Five things Mark would probably tell Jeremy from Peep show

1.  No, it was not your idea, it was never your idea, and even if it was your idea, it was a terrible idea that I had to fix many times over to turn into into a workable solution, that's the most credit you're going to get out of it, thank you very much, and good day sir. I said, G'Day!
   
   
2. Can you please tell me, please tell me even if it's not true, that you didn't do it, tell me please that you didn't press the button and you were just teasing me to see what I would do and what happened must have been due to the wind, or thieves, or even ghosts, if there's such a thing, which is quite unlikely,  but for present circumstances they exist alright, do that for me!
   
   
3. What you're telling me is, that you ate the food prepared for four grown men, and then the booze that was here, the expensive whiskey too, are completely sober and still quite hungry, seemingly, and now you want me to go out of the apartment and get more food and booze, so you can get more, is that, right, did I get that right, Jeremy?!
   
   
4. Not everyone thinks about boinking all the time Jeremy, people think about other stuff too, like the tax rates, and how JK rowling has been rolled over, and our modern cultural of instant gratification where our mental focus has been compromised by the vast capitalistic surveillance state but we don't care because we're milking it like Johnson's cow.
   
   
5. I will not take any of your drug addled cookies, thank you very much, once I did it, once, and it was once with April that I took some of your other drugs, and now you think I'm a drug-addled maniac, ready to take a cookie there, a brownie there, oh hello heroin jello, here you go, oh hi cocaine muffin, why not, don't mind if I do. That is NOT how the real world works, Jeremy!