this is truly me all things considered. i'm not half-assing anymore, i've given up completely, even the capitalization. it's not puking words anymore, these are the whiffs of farts that come out because of all the pachaak i've been eating, i collect that malodorous pungent weapon of war into glass vials and release here in the form of words, ready to molest your nasal system, potentially leading you to nausea, vomiting and general disappointment with life.
but like, is this not an accurate reflection of life, a purer distillation of who im as a person and the entity i've become.
this carelessness disregard for my own standards, complete lack of concern with how things are perceived, total intellectual bankruptcy, with clearly no desire to become whole ever again. This is not a compromise, this is a surrender, total abandonment of one's principles and dreams hopes standards all the crap they tell you.
there is nothing to lose, nowhere to go but up. workers of the world etcetera.
people write better, they're cleverer, put more energy into it, people care. me, i'm a bum who'll just try to meet his low standards, always failing on them. and it's alright, my worth is not judged by the quality of the words i produce, how much i impress you or your boyfriend, speaking of which after all my friends are single maybe they'll stop annoying me less, wonder if i should look towards getting an apartment soon. hmm.
from the burnt ashes and coal arises a phoenix.
it is unlikely to be me, keep your expectations tempered. could be, maybe i'll get some shit together in the following weeks. unlikely but not completely impossible. stranger things have happened. im quite annoying and rigid in such things however so it would be unlike to pin much of your hopes desires and progress's path upon those situations.
just keep working hard, be close to friends and family expect the best but be prepared for the worst. financially speaking, generally, you do need some backup cash in emergency situations. liquid assets they say.
provoking creativity, this connection to new people and ideas and personalities, i'm surely not going to reject this principle.
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