I'm not good at this

Let's keep this as real as it gets. I'm not good at this. You know I know the guy from scrubs who just started that new podcast knows about it. It's the talk of the town. Even by one's own standards one sucks pretty hardcore. Schitt.

SHIT shit shit.

Shame is an important part of one's socialization as child. It is however overdone in traditional societies. Someone who has grown up in a primarily shame-driven society has difficulty in deprogramming themselves away from it. To disown shame to survive and thrive besides it is a skill that takes a lot of drive and determination. One must learn to live despite themselves. Guts courage and a whole lotta self love. I have some of those. Teeny weeny bit. Not too much. Enough. Almost.

Am I ashamed? Yes. Do I care? Not anymore. This is bad it's not going anywhere. And I don't give a shit.

I am not good at this. It's besides the point though.

What is being 'good' at something. It's bullcrap, do things you enjoy doing even if you suck at doing them. Being good doesn't matter doing it for yourself does. The act of creation gives you this crown this reward of being a creator. The quality of the creation is besides the point. There is something that transcends you, something besides the deep pit on the couch you make as you watch tv. And it will hopefully outlive you. It's bad but it's substantial. You create something from nothing. Extract magic out of thin air.

I am proud of myself. I keep at it despite being not so good.

It is easy to quit after the third failure. It takes a person with a certain kind of mindset and approach to hammer on something much after the horse has left the barn door and been beaten to death. I might confuse my horse metaphors but I won't give up.

This is fun I enjoy doing this. The recordkeeping part is fun. The possibility of creating a written work a compilation potentially a novel series is alluring. What was unreachable unimaginable untouchable seems attainable. I don't have the right tools to extract it. Or the skillset. But I can see my prize titillating shining inviting. We will get there. Time I need more time. You don't gather a crack team of small-time criminals to rob a large vegas casino out of nowhere.

I am not good at this. It's alright. Writing is fun. I get to explore universes of my imagination. The world is burdened by my thoughts and opinions. I'd never let an opportunity to be heard just go to waste. I will keep on hammering.


Patiently.
Quietly.
Slowly.
Clang.
Clang.
Clang.