Must...not..give...up...keep...writing

 
When the desperation just isn't there, aren't we screwed, all of us?
When you want to rest and rest and chill and nap, and do nothing that must be done, how come love, will we move ahead? Where will we be at if what must be done is not touched.
Headaches that I complain of, what of them, why are they here and who gave them to me, is it not just a lack of water but mostly one of determination, to stop getting out of my head and on to the world, head-first?
To fight and carryon, to not give up on my goals, my ambitions and desires, because I'm a man of great ambition, I will not be defeated, I will not be conquered, I'm the master of my own fate, the captain of my own ship, the king of the castle. And this King as no intention of being checked.
What is it that I lack, what is it that stops be from going anywhere? Are my fingers too tired to type, does my back hurt so I may not sleep? Is there not enough time I have to give to what I presumably care for the most? What do I care for and what do I care for not, and why do I seem to not care for what I do truly actually care for? Am I a lost cause? What has become of me.
Why must one tell himself, remind himself every third day on the goal, and keep pushing and pushing and pushing, why won't things be just done as they should, easily, just get on with it, without fear, without laziness, with eagerness of a man exploring a new world, so curious, so eager, so proud, so excited. Why am I a lazy bum, and not an eager one.
And where exactly do I want to be a month from now, a year from now a decade from now, a century from now? In people's hearts and minds, remembered with fondness? Or as a nobody from nowhere, somebody who used reddit and youtube, napped a few hours in the evenings when it got too cold, the coldest days of the years.
I give myself credit, I give myself space, there is no doubt, the self needs loves and caring, nutrition and watch. Does the self need no discipline? What does the self care for truly, that the self has decided to abandon all that it must do.
Is it so hard, really, to be on top of your game, without external motivation, is it so hard really, to make yourself do what you must? Why won't I just sit on the chair, and do it, just close my eyes, move my hands, and write, write until my eyes tell me to stop, until the hands say well done this is good now stop, rest for a moment, and dear, start again, because we have seven more posts to go and we cannot be lazy about it. We cannot be lazy about it. We must never ever ever surrender.
That's it, all there to say, writing needs to be done, regularly, daily, always and without fail, multiple times a day, and laziness and distractions are not options. They're not going to take me where I need to go, I need to be a motivated professional somebody who cares. Need to be balance of the emotions, the highs must not go too high, the lows must not drown with pity. Maintain a balance, dear. SO be it.