The smart nerdy friend

Fic. This is the character self-portrait of the smart nerdy friend of the main character, for the Appointments & Disappointments series.  

I was four. They told me to stop talking. I asked why. They said because I asked too many questions. I asked why I asked too many questions. They said because I was a talkative girl. And so on and on and on. That's the first memory I have of myself as someone interested in talking and arguing.

I was seven. My mother told me if I kept asking difficult questions and questioning everything about the place I lived in, and ways people behaved no man would ever marry me. I told her I didn't need no man, I would be like my grandmother, without any husband. My mother didn't reply. Later I told my grandmother I didn't want to ever get married because no man would ever marry me since I was asking questions all the time. I would become like her. She told me her husband, my grandfather, was dead. I asked her how he had died. Before she answered I wondered aloud if I could kill my husband too, if they forced me to marry. My mother got an earful that night from her.

I was nine. A boy in my class pulled my pigtail. I was a quiet girl, didn't create any problems for teachers. I took that opportunity to declare, during the middle of the class, in front of the teacher, that the boy was pulling my pigtail, and if anyone pulled my hair thereon, I would stab their eyes with my compass and play marbles with them. I heard that dialog in a hindi movie. The boy got in trouble for pulling my hair, they told me to not threaten anyone with eye-pulls. I didn't get bothered by boys anymore.

I was twelve. I didn't want to go to a new school. They told me it was important. I didnt' want to take their entrance exams. They said only two seats were open and I was so smart I'd easily get in. I was fully determined to fail every test they put me through. The teacher that interviewed me said I could explore any topic while there. We talked about philosophy and gods and spirits and everything else nobody else wanted to talk about. I failed the exams anyway. Got admitted regardless. Of course that would happen

I was thirteen. A year into the new boarding school and I hadn't made any friends. A girl sat next to me in the science class. We got talking, and did homework together. We talked a lot. A talked to her friends. Her friends became mine. Her hair was amazing, her eyes so bright and black. I wanted to be like her, I was full of envy at my friend.

I was fifteen. A new student started. She always smiled, talked to everyone, was friends with everyone. Her nose was round, her face was like an apple, she had the most amazing golden fooli on her nose. I couldn't talk to her. She didn't reach out to me. One day after we won a big dance competition, some girls snuck in beers from outside and we got drunk. I told her I wished everyday she'd talk to me because seeing her made my heart melt and I wanted to cry. She said she was afraid to talk to me because I was like the perfect statue, that I wouldn't like her. Later that night when everyone was asleep, we kissed. We kept kissing until our lips were blue. We kissed every night that week. Nobody knew.

I was sixteen and half. I got my hands on this amazing book by a famous scientist. It talked about the 'nature of reality', he talked like a philosopher despite being an MIT physicist. I got interested into books talking about the nature of reality, and from there, the nature of perception, and how reality is what we perceive. I got obsessed with the works of this scientist, and a famous professor, the orginal scientist's coworker, with a large stack of published book on what it means to perceive, what it means to be human and how we interpret reality. I read every one of his books. I sent him an email. He replied and encouraged me to apply to the university where he taught. That became the goal of my life, to get accepted into his school and take classes with him.