporarily occupied by a couple of woodbugs, in numbers enough to cause me consternation and make me not want to enter my room. Fumigating and spraying the room would take a couple days, I slept in SM's room instead. He took a rescue flight to Nepal and his room has been unoccupied for two months.
That's when they got me!
Small pokies on my feet, that's what they were at first. Things I would pay no heed to, something a matter of entertainment. Oh look, I said, I got bit by mosquitoes how charming. Figured the bitemarks would go away quick. Until they started itching. And I scratched. They grew. Bigger and bigger, itchier and itchier, scratched and more scratched. It was getting a little ridiculous, it's possible I could have eventually given myself sepsis that way.
But I took a stand.
Went to wegmans the other day, got calamine. It's an anti-itch cream, doesn't necessarily help with the wound care, stops it from getting bigger since you won't be scratching it. Every time there's an itch on my feet now, the target area gets a nice rubbing of the ointment. A few minutes later the itch goes away and my feet are saved.
Two days on and the huge boils of bites that I inadvertently created are receding, shrinking and drying into nothingness. It was my guess that the itching would go away entirely by now, but there's still the occasional urge. Not that I give in. That's when I know it's creanrubbing time!
Bike repairs [Wed 29]
It's 12.07 at night, here's what I did over the course of the day in reverse chronological order.
Spent an hour and half checking youtube and various random websites because I didn't feel like being productive. Had some fries the guys made, did pushups -- I'm up to fifteen now.
After coming back from fixing my bike, talked to P from VA and discussed future plans. They will be owning their house in a few short days, there's a lot of excitement around that. Talked about the NZ plans, moving to different places, PA Southie etc.
Finished work at 4.30, spent the following hour and half writing a bunch of posts. Talked to the roomies, they were watching the old mafia series based in Jersey.
Collected my wd40, my spray grease and a couple of pieces of equipment, and went down to fix my bike. Pumped the air, wd40'd away the rust, cleaned up the old-looking parts, and oh boy, she's looking like a beaut. One of the brakes are still broken, the other brake is very noisy, and the gear system's been done for since 2018, but runs just as well and so comfortable. What an obvious match we were! Talked to SS [PhD] about doing fun things later in the week, he has the allen wrench I can use to fix my lights.
Got up at 7, felt really drowsy, went back to sleep to get up at 8.45, not very fresh yet. Ambled into work. Work was good today, difficult things were done. Not too many meetings. Had the same lunch s yesterday -- shakshuka beans and wheat tortillas. Listen to chill songs, no series watching or listening to podcasts for me today. Tomorrow's looking like it could be an extraordinarily productive day.
It's 12.13 and I'm done with the day's posts. Maybe one more post, which will have been putting out pieces here for the day I originally planned to, a welcome change for what's been happening this month. It will have taken a month for me to recover, but no one's going to notice now that I didn't write anything for the first eight days of this month!
Spent an hour and half checking youtube and various random websites because I didn't feel like being productive. Had some fries the guys made, did pushups -- I'm up to fifteen now.
After coming back from fixing my bike, talked to P from VA and discussed future plans. They will be owning their house in a few short days, there's a lot of excitement around that. Talked about the NZ plans, moving to different places, PA Southie etc.
Finished work at 4.30, spent the following hour and half writing a bunch of posts. Talked to the roomies, they were watching the old mafia series based in Jersey.
Collected my wd40, my spray grease and a couple of pieces of equipment, and went down to fix my bike. Pumped the air, wd40'd away the rust, cleaned up the old-looking parts, and oh boy, she's looking like a beaut. One of the brakes are still broken, the other brake is very noisy, and the gear system's been done for since 2018, but runs just as well and so comfortable. What an obvious match we were! Talked to SS [PhD] about doing fun things later in the week, he has the allen wrench I can use to fix my lights.
Got up at 7, felt really drowsy, went back to sleep to get up at 8.45, not very fresh yet. Ambled into work. Work was good today, difficult things were done. Not too many meetings. Had the same lunch s yesterday -- shakshuka beans and wheat tortillas. Listen to chill songs, no series watching or listening to podcasts for me today. Tomorrow's looking like it could be an extraordinarily productive day.
It's 12.13 and I'm done with the day's posts. Maybe one more post, which will have been putting out pieces here for the day I originally planned to, a welcome change for what's been happening this month. It will have taken a month for me to recover, but no one's going to notice now that I didn't write anything for the first eight days of this month!
The grandest of the worship cities
And a hundred times bigger just find the workers somewhere. The kingdom wasn't too keen on supplying the citizens as workers. They tended to get angsty learn ideas about rights and wages and overworking, somehow getting them involved in large projects backfired on every occasion it had been tried. No, the workers would have to be imported...from...somewhere.
The size of the project was a concern too, nothing of the scale had been attempted by the whole of humanity. A thousand temples in a massive complex, the largest of the temples was to reach four hundred feed and accommodate seven thousand devotees. Three rivers would be diverted and made to flow through the complex as seventeen different trajectories, one for each deity associated with each province.
There would be rest stops and places for accommodation needed, this would be larger than any of those great festivals they organized in the South, greater than anything humanity could comprehend. Large statues of gods, taller than most of the buildings housing smaller versions of themselves, would guide devotees to the correct regions. The area would have its own police, several battalions of cooks and food preparers, dishwashers and cleaners. Crowd control would have to be considered in the design...they didn't want a return of the Vishnu Mela incident, there had been a scare, and....there had been deaths. That could have been avoided, had the security been trained on what to do.
At its busiest, it would be able to house ten million devotees for twenty days. The water supply would last that long. Food would be brought in every day, this would be connected to seven different highways. Rail lines criss-crossing barely seen, moving underneath the temples and barely-concealed tunnels. There would be separate lanes above ground for bikes and electric bikes. Horses would be de-prioritized...they had caused enough issues already, the increase in cleanliness cost was not worth accommodating them.
And cable cars. Sky vehicles, they would be called. From the central temple they would go into seventeen different directions, each one connecting to three separate on the outside. The system would be insignificant to the total occupancy, this was meant for the important and the wealthy to appreciate what had been done for them.
Besides electric buses, the major means of transport would be silent boats on the dammed rivers. Up and down in two hours, a day pass guaranteed you unlimited rides. They were adorned with flags and insignia of various minor deities and their consorts.
The size of the project was a concern too, nothing of the scale had been attempted by the whole of humanity. A thousand temples in a massive complex, the largest of the temples was to reach four hundred feed and accommodate seven thousand devotees. Three rivers would be diverted and made to flow through the complex as seventeen different trajectories, one for each deity associated with each province.
There would be rest stops and places for accommodation needed, this would be larger than any of those great festivals they organized in the South, greater than anything humanity could comprehend. Large statues of gods, taller than most of the buildings housing smaller versions of themselves, would guide devotees to the correct regions. The area would have its own police, several battalions of cooks and food preparers, dishwashers and cleaners. Crowd control would have to be considered in the design...they didn't want a return of the Vishnu Mela incident, there had been a scare, and....there had been deaths. That could have been avoided, had the security been trained on what to do.
At its busiest, it would be able to house ten million devotees for twenty days. The water supply would last that long. Food would be brought in every day, this would be connected to seven different highways. Rail lines criss-crossing barely seen, moving underneath the temples and barely-concealed tunnels. There would be separate lanes above ground for bikes and electric bikes. Horses would be de-prioritized...they had caused enough issues already, the increase in cleanliness cost was not worth accommodating them.
And cable cars. Sky vehicles, they would be called. From the central temple they would go into seventeen different directions, each one connecting to three separate on the outside. The system would be insignificant to the total occupancy, this was meant for the important and the wealthy to appreciate what had been done for them.
Besides electric buses, the major means of transport would be silent boats on the dammed rivers. Up and down in two hours, a day pass guaranteed you unlimited rides. They were adorned with flags and insignia of various minor deities and their consorts.
Thirteen signs the date may not be going as well as you think
- Are her lips and teeth...supposed to be...dripping with....blood? Is that blood? She did have the steak extra rare, you've never seen anyone else do that and the way she went right at it like a primal creature was quite odd, but maybe that's how everyone does this?
- In the fourty-five minutes that you've seen her, two of her close relatives have gotten into serious accidents under totally different circumstances, her brother's boyfriend has broken up with him and seeking the sister's help, their parents are considering getting a divorce and her pet snake's dead.
- Speaking of pets...The more she talks, the more interesting and dangerous her pets seem to get. All seem to have a history of attacking her former partners too. You don't completely buy that two of her exes had to be taken in take-out boxes, but there's got to be something behind that?
- Everytime you try to talk about something stupid hoping not to be overheard, the entire restaurant goes quiet. Almost as if...
- She's gone to the rest room for the seventh time in twenty minutes. Apparently it takes women a very long time to do the short stuff too.
- She keeps bringing up her dad who she hasn't talked to in years who is in prison for a triple homicide, all of her former partners. You don't understand why she keeps stressing he escapes prison once he finds out she's dating, to kill her boyfriends.
- She has a long shiny sharp-looking sword by her side and the way she's looking at the handle is making you a bit uncomfortable.
- She claims she has seven children and thirteen cats, despite living in a studio apartment in the big city. Also it's not physically possible to have twelve men father the seven children like she claims.
- You've asked her if she's got stomach-flu and your date says she doesn't but you don't understand why she retches every time you try to talk.
- Some men jumped in through the roof and took her away on a chopper, her parting words to you were 'i had a good time with you, I'll call you'
- She claims she is a very sexual creature but from what you can make out of it, her entire repertoire consists of sucking on her fingers. She looks like a hungry dog trying to chew its skin out.
- She said 'it's not you it's me' twenty minutes into the conversation.
- She's referred to you as Bobby for the tenth time in five minutes. It's very much not your name. Also she winks when she calls your name.
Lunchmaking, superduper cleaning, out of action pretty early [Tue 28]
Got up late, it's getting to be my usual habit now, ambled into work, bunch of meetings. Not much scrubs watching anymore, though did get a bit of writing done.
For lunch I fried some onions and garlic, added canned tomato puree from Hunt's, let that cook for a couple of minutes in high-ish heat, semi covered so it reduced but didn't splatter anywhere, added black beans and chickpeas cooked for some more time, turned down the heat made some 'holes' in the gravy and cracked open five eggs, turned the heat off, covered it with lid and let it sit for 20 minutes. The eggs were perfect. Had it with two wheat tortillas I got from wegmans the night before. Yum. I'd add mushrooms to it when I make it again. Should have put it in there anyway, realized only after eating.
After work had a meeting with my mentees that kept getting delayed due to their timetable. Spent a solid hour brooming and mopping my room, every corner of my room is clean and bug-free. I can say with a high level of confidence there aren't many more bugs than any other room in the house. Might let the fogger lose once or twice again during the weekends to disrupt the breeding process if worse comes to worse.
Was ready to work on my bike, go on a bikeride and have fun generally, including writing a lot more posts in the evening. Too tired, rested and got some gigglies with the guys. Ate a lot, lot lot. A lot. Like four scoops of ice creams, two slices of bread with peanut butter and hummus, brown rice, and the gravy from lunch. And like four pieces of the merci chocolate I bought in Jan but never ended up giving anyone because I'm a goddamn chicken and now the cute people are gone and here we are me and my idiocy.
Don't remember when I went to bed, got up at 3 am and had trouble going back to sleep. The sleep wasn't as sound as I've had just don't remember much of it.
For lunch I fried some onions and garlic, added canned tomato puree from Hunt's, let that cook for a couple of minutes in high-ish heat, semi covered so it reduced but didn't splatter anywhere, added black beans and chickpeas cooked for some more time, turned down the heat made some 'holes' in the gravy and cracked open five eggs, turned the heat off, covered it with lid and let it sit for 20 minutes. The eggs were perfect. Had it with two wheat tortillas I got from wegmans the night before. Yum. I'd add mushrooms to it when I make it again. Should have put it in there anyway, realized only after eating.
After work had a meeting with my mentees that kept getting delayed due to their timetable. Spent a solid hour brooming and mopping my room, every corner of my room is clean and bug-free. I can say with a high level of confidence there aren't many more bugs than any other room in the house. Might let the fogger lose once or twice again during the weekends to disrupt the breeding process if worse comes to worse.
Was ready to work on my bike, go on a bikeride and have fun generally, including writing a lot more posts in the evening. Too tired, rested and got some gigglies with the guys. Ate a lot, lot lot. A lot. Like four scoops of ice creams, two slices of bread with peanut butter and hummus, brown rice, and the gravy from lunch. And like four pieces of the merci chocolate I bought in Jan but never ended up giving anyone because I'm a goddamn chicken and now the cute people are gone and here we are me and my idiocy.
Don't remember when I went to bed, got up at 3 am and had trouble going back to sleep. The sleep wasn't as sound as I've had just don't remember much of it.
Killer heat, scrubs watching, new mustache, backbreaking Wegman's trip, late to bed [Mon 27]
Got up early, wrote some nice pieces in the morning that made me proud.
The day was very very hot, in the three digits and unbearably humid. I was sweating through my hairs. Work was busy, productive, even wrote a bunch of my journal. Had scrubs going on in my personal laptop as background noise. It's not as good as the office, but it's darn good. It's good natured, the characters are such adorable goofballs it's easy to fall in love with them.
Had lunch of peanut-butter-and-jelly because sometimes you have to suck it up and go the easy lazy sad way.
After multiple comments by friends and family, decided to shave. I have a long mustache that goes down to my chin, and everything else is smooth. I look like a gangster from 1980's or something eh. People still want me to get a haircut and it's getting a little unmanageable and by 'it' I mean both of the possible things, should get an appointment with a barber soonish.
In the evening left for a wegmans trip, without taking care of my bike because it was too hot out there to pump the tires or even ride it. Got a watermelon, a pineapple and a metric effingtonne of other items, it was so goddamn heavy must have been thirty pounds all combined at least. Spent a nice hour-and-half in there too, always have a good times at wegmans.
Had a bit to eat after getting back, the roommates had made mac and cheese tasted that, cleaned up, worked out, wrote a bunch here until 2am awake possibly until 3, got scared by the possibility there were bugs sneaking around me, before falling asleep.
Will deal the bug issue the next day.
The day was very very hot, in the three digits and unbearably humid. I was sweating through my hairs. Work was busy, productive, even wrote a bunch of my journal. Had scrubs going on in my personal laptop as background noise. It's not as good as the office, but it's darn good. It's good natured, the characters are such adorable goofballs it's easy to fall in love with them.
Had lunch of peanut-butter-and-jelly because sometimes you have to suck it up and go the easy lazy sad way.
After multiple comments by friends and family, decided to shave. I have a long mustache that goes down to my chin, and everything else is smooth. I look like a gangster from 1980's or something eh. People still want me to get a haircut and it's getting a little unmanageable and by 'it' I mean both of the possible things, should get an appointment with a barber soonish.
In the evening left for a wegmans trip, without taking care of my bike because it was too hot out there to pump the tires or even ride it. Got a watermelon, a pineapple and a metric effingtonne of other items, it was so goddamn heavy must have been thirty pounds all combined at least. Spent a nice hour-and-half in there too, always have a good times at wegmans.
Had a bit to eat after getting back, the roommates had made mac and cheese tasted that, cleaned up, worked out, wrote a bunch here until 2am awake possibly until 3, got scared by the possibility there were bugs sneaking around me, before falling asleep.
Will deal the bug issue the next day.
Laundry folding, Mystic tower trip with ND, Wegmans for dinner[Sun 26]
Slept in, talked to people from all over, caught up with friends, watched youtube, out of bed at 1 in the afternoon. Had leftover lunch of the eggplant and rice from the previous evening. Added garlic sauce, soy sauce, furikake and seasame oil. So bomb.
As the guys watched movies and reality tv shows outside, I was in-and-out, finishing the folding from Saturday. I did three rounds, so there were many small items of clothing, and it had been a while since I'd organized my closet. It was nice, checking out clothes I haven't worn in half a decade. Half of the shirts I have, probably not put on since 2013. Hopeful they might come of use some day when a mysterious stranger invites me for a secret meeting and specifically instructs me to wear something nice but not too too nice and I can't go buy something new. Thinking about throwing them out for good if and when the move I'm planning works out. The project took me half a day of lazy organizing.
In the evening ND and I went out on a walk and chat. Wanted to go by the Mystic river, a nice park that oversees it but I forgot there were brambles all over. After trying two potential places I hoped might work, we went to the park across from Wegmans. There's a nice tall tower that no one had talked about, ND thought it looked cool so we climbed up. Took a bunch of photos of ourselves. Decided to park our butts in there for some time. She read, I forgot to bring my book. We chilled, talked got scared out of our minds by the swaying motion, took photos for random strangers. I found out about the friend who just got separated, congratulated them for it.
By the time we were done it was 8.30 and ND was hungry. We went to Wegmans to scavenge for food, their burger bar was open and so was the indoors seating. Got a turkey burger for her and their garlic fries to share. Spent a nice 45 minutes picking on fries as she had her burger. Apparently they're amazing. Thought about buying something on my way back. Too tired to process it, got back home convinced ND to crash at our place. We talked a bunch more on way back home and in our living room. I called it an early night because I was tired of the folding walking and the general activity.
Started on my workouts. Pushups and crunches.
As the guys watched movies and reality tv shows outside, I was in-and-out, finishing the folding from Saturday. I did three rounds, so there were many small items of clothing, and it had been a while since I'd organized my closet. It was nice, checking out clothes I haven't worn in half a decade. Half of the shirts I have, probably not put on since 2013. Hopeful they might come of use some day when a mysterious stranger invites me for a secret meeting and specifically instructs me to wear something nice but not too too nice and I can't go buy something new. Thinking about throwing them out for good if and when the move I'm planning works out. The project took me half a day of lazy organizing.
In the evening ND and I went out on a walk and chat. Wanted to go by the Mystic river, a nice park that oversees it but I forgot there were brambles all over. After trying two potential places I hoped might work, we went to the park across from Wegmans. There's a nice tall tower that no one had talked about, ND thought it looked cool so we climbed up. Took a bunch of photos of ourselves. Decided to park our butts in there for some time. She read, I forgot to bring my book. We chilled, talked got scared out of our minds by the swaying motion, took photos for random strangers. I found out about the friend who just got separated, congratulated them for it.
By the time we were done it was 8.30 and ND was hungry. We went to Wegmans to scavenge for food, their burger bar was open and so was the indoors seating. Got a turkey burger for her and their garlic fries to share. Spent a nice 45 minutes picking on fries as she had her burger. Apparently they're amazing. Thought about buying something on my way back. Too tired to process it, got back home convinced ND to crash at our place. We talked a bunch more on way back home and in our living room. I called it an early night because I was tired of the folding walking and the general activity.
Started on my workouts. Pushups and crunches.
Keeping wits about oneself
It's important to keep your wits about yourself.
It can easy to feel you should let it off once a while. It's been so long, you'll think, or maybe it's time to blow it off. Time to relax. Have fun. Don't need to be obsessive about everything. That's how you lose your motivation and discipline you've spent weeks and months building. One small mistake on a random day can destroy your will and ability to keep thing going.
Don't drink, don't smoke, don't eat excessively. These are the simplest of the rules to live by. They will serve you well while you follow them. Ease up and you'll suffer.
It's harder to build than to destroy. That holds true for self-discipline in one's personal life. Need to be more respectful of that.
It can easy to feel you should let it off once a while. It's been so long, you'll think, or maybe it's time to blow it off. Time to relax. Have fun. Don't need to be obsessive about everything. That's how you lose your motivation and discipline you've spent weeks and months building. One small mistake on a random day can destroy your will and ability to keep thing going.
Don't drink, don't smoke, don't eat excessively. These are the simplest of the rules to live by. They will serve you well while you follow them. Ease up and you'll suffer.
It's harder to build than to destroy. That holds true for self-discipline in one's personal life. Need to be more respectful of that.
Waaa, Look at all the turd that I shat out!
Pride.
That's the emotion that comes after looking at the post count on this blog. Getting close to 2000 posts total, a million words a year is not that far of an achievement anymore. Ambitious but achievable. Not going to be there this year but it'll be within grasp.
Let's be real for a moment.
This ain't nothin'. This is shit. I have ten minutes free from work I force myself to write something. Make myself write before going to the loo to piss, make it a rule to write something before going on bike rides. These are not the works of the 'creativity demon' the famous inspiration of great writers. There is no entity channeling creative energy through me into the physical space. This is all my creation, stink and all. Oooo boi does it stink too.
You can choose to excel in different things. Some people become the greatest of doctor, some people are just amazing dancers. Some will go for 'largest number of balls juggled' record, or dance for seven days without stopping for food or toilet. To excel at something is to demonstrate there are few of your caliber in your cohort. The dancer's form could be bad, a marathon runner could destroy his shins after a single real run. It's fine, their goal is not for the victory in the long-term, they aim for a personal victory. To beat the odds to show doing incredible things is possible. That they're not nobodies, they've got it in themselves to push themselves to the limits of human endurance and beyond to prove an inane point. To set records nobody cares about. It's the desire to be different to be acknowledged and understood. To stand out among the billion and a half in the north and another billion and a half in the south.
I ain't got any of that drive. That's some real crazy shit you have to pull off.
I'm but a mere human.
The kind of crap I can pull is to shit all the time, shit on shit on shit on shit, weigh it, and brag how much I pooped. Like a very proud ten-yearold. It's not much, it's gross it's unhealthy a ridiculous little bit. But it's something. To make the days go by faster. Remind yourself that there are good things happening, there is something worth waking up tomorrow.
In the end, that is what matters the most.
Is it not?
That's the emotion that comes after looking at the post count on this blog. Getting close to 2000 posts total, a million words a year is not that far of an achievement anymore. Ambitious but achievable. Not going to be there this year but it'll be within grasp.
Let's be real for a moment.
This ain't nothin'. This is shit. I have ten minutes free from work I force myself to write something. Make myself write before going to the loo to piss, make it a rule to write something before going on bike rides. These are not the works of the 'creativity demon' the famous inspiration of great writers. There is no entity channeling creative energy through me into the physical space. This is all my creation, stink and all. Oooo boi does it stink too.
You can choose to excel in different things. Some people become the greatest of doctor, some people are just amazing dancers. Some will go for 'largest number of balls juggled' record, or dance for seven days without stopping for food or toilet. To excel at something is to demonstrate there are few of your caliber in your cohort. The dancer's form could be bad, a marathon runner could destroy his shins after a single real run. It's fine, their goal is not for the victory in the long-term, they aim for a personal victory. To beat the odds to show doing incredible things is possible. That they're not nobodies, they've got it in themselves to push themselves to the limits of human endurance and beyond to prove an inane point. To set records nobody cares about. It's the desire to be different to be acknowledged and understood. To stand out among the billion and a half in the north and another billion and a half in the south.
I ain't got any of that drive. That's some real crazy shit you have to pull off.
I'm but a mere human.
The kind of crap I can pull is to shit all the time, shit on shit on shit on shit, weigh it, and brag how much I pooped. Like a very proud ten-yearold. It's not much, it's gross it's unhealthy a ridiculous little bit. But it's something. To make the days go by faster. Remind yourself that there are good things happening, there is something worth waking up tomorrow.
In the end, that is what matters the most.
Is it not?
Heat!
I hoped when I came to Boston that I had successfully escaped the greatest most painful dirtiest nastiest wettest heat the city has to offer. How wrong I was!
Yesterday's temperatures got up to three digits, it was easily one of the hottest days I can remember in Boston. In previous years the air-conditioning at work, school dorms offered a solace, an escape from the deadly glare of the big bad solar wolf. No more. In my room all day long, without an air-conditioning has been a revelation about how tiring energy-sapping summers can be. There is a powerful table fan by my side, that sits on the floor, coughs like a person with whopping coughs -- what's a cough the whoops sound like anyway -- that's offered me some respite. No safety, just mild solace.
Wearing T-shirts is impossible. Even with the fan on, it gets unbearably hot. Meetings are the worst because the fan can't be on, and in the case that video somehow gets turned on, I have to wear something on the top to be prepared. I've been avoiding wearing shorts too, they burn my legs...it's only roommate BB and PK around so I don't mind. Haven't walked around the house in my boxer-briefs as much as the boys like to, but that could change quickly if things remain as they are.
Going to sleep is difficult too. Turns and twists turns and twists, sweat drenched sheets and legs, everything is a sticky mess all things itch. Some asshole outside makes strange noises deep into the night, there's this dripdripdrippping noise coming from a neighbor's house that makes me imagine of insects running inside the walls -- or my head -- and I can't focus on sleeping but on awful things that could happen.
The heat is driving people into insanity.
Wearing masks is hard too, your face becomes a wet gassy sauna, smelling the fermented versions of your former meals. Breathing is difficult -- nowhere as close as it would be if you got the virus -- and it's just...not a great situation. And the idiots on the streets don't seem to care or stupidly expose their noses -- THEIR BREATHING ORGANS -- when they wear masks. Sometimes I just don't...And this is the part of the country that's doing the best, better than every other part of the country. I shudder to think what's it like in other places, what it's going to look like in three, six nine months. A year from now on, what are we going to be talking about I wonder.
I heat is a killa. I should go swim in the mystic lakes. That's something worth writing about, my newfound love of water and swimming. Thanks heat
Yesterday's temperatures got up to three digits, it was easily one of the hottest days I can remember in Boston. In previous years the air-conditioning at work, school dorms offered a solace, an escape from the deadly glare of the big bad solar wolf. No more. In my room all day long, without an air-conditioning has been a revelation about how tiring energy-sapping summers can be. There is a powerful table fan by my side, that sits on the floor, coughs like a person with whopping coughs -- what's a cough the whoops sound like anyway -- that's offered me some respite. No safety, just mild solace.
Wearing T-shirts is impossible. Even with the fan on, it gets unbearably hot. Meetings are the worst because the fan can't be on, and in the case that video somehow gets turned on, I have to wear something on the top to be prepared. I've been avoiding wearing shorts too, they burn my legs...it's only roommate BB and PK around so I don't mind. Haven't walked around the house in my boxer-briefs as much as the boys like to, but that could change quickly if things remain as they are.
Going to sleep is difficult too. Turns and twists turns and twists, sweat drenched sheets and legs, everything is a sticky mess all things itch. Some asshole outside makes strange noises deep into the night, there's this dripdripdrippping noise coming from a neighbor's house that makes me imagine of insects running inside the walls -- or my head -- and I can't focus on sleeping but on awful things that could happen.
The heat is driving people into insanity.
Wearing masks is hard too, your face becomes a wet gassy sauna, smelling the fermented versions of your former meals. Breathing is difficult -- nowhere as close as it would be if you got the virus -- and it's just...not a great situation. And the idiots on the streets don't seem to care or stupidly expose their noses -- THEIR BREATHING ORGANS -- when they wear masks. Sometimes I just don't...And this is the part of the country that's doing the best, better than every other part of the country. I shudder to think what's it like in other places, what it's going to look like in three, six nine months. A year from now on, what are we going to be talking about I wonder.
I heat is a killa. I should go swim in the mystic lakes. That's something worth writing about, my newfound love of water and swimming. Thanks heat
Nine ways everything you've been told has been a LIE
- Sheep don't talk, and they definitely don't answer questions about 'how much wool they have'. Like how would a sheep even estimate the mass/volume of the wool it had on itself, and what's the definition of a 'bag' anyway. Sheep are reared like cattle, culled for meat and sheared for wool. It's a resource intensive process, processing of the sheep materials which is why wool is pricey. You wish the sheep would go around informing when they were all set and sit down at the shearing station like nice young boys.
- No one cares about random homeless people whether they sit on walls or fall down. The mental health situation for the economically disadvantaged is horrendous, without older social structures to support them, society might as well be collapsing. Humpty dumpty would have died a sad anonymous death nobody would even find out, and if it did make it to the news they would treat him like a junkie loser who was WHOLLY responsible for his ailment.
- Johny would have gotten a nice beating from his father for telling lies and daring to make mockery of the seemingly random and unstructured rules.
- That poor girl with a heart of gold who marries a prince? Where the pumpkin turns into a carriage? If you saw the birds around her, they're magical too, the few dozen of them, that's what the fairy godmother turned the young girl's body lice into.
- Considering everything happening in the world right now particularly in America, Mr. JH Christ would be treated like a criminal, put into a detention center where he would be tortured and possibly raped, he would die of an easily curable infectious disease and no one would say peep.
- The stars don't actually twinkle, it's the atmospheric motion of air and how it refracts light that makes it look like they're twinkling. It's like how everything shimmers on a hot day because of warm air.
- Princesses have no real power, the ones that do are often marked with deep cuts act like the evil stepmother, they're a lot more crueler and Machiavellian than the fairy tells would have you know. The closest to a Disney Princess are family members of Genghis Khan, and Disney never shows that.
- Magic isn't real, it's all made up!
- There is no happily ever after!!!
On self-publishing slash vanity publishing
This blog is the best evidence of my writing abilities. Which is: they're not so good.
No respectable publisher will publish my works, any agent with prestige will not let me enter their office. There is no conventional path for me to reach published status, they're not going to carry my books on their shelves. The bad grammar, poor punctuation and spelling, and overuse of cliched patterns and turns of phrases are just the beginning. There is no substance to the content, it's all hot air and fluff. That's great if my goal is to start a cotton candy factory. Not so good if I want to become a published author.
That's the goal, where this ends, hopefully. Or begins, a start of a wonderful journey. To be a respected serious (TM) author who's read by at least a few thousand people. Creator of content that people pay money to read. What an honor it would be in the online era.
Dreams come crashing down at some point you have to know that the palaces you've built are on clouds, they're not real. You have to reconcile your fantasy with ground realities...your dreams with your skills and abilities. Often dreams have to come crashing down, because they're just that, unless you have extraordinary willpower abilities and grit you can't live up to them. Most people find a compromise, they don't abandon their passions and fantasies, they rechannel that energy and tone it down. If not a full-time painter, maybe a doctor who paints on the side, if not a DJ perhaps the president of the biggest Wall Street bank who spins the tunes at clubs in the evenings. And gets on the Billboard top 40, damn what a man that guy.
No one will publish me writings, but I want my works published. Problem. The solution is simple. Self publishing also known as vanity publishing. You pay a company to publish your works, they will register your book, and sell you a couple of hundred prints for cheap so you can sell it to your friends. With modern online publishing you don't need to order in batch, you can set a premium you want per copy of the book, they'll ship the books and do accounting for you, and forward the loyalties straight to your bank account.
What a win.
Problem is, vanity publishing is not prestigious. In some circles, snooty and annoying but also respectable kindof, it's considered cheating, going the easy way, the way of hucksters and talentless hacks. Besides, even for a self-published book, unless you want nobody to ever read you, you have to maintain a minimum standard, have a well-edited and compiled output. At that point, it could be well worth reaching out for real respectability.
Not that I'm judging self-publishing, this is an amazing innovation and something I'm going to be doing soon if my writing doesn't improve. A reprieve, a way out to preserve my sanity and childhood dreams while getting something out.
No respectable publisher will publish my works, any agent with prestige will not let me enter their office. There is no conventional path for me to reach published status, they're not going to carry my books on their shelves. The bad grammar, poor punctuation and spelling, and overuse of cliched patterns and turns of phrases are just the beginning. There is no substance to the content, it's all hot air and fluff. That's great if my goal is to start a cotton candy factory. Not so good if I want to become a published author.
That's the goal, where this ends, hopefully. Or begins, a start of a wonderful journey. To be a respected serious (TM) author who's read by at least a few thousand people. Creator of content that people pay money to read. What an honor it would be in the online era.
Dreams come crashing down at some point you have to know that the palaces you've built are on clouds, they're not real. You have to reconcile your fantasy with ground realities...your dreams with your skills and abilities. Often dreams have to come crashing down, because they're just that, unless you have extraordinary willpower abilities and grit you can't live up to them. Most people find a compromise, they don't abandon their passions and fantasies, they rechannel that energy and tone it down. If not a full-time painter, maybe a doctor who paints on the side, if not a DJ perhaps the president of the biggest Wall Street bank who spins the tunes at clubs in the evenings. And gets on the Billboard top 40, damn what a man that guy.
No one will publish me writings, but I want my works published. Problem. The solution is simple. Self publishing also known as vanity publishing. You pay a company to publish your works, they will register your book, and sell you a couple of hundred prints for cheap so you can sell it to your friends. With modern online publishing you don't need to order in batch, you can set a premium you want per copy of the book, they'll ship the books and do accounting for you, and forward the loyalties straight to your bank account.
What a win.
Problem is, vanity publishing is not prestigious. In some circles, snooty and annoying but also respectable kindof, it's considered cheating, going the easy way, the way of hucksters and talentless hacks. Besides, even for a self-published book, unless you want nobody to ever read you, you have to maintain a minimum standard, have a well-edited and compiled output. At that point, it could be well worth reaching out for real respectability.
Not that I'm judging self-publishing, this is an amazing innovation and something I'm going to be doing soon if my writing doesn't improve. A reprieve, a way out to preserve my sanity and childhood dreams while getting something out.
On standards and lowering them
I've thought about the topic for quite a bit. This has been sitting on my to-write list for a month at this point. Let's get at it. The paragraphs ahead might be more frank than the usual content.
I was talking to a couple of people last month about what was up with me. Unusually for these times it wasn't me who started that particular thread of conversation. Two friends from very different circles told me I had high standards. Which is strange because my problem is not, has never been, is unlikely to be ever ever be, having too many options to choose from. Or reject options. Or have any choices at all. On the contrary, my circles have been getting smaller as I grow older, people that were in my periphery getting coupled or married, and all the places where people met or got to know new people gone.
The Island of me is not one with many ports. It's one with none, separated from mainland by a large ocean, one of lava, that nobody cares dares bothers wants to cross. The sandbeaches where a landing party could safely disembark are melting away into the lava. It's a pretty pretty island no denying that, but there's little hope for connection to the mainland, the archipelago.
Carving away at the steep cliffs is not helping anyone with anything. At most it's a good way to keep oneself occupied while waiting for time to erode everything away anyway. There are no safe harbors, a Caribbean island this is not. Despite the palm trees the mojito fountain and a large statue of a semi-naked divine entity that is visible from every part of the island.
What now.
Maybe things are going to be alright. After all life thrives grows adapts and adjust in volcanic undersea vents. Volcanic ash is incredibly fertile, it gives way for new life, a new ecosystem to arise. It might look like hot lava maybe it's just boiling water. The world is a strange place. Surely there are people with low enough standards.
And also, what do they know, people all set to long-distance and marry the first person they dated. They've not seen enough of the world to make reasonable judgments about what is fundamentally broken unfixable wrong with other people.
I sure hope so.
I was talking to a couple of people last month about what was up with me. Unusually for these times it wasn't me who started that particular thread of conversation. Two friends from very different circles told me I had high standards. Which is strange because my problem is not, has never been, is unlikely to be ever ever be, having too many options to choose from. Or reject options. Or have any choices at all. On the contrary, my circles have been getting smaller as I grow older, people that were in my periphery getting coupled or married, and all the places where people met or got to know new people gone.
The Island of me is not one with many ports. It's one with none, separated from mainland by a large ocean, one of lava, that nobody cares dares bothers wants to cross. The sandbeaches where a landing party could safely disembark are melting away into the lava. It's a pretty pretty island no denying that, but there's little hope for connection to the mainland, the archipelago.
Carving away at the steep cliffs is not helping anyone with anything. At most it's a good way to keep oneself occupied while waiting for time to erode everything away anyway. There are no safe harbors, a Caribbean island this is not. Despite the palm trees the mojito fountain and a large statue of a semi-naked divine entity that is visible from every part of the island.
What now.
Maybe things are going to be alright. After all life thrives grows adapts and adjust in volcanic undersea vents. Volcanic ash is incredibly fertile, it gives way for new life, a new ecosystem to arise. It might look like hot lava maybe it's just boiling water. The world is a strange place. Surely there are people with low enough standards.
And also, what do they know, people all set to long-distance and marry the first person they dated. They've not seen enough of the world to make reasonable judgments about what is fundamentally broken unfixable wrong with other people.
I sure hope so.
12 Bad Reasons to get Married
- Someone needs to do the dishes. Seriously.
- The bathroom needs cleaning, the fungal-bacterial community underneath the sink is sufficiently advanced enough that it's trying to send you radio messages.
- The japanese love pillow just doesn't cut it anymore.
- You miss your mom.
- You miss your family.
- There's nothing else to do, you've finished your three degrees you have an interesting job you have a cool place to live in. What more is there to do anyway?
- You need a permanent second-driver for long-distance trips.
- You want a traveling companion.
- Because they made you.
- You watched some stupid romcom or a romantic novel and got really carried away now you can't think about anything else you can't think straight you just need someone in your life someone to complete your stupid pointless boring existence where none of the things that happen in the movies and the books happens.
- All your friends are doing it.
- You are really good at accessorizing, you've got the earrings the handbags the shoes the quirky jewelry and all the fancy gadgets. All that remains is a partner with suitably color-coded clothing and trinkets to compliment and complement your getup.
The first meeting, safe unwrecked homes
Not that there was anything wrong with it. Not at all he had no problems with the concept of wrecking homes, and there was nothing wrong nothing wrong about slutting out, he rather encouraged people towards that. More love and all of that for everyone. There was this theory of sexual repression as the cause of all the violence in the world, and he wanted people to play their part for global peace.
It involved his friend and any instability in his greater social circle would be tricky. You'd have to choose between partners then the gang would do everything twice eventually one of them would move on or the group would partition forever. Either way it would involve a lot of extra work and energy for him. This had to be stopped.
He tapped on her shoulder. Barely a touch, the air underneath his hands could have informed her of his presence. What's up, she asked. Hii, he said, I'm uhh Suresh, and I'm good friends with -- he said pointing at that direction with his chin as he took a sip of his beer -- that guy, you know. His wife who is one of our good friends is not very open with things like this, I thought you might like being introduced to our other friends. Who are very single and ready to mingle. With all the different expectations and uhh you know.
She looked up at him. Do you want to sit down, she said, I don't want to talk to your hairy chest.
Twenty minutes later she was in tears in his arms.
He should have let the guy cheat on his wife. He sighed.
I have an idea, he said, it won't fix everything with your life but you're going to love it I just know it. Come with me.
As she fixed her eyeliner on her mini-makeup mirror, he took her hand across the busy dance floor and into the private area they had reserved for the party. He waved at the group, and pointed at the guy with checkered shirt and large black framed glasses. Come here, he mouthed, signalling with his palms.
It involved his friend and any instability in his greater social circle would be tricky. You'd have to choose between partners then the gang would do everything twice eventually one of them would move on or the group would partition forever. Either way it would involve a lot of extra work and energy for him. This had to be stopped.
He tapped on her shoulder. Barely a touch, the air underneath his hands could have informed her of his presence. What's up, she asked. Hii, he said, I'm uhh Suresh, and I'm good friends with -- he said pointing at that direction with his chin as he took a sip of his beer -- that guy, you know. His wife who is one of our good friends is not very open with things like this, I thought you might like being introduced to our other friends. Who are very single and ready to mingle. With all the different expectations and uhh you know.
She looked up at him. Do you want to sit down, she said, I don't want to talk to your hairy chest.
Twenty minutes later she was in tears in his arms.
He should have let the guy cheat on his wife. He sighed.
I have an idea, he said, it won't fix everything with your life but you're going to love it I just know it. Come with me.
As she fixed her eyeliner on her mini-makeup mirror, he took her hand across the busy dance floor and into the private area they had reserved for the party. He waved at the group, and pointed at the guy with checkered shirt and large black framed glasses. Come here, he mouthed, signalling with his palms.
After the fact, a letter
fic.
Dear Bobcat,
I'm writing this to you like an oldtimey letter because of the weight and heft of the emotions behind this, something a long chat thread couldn't do. I got your email address from your friends. I know you don't like me sending you emails like this because you get too stressed out, you're afraid of the seriousness. There's no option now bub this is all I have.
I don't expect a reply, please don't send one, this can't be a long series of who did what and why how we're sorry maybe it's time to take a different approach. As I write this I'm getting ready for a long stressful expedition from my lab, they decided this was the perfect time to go into an isolate place for several months. We will be safe from everything, and won't be missing too much on our social lives. This doesn't work well with you plans I know. Oh well.
We had a good run I think. An alright run maybe, we got to discover each other but more importantly we discovered ourselves what we want from life what kind of people we prefer and how to work closely with those that are so very different from us. We connected on so many things, tackling on common adversities with so much being thrown at us taught me more than the first two years of college. And we bonded there is no denying that we started cold and got closer as things went. You will agree we had some great times together.
As we discovered each other and ourselves we came to a realization that we weren't meant to be. For each other I mean, you have taken it longer than me to internalize that you're getting there. They say people drift apart in relationships, that is not what happened with us...It was like two strong currents smashed us together in the beginning and once the overpowering force of the water was gone we bounced away into separate trajectories. There was no 'drifting' apart we never grew cold or disheartened. We just did. I hope you do still.
Like we talked about the other night, this is not the ending. There are no endings in life only pauses and diversions. This is a pause and a diversion, we will surely cross paths again. Then we will have become different people, mature understanding kinder. We will be with others possibly, we will look into each other's eyes and instantly get the other.
We have grown so much. Our personalities have blossomed. We complemented each other. This was no fairy-tale story but they are rarely ever are they. Still, it was no loss despite the difficulties we faced towards the end. We grew into ourselves because of each other.
Our paths will surely cross again,
Seema
Dear Bobcat,
I'm writing this to you like an oldtimey letter because of the weight and heft of the emotions behind this, something a long chat thread couldn't do. I got your email address from your friends. I know you don't like me sending you emails like this because you get too stressed out, you're afraid of the seriousness. There's no option now bub this is all I have.
I don't expect a reply, please don't send one, this can't be a long series of who did what and why how we're sorry maybe it's time to take a different approach. As I write this I'm getting ready for a long stressful expedition from my lab, they decided this was the perfect time to go into an isolate place for several months. We will be safe from everything, and won't be missing too much on our social lives. This doesn't work well with you plans I know. Oh well.
We had a good run I think. An alright run maybe, we got to discover each other but more importantly we discovered ourselves what we want from life what kind of people we prefer and how to work closely with those that are so very different from us. We connected on so many things, tackling on common adversities with so much being thrown at us taught me more than the first two years of college. And we bonded there is no denying that we started cold and got closer as things went. You will agree we had some great times together.
As we discovered each other and ourselves we came to a realization that we weren't meant to be. For each other I mean, you have taken it longer than me to internalize that you're getting there. They say people drift apart in relationships, that is not what happened with us...It was like two strong currents smashed us together in the beginning and once the overpowering force of the water was gone we bounced away into separate trajectories. There was no 'drifting' apart we never grew cold or disheartened. We just did. I hope you do still.
Like we talked about the other night, this is not the ending. There are no endings in life only pauses and diversions. This is a pause and a diversion, we will surely cross paths again. Then we will have become different people, mature understanding kinder. We will be with others possibly, we will look into each other's eyes and instantly get the other.
We have grown so much. Our personalities have blossomed. We complemented each other. This was no fairy-tale story but they are rarely ever are they. Still, it was no loss despite the difficulties we faced towards the end. We grew into ourselves because of each other.
Our paths will surely cross again,
Seema
The morning after
The traffic jam of porters crossing the suspension bridge late in the morning was nowhere to be seen. Children did not come out of their houses, women didn't go to fetch water. The crickets in the bushes, normally deafeningly loud early in the morning, didn't chirp, the desperate loud croaking of the horny toads was gone.
The air smelled different that humid Summer afternoon by the river. The smell of mustard flowers and fresh earth was replaced by the pungent metallic tang. The strong earthiness of the lichen growing on the rocks and the trees on the mountain gave way to a sharp sour whiff of something, it irritated one's eyes and burned their throat. The air was misty and foggy, the sun was out the birds were chirping but this was no regular day.
Thick coagulated pools of dark-brown goo around the park hinted one of the terrible massacre that had occurred the evening before. Clumps of hair, bits of broken skin and tissues on the sharp edges of rocks. The splatter patterns gave hint to the atrocity of the violence. Deer that roamed freely about there were not to be found, it was as if they were scared by the inhumanity of it all.
Sobs. Faraway sobs, carried by the rivers and the gullies, reverbrated and resonated in the hills and valleys. Ear-piercing wails had been dampened and softened by the forests, but the emotion of being stabbed deep in your heart by your rusty kitchen knife remained. If you paid attention, tuned out the sloshing of the river the rustling of the branches, you could hear urgent shouts. Men arguing debating, planning something. There is no celebration in the air, no victory sounds. If this was a war, there were no winners.
Footsteps, rushed ones, clops and claps of horses. And suddenly men in dark blue and black patches their heavy hardy boots hardly blowing the dust under their feet. The stretch at the gorge that took a good hiker fifteen minutes they passed by in eight. Neither spoke a word, they communicated only through nods. Muffled sound of static and unintelligible faraway voices came in through the sacks on the horses' sides.
The air smelled different that humid Summer afternoon by the river. The smell of mustard flowers and fresh earth was replaced by the pungent metallic tang. The strong earthiness of the lichen growing on the rocks and the trees on the mountain gave way to a sharp sour whiff of something, it irritated one's eyes and burned their throat. The air was misty and foggy, the sun was out the birds were chirping but this was no regular day.
Thick coagulated pools of dark-brown goo around the park hinted one of the terrible massacre that had occurred the evening before. Clumps of hair, bits of broken skin and tissues on the sharp edges of rocks. The splatter patterns gave hint to the atrocity of the violence. Deer that roamed freely about there were not to be found, it was as if they were scared by the inhumanity of it all.
Sobs. Faraway sobs, carried by the rivers and the gullies, reverbrated and resonated in the hills and valleys. Ear-piercing wails had been dampened and softened by the forests, but the emotion of being stabbed deep in your heart by your rusty kitchen knife remained. If you paid attention, tuned out the sloshing of the river the rustling of the branches, you could hear urgent shouts. Men arguing debating, planning something. There is no celebration in the air, no victory sounds. If this was a war, there were no winners.
Footsteps, rushed ones, clops and claps of horses. And suddenly men in dark blue and black patches their heavy hardy boots hardly blowing the dust under their feet. The stretch at the gorge that took a good hiker fifteen minutes they passed by in eight. Neither spoke a word, they communicated only through nods. Muffled sound of static and unintelligible faraway voices came in through the sacks on the horses' sides.
How to evade questions you don't want to answer
There are some questions you don't want to outright reject answering because that can be a significant source of inferred information. There can be cases where refusing to answer a question can give one more information that answering it outright. In such circumstances the ideal play is to evade answering it for as long as you possibly can, that way they can't be sure if you're an idiot, unwilling or unable to answer the question or if you know the answer to the question at all. Maybe they got the wrong guy, this has happened after all and it's not that much of a surprise anymore man you need to pay the henchmen more to maintain quality in the corps, you've tried to argue that increased funding itself won't improve things automatically, you need to create a culture of trust and loyalty to think that but will they ever listen to you no sireee.
You might wonder then what kind of question would you be evading. These can range from simple such as where you don't want to give the answer straight away because doing so would show your very underpowered hand and you'd not get anywhere with anyone, or you could be playing advanced mindgames where you want people to think you're doing that so they make the wrong move. They can also be evading because look at you miss loosy noosy just asking about questions to anyone who'll listen to you not caring for their feelings and emotions. Just put yourself in their places okay and think about the decisions they've made. Now consider yourself in the exact position they were put in, and imagine the actions would have taken and the consequences of those. It's hard it's impossible to detect or change in that scale. What we're proposing is that the mind and the physical are one and the same, any sort of predictable or psychic connection is quite easily literary and physically explained. Not that this should matter for you but...yes, yes, that guess was right, whatever you hadn't thought about it for too much and that was not the original intention when you said those things now that you have things to consider with hindsight and increased oversight you know that's where things are at. So yes, human beings are mostly in control.
The real answer is here, you should just have spent the first two paragraphs arguing against the existence of this very essay. Here I will replace every customer as another client. So that way it's not the same client clicking over and over again for the same confusing bit of display. I should have given them a look when the japanese had the world-class mind-blowing breaker.
Give them gross minutiae of your life in extreme detail. If you're taking about your bowel movements don't forget to mention the poor graduate student in town who has said he'd give everything to just be able to sit down on a website. It's going to be fine, they're not going to just throw out the old government. Now the peace of raj becon increasing both the economies considerably.
You might wonder then what kind of question would you be evading. These can range from simple such as where you don't want to give the answer straight away because doing so would show your very underpowered hand and you'd not get anywhere with anyone, or you could be playing advanced mindgames where you want people to think you're doing that so they make the wrong move. They can also be evading because look at you miss loosy noosy just asking about questions to anyone who'll listen to you not caring for their feelings and emotions. Just put yourself in their places okay and think about the decisions they've made. Now consider yourself in the exact position they were put in, and imagine the actions would have taken and the consequences of those. It's hard it's impossible to detect or change in that scale. What we're proposing is that the mind and the physical are one and the same, any sort of predictable or psychic connection is quite easily literary and physically explained. Not that this should matter for you but...yes, yes, that guess was right, whatever you hadn't thought about it for too much and that was not the original intention when you said those things now that you have things to consider with hindsight and increased oversight you know that's where things are at. So yes, human beings are mostly in control.
The real answer is here, you should just have spent the first two paragraphs arguing against the existence of this very essay. Here I will replace every customer as another client. So that way it's not the same client clicking over and over again for the same confusing bit of display. I should have given them a look when the japanese had the world-class mind-blowing breaker.
Give them gross minutiae of your life in extreme detail. If you're taking about your bowel movements don't forget to mention the poor graduate student in town who has said he'd give everything to just be able to sit down on a website. It's going to be fine, they're not going to just throw out the old government. Now the peace of raj becon increasing both the economies considerably.
Places I have considered moving to in the last six months
- New Zealand
- Germany
- Ireland
- Kathmandu Nepal
- Nagarkot Nepal
- Chitwan Nepal
- Okhaldhunga Nepal
- New Hampshire
- Canada
- Australia
- Philadelphia
- Downtown Boston
- Northern Virginia
- North Carolina
- New Mexico Earthships
- Seattle
- Singapore
- New York City
15 things people I know have done
This is what my counterparts have already done that I'm lagging behind, not that I mind not that it matters this is what's been happening while I live my life and write in these page/
My friends have:
My friends have:
- Gotten married
- Have had kids, multiple
- Gotten divorced
- Started their own companies
- Ended their companies
- Bought houses
- Tried selling their houses
- Adopted multiple large pets
- Got into politics
- ...and out of it
- murdered people....everyone knows it was a murder though the police won't open a case because you know
- died. Rest in piece '59.
- Become multimillionaires....by marriage
- Started their own fashion brands
- Written books
Four pieces of shit advice you might want to think about
- Deny! Deny! Deny! Never ever take responsibility of anything bad. Ever ever ever. First deny when they accuse you of something. Then deny when they come with circumstantial evidence. Then deny deny keep deny when they come up with direct evidence. That's the only way to get ahead in life.
- Love. Pray. Eat. This is the order things should happen. Never have sex with someone after eating a lot of food, always fuck in an empty stomach. And never pray before having sex, only after. You should not eat before fornicating, or praying because what are the gods gonna think huh that you decided to fill your belly first before thinking of them.
- Believe in yourself. Even if you are full of shit. Specially if you are full of shit. That way your lies are so convincing you fool yourself which makes the task of convincing someone else quite easy. If they discover the truth they'll be convinced you're delusional but not a liar which is the best thing that can happen to you given the circumstances.
- Never look back. This is a very specific piece of advice given to folks when they have some kind of scary monster or ghost right behind them and if they look back the ghost's gonna attack them and eat them or something. You can also generalize it, and imagine that if you look back and past events they will take ghostly scary forms and come to haunt you for all eternity.
A true story
I don't want to give the right initials, or where I might have known them from. Because of the nature of the case... I'm excited about this.
It's 11.25 in the evening, and a couple of hours ago I got a text from an old friend who I talk with once every few weeks. We used to be quite close back home, things happened to me, then they lived an extraordinarily happening life, then we met for a few more times. The last time I met them in Nepal they were happy so very happy. We got very drunk together talked about old times about each other aspirations our weaknesses and it seemed we had a lot more in common that we imagined, despite spending a large chunk of time together. It was quite heartfelt. We were both very sad when they got on that car, as I threw in several thousand nepali rupees through the window. They had insisted on paying for our extraordinarily extravagant dinner, I had resisted that, they overpowered me and paid the check anyway.
On our way out of the restaurant we got confusingly intimate without meaning to, adjusted ourselves and got them dropped in their car. There was something there.
They were getting married a week after. I couldn't go because of reasons, but they were happy excited eager.
Since then we've not talked as often as we did before the months preceding our last meeting but we keep pulse on one another. I let them know what I'm up to, they tell me where they're at on a particular given moment, doing what, there future plans and so forth. Not intimate enough to share our issues and trauma, just enough to give the general sense it may not be perfect well-being everywhere. We haven't talked on the phone for the longest time ever.
This evening I got a text. They were getting untangled. I congratulated them for freedom independence and the opportunity to live their lives in their terms. A bit too excited perhaps, I tend to get carried away. Still, it was genuine happiness what was not working for them is being fixed and now they're the master of their fate, the commander of their ship.
They're ready to be a bird. You should be here, they said, we need to party bring the old gang back. I wish I said. But the next time we meet and that's going to be soon because you're there and I want to be there too, you're going to have the best time of your life, I'll make sure. It's been an adventure and you deserve a real party.
It's 11.25 in the evening, and a couple of hours ago I got a text from an old friend who I talk with once every few weeks. We used to be quite close back home, things happened to me, then they lived an extraordinarily happening life, then we met for a few more times. The last time I met them in Nepal they were happy so very happy. We got very drunk together talked about old times about each other aspirations our weaknesses and it seemed we had a lot more in common that we imagined, despite spending a large chunk of time together. It was quite heartfelt. We were both very sad when they got on that car, as I threw in several thousand nepali rupees through the window. They had insisted on paying for our extraordinarily extravagant dinner, I had resisted that, they overpowered me and paid the check anyway.
On our way out of the restaurant we got confusingly intimate without meaning to, adjusted ourselves and got them dropped in their car. There was something there.
They were getting married a week after. I couldn't go because of reasons, but they were happy excited eager.
Since then we've not talked as often as we did before the months preceding our last meeting but we keep pulse on one another. I let them know what I'm up to, they tell me where they're at on a particular given moment, doing what, there future plans and so forth. Not intimate enough to share our issues and trauma, just enough to give the general sense it may not be perfect well-being everywhere. We haven't talked on the phone for the longest time ever.
This evening I got a text. They were getting untangled. I congratulated them for freedom independence and the opportunity to live their lives in their terms. A bit too excited perhaps, I tend to get carried away. Still, it was genuine happiness what was not working for them is being fixed and now they're the master of their fate, the commander of their ship.
They're ready to be a bird. You should be here, they said, we need to party bring the old gang back. I wish I said. But the next time we meet and that's going to be soon because you're there and I want to be there too, you're going to have the best time of your life, I'll make sure. It's been an adventure and you deserve a real party.
6 Reasons all bugs should be eliminated FOREVER
- They bite you bad and give you these gross-looking large rashes you know you shouldn't itch but goddammit so itchy and you itch and they just keep getting bigger and bigger until they're the bigger entity, one day you go to the hospital to get rid of it. The doctors decide you're the once that needs getting removed, since the rash is the bigger of the entities and it's been having a 'human' problem for the last few months and gosh it's annoying.
- They'll sing in your ears when you're eating dinner outside in the park with your friend, try to taste your food and not let you guys carry on with a good conversation. Your conversation will have to be cut short even though you're friend is moving to a different city and you might be seeing a lot less of them. Though possibly a lot more because it'll be a single-bedroom in the big city and they're okay with you crashing.
- They'll sneak up into your room and occupy every nook and cranny of it which is fine whatever but when you fog and spray the crap outta them with pesticides, you keep finding bits and pieces of long-dead gross bugs for weeks and weeks.
- They'll jump into your food, it's almost as if they're trying to get eaten. They get stuck in pudding and custard and all of that, you can't just give it up because some stupid lameass bug got into it, so you have to suck it up, say whoaaa just got an extra dose of protein, and eat it all.
- So gross no? Like who even likes bugs outside of museums and cool rainforest safaris where you can explore blue iridescent bugs with their strange mating ritual that involves jumping up to two miles high, humping each other there, eating your mate to bits regurgitating that, and laying eggs on those remains. Because that's the only way there life cycle works.
- TO be quite honest, if they don't mess with my life personally I'm fine with them bothering other people. They should just know that if they dare eff over my life even consider the possibility, they shall meet a fate never imagined before.
Thoughts from far west
Who what now never again confusing it was bullcrap they didn't know what they were talking about. Fck that crap, they were liars what now who were they it was lies all they fck it lies lies it was confusing it wasn't nobody had stopped just stones river river thrown down no one knew who told the police. Who the fuck told the police, they would just drown nobody would have known who told the police. Uncle, uncle in the police high up in the government government minister if nothing else they take money, there was no lack of money, it was twenty five families they could give the ministers enough to make them look away this was important who the fuck had told the police this was not good stones they didn't mean to so much blood they would have where the fuck did the blood come from all this blood why is the water red open the gates open the dam make sure no one escapes.
Here we go again
I'm sitting on my favourite chair in front of my desk, in my bright cozy airy room. Roommate PK and ND are watching Gully Boys outside. I watched some, looks like a fine movie, this is not the right time for it. This is the time to hit it.
The three cities, it was about that again. He sighed.
The Triple cities were the wealthiest, the most powerful cities there had ever been in their time. The height of demon technology civilization wealth. And egalitarianism. The demons had no need of social stratification, resource constraints were behind them. The only unexplored world was the world beyond, that's where the future lay. It made sense to empower anyone who wanted to reach out to the stars and beyond.
This was in sharp contrast to the domains of the Deutas. Branches and branches of social hierarchy, rules that never stopped coming in, so much repression, so much control so many rules. So much faith in fate and destiny. The commoners of those realms had stopped dreaming daring hoping, for nothing mattered beyond the desires of those that controlled their worlds, the lokapals. It was the realm of Chandra Dev that made it the furthest, they never needed much technological innovation since he bore the fruits of the swarga and rewarded them with whatever they desired. Besides there were others in the court of Swarga, and Chandradev had limits to how flexible he could get. The gods were not keen on giving people ideas about egalitarian distribution of power.
The triple cities spread a vision of existence that the gods were very comfortable with. Their worldview was limited, the space in swarga was not open to all despite all the magics, only a select few, the favourites of the gods and their favourites and those that followed the insanely archaic rules got in. The demons suggested that with magics and technology, space and resource were infinite, there was space for everyone as long as basic rule of law was followed. The triple cities made the deutas look like greedy jealous guarding xenophobic uncaring selfish entities, hypocritical beings who created rules for the worlds for only their personal glorification not because there were fundamental reasons. The godly glow was questioned. They had to take action.
They went to Mahadev, the protector of the triple cities, convinced him somehow to destroy them on a minor technicality that would have absolutely been ignored deleted from the rulebooks even if they were on the stand. A non-issue had caused Mahadev to cause the destruction of the Triple Cities, the death and destruction of the epitome of wealth, personal freedom demon-human innovation and technologies. The world had been sent back to the olden days, when the only way to get your desires fulfilled was to suck up to some petty god's ego and be on a devotional path for decades.
Humans had cultural memory of the event despite all the heavenly interventions to completely erase it from the history. The demonic tribes had made it a defining moment in their understanding of the world: the gods may have been their brothers in origin, but they had veered so far off, had committed such great crimes, the absolute mayhem and calamity they had caused was unforgivable. Absolutely unforgivable. It was total all-out war, that's what their culture was angled towards. Peace prosperity came in second.
They knew, with the gods being lazy and uninquisitive, they were on a trajectory to set their ideals upon the realms, to defeat the deutas forever, holy quarternity be damned. They would support whoever was the overwhelming winner of the swarga, and the demons had prepared well enough. It. Was. War.
The three cities, it was about that again. He sighed.
The Triple cities were the wealthiest, the most powerful cities there had ever been in their time. The height of demon technology civilization wealth. And egalitarianism. The demons had no need of social stratification, resource constraints were behind them. The only unexplored world was the world beyond, that's where the future lay. It made sense to empower anyone who wanted to reach out to the stars and beyond.
This was in sharp contrast to the domains of the Deutas. Branches and branches of social hierarchy, rules that never stopped coming in, so much repression, so much control so many rules. So much faith in fate and destiny. The commoners of those realms had stopped dreaming daring hoping, for nothing mattered beyond the desires of those that controlled their worlds, the lokapals. It was the realm of Chandra Dev that made it the furthest, they never needed much technological innovation since he bore the fruits of the swarga and rewarded them with whatever they desired. Besides there were others in the court of Swarga, and Chandradev had limits to how flexible he could get. The gods were not keen on giving people ideas about egalitarian distribution of power.
The triple cities spread a vision of existence that the gods were very comfortable with. Their worldview was limited, the space in swarga was not open to all despite all the magics, only a select few, the favourites of the gods and their favourites and those that followed the insanely archaic rules got in. The demons suggested that with magics and technology, space and resource were infinite, there was space for everyone as long as basic rule of law was followed. The triple cities made the deutas look like greedy jealous guarding xenophobic uncaring selfish entities, hypocritical beings who created rules for the worlds for only their personal glorification not because there were fundamental reasons. The godly glow was questioned. They had to take action.
They went to Mahadev, the protector of the triple cities, convinced him somehow to destroy them on a minor technicality that would have absolutely been ignored deleted from the rulebooks even if they were on the stand. A non-issue had caused Mahadev to cause the destruction of the Triple Cities, the death and destruction of the epitome of wealth, personal freedom demon-human innovation and technologies. The world had been sent back to the olden days, when the only way to get your desires fulfilled was to suck up to some petty god's ego and be on a devotional path for decades.
Humans had cultural memory of the event despite all the heavenly interventions to completely erase it from the history. The demonic tribes had made it a defining moment in their understanding of the world: the gods may have been their brothers in origin, but they had veered so far off, had committed such great crimes, the absolute mayhem and calamity they had caused was unforgivable. Absolutely unforgivable. It was total all-out war, that's what their culture was angled towards. Peace prosperity came in second.
They knew, with the gods being lazy and uninquisitive, they were on a trajectory to set their ideals upon the realms, to defeat the deutas forever, holy quarternity be damned. They would support whoever was the overwhelming winner of the swarga, and the demons had prepared well enough. It. Was. War.
Why being aimless ambitionless lazy and or a loser should be an option
...for women. Too.
I was originally inspired for this by the latest HDTGM podcast where they talk about this movie from the 80's where the lead character who is a woman isn't really that good. She's not very ambitious she does not kick asses, she's not a hard-worker. She's like the Seth Rogen of Seth Rogan movies. Out there floating, catching bits and pieces of microscopic animals and sands, getting nutrients from them.
And why not. The expectation that the 'modern woman', the one who cares for respect for women, against unjust unfair laws and societal structures must be this hard-assed ambitious hardworking tireless high-achieving woman who is a go-getter, makes things happen and won't just wait for life but takes things that she wants is unfair. Why must these women not have an option to be lazy listless bored lacking in ambition and generally pretty chill, even possibly dare I say, losers. If so many romantic male leads of popular movies can be, why not women. Imagine Knocked Up, but the guy's the hardworking one and the woman's a stoner who just wants a good life and some random bullcrap somehow lucks out in life possibly fails up always.
Like, why not.
The expectation that women have all these awesome qualities that's not expected of the average man makes it harder to judge men and women with the same evaluation, and creates undue stress and pressure for women who think the existing social superstructures are unfair unjust and just so fucked up man but are unable to be a part of the uhh revolution so to speak because they just don't have it in them to do all the crazy shit the more outgoing and energetic sisters are up to. That should be an option for them!
I was originally inspired for this by the latest HDTGM podcast where they talk about this movie from the 80's where the lead character who is a woman isn't really that good. She's not very ambitious she does not kick asses, she's not a hard-worker. She's like the Seth Rogen of Seth Rogan movies. Out there floating, catching bits and pieces of microscopic animals and sands, getting nutrients from them.
And why not. The expectation that the 'modern woman', the one who cares for respect for women, against unjust unfair laws and societal structures must be this hard-assed ambitious hardworking tireless high-achieving woman who is a go-getter, makes things happen and won't just wait for life but takes things that she wants is unfair. Why must these women not have an option to be lazy listless bored lacking in ambition and generally pretty chill, even possibly dare I say, losers. If so many romantic male leads of popular movies can be, why not women. Imagine Knocked Up, but the guy's the hardworking one and the woman's a stoner who just wants a good life and some random bullcrap somehow lucks out in life possibly fails up always.
Like, why not.
The expectation that women have all these awesome qualities that's not expected of the average man makes it harder to judge men and women with the same evaluation, and creates undue stress and pressure for women who think the existing social superstructures are unfair unjust and just so fucked up man but are unable to be a part of the uhh revolution so to speak because they just don't have it in them to do all the crazy shit the more outgoing and energetic sisters are up to. That should be an option for them!
Heads up to everyone
This is mostly a heads-up to me. If you're reading this and are not me, might want to pay attention too.
I've been telling people about thispiece of shit pile of crap shithole crappola unreadable bile wordvomit annoyingjournal blog without being asked for it. Five people know about this. FIVE! Might want to think about that. FIVE!
In any case, the original intention behind this was to be a sounding board for my ideas. It still is. A bucket for me to vomit words so a few of them may live life of greatness once they're sharpened and polished. A practice for my nonexistent writing skills. A place to force me to write something anything really as long as my fingers ere moving and words were appearing on the screen. I've been doing that better now.
All that means that one should not have any expectations of quality from this. This is a total waste of your time, nothing of substance or quality is unlikely to ever be published here. You're unlikely to find any secrets divulged or any event extracted from these pages. Apart from the secret about that house which was bought though since nobody checked it here, nobody knows.
So that's it.
This is it.
No revelations, no ideas, no secrets, no saucy gossip. It's a record of what I ate and with who interspersed with my desperate but slowly dying attempts to be funny. It's sad, the same way you hear someone who thinks they're going to be a great singer but deep in your heart you know at best they'd be an okay ironic singer.
The Sunday Morning Love You person.
I'd like to be TSMLY person of shitty blogs. I'm not good enough for that, even. Still fine. This is my work, fruit of my labor, watermelon of my womb, work of my fingers. It doesn't have to be good. I'm glad it exists.
I've been telling people about this
In any case, the original intention behind this was to be a sounding board for my ideas. It still is. A bucket for me to vomit words so a few of them may live life of greatness once they're sharpened and polished. A practice for my nonexistent writing skills. A place to force me to write something anything really as long as my fingers ere moving and words were appearing on the screen. I've been doing that better now.
All that means that one should not have any expectations of quality from this. This is a total waste of your time, nothing of substance or quality is unlikely to ever be published here. You're unlikely to find any secrets divulged or any event extracted from these pages. Apart from the secret about that house which was bought though since nobody checked it here, nobody knows.
So that's it.
This is it.
No revelations, no ideas, no secrets, no saucy gossip. It's a record of what I ate and with who interspersed with my desperate but slowly dying attempts to be funny. It's sad, the same way you hear someone who thinks they're going to be a great singer but deep in your heart you know at best they'd be an okay ironic singer.
The Sunday Morning Love You person.
I'd like to be TSMLY person of shitty blogs. I'm not good enough for that, even. Still fine. This is my work, fruit of my labor, watermelon of my womb, work of my fingers. It doesn't have to be good. I'm glad it exists.
Room-cleaning, fun dinner, laundry, cool catchup [Sat 25]
It's 1.13 AM of the next day, and I'm in a hurry to finish all the daily journals so I can write other posts. I'm 'behind' my expected schedule by 14 posts, if I can get it down to 8 or so, I'll make it up the rest of the week by doing a couple of extra posts every day. Instead of the nonstop barrage I'm having to produce once every couple of days. My mind is not so creative, it gets tired real fast.
I got up first at 7.15 am as I've been doing since getting back to Boston. The sleep was so sound and refreshing I could feel it in my muscles. Not a surprise. Tried to take myself back to sleep and whaddya know up at 11.30.
Got cleaned up had juices, and started cleaning my room. Vacuumed the dead bugs, cleared all my clothes and belongings, swept the room multiple times. Changed all the sheets etcetera, got clothes in order. Set three rounds of clothes for laundry, ended up doing three rounds of washing and four of drying because my loads were big and the dryers small.
In the evening, left for Harvard Square to meet SS [HLS, corporate lawyer soon]. The last time I'd seen her was in Jan, with TD at Felipe's. Walk there took 45 mins, checked her place out, picked food from the Asian fusion place we'd ordered at, and sat down at the Park in Harvard. The same where all the Boston based actors fought each other when they were younger. I should really find my earpods and charge them because these silent walks aren't as illuminating as one imagines them to be. There's a post here somewhere about how it's different when you're listening to something when you're walking versus nothing in your ears, but this was a total waste of listening opportunity.
SS and I caught up for 2 hours about everything. What she's been upto, her future plans, her immediate plans. And how she's getting an apartment in NYC and is totally okay with us crashing in her place. She's one of the nicest people I know and I say this not just because I met her today and sent the link to here to encourage to explore doing things she's not necessarily good at.
LOOK AT ME! What am I even doing here! Why am I making an idiot of myself like this? This doesn't matter at all! What an embarrassment. Etc, etc.
I kid.
Solid solid dinner, I got eggplant and rice. It wasn't as spicy or well-spiced as I would have liked it to, but the onion was surprisingly crispy, so good. Eggplant's been growing on me as of late, this could be great I could explore the wild things I could do with the vegetable.
Good times.
We had same white-shirt-grey-shorts combo, which I suppose says a lot about our shared great taste I hope. Because that was my only wearable t-shirt that didn't need ironing and all my shorts are grey now. So weird.
Got back at 9.30, talked for a bunch with ND, did another two load of dryers -- leaving my clothes overnight because I'm too lazy. Talked some more with ND, and while she was busy with something else snuck into my room, got my cellphone to charge, and got this laptop up and running. I write this from my personal laptop, which I've started using after five months. Feels good to be back.
Since then I've been writing, probably another hour of mediocre content generation and first night on my own bed in an era it is!
I got up first at 7.15 am as I've been doing since getting back to Boston. The sleep was so sound and refreshing I could feel it in my muscles. Not a surprise. Tried to take myself back to sleep and whaddya know up at 11.30.
Got cleaned up had juices, and started cleaning my room. Vacuumed the dead bugs, cleared all my clothes and belongings, swept the room multiple times. Changed all the sheets etcetera, got clothes in order. Set three rounds of clothes for laundry, ended up doing three rounds of washing and four of drying because my loads were big and the dryers small.
In the evening, left for Harvard Square to meet SS [HLS, corporate lawyer soon]. The last time I'd seen her was in Jan, with TD at Felipe's. Walk there took 45 mins, checked her place out, picked food from the Asian fusion place we'd ordered at, and sat down at the Park in Harvard. The same where all the Boston based actors fought each other when they were younger. I should really find my earpods and charge them because these silent walks aren't as illuminating as one imagines them to be. There's a post here somewhere about how it's different when you're listening to something when you're walking versus nothing in your ears, but this was a total waste of listening opportunity.
SS and I caught up for 2 hours about everything. What she's been upto, her future plans, her immediate plans. And how she's getting an apartment in NYC and is totally okay with us crashing in her place. She's one of the nicest people I know and I say this not just because I met her today and sent the link to here to encourage to explore doing things she's not necessarily good at.
LOOK AT ME! What am I even doing here! Why am I making an idiot of myself like this? This doesn't matter at all! What an embarrassment. Etc, etc.
I kid.
Solid solid dinner, I got eggplant and rice. It wasn't as spicy or well-spiced as I would have liked it to, but the onion was surprisingly crispy, so good. Eggplant's been growing on me as of late, this could be great I could explore the wild things I could do with the vegetable.
Good times.
We had same white-shirt-grey-shorts combo, which I suppose says a lot about our shared great taste I hope. Because that was my only wearable t-shirt that didn't need ironing and all my shorts are grey now. So weird.
Got back at 9.30, talked for a bunch with ND, did another two load of dryers -- leaving my clothes overnight because I'm too lazy. Talked some more with ND, and while she was busy with something else snuck into my room, got my cellphone to charge, and got this laptop up and running. I write this from my personal laptop, which I've started using after five months. Feels good to be back.
Since then I've been writing, probably another hour of mediocre content generation and first night on my own bed in an era it is!
Walk to assembly, bughunt, tire-filling, naps, small get-together [Fri 24]
Got up very early, couldn't go back to sleep. There's something about Boston air or maybe it's just former-roommate SM's room that wakes me up early. It's noisy but not noisy enough to wake me up, but it does.
Spent time youtubing in the morning. Had eggs and bread for brunch. Walked to Assembly, at Home Depot, got two 'weapons' against the bugs occupying my room: a 'fogger' that's a spray that is a little bit like the 'smoke grenade' that Dwight uses in the Office, and a direct-contact spray that you spray on bugs to kill them. The walk was quiet hot and humid, I didn't have my earbuds on me but it was tolerable. Didn't realize that Home Depot was all the way to the other side of the Square. Noted to fill my bike with air so I could use it to do groceries etcetera. Thought of stopping by TJ's on my way back but whoaa the line outside was crazy I didn't have the need to wait in line to get into the the grocery store.
At home sprayed the crap out of all the bugs I could see in my room, and then set the fogger on, with all the doors and windows shut tight. After two hours got in with breath held, to open my closet and drawers so that they'd get some of the pesticide-air too, but not some kind of residue necessarily.
Filled roommate PK's bike's tire. Was gonna fill mine too until I remembered the brakes weren't working what's the point. Later much later figured it was only one of the brakes that wasn't working and it had been this way for a while anyway, I should have gotten my bike filled up.
Talked to international friends in the evening, and napped for some time. Had some really great conversations, always nice to catch up with people after some time. The nap was less satisfying, to be fair my sleeps have been quite sound so can't really complain there.
In the evening, S [the one who lives in backbay] came over to hang with us, he and roommate PK were getting beers downstairs in our backyard. PK has really grown to love our backyard which I always saw as a wasteland parking spot but he says it's a good place to talk to people and have fun. We may not have greenery, he says, but all our neighbors do, and it feels like we're in the middle of a garden. Fair points all of them. Friend-of-the-house ND came down too, and PK's friend from school back home was there too. Some good conversations and ribbings were had.
People teased me about setting up two evening hangs, the second one with ND, so the first one didn't seem too much like a date.
Once it got too mosquito-ey and dark outside, we moved upstairs. PK had replaced a lame batch of the gigglymed with a more effective one earlier in the night. We tried some of it, I became quite honest and introspective, highly complimenting ND and PK often and in great detail. It got philosophical too, not in the boring way...we talked about the politics of interpersonal conversations etcetera. PK and S started dancing I was tired I fell asleep on the couch. At some point they woke me up, I went to my bed and fell asleep, before midnight. The rest of the gang was up until half past one I'm told.
Spent time youtubing in the morning. Had eggs and bread for brunch. Walked to Assembly, at Home Depot, got two 'weapons' against the bugs occupying my room: a 'fogger' that's a spray that is a little bit like the 'smoke grenade' that Dwight uses in the Office, and a direct-contact spray that you spray on bugs to kill them. The walk was quiet hot and humid, I didn't have my earbuds on me but it was tolerable. Didn't realize that Home Depot was all the way to the other side of the Square. Noted to fill my bike with air so I could use it to do groceries etcetera. Thought of stopping by TJ's on my way back but whoaa the line outside was crazy I didn't have the need to wait in line to get into the the grocery store.
At home sprayed the crap out of all the bugs I could see in my room, and then set the fogger on, with all the doors and windows shut tight. After two hours got in with breath held, to open my closet and drawers so that they'd get some of the pesticide-air too, but not some kind of residue necessarily.
Filled roommate PK's bike's tire. Was gonna fill mine too until I remembered the brakes weren't working what's the point. Later much later figured it was only one of the brakes that wasn't working and it had been this way for a while anyway, I should have gotten my bike filled up.
Talked to international friends in the evening, and napped for some time. Had some really great conversations, always nice to catch up with people after some time. The nap was less satisfying, to be fair my sleeps have been quite sound so can't really complain there.
In the evening, S [the one who lives in backbay] came over to hang with us, he and roommate PK were getting beers downstairs in our backyard. PK has really grown to love our backyard which I always saw as a wasteland parking spot but he says it's a good place to talk to people and have fun. We may not have greenery, he says, but all our neighbors do, and it feels like we're in the middle of a garden. Fair points all of them. Friend-of-the-house ND came down too, and PK's friend from school back home was there too. Some good conversations and ribbings were had.
People teased me about setting up two evening hangs, the second one with ND, so the first one didn't seem too much like a date.
Once it got too mosquito-ey and dark outside, we moved upstairs. PK had replaced a lame batch of the gigglymed with a more effective one earlier in the night. We tried some of it, I became quite honest and introspective, highly complimenting ND and PK often and in great detail. It got philosophical too, not in the boring way...we talked about the politics of interpersonal conversations etcetera. PK and S started dancing I was tired I fell asleep on the couch. At some point they woke me up, I went to my bed and fell asleep, before midnight. The rest of the gang was up until half past one I'm told.
Leftovers, eight meetings, getting wet in the rain, catching up [Thu 23]
Since I took half of Wednesday and all of Friday off, I'd scheduled all the meetings for those days on Thursday. So this day I had eight meetings, some of them hour-long. For those not as much in-the-know, that's an insane number of meetings for an engineer. Still, it was productive, got to catch up with work friends, learn about all the different projects happening in the extended group.
For brunch I had a couple of pizza slices from the previous evening. And no shame at that, I love Domino's, I love pizza, I love leftovers. Yum yum yum.
The weather was loud and bright, and very very wet all day long. The humidity was quite something else. After work I got too hot and humid, couldn't take it anymore. Heard loud enjoyying noise from outside, saw the young girl next door was out in her yard frolicking in the rain. What an idea! I changed into my swim shorts, and a smelly t-shirt that needed washing anyway, and jumped into the rain. So. Much. Fun! I chilled for fifteen minutes. It got too cold after that. The little girl was keeping herself warm by frolicking around her yard, the yard was not too big for me to frolic around, so I ran across the block and felt a bit stupid. It was quite cold. Really refreshing though. Came up, dried myself, and took a nice warm shower.
After shower, spent an hour talking to roommate BB about future plans farming plans moving plans and what might be the best for me. Watched some comedy with everyone in the house. Watched Schitt's Creek with friend-of-the-house ND, and catching up on the events of the past months.
Went to bed pretty late, a bit after midnight if I remember right.
For brunch I had a couple of pizza slices from the previous evening. And no shame at that, I love Domino's, I love pizza, I love leftovers. Yum yum yum.
The weather was loud and bright, and very very wet all day long. The humidity was quite something else. After work I got too hot and humid, couldn't take it anymore. Heard loud enjoyying noise from outside, saw the young girl next door was out in her yard frolicking in the rain. What an idea! I changed into my swim shorts, and a smelly t-shirt that needed washing anyway, and jumped into the rain. So. Much. Fun! I chilled for fifteen minutes. It got too cold after that. The little girl was keeping herself warm by frolicking around her yard, the yard was not too big for me to frolic around, so I ran across the block and felt a bit stupid. It was quite cold. Really refreshing though. Came up, dried myself, and took a nice warm shower.
After shower, spent an hour talking to roommate BB about future plans farming plans moving plans and what might be the best for me. Watched some comedy with everyone in the house. Watched Schitt's Creek with friend-of-the-house ND, and catching up on the events of the past months.
Went to bed pretty late, a bit after midnight if I remember right.
Insane brunch, trip back to Boston, Insane dinner, Dominos Hack [Wed 22]
Got up reasonably early fresh despite having gone to bed at wee hours of the night watching the Indian matchmaking reality tv show.
Since I was taking the second half of the day off, spent the morning quite productively at work. Didn't get a lot of stuff written personally, but the work stuff was top-notch.
Did a quick packing, I didn't have too many things to begin with. I'd left Boston four and half months previously with only a backpack for an extended weekend, and was going back with a few more pairs of clothes than I started with.
For brunch we got takeout from this breakfast place a couple of blocks from N's place. They took only cash, so we went to the ATM, and walked over there. They were really busy it made me happy that restaurants are still doing alright despite...all of this. I got the breakfast burrito, N got eggs benedict. Which he had also gotten at the worst restaurant experience in recent history a couple of days previously. Kinda' brave.
Damn that breakfast burrito was good. Great in fact! It came with the lentil gravy to dip it in, with a side of avocado and sour cream. It must have had conservatively four eggs. So filling so tasty so creamy. The lentil/bean gravy was amazing, it made me happy about the world.
Anyway there was some drama with the Lyft. I ordered it _only_ 45 minutes before my train was due, thinking since it was 30-min walk I'd get there in 10-15 minutes comfortably. The lyft said it'd be 15 minutes before it got there, and another solid 20 minutes before I got to the train station SO I was suddenly cutting it EXTREMELY tight despite ordering at what I thought was a reasonable time. Then got a text that said the train had been delayed by an unknown time. Which meant I considered cancelling the lyft. Waited forEVER for the uber, in the middle the driver I was waiting for cancelled and someone else who was right on our street picked me up.
The drive to the train station took 5 minutes, I was early by a solid 20 minutes. Even if the train hadn't been delayed.
Waited in the warm waiting station for 20 minutes, got into the train and we were off to Boston! The train was half-full, or half-empty depending on the your persuasion, people were wearing masks and the staff was decontaminating everything pretty thoroughly. I was satisfied. The train got considerably empty past New York.
The train-ride from Philly to Boston is quite scenic, the part around CT specially I should do this more often. Satisfying ride, got to see this part of the country from outside the i95.
Right around the Mass. border, the guys aka the roommates reminded me of the Pizza dinner treat that I had promised them. I ordered from the train, set pickup to 7pm which would be about when I'd hopefully be in the house. I figured out a hack from dominos: there 'speciality pizza' is just regular pizza with certain toppings. Instead of getting those -- they cost 19 bucks -- you can use the coupon for the large pizza with five toppings, it costs 10 bucks, and add the exact add-ons as the specialty pizza. That way you get the same pizza for half the cost.
The other 'hack' is to use multiple orders so you can use multiple discount coupons. That way you can use the 'medium sized pizza' coupon to get cheesy breads and medium pizza maybe even pasta, and also the 'large pizza with 5 toppings' coupon to get the speciality pizzas for cheap. I got two large specialty pizzas, two cheesy breads, one medium-sized pizza, and two hot lava cakes, all of this for 55 bucks. What a deal! We calculated the calories of all the dishes and it was close to 20k calories. Great, great value for money in terms of calories and the flavor. Eff the calorie, the flavor's amazing even if it was a bad-deal calorically. Roommate BB discovered that cold chocolate lava cake is great too.
After getting down at the South Station, ordered a lyft, took a couple of pics with me in the city sent it to all close friends and family.
Back home, talked to the boys, got myself setup in SM's room for a couple of days before I cleared my room out. BB brought in the pizza, devoured it took in a bit of gigglies it didn't help. Ate a couple of slices of pizza and cheesy bread, half of the dessert and called it a day. I was so tired.
Since I was taking the second half of the day off, spent the morning quite productively at work. Didn't get a lot of stuff written personally, but the work stuff was top-notch.
Did a quick packing, I didn't have too many things to begin with. I'd left Boston four and half months previously with only a backpack for an extended weekend, and was going back with a few more pairs of clothes than I started with.
For brunch we got takeout from this breakfast place a couple of blocks from N's place. They took only cash, so we went to the ATM, and walked over there. They were really busy it made me happy that restaurants are still doing alright despite...all of this. I got the breakfast burrito, N got eggs benedict. Which he had also gotten at the worst restaurant experience in recent history a couple of days previously. Kinda' brave.
Damn that breakfast burrito was good. Great in fact! It came with the lentil gravy to dip it in, with a side of avocado and sour cream. It must have had conservatively four eggs. So filling so tasty so creamy. The lentil/bean gravy was amazing, it made me happy about the world.
Anyway there was some drama with the Lyft. I ordered it _only_ 45 minutes before my train was due, thinking since it was 30-min walk I'd get there in 10-15 minutes comfortably. The lyft said it'd be 15 minutes before it got there, and another solid 20 minutes before I got to the train station SO I was suddenly cutting it EXTREMELY tight despite ordering at what I thought was a reasonable time. Then got a text that said the train had been delayed by an unknown time. Which meant I considered cancelling the lyft. Waited forEVER for the uber, in the middle the driver I was waiting for cancelled and someone else who was right on our street picked me up.
The drive to the train station took 5 minutes, I was early by a solid 20 minutes. Even if the train hadn't been delayed.
Waited in the warm waiting station for 20 minutes, got into the train and we were off to Boston! The train was half-full, or half-empty depending on the your persuasion, people were wearing masks and the staff was decontaminating everything pretty thoroughly. I was satisfied. The train got considerably empty past New York.
The train-ride from Philly to Boston is quite scenic, the part around CT specially I should do this more often. Satisfying ride, got to see this part of the country from outside the i95.
Right around the Mass. border, the guys aka the roommates reminded me of the Pizza dinner treat that I had promised them. I ordered from the train, set pickup to 7pm which would be about when I'd hopefully be in the house. I figured out a hack from dominos: there 'speciality pizza' is just regular pizza with certain toppings. Instead of getting those -- they cost 19 bucks -- you can use the coupon for the large pizza with five toppings, it costs 10 bucks, and add the exact add-ons as the specialty pizza. That way you get the same pizza for half the cost.
The other 'hack' is to use multiple orders so you can use multiple discount coupons. That way you can use the 'medium sized pizza' coupon to get cheesy breads and medium pizza maybe even pasta, and also the 'large pizza with 5 toppings' coupon to get the speciality pizzas for cheap. I got two large specialty pizzas, two cheesy breads, one medium-sized pizza, and two hot lava cakes, all of this for 55 bucks. What a deal! We calculated the calories of all the dishes and it was close to 20k calories. Great, great value for money in terms of calories and the flavor. Eff the calorie, the flavor's amazing even if it was a bad-deal calorically. Roommate BB discovered that cold chocolate lava cake is great too.
After getting down at the South Station, ordered a lyft, took a couple of pics with me in the city sent it to all close friends and family.
Back home, talked to the boys, got myself setup in SM's room for a couple of days before I cleared my room out. BB brought in the pizza, devoured it took in a bit of gigglies it didn't help. Ate a couple of slices of pizza and cheesy bread, half of the dessert and called it a day. I was so tired.
Order in from Veda, getting ready for trip, last day in Boston, Indian Matchmaking binge [Tue 21]
At work was busy with meetings with products folks and couple of engineering meeting. For lunch we ordered in from Veda, which is my favourite Indian restaurant in Philly now. N ordered paalak paneer and rice, with a side order of garlic Naaan. Oh so so so good. Their curries are not overspiced like a lot of Indian restaurants too, and not grossly oily. It's perfect, an Indian version of Japanese Curry which I know is an idiotic concept because Japanese curry is a simplified milder version of the Indian one, but that's what it was like. N compared it to the Japanese curry we had at Cafe Mami last year.
At some point I left the house, I can see that on a photo I took from the day, can't seem to remember where I went to or what I did. N went on a long-ass bike trip, I hung around because I loved the new Indian Netflix series Indian Matchmaking. Hate-watched the first three episodes, love-watched the last five.
Tried on the n95 mask and the full-body PPE SL had brought from his hospital. Thank gods for that. Realized n95 couldn't be worn for the entirety of the journey it was to be kept for the uber trips. Too difficult to breathe. And the full-body suit was pretty useless because it was unclear what I was protecting myself from. If the tiny bugs got into my clothes I'd just...take them of, and wash them. I wasn't the kind to sniff my own clothes etc either. So my regular mask would be my journey mask, the n95 for uber rides to and from the train stations, and no body protection.
Watched the reality TV show until 3 in the morning. Finished the entire series in one sitting. Felt bad about not writing anything that day, so all the posts here from that day are about the show. Everyone's gone gaga over it, and I know why. It's legit good. People love to hate on it, but they've mostly not watched the entirety of it. Texted long walls of text to several chat groups I'm in. That's the way to roll when you're not on any social media!
Went to bed at 2.30, maybe three.
At some point I left the house, I can see that on a photo I took from the day, can't seem to remember where I went to or what I did. N went on a long-ass bike trip, I hung around because I loved the new Indian Netflix series Indian Matchmaking. Hate-watched the first three episodes, love-watched the last five.
Tried on the n95 mask and the full-body PPE SL had brought from his hospital. Thank gods for that. Realized n95 couldn't be worn for the entirety of the journey it was to be kept for the uber trips. Too difficult to breathe. And the full-body suit was pretty useless because it was unclear what I was protecting myself from. If the tiny bugs got into my clothes I'd just...take them of, and wash them. I wasn't the kind to sniff my own clothes etc either. So my regular mask would be my journey mask, the n95 for uber rides to and from the train stations, and no body protection.
Watched the reality TV show until 3 in the morning. Finished the entire series in one sitting. Felt bad about not writing anything that day, so all the posts here from that day are about the show. Everyone's gone gaga over it, and I know why. It's legit good. People love to hate on it, but they've mostly not watched the entirety of it. Texted long walls of text to several chat groups I'm in. That's the way to roll when you're not on any social media!
Went to bed at 2.30, maybe three.
Back in my room
Back in my room, cleaned everything up, got rid of the wood bugs and things are more or less stable. There's minor arranging and cleaning to do, but that's going to happen in the evening and tomorrow. Feeling goood about this. Got a scented candle going so my room doesn't smell like it hasn't been lived in for more than six months.
Moving out of SM's room later this evening. Still have my work laptop and other 'valuables' in there. I see a problem with the phone and laptop charging situation, can't find my phone usb c charger. Beside that everything's A-ok. I have five days worth of journaling to cover up on, but I'm sitting in my comfy chair in my chill room, gonna do my workouts in the yoga mat and everything, so I'm excited about everything.
Moving out of SM's room later this evening. Still have my work laptop and other 'valuables' in there. I see a problem with the phone and laptop charging situation, can't find my phone usb c charger. Beside that everything's A-ok. I have five days worth of journaling to cover up on, but I'm sitting in my comfy chair in my chill room, gonna do my workouts in the yoga mat and everything, so I'm excited about everything.
Eight things that you think when high that aren't as deep as you think
- Let it goo, let it goooo, etc.
- Wait wait you ever think like time is not real but just likeee an illusion and we're watching a tv or something and everything exists at one instance and our existence is like a journey through time but time doesn't exist so it's an illusion? Whoaaaaa
- What if we're all dead, and it's the dead people that are alive. Or or what if we died at some point before and we're living like a playback. Wouldn't that be crazy.
- So I'm thinkin' we're all parts of this one big all-thinking entity you know and it wants us to be together but we're fighting like children like your left hand fighting your right hand. Think about it maaan, your gut's got bacteria and they probably think they've got a thing of their own going but they're like a part of you maybe we're a part of some much larger incomprehensible being in a similar manner.
- Okay so there's infinite universes okay okay and and everything that can happen will happen and has happened and we just happened to have come across this branch because that's where we are. But in some difference branch out there I'm the richest person on earth it's like comic books but it's all real you know it hurts my head to think about it.
- What if like nothing mattered like what you do what you achieve and in the end we're just a ball of mud and water and it's all bullshit it's liek the philosophies and sciences and art whatever it's just a bunch of mud bobbing around why does that matter so much right we are nothing so insignificant in the grand scheme but perhaps we're insignificant even in the small scheme. Gives you perspective yeahhhh
- There's so much unfairness and injustice in the world what are we gonna do about it man this is all so crazy wild I just wish there was some way to make sense of it our brains can literally not make sense of any of this because they're a part of the system so if there's any thing that understands anything it's beyond matter which we can by definition not perceive or understand so if there's a higher being that understands something we can't we literally are unable to detect them therefore any disproving of such entity's lack of existence is bullshit nonsense okaaay
- This is like wild but think with me okay what if what if you're red and my red are different and what you call red is actually my green and what you think is my green is like yellow etcetera you know it's wild what is true even there's no reality it's all fake illusiony bullscrap.
Good morning world
Good morning world, I write this on a Friday morning at nine 9am. I've taken the day off to take care of my personal matters. There's woody insects in my room so I can't go there. I'm currently parked in roommate SM's room, he had to go to Nepal prematurely in a rescue flight due to all the things happening around.
Finally I feel like life might be back in order. I don't know what's gotten into me since I came to Boston two days ago, but I get up on time and I feel really sleepy right on time. I guess it's the fact that I don't really like having a laptop on my bed, and there's no tv in my sleep-room that's guided me towards this mindset of peacefulness and calm. Also could be the fact that SM's room faces the street and there's so many loud pickup trucks and garbagemen and other loud people in the morning like you could not imagineee. I complained about Philly being too loud the other day in these very pages. Lets say our apartment doesn't appear to be that much better either, it was just my room that's nice. I need to get back into my room. I'm getting out of the house to get sub bug sprays and spray the crap out of them, cover the room for a few days and then get back. Vacuum up the suckers etc.
Also going to be starting on the workout schedule and other health-conscious things since I've finally got my private space now.
Things are lookin' gooood.
Finally I feel like life might be back in order. I don't know what's gotten into me since I came to Boston two days ago, but I get up on time and I feel really sleepy right on time. I guess it's the fact that I don't really like having a laptop on my bed, and there's no tv in my sleep-room that's guided me towards this mindset of peacefulness and calm. Also could be the fact that SM's room faces the street and there's so many loud pickup trucks and garbagemen and other loud people in the morning like you could not imagineee. I complained about Philly being too loud the other day in these very pages. Lets say our apartment doesn't appear to be that much better either, it was just my room that's nice. I need to get back into my room. I'm getting out of the house to get sub bug sprays and spray the crap out of them, cover the room for a few days and then get back. Vacuum up the suckers etc.
Also going to be starting on the workout schedule and other health-conscious things since I've finally got my private space now.
Things are lookin' gooood.
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