So thanks for being patient with the two-week break reader. It helped me clear my head, got my priorities figured out and I'll be back soon. In my google keep notes, I have topics for 37 posts, which means I'll be all set in a few days, if I can just get the motivation to expand them into longer words.
The summary of this vacation/break from writing is this: writing gives structure in my life, but focusing only on writing isn't going to get me anywhere beyond writing a shitty blog with half-hearted journal posts. And it's okay. For right now. But that's not what I want to be doing longer-term. I want this to be a means to get me more disciplined, turn myself into a harder-working more 'serious' sort of person. You know with work ethics and everything. Even if I'm say, a standup comedian, I want to be giving a hundred and ten percent to what I'm doing. Not the output necessarily, just my dedication. It's about how much you put in, what comes out is dependent on so many other variables, you might as well not think about it.
So yes, every day my backlog increases and so does my stress of having disappointed everyone, including myself. My heart aches, my mind stops, the body tells me it's not worth doing anymore, just like the workouts and the walks and the runs and the meditations,what's the point anyway, I'm not getting anywhere.
Getting somewhere is not the point. I'm doing this because I enjoy doing this. Because it's helping me become a better person, right now. Because I'm fighting entropy, stasis, I'm turning into a cooler, more likeable, kinder version of myself.
The fight will go on.
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