More standup jokes after 2nd class of comedy standup

 The other day I was in one of those places where there was uhhh adult entertainment, you know. People taking off their clothes, drinking and going wild, getting naked, people doing drugs in the dark corners, throwing stuff around. Really wild! It was quite exciting, exhilerating really, I felt so very alive. Like it was a wild bachelorette party, but every day. But you know, all good things come to an end and I had to get out... at my bus stop. Man I love Seattle public buses.

And then when I got home, oh right, I was going home from my friend's place -- he moved by this new apartment building -- I live in the most exciting part of town, uhh I won't give you my street address, but let's just say I have a police station on one side of my apartment, and a very active fire station on the other side. So going to bed is really comforting to me because I know, with all those sirens going on all night long, that I am going to be safe. That and the daily gunshots I hear out of my apartment -- I'm not making this up, there's gunshots on CapHill quite on the reg -- but the great part is with the inflation and crazy prices and everything going on, the gunshots give me comfort because if nothing else, I know the bad guys are shooting their guns to bankruptcy. Eventually, peace will prevail. But until then, there's the regular nightly gunshuts to put me to sleep.

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So I recently moved to Seattle -- a year and a half ago, and was quite impressed with how diverse the city is.

[And I've been really impressed with how diverse this city is]

Yeah, I was hanging with some dudes from Meetup at South Lake Union, and not only are there people working for Google and Facebook and Amazon, but there's also people working for Microsoft and Expedia. This is truly a diverse melting pot!

It doesn't stop at that! There's all kinds of people living here too. From the rich people who can afford hundred million dollar properties to the poor beggars who can afford 2 million dollar houses, this is truly a place for everybody.

And there's more! All people from all parts of the spectrum! From people who believe that Noam Chomsky is a Capitalist sellout republican, to people who believe complaining about human shit on your front door literally equals murder, there's people of all political inclinations in this city.

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What do the British Royalty and Seattle fashion trend have in common? Wait and find out!

I recently moved Seattle, and my favourite part about the city is...hmm dunno how to say it...so I'll just say it...[point both fingers to the mustache] the pedophile mustache. It's an unfortunate name, but hey at least it's catchy!

I've heard a few theories about it, let me tell you I DON'T care about any at all. Somebody told me it's big only among the single middle-aged gay men with daddy issues demographics. Another theory, is it's popular among sad pathetic older men to lull young women into a false sense of security by implying they might be gay daddy-issues-riddled-men and get their guards down. In which case the name IS kinda' appropriate, so THAT makes sense. But the most popular idea I've heard is it's popular among men who weren't able to grow a full face of hair like that [angrily] bullshit fake fake brooklyn hipster woodcutter facial hair look, and [passionately]now that they finally have a fashion trend they can get onboard with, they're jumping into it with great aplomb. And again, I have no cock in this fight. So to speak.

Ladies and gents, presenting to you, the pedophile!