Stream of consciosuness about all the things happening to me right now

 So yeah that was a big fiasco and the last several to many days have been rough in terms of how much fucking internet and reddit and war-following has been happening on my phone -- mostly because I blocked all of those timewasting sites on my laptops -- but otherwise actually life is not too terribly bad, now only if I could have a group of people who wouldn't just disappear with zero notice and also I need to not be gone out of town for months and months but I'm making friends and I hope to dear gods, all the gods there are and ever more that I have a solid gang from comedy or otherwise going because this is the first time I've been on my own, truly independently and all alone and if this doesn't work out it doesn't bode well for my future prospects on how I want to deal with this scary cruel wild world where there's not a lot to do and everybody is depressed for no good reason and so pessimistic about the state of the world etecetera, regardless of everything else though it's dashain time which means it's time to celebrate and be with family and I'm super duper excited about that, being back in the East getting to catch up with fam and chums again, good times are on the horizon and nothing can make me question that, and besides I do wonder if I overreacted to my terrible performance and the ensuing fiasco at the comedy place and if actually all that needs to be done is have grit and courage and just keep at it, like a madman, go on nonstop without bothering or being bothered and go at it like it's nobody's business until you absolutely kill it with your jokes?