Strem of consciousness yet again

I am freaking out that my classmates are become really good friends with each other and out and about with one another all the time and doing open mic nights and I'm missing those because the first night I didn't know it was happening and kinda' zoned out as I napped for like four hours and then talked to NG on the phone for two hours and then went on a walk but returned too early to get doritos then went to see the boys and then far too late when I got back to the house, and that I'm going to get left out of it, also the fact that maybe I'm not as good as one would have hoped after like the first class but I can improve, gotta remind myself, it's not about being the funniest mofo in the room, it's not about tightest writing or whatever, it's about the improvement, and yes if I go to the east coast it'll all be fucked up because there's no goddamn way I can do that there, but oh maybe in Boston, I should explore that, or should I be spending time with I, that's something else to consider, I needs to find a job ASAP because it'll be in everybody's best interest and also Philly's a great city, man I wish there was something interesting happening with E because it's a terrible place I find myself in and it's clear there's lots of heartbreak in the box for me for the foreseeable future, which on the one hand I don't mind because it's a strong powerful emotion and I have been complaining about how I haven't felt any strong powerful colorful emotions for a while, everything has been lukewarm and toned-down, but on the other hand it's got the potential to be too painful and incapacitating, and I do not like that experience, regardless my understanding is that she's a nice person and it'll be great, freaking finally good things coming out of work, I feel so very blessed, very very blessed, lucky to have such a great team, great manager blah blah blah, this is it, don't want to write anymore now, the future plan for writing going forward is going to be 1 hour of writing while during work and one hour in the evening so I don't have to cram it all at once for seven hours and then not write anything for the five days that follow.Str