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[This should be a continuation/part of the Appointments and Disappointments series.]

When we were young we cried. When we are old and about to die we cry again. It's the part in between that's awkward and confusing all emotionally detached. Lets make it whole and make it a point to connect to our other selves olive a while complete life. Let's cry.

No that was stupid not a good explanation for anything. Things were intense and crazy and she was fuckin' stressed out like whatever why did she need to explain to people why she had been all moody and confused lately. It was none of their business. She could be drowning in her own tears for all they could care, they just needed some sort of drama something to gossip about. Not a care in the world, vapid uncaring dark. Oh so brutal, this world.

She didn't want to think about it. It was a mistake. Well it wasn't a mistake it never is a mistake, she had taken full ownership of herself, her rights and acted out in a responsible manner. She was the boss and she did what she wanted to do. It wasn't a mistake, that was something that needed to be done and done it was. It could have been done better. There was room for improvement yeah a frikkin' big room for improvement, she should have been more careful gosh why didn't she freakin' think it through twice. Nothing is ever a hundred percent she knew that obviously after checking everything on the internet for what was like two eternities. She never thought she might be the point one percent or whatever the fuck the failure rate was.

A confident woman, there was nothing to be worried about. A modern woman could take care of her medical needs, certainly so if she was in so much control of her other other needs. Yes yes. It wasn't a big deal anymore just another medical thing she'd borrow the money from friends it wasn't a big deal go to one of the hospital if it came to that but of course it wouldn't and if it did not one would be wiser. Except the doctors. And the nurses. And people who saw her at the hospital. They'd tell her family ooh we saw nani at the hospital near surgery ward was she sick or something, people she hadn't seen for decades. And they would grow suspicious of course they weren't idiots they knew what was up with how much time she had been spending out and what not. Her mom would come into her room latch the door no idea why mother did that always when something serious was up things mothers do oh well and then ask the daughter if there was something some secret that needed to be told because as a mother her priority was to take care of her children and there was nothing absolutely nothing in the world that would take that motherly love away. The daughter would tell her...she actually wouldn't but in the fantasy...would tell her and then hell would break lose. Never going out with anyone ever again not even for work. Unless you have a guardian. Jeezzz. Parents.

Someone in the other stall cleared their throat for whatever reason. Probably because they were about to...Yup here it was loud thrashes bangs and bazunka of sounds effects, and olfactory effects to follow that. What were these people eating, pooping and farting with such intensity in the middle of the day. You had to have an order, a timeline you can't just poop whenever you want to that's not how stomachs work. It was always the violent farts always you'd think women would try to stifle it maybe take it easy on the pressure eat less to control for it but no. Always loud and contorted so much grunting too. Because there weren't any men to listen around probably. Have some dignity consider other women to be people too and control the full force of sensory experience being discharged from your bodies. It wasn't hard. You just control it, let it go, control let it go. First thing you learn in the first grade even before that when they teach you not to force out the fart loudly. Things done in civil society. Toilets were open game for these people where all laws and rules broke down and you could to whatever you wanted to.

She didn't want to look. She didn't want to break into shrieking madness in front of the loud farter. Three more hours until work ended and no way she could make it on time. This was it. She took a deep long breath and held it. If she passed out of lack of oxygen that could delay it for some time. Fourty-five, fourty-six....exhale. She was a big brave girl. This was it.

She looked down.

The fart-judger explained to her coworker later she had burst out in laughter inside the toilet because a friend had sent her a really funny joke.

What a joke the whole fiasco was.