Potato sandwich lunch, breakfast for dinner, the good place bingewatch [Sun 28]

Writing this two days after the fact, the memory is quite vague, except the fact that I didn't leave the hosue the entire day. Rain was only to be partially blamed for the fact. Also because I was feeling unwell the previous day, I napped on and off the entire day as I binge-watched WILTY and listened to HDTGM.

Got up pretty late probably who even remembers, the only memory of the day are like four photos that I'm so thankful I took in retrospect. This blog was supposed to be the antidote to the exact situation, but I'm losing that battle. NO MORE.

For lunch, I made a chips-butty, with chips chilli, so it was a chips-chilli-sandwich. Which sounds super duper sad, considering I didn't even bother toasting the bread as I didn't want to run the large gas oven just for two slices of bread. Had a glass of thick almond milk with the sammich, not bad at all.

In the afternoon I believe I wrote a little bit but not enough to cover up, and the fear of not being caught up haunted me so there was all this pressure of failing to perform and disappointing people who cared for you.

In the evening I thought I'd go without eating much, just on fruits and yogurt but that didn't work. So instead I made a solid 'breakfast for dinner' meal. Six pieces of vegetarian sausages from TJ's...they tasted so so so bad, and which stupid git even decided to call 'em sausages, these faux meats are prbably the biggest hindrances to people going fully vegetarian...a nice french omelete of two eggs, some amazing fried mushrooms with garlic, the trick is to have the oil really hot and the 'shrooms dry so they crisp up well, and add the spices toward the end, all with chiuraa. It was yummy, seriously, I'd pay good money for that.

Got stuck watching The Good Place instead of writing which I should have been doing, wanted to go to bed early so stopped watching at 12.45 in the evening, with only an episode to go before ending the entire series.

Chiuraa lunch, Massive TJ's haul, chauchau and chips dinner, cardplaying with the girls [Sat 27]

I write this three day later, because the weight of Feb's 'additional' writing was far too much for me to carry. I'm almost caught up with fuckin' february, on the second day of the next month, this is annoying as effing efff. Anywho, mooving on.

THe whole day, I chilled, watched a lot of would I lie to you, napped, and talked to the gang. Listened to a bunch of songs..

For lunch I had chiuraa, two fried eggs, and beans and carrots N had cooked the day before.

We went to TJ's in the evening, to get supplies for the dinner and also general supplies. Notable grocery items were thai-chilli almonds, almond milk -- oh man almond is so unsustainable, I gotta be more careful with that --, couple of packs of frozen TJ's veggie Indian dinners, and several different kinds of fruits.

N invited his cousins for dinner and hang later. V made Singaporean-style noodles which everybody was disappointed with because it was too sticky but honestly I just thought it was more authentic. N made chicken chilly. He saved over the chilly stuff, I roasted some frozen fries we'd gotten from TJ's and turned that into chips chilly. I had chips chilly and noodles, plus an egg for dinner, It was so authentically SIngaporean, yum.

After dinner we had conversations with regards to people's jobs and applications, and then paid a couple of horus of very intense cards, this time VD and MD were both there. I didn't do as bad as I feared, got to know VD and MD well and we talked about hour horoscopes etcetera. They go after personality types and not when somebody was born, IMHO.

By the time they left, at 1 in the morning, it was far too late for me to write.
Also I had been feeling tired confused and sleepy the entire day, and was vacillating in energy levels, so there was no chance I'd be writing.

Maybe my medium's different AKA people turning their diseases into craft

 Conan O Brien likes to joke that the gift that he has, of the gab, of coming up with ridiculous stories and physical comedy bit etcetera, would have been seen as a disease, mental disease of some sort. And he's somehow managed to monetize that, turn the disease into a craft, and make a living off of it.

It seems like as we get into a more information and entertainment-oriented industry, more and more of us are turning our illnesses into crafts, perfecting and leveraging whatever mutation we've been left with, owning it, and making them the way to live our lives. The youtubers, for example, there's a million youtubers who will do nothing but talk shit about other people, or buy shit they don't need, nonstop, and monetize that. Or um adult performers with really fucked up mental situations experts in poking and inserting and removing things from various orifices, and turning that into consumable mass product. It's not just the people who produce the content, mind, it's the entire ecosystem behind them...the music people, the writers of such content, the producers, the people who empower the entire platform, etcetera.

So I'm thinking, maybe I should treat whatever disease I have...laziness, anxiety, lack of interest in doing anything that so much as required more motivation than to walk three blocks....into a craft. Maybe...just maybe...I'm the sort of person who doesn't know what the entire universe of craft and skills is, and will reject the craft that one's meant to take up. The Universe might not have writing and selling novels, being a widely-read conventional novelist in the cards for me, it could have something radically difu.ferent, one that's not fundamentally different.

I'd have no problems with that.

Only problem is identifying the issue. Interrogating the universe to discover what my gift is and how I can present it in a palatable form while competing with other disturbed people and their own crafts. It's going to be rough competing with people who will do rather unsavory...often disgusting things...because that's all they can do, but I'll give it a sure shot. I'll do my best.

That's my promise to you, dear reader. That one of yo

Potatoes make everything awesome, even TacoBell knows that

 I write this the day after Feb, the first day of March because so much to 'cover', not enough time. Need to write ten posts just to be over with Feb. It's such a pathetic sad excuse, setting low sights for yourself and not meeting them. I'm going to be done with this once and for all, and just chill like that.

After work I was playing around with various online order options for the most popular chains and saw a couple of mouth-watering, pardon the pun, options. Buy one get one free from Subway, which is an insane unbelievable deal because you can get two footlongs for less than seven bucks. Yea Subway is not the best exciting food but it's filling and I've got not too many complaints, so that's an incredible deal.

The subway was closed so I checked what was up with tacobell. Regular reader of the blog will remember how I wanted to go there last week but too embarrassed about it. Went to the website, played around with the customisations, and accidentally ordered myself a burrito stuffed with seasoned fries. It sounds like something a person of advanced years would say but that really happened, I didn't know that google pay was 'one click', and just connecting the two websites meant I didn't have any control over what was happening.

So I went out on a walk to taco bell to retrieve my burrito. The nice cashier over there asked me to confirm that I'd really wanted my fries inside the burrito and not along with, the burrito. That was rather sweet of her. The burrito looked hefty, with fries and rice and beans, I was so eager about it, ended up eating right there and then.

That's when it hit me, even though potatoes are 'carbs' really, they go so well with all other carbs and protein combos. Amazing on breakfast burritos, long fries go well inside burgers, and regular burritos. And even on pizza, if you've not tried potatoes on your pizza, that's something worth trying. Not to mention 'chips butty', or a 'fries sandwich' is a British delicacy.

Potatoes rule, in all forms, and you can inject them into pretty much any dish in one form or another and not go wrong with it.

On the British Panel shows

These posts are going to be short, reminder that I've got a lot of catching up to do because of the laziness and everything. I just need to write goddamit, it's just words, fingers need to move and tap tap tap tap the keyboard, it's not like something I need to think or wonder about. Just churn out the crap. Barf out the words.

Just put in the words, just put in the words.

Back to regular programming.

Here's a good list of the British panel shows I've been watching.

The panel shows are like basically Whose Line Is it Anyway: they invite a group or 'panel' of comedians and make them complete various tasks or competitions. The points mostly don't matter, it's all about the conversation in the name of the competition. So goddamn funny, they are. It's all the same ten dozens comedians going around hosting and participating in each other's shows.

Taskmaster: Lovely show the first panel show I watched. Eight months ago. So goddamn funny. The eleventh season is starting in two weeks, so freakin' pumped for this.

Eight out of ten cats does countdown: It's a redo of the classic panel show, except there's a countdown. Every show has a couple of word problems and a math adding problem. Again, the 'problems' aren't themselves the bigdeal, it's the fact that people are pretending to care for the scored. Just watched clips here and there on youtube, should watch the full episodes.

Would I lie to you: David Mitchell and Lee Mack are two team captains whose teams are supposed to tell two lies and a truth and the opposite team guesses which of the stories is true. It's perfect for a certain kind of comedian who lives an exciting life, Bob Mortimer is amazing on this show. I should be watching more of this. Just watched clips here and there on youtube.

The good place is not about the afterlife

The good place at first seems -- quite at-your-face in an obvious manner -- about death and after life. A bunch of people are dead and go to heaven. SPOILERS AHEAD: they discover it is not in fact heaven but hell and have to work through several situations, in the end actually do end up in heaven, spend multiple eternities in there with people they loved and cared for, respected, throughout their lifetimes on Earth, before heading for 'the door' that ends their existence from all eternity. Forever, and permanently. Aka the final, ultimate complete total death.

But it's not really about death is it?

Because what does 'death' even mean when nothing's changed after life? What happens when, sure, you're put in difficult circumstances, often bizarre with a group of people you don't know and don't want to be with, but all things considered and barring the supernatural, the human condition hasn't really changed? It's just that the 'level' of societies has changed, their lives are different, more well-resourced than the world we live in, they're forced to make changes, but they are human beings, dealing with motivations and machinations of other humans. It's the same old, same old.

It's a metaphor for immigration, quite obviously.

Four individuals from very different social strata from different societies are forced upon a place -- could they possibly be refugees? -- and have to make it work together because their existence depends on it. Then they realize the all-seeing-all-powerful overlord is just as powerless as them in the changed political circumstances -- a coup if I may, and ally themselves with him as counter-revolutionaries. In the end they bring about the promised changes, live loving and comfortable lives thanks to change migration through which they can bring in their old friends and family, and in the end depart the world, all of the world, 'for good'. The only real death in the show is in the last part of the final episode. When those five or six drops meet the ocean of ultimate consciousness eventually.

Also there's prison reform inserted in there, in the last season. Good stuff.

Finished watching the good place, finally

As usual, this is a rush-job as I need to fill a self-set quota that's becoming increasingly hard to complete. This sort of bullshittery will stop, eventually. Until then, ya gotta put up with this.

I didn't write anything last night, because I had a headache, wanted to go to sleep, had put off writing to the very end of the day, and got stuck in a binge watch for the good place. The first three seasons I'd already watched and loved very much, so I spent four hours completing the fourth and the final season. There were like thirty minutes remaining of the final episodes, which I completed early today.

It's a great little self-contained show, not too ambitious but that's what probably made it so lovable. Great cast and acting all-around, fun writing by quite a few of SNL alum. The concept, execution, everything was well put together.

The last couple of episodes of the last season were great, even more so than other episodes. I'm however a little bummed that they squeezed so many different concepts and storylines within a single season. It had material worth at least two seasons if not more, so this season felt a bit compressed. Until the last two or three episodes, I was really wondering how they'd be ending the show as they'd not begun wrapping up. It was a bit abrupt.

Not that I'm complaining.

I'll be writing a different post on the Philosophy of the show, particularly with regards to death and how it actually doesn't address death as much as it purportedly does. The gist is that on several occasions the show does a feint: it's about prison reform while not suggesting that at all, it's about everyday human experiences and connections while it pretends to be about afterlife, the creatures in it are supposed to be immortal and 'extraterrestrial' but their nature and interactions with humans are clearly very human. The show takes you on a journey, teaches you lessons, and brings you back safe to your living room, and you never even notice the trip you were on. This is the best kind of teaching.

On death

I have covered this topic before, writing again because of the specific situation we find ourselves in. One of our closest friends lost both of her beloved grandmothers in the last two months. A good friend lost her sibling in a terrible manner. People are having trouble coping.

What to do.

Young people dying is a shock, it comes as unexpected, sad, unfair, and a total loss of potential. The most hearbreaking thing is for parents to outlive their mostly healthy able and so up-and-about children. But think of the siblings! Their only brother/sister, the person they've grown up with, their partner in crime, the person who was there to deal with their parents and live through with them is gone. Forever. Never to be seen again, or heard from. For all of the whole of the rest of the eternity. For the rest of the existence, ever.

Scary times.

We are drops of water that meet the ocean in the end, our individuality gone, whatever made us that unique drop combined with the greater whole and yet not completely destroyed. Our essence is gone but not destroyed. Is it impossible, so very unlikely that our essence could recombine to form our being, to relive our experience and existence?

Are we not like leaves of a tree during a storm, so easily blown away? The only solution is to hang on tight, to not give up and fight, fight against the dying of the lights. Scare the bejeezus out of the wind and the rain.

We must go onn. Never ever ever give up.

There are three deaths: the first is when the body ceases to function. The second is when the body is consigned to the grave. The third is that moment, sometime in the future, when your name is spoken for the last time. Source.

We must make the best of the one life we have, to optimize for the third death in the best possible way.

Guess guess who's going to be dating and/or roommating a former miss Nepal?

THIS GUY!

Honh Honh Honh.

This is what I said in a text chain that also includes SS.

Honh Honh Honh guess who's gonna be there for support and care when there's long distance relationship issues. but idk there's way too many syllables in her name.

And this:

I respect her enough as an adult person to make her relationship choices! If that means she's going to be unconsciously uncoupling with her vlogger partner, it's on her, LOOOL. But also I AM looking for a roommate for a 2bdr, if anybody knows anybody. If Shrinkhala is not available.

Took a day off of work, JUST FOR YOU, babe

 I'm running so far behind, and my brainfog -- yes I know the word is highly loaded in these tough times but when your head feels like there's a large fucking rock inside it all the time and you don't want to write or walk or do anything productive and just sleep for the entire goddamn day all the time, it's fair to call whatever that is brainfog, even if the implication is that I may have been less than careful with my goingouts and might have the virus, possibly but unlikely -- is of no help with the posts here, so I took the day off today. To write everything.

I write this on the 2nd day of march even though the posting date is for the last day of Feb. It's all lies on lies, but I need to get my shit together, ya smellin' what I'm cookin'?

And that is all. Tis' all a filler until the heat death of the universe, the life and everything ends. This is all I got and I'm PROUD of it y'all dontcha dare question my abilities.

Yeah anyway, one down, seventeen mofoking more to go lol. Ordered me some subway, gonna get me someeee. Aitee, I'll be back in a while.

I'd rather listen to podcasts

Shut my ears out.
I don't wanna hear.

It's either the news
Or shamefully
personal matter
Don't tell me,
Don't make me hear
Let's be honest here,
I don't give a crap
I really couldn't care.

Should I go, should I run
While you talk about
having all the fun,
I  would rather not, let me go
It's better for me the lesser I know.

I will judge,
If your force me to,
your friends and family
and the whole lot of you
the city and town
all of it
I will take it down.

Let it go, let me be
There's nothing in here
Of concern to me
Let me fly, let me run
Let me have my
Own little fun.
Don't you dare
Put that gun
of social information
don't you bare
all of your emotional innards
in my care.

Things are so boring rn, and I might play online poker, that's it

I don't want to write anything but I must. Two more post. I have to do this. It's not an option. If I get this and another one, only ten more posts tomorrow, which seems a lot more achievable than 12, somehow. Also eight posts are going to be coming in pre-planned since I've got a list of titles in my google keep all fired up ready to be turned into meaty content.

But again I don't want to write. THere is nothing to write. My life is going, but nothing exciting or worth talking has happened. I don't know how to write fiction, my attempts at poetry read more like a mockery of the craft than legitimate attempts. Life in philly has been great, as you can deduce from my journal entries and general 'thoughtpieces' hahahaha but otherwise we stay at home watch tv eat a bunch and go out once every so often. Unremarkable.

Thoroughly unremarkable.

What a tricky position I've found myself in. So very unenviable.

The most exciting thing to potentially happen in my life as of this instance is the poker game that J invited us to play on thursday...it's supposed to be an online thing but N and I aren't sure how it'll work as you can only have a single deck of cards for texas hold'em and only four players, there's surely more than four players in their group. Ten bucks a buy-in is so cheap all things considered, twenty bucks for making friends and getting to know knew people is quite admirable. You cannot meet anybody under the context of just meeting people, as my EAP guide says, you have to meet them under some other context and ending up together somehow should be incidental, not intentional.

Big fat good it is gonna do to me if it's a bunch of dudes. Friends in a different city, that's something I guess, and never hurts to know more white people, don't know too many of those outside of work. So that's some.thing.

Besides that....Ugh.

Somebody sent me a message on viber, exactly a week after a send them a photo, it was so cringy. For me, I was cringing at myself for even having bothered sending the message. Am I really quite so desperate that I'm sending excited photos of the cool things happening here to people who so clearly don't give a rat's ass about what's new and happening? Or should I take the delusional path and imagine they're maybe not using viber at all and they reply probably whenever they're checking it out, once in several weeks. It's something that's possible but unlikely. Sad thing, I do have many friends and don't need this at all.

That's all the bullshit I can pull for one post.

Gotta save something for the last writing of the day.

How to get more traffic into this blog

My blog here, the very one you're reading is not very popular. I get some google hits but they're crap mostly.

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People don't appreciate this format of writing, writing is after all getting less popular than it used to back in the golden era of blogging which was a decade an half ago. With no marketing and shit writing I have really zero chances of getting organic traffic to here, and even if I did get a decent number of people reading this, I'd only be setting myself up for failure with high expectations and not being able to write anything with honesty as I'd become a public celebrity.

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Search engine optimization used to be a thing back in the day, you put in words and topics that are selling well somehow people would end up in your page. That doesn't work as well anymore since all traffic starts in viber or snapchat or instagram...they never see my work at all. What a bummer.

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Where have those bloggers gone, I wonder, who used to have their heart flow out to the world. Honest ideas opinions and emotions. There was a bit of drama, that came with emotions naturally, it was only healthy and people learnt to deal with separating their real life and online life. Those were different times! Now it's one unending mess of nonstop stressful news and rage and annoying young people going gaga over yet another hot new startup every four months. Even if the format is so stupid. There is no goddamn way radio programs, live ones, are going to make a comeback, specially with total randoes.

The quality control is just not there.

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Some people are tricky and will stuff their posts with junk words to drive in whatever extrastupid traffic wishes to see unrelated content. I don't think that'd work, because those in that traffic are most certainly not going to convert into another more profitable product.

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I guess i'll have to live with what I have right now

But anyway it's far too late at night I need to drive back home

But is it a good idea, he says, they didn't work out together, and besides other's other issues they might be working on, I don't know the person -- well I know your friend very well and it wold seem to me that there needs to be more of a stabilizing effect which if it's missing could be affecting all of us, you know what i'm saying.

An artist girl from Baltimore Maryland and she knows what she wants well but then what she wants changes not too often, is that another thing you'd be concerned with. Because the idea you're suggesting could get us all into deep shit man if things blew over I'd get in trouble with Artie, he's gonna get married soon anyway in Rhode Island but I don't buy it for a second. Her side of family, they're sort of chill hippies from Norcal, think he's this stuckup asshole from the east coast even though we know the guy is chill as fuck -- you've met him right, we went on a couple of hiking tours and yeah he's screwed me over once or twice but the guy's not an asshole. He's an idiot, probably needs to plan better but those are not crimes.

And you are right the different social circles need to meet up more often, so much more we can be the bridge between those most definitely. Otherwise we're all in our little fucking bubbles and its not even a political thing just an interest and means sorta thing so we're all drawing up the murals and teaching kids and writings songs and singing raps and you people are like savings lives or birthing babies and what not, we're living like we're in two different worlds. For all we know it could be alternate realities, yannowhatim saying?

That's what we need to be fixing, this summer for sure when everybody is more comfortable with walking out doing cookouts and pool parties. And heyy yeah my friends are not around anymore there's a big group of people from our group who are moving to Cali but this group of artists, I'm really getting to know them they'd really be excited to know you guys not shitting at all. And really you guys have so much unique exciting experiences, all over the world, doing weird shit, like making this journey, settling down in a new place. It's one hella' trip if you think about it, and that's what art is about anyway is it not, about change and seeing things for what they are.

But just watch out some people may have their heads stuck in their assholes or like flying out in alternate realities, you don't always want to ground them or talk face to face hundred percent honest because the way you perceive the world is so different you could be in complete agreement over different matters and still be shouting at each other because you don't fully know what the other person's trying to say.

You know?

Why must we call you that

I hem and I haw.

Why do I,
not let them
call me daai,
They ask
for what must be
The thousandth
time.

Is it because,
they say,
you want to feel
young again
or is it because
you feel that
such words
are often used
in vain?

Hem and haw, hem and haw
The matter
Goes forgotten.

Why do I,
though,
Why do I?

Why not,
I retort,
Inside my head,
Unless there is
a point being made
Why is it
that
those words must be said
I like points,
and I like making
Do let me know,
if that's what
you're doing.

Then we go
to where we began.

The real answer
Goes evaded
Once again.

Just let yourself go

Why don't you

Dare

Stumbling

into

Love

Once again

Blind

As a bat

Barely a clue

What's ahead of you

And yet

trudge on

Onto the light

that is

revelation.

Why are you

so afraid

to grow

And to learn

must mostly

feel

the hearts

around you

Why so fearful

to be hurt

to cry

and to find

what it it

deep

inside you.

What is it

that stops

from

jumping

into the pool

of passion

and letting yourself

go.

Just

let yourself go

man.

Let yourself go.

Like a leaf

blowing in a storm.

Fun Friyay, yogurt lunch, snacks, sandwich early dinner, friday chills on the roof, friends get drinks, bartrip, meeting with J, hangback, very latenight [Fri 26]

It is 1.45 at night on Friday, ST and his friend J and I are talking about hikes and relationships and their experience at college outside Philly. The past year, we agree, is not a great year for relationships. One way or the other, from either ends.

We came back from the bar at 11.45, it was raining outside, a little chilly, fortunately J had his car so we drove for five blocks or so. The three of us (bar J) had been hanging for a couple of hours before J joined us, hung with him for an hour before we left for the apartment.

We left for the bar at 30 to 10, a little in a rush because we thought 10 was the last hour for getting into bars. Waited for the Charlie is a sinner for ten minutes and didn't find a seat, so walked over to one of the other bars, got an incredibly nice 2nd floor end seat in there. We ordered cheesy fries so yum I ate most of it, cheesy tortillas, they were alright. The guys got chicken skewers. I got a couple of bottles of non-alcoholic beer,they just fill you up and never make you feel woozy etcetera.

At 7 in the evening, we went to hang out in the roof, turned the gas fire on, it didn't warm us up after ten minutes, sorta' disappointing there but that gave us an opportunity to get indoors in the gameroom and play pool. I too a couple of shots, N took the rest, we got thrashed by ST.

After work I listened to podcasts, ST and I took turned to play good music. I tried writing something but remained extremely uninspired. ST had brought back a veggie sandwich from work as he found it too....uninspiring.  It was yum, so cheesy, I liked that. Whata loss.

Work was mehh, lazy, scheduled quite a few meetings, got most of the work done but not super duper motivated. Got two hundred words out in the persona journal, hurray.

For lunch I had yogurt with blueberries, honey brown sugar and raw sugar, plus some cinnamon.

Got up at 6.30, put on How Did This Get Made, listened to twenty minutes of it and slept back in. Got up 7.45 again, wasted the rest of my time and began work at 8.45.

 As I type this, it's 2.06 in the morning, J and ST are talking family and friends and setting up our other friend. Fun conversations. Not gonna sleep until this ends so might as well write more, considering I'll have to average 8 posts for the next 2 days if I want to make even.

Opening up as things open back

Yeah it's late and I'm tired. We're all so tired.

I guess going out for drinks is pretty risky, but the recommended practices were followed though the practice may have been not ideal. Besides, out of the two people I live with right now, ST has had the vaccine already. One can only be so constricted socially, something's gotta give. N and I keep wondering if we're infected though there's no symptoms but you want to be careful.

The concept of meeting people outside the very core group seems almost strange now. J, who is ST's friend from college, said he'd almost forgotten how to socialize. 

It feels good to be near noisy people, people who're having fun. It's incredible to look at people in the face, unexposed. Pretty faces. Drunk, loud, messy people. Emotions, connections, hearts on hearts.

I don't intend to put myself into unnecessarily risky situations. Face masks always on when around people, maintain a comfortable distance between people. Don't actually get your face too close to anybody. Wash your face and hands when back from the outside. 

It's getting better, the outside, the weather is improving, time to start going on hikes and just meet people, if you've got friends so maybe meet their friends as well. That's what they're planning here in Philly...barbecues and hikes and cookouts. As long as you're outside in the sun with winds blowing airflow going you're not going to get infected. Spend as much time as you can outside.

The thing is, and this is beating on a very dead horse, there's not much happening in Boston anymore, the old gang is done and I don't have my new gangs going on. Might have to hang out with coworkers yeesh and also there's a new coworker who I get along with very well it is however extremely impolite to wait for somebody to break up. I mean...yes, that's happening under other circumstances low-key but one shouldn't be making a habit out of that. Shouldn't be making that one of the more core values.

In any case, things are looking up, hopefully we're not letting our guard down too early. It is not worth catching the bug, no goddamn way. Nothing is. The brain however needs its peace.

Making new friends at this phase in life is not easy

The last ten years spent in Boston have been great but as has been discussed in minute detail in the past, it's time for me to make a different city my home. Well not necessarily but change my lifestyle. There's a reason for that: all my old friends the people I hang out with are gone or in the process of departing to greener pastures. Quieter places, louder places, jobbier places, lamer places, more affordable places, more expensive places, all sorts of places that happen to not be called Boston.

Which means I'm going to be out of most of my friends very soon.

Making new friends, new groups, getting new hobbies and expanding my social circle in an 'organic' way is something I've always wanted to do. It never works out because I end up finding people from back when or I get too lazy boring annoying etcetera and the new circles never expand. Or in the case of last year's friend circles the one with SS, fucking global pandemic dashes my hopes of finally freakin' having a group of cute women friends at least one of whom I might have considered like at least being on more than friendlier terms. Making friends is a fundamental skill, remember my mom asking 'have you made friends yet' everytime i went to a new friends it was annoying at the time for I thought it was just something that happened to you but now I realize it needs skills and patience and commitment. Like being in a relationship with somebody but wider in scope and involving more coordination. I love it. And you don't have to break up with people unless things are really really really bad. Even in that case, you can salvage the other connections and not all is lost.

Just need to find an in, to make friends. Expand my circle, my hobbies and just the connections. I'm a frog of the pond who wants to be an ocean frog but doesn't know the way to the ocean. There's fear, of the big bad sharks, the trucks that could hit one one the way, the mean greedy fishermen who could take you out of the land, and just being made fun of by the ocean frogs. Identity. Who am I and who do I want to come off as, and how do I convince the people that I don't share too many other identities with that I'm somebody they'd be cool hanging out with. What is it that connects us?!

It's hard work, it sucks, the fear of rejection is debilitating, and actual rejection which surely will happen not to irregularly burns like hell.

Still, life moves on, we must do what we must, despite the fear and pain!

Ten ideas people are always talking about doing but do they ever

1. Restaurant, everybody wants to open a restaurant, always. Momo restaurant, katti rolls restaurant, rice and veggies restaurant, meat restaurant, traditional food restaurant, all of the restaurant.
   
   
   
2. Food carts. They're cheap, portable, and hella profitable I'm told. Well N says anyway. It's 30G's to buy and get permits, and N's says you can make that back in net profits in six months. I told him maybe it won't work like that, we'd probably not get a good location, but people are still considering that.
   
   
   
3. Errryyybodyy wants to write a biography. Errybody. As does this guy. And who ends up working on it, nobaahhdyyy.
   
   
   
4. And then there's the traditional feudal landlord gene showing up in our desires. FOlks just want to buy a large number of properties somehow leverage that into hella lotta rentals, and live off of rental income. Nobody really considers the risk behind it or the work involved.
   
   
   
5. "How cool would it be to get involved in farming, like growing your own food and eating only the grains and veggies you've grown, no dependence on other people, that's quite a good idea, no," they say, again with little intention of working towards it.
   
   
   
6. "Make an app." "It's going to be like facebook, or uber or airbnb, but for something very different". "Why don't you just make an app"
   
   
   
7. This I say mostly. "Maybe I should go try my hand at acting or writing for Hollywood or something, once the green card situation works out. If it's mostly luck, it's probably worth a shot right?"
   
   
   
8. "Podcast. We should start a podcast." That's how you get an average of seven podcast per person and there's more people producing podcasts than there are listening.
   
   
   
9. "Youtube. Everybody's on youtube making money, so much money on that, you just need to get something out that the white people will like and then the dollars will come rolling in. I know somebody who became multimillionaire because of youtube, he has three SUV"s all from the youtube moolah"
   
   
10. 10. Instagram Influencer. Sigh. People have started considering it like a legit career choice, alas, what a bummer. What does it MEAN people what does it even MEAN. Nothing makes sense anymore.

Home Alone, work presentation, classy brunch, nap, halal dinner, so socially needy [Thu 25]

It's one am of the day as I write this, what an interesting day it has been. Haven't been able to 'catch up' posts today, but I'm running behind my only two days' worth of writings. If I can convince my brain to 'cheat' on work tomorrow it's going to be so fine.

Yeah so as usually I got up at 6.30 ish as ST's blendering awoke me, back to sleep snooze snooze on the alarm, work at 8.45, meetings until the lunch our when I made fried bread and scrambled eggs with orange juice for lunch. ST was gone for his duty and N had to go to work as they want him to be in person at least once a week. So I had the whole apartment all to myself. Such an exciting prospective with so little resolution alas.

Presented the work I've been working on for the last two weeks, pat pat pat everybody said I should be presenting more tell me a better story bruh, twelve years ago it was this very exact stud who killed it with all those wonderful presentations and went to various countries and then something happened to him he got all too lazy and afraid and quiet -- specially during presentations because he sure is loud at other times -- and now he doesn't even want to present anymore, perhaps because there's smarter people listening and asking questions, in which case one should prepare more and for a better answering session, not be afraid of it.

In either case, watched dozens of Bob Mortimer videos on youtube throughout the day, what an amazing guy that I should write a post on him soon.

Napped for two hours between four and six.

After N came back we chilled for a bit took an hour to decide what we wanted to get for dinner ultimately settling down on halal dinner. Walked over half-a-block to the halal cart I got the falafel sandwich with the free soda that comes with it, seven bucks for everything, friend N got the kebab dinner set, with extra fries and the drink as well only eight bucks, so cheap right? Ate home demolished the dinner, talked to ST who needed to go to bed early.

Everybody else was busy socializing online so I hit up a few people nobody replied so I was a little bummed out and just killed the time until 12 when I started writing this. Should have started it earlier.

A little bit ago I drank a whole lot of kefir, brushed my teeth and am now ready for bed, at 1.10 in the morning finally.

13 reasons why I might possibly have the disease

1.  My back hurts. To be fair I've not been siting well for last week.
   
   
2. My head hurts and I feel groggy. Could be because I haven't slept on time for a while now.
   
   
3. I coughed a couple of times. And my friend did too.
   
   
4. After a whole day of being on the computer my head hurt.
   
   
5. My hand hurts, the arms. Why else might that be?
   
   
6. I don't feel very hungry even when i haven't had a lot to eat.
   
   
7. Even short burst of intense activity gets my heart pumping quite fast and I'm tired real quick.
   
   
8. Sometimes I feel irritated for no good reason, except possibly hunger. Surprisingly the irritation goes away when I get to hang out with or talk to cute women and then I feel REALLY energetic. Scientists should be doing research on this as well.
   
   
9. At times I feel so very hungry, specially late in the night after everybody's gone to bed, and will eat literally anything. Is it possible it's due to the viruses making me feel hungry?
   
   
10. Pimples. There were three pimples on my face in as many preceding months.
    
    
11. We've been eating out in deserted restaurants or outdoors seating.
    
    
12. I touched a gross door handle outside with my bare hands and didn't shower after.
    
    
13. The nosebridge on my kn95 mask is broken and viruses probably flew in from there.
    

all the single men

Fiction, ish?

Alas.

The four of us. We are doing quite well and respectably smart if I may say so. And there's no obvious social uhh flags situation that one might immediately find. That we know of anyway.

Is it therefore suspicious when persons spend a large, shockingly large part of their conversations talking about persons whom people might be interested in why nobody has introduced them to their other friends who the other remaining persons are in other cities that might be fun to meet and hangout with and how going to the other cities is a shame because people aren't traveling to meet friends and hang anymore but to deal with their special friends and they've completely forgotten their old pals have they not and yet none of this goes anywhere and people are up until two two goddamn o clock in the morning every other day talking about plans and ideas and people and facebook linkedin and what the fuck not but ultimately it's the uncertainty and the sense of camaraderie in the knowledge that people are doing fine or else they wouldn't be in such a great company it's just that some people prioritize certain things over other factors and it may have been the case that if those people had prioritized other things then maybe things would have been so very different wow.

But it rarely works out.

Who was it that you met in singapore and how did it go they will ask and you will answer and so will your friend but there's no resolution for Singapore is a universe away and an aeon ago and so is Cleveland fucking Ohio. Good things happen in Singapore, great things, but what's the point when they don't go anywhere, or rather they either stay in Singapore or move to Cleveland Ohio and well there's not much left then. What's the point even.

You your your eyes take a big fat fucking sigh and go on with whatever the shit were doing probably youtube or whatever because this is tiring nobody gets anything done are we all so fucked or are we actually winning or are we the people we hate but that can't be true for we don't hate ourselves you backout and nothing happens.

Sanity.

For some time anyway.

Alone, it's fine.

It's not too bad. You need things to talk about.

Lacking buying a house, or kids, or biking or cooking, one's got to talk something anything and as topics go it's not too bad. Besides remember something, you've got some card up your sleeves nobody knows about and the persons that do are always complaining about how you never tell them anything and you're being so secretive etcetera.

Scuttling interpersonal relationships if they're not flying high and there's a chance of explosion, is it sad if one's scuttled more boats than launched? Most certainly yes, for controlled events release valve and save lives and energy of all parties involved. It's the right moral thing to do. Sink 'ships not hearts. And by that I mean interpersonal relation-ships.

Not all women are designed to wear your fantasy underpants

 Fiction.

The problem they don't understand is not all women are made for those clothes, I'm not fat or anything and I consider myself attractive there's no self-esteem issues here alright as my boyfriends of the past yes I said boyfriends, multiple and I even had sex with one or two european men once upon a time yes just like that a fling...that lasted several months each...and I don't remember the exact number because I'm trying to exa---shut up shut up why am I the one being interrogated, this is my goddamn testimony this is my story and what i want to say goes, so there are no self esteem issues at all, that's not the problem no, the real problem is that of...hmm...fashion, can it be called, or design or something and let me go there a little bit and say I have a decent body I workout not to irregularly walk a lot bike a bit swim if given a chance and sex when the opportunity presents itself if I may say so but that one ass friend tells me it's not working out if i'm not doing anything if I'm just...lying there, but my heart is beating and so is my lower body surely something good has to be coming out of all that sweaty messy and dare I say with fear of massive retaliation for literally every woke person on twitter and stupid young teenagers -- yucky crap that I think is overrated, so yeah I'm not totally out of shape but still the problem is..and that not all women are meant to be wearing those sexy silk underpants. There, there I said it.

You look at a sexy image of a cute tight model whose tush the underpants are taught against, you see the bubble, you see the bulge and your mind goes a thousand miles a minute, you think shit this stuff will make any woman feel empowered and hot and want to fuck you and that's what women want to feel wanted and desired and like a bombshell and heyy fucko that's true for all men and women if it's not true it's untrue for all genders as well but the important thing I'm trying to get at is that those don't necessarily make everybody feel sexy. Rather, they make people feel weird and super conscious. Opposite of horny, rather. Afraid, insecure.

It's not about our bodies.

It's about how they're designed. The seams aren't very tight. And they aren't meant to be worn on a regular basis. In fact, they're almost solely designed to be seen for like two minutes and taken off, to do whatever hopefully not the hot tiring sweaty lame not very exciting smelly grunty thought-provoking borking that makes one wonder why people can't think of more fun or exciting taboos that everybody wants to rebel against. Because the seams will ride up and up right onto our asscracks until the underpants smell like asscrack, and you feel gross and uncomfortable. If you're walking out you're constantly adjusting your panties, and finding excuses to do so. It is a travesty.

So shut up and stop it with the gifting of sexy panties. Why don't you give me your credit card number and a budget limit and I'll do the rest of the work huh?

State of the blog: Feb 2021 edition

 What's happening?

I haven't really written longform/fiction pieces in is a whole goddamn century. Issa bummer since I want to be doing fiction/novel eventually, that's the reason my writing mania began. Bummer.

On the bright side, I've been keeping up, more or less, playing catchup but not completely abandoned my writing mania and it's paid dividends with there being no serious disruption. I'm always catching up, but never too far away to not be caught up.

On an even brighter side, the shorter posts and what I consider nonsense timewasters I'm too good to write because I'm destined for greater things such as novels...and um heady op-ed articles in newspapers which people will read and consider me a -- dear gods forgive me for using this phrase -- thought leader and invite me to speak in conferences literary festivals etcetera, seem to be selling better. People keep saying, ohh yeah I like those short articles better, they entertain me, they're funny, you're longer pieces drag on forever. Etcetera.

Whatever.

Bullshit.

Like yeah because it's the same goddamn material in my head, I'm writing more words because it's just a practice people gettit, I'm not really smart or deep enough to write four fucking thousand words of nonstop material everyday so I get those two hundred words and stretch them all the way because once my fingers get used to the habit, so will my brain. That's the plan. It's not going very well but the idea's fine, and there's no way this man is backing down. Nuh uh, not how it works, shuddup.

On the other other hand one imagines any sort of readership or audience has to be given consideration, as minute and little as it might be, and picking a fight with the one person -- you know who you are -- who reads this ain't a good idea.

Dunno.

In conclusion, the blog goes, choo choo, it goes and goes and goes. And it ain't gonna stop.

Good day outside, I stay indoors, work screwup and good news, unexpected oats, solid writing, talk with Seattle, roti-tarkari making [Wed 24]

 This is written the evening of the same day, I have thirteen more posts to be all caught up, it doesn't sound hard at all I wrote a bit more than that today. Tomorrow's going to be a good day at work because there's a decent presentation coming ahead, in addition to me finishing a big bunch of work. So I can probably write while working as well.

A general commentary. N's hydroponics plants are thriving, they're growing real fast now, and the lights weren't on for today.

Got up regular, up at seven, snooze until 8.20, work at 8.45, and then the big day of work presentation. The co-curricular activity I was involved with at work for the past four or so months, the cause of so much stress and confusion for me on more than a few occasions has finally come to an end. Coworker A and I tried working towards a demo, it didn't work so we had to go to plan B, but during that he was able to get the code working so we finally presented a shittyass version of it. Felt good though because everybody seems so excited about the potential use cases of new and exciting data science machine learning technologies, even though they take a lott of work and we'll not be getting there anytime soon you can bet your sweet sweet dollar.

Worked seriously towards the other thing, the main work thing I was working on, freakin' finally pretty much finished it. Meeting with manager went extraordinarily well and now I feel light and refreshed. Good times.

For lunch I had the steel cut oats with almond milk. Reminder to self, the steel cuts ones are the absolutely tough and annoying looking ones, why can everybody not just ground up the thing and sell, instead of going through such complex bilogical material whose growth can be guided towards thanks to the...anyway, it sucked, took forever to cook and didn't taste any good, I seriously prefer the beaten once.

Either way, it was supposed to be a pretty warm weather outside N even went on a walk but I was too tired to take care of so that one's gone now.

After work wrote a half-dozen folks, talked to PN and DC, then AKS in Seattle, made further nyc/seattle plans for two months from now on. Also worked towards folding and shape of the momos while we tru to pan-cook it without the ingredeints

Made roti tarkari later on, I spread the rotis out, and made a bomb aloo jeera without the traditional texture or feature.

Donut trip, lazy at work, N's peeps come to the apartment, laughed to loud, late to sleep [Tue 23]

 Lazy to get up in the morning, do I even need to mention this. If I wake up early and write a bunch, I can go to sleep early which means I'll be empowered to get up early and the virtuous cycle will continue. Therein lies the circle, I'm stuck in the vicious cycle of being unable to wake up and going to sleep late, leading to time waste and unproductivity.

In the morning, before lunch N and I went to Federal Donuts because we'd talked about it the evening before when we'd been out to Marshall's. I've written about the place in an earlier post, but it's a pretty chill places, some donuts are nicer than the others but the concept of donuts and fried chicken I found interesting and amusing.

Had their egg sandwich for lunch. Which left me quite so hungry, so had to have a peanut-butter sandwich and couple of cups of almond milk throughout the rest of the day.

Literally did nothing at work, such lack of motivation alas.

After work the guys and I were just chilling, I wasn't feeling well and kinda' disappointed by the fact that not much was written. Was planning on taking a night nap and waking up to write, also my eyes and head hurt. But N's peeps VM came over and they talked and joked. We had somuch fun with them, those four hours in the night, even though N had to work we didn't let them leave until pretty much midnight, on a weekday evening. Those were the times. Too much giggling was happening on my side, I woke up ST, disturbed him for the duty next day, he had to come out to tell me to giggle lower.

Successful work presentation, almond puff breakfast, multitasking, alu-jeera lunch, lazy in the evening, trip to ST's hospital, Marshall's trip, late to bed [Mon 22]

 I write this on the evening of the Wednesday, yes my shit has improved a lot but I'm not where I need to be as yet. Hard work shall pay, eventually.

Got up early, as always, listened to podcast under the sheets, got out of the bed for the 'preparation for the big presentation'. Prepped with my coworker from singapore for and hour, freaking out and everything. The presentation went shockingly confusingly well. So many meetings all day long, my friends were confused as well as impressed.

Had almond puffs with milk for breakfast. They're not terrible on the sugars and their base is rice crackers so this is actually one of the more healthy things I could have in the morning.

Didn't have enough time for proper lunch, but after the lunch hour I decided to make aloo jeera, and ST who was back early made egg curry with potatoes. I spent like an hour making the aloo jeera, because I couldn't boil the potatoes enough due to filling the dish to the brim. Which meant the frying took forever. Between the three of us we had seven potatoes, six eggs and a whole messy lot of rice. I was so full, all set to sleep.

After work I watched a bunch of taskmaster, as has been the usual for me for the last many weeks. ST needed to get something from his hospital so the three of us went on a walk to the place, got back and talked a bunch.  After the hospital we dropped by at the nearby Marshall's where N got himself some clothes, and I bought one of those pre-poop toilet spray and a set of nice wooden coasters for the guys' apartment.

Slept quite late because I was busy wasting time on the internet and not writing on this blog alas.

Skipped dinner because of course, I'm not a comedy clown. SO much food it was for a single person.

Things you might not want to hear before or during

1. Nobody kisses the piggy wiggy.
   
   
2. Wait, I meant the other...cheeks.
   
   
3. Hoo boy, do you need to put a hat on it before you go anywhere.
   
   
4. Yum I love oysters.
   
   
5. Wait, was that you, or was that me?
   
   
6. Haven't seen anything like that since the summer of '07!
   
   
7. You aren't supposed to be making those sounds with your mouth!
   
   
8. Oh no, another one broken, not again.
   
   
9. Is it me or would I get into trouble for political incorrectness if I went out with my face like this?
   
   
10. Can I get a fork and a knife for that?
    
    
11. Weird, that's how my room smelled after I got home from school.
    
    
12. How about a rubberband?
    
    
13. Where are the unmatched socks when you need 'em?
    
    
14. I feel quite bloated already.
    
    
15. Wrong one. Try again.
    

12 human-created marvels your mother is larger than, presumably

1. The Large Hadron Collider
   
   
2. Great Pacific Garbage Patch
   
   
3. The hole in the ozone layer circa early 90's
   
   
4. The Great Wall of China
   
   
5. The Burj Khalifa
   
   
6. The pile of shit upon which the orange goonclown sits upon
   
   
7. The Hadrian Wall
   
   
8. The status of Shiva on the way to Nagarkot
   
   
9. Muh dicckk
   
   
10. The Pyramids of Giza
    
    
11. The lost city of Atlantis, the entire city
    
    
12. The Three Gorges Dam
    
    
13. Lies my parents told me about how everything's going to be just so great after I was done with the SLC, after the A-level's, after I got into college, after I was done with college, after I got a job, after I got my work visa, after I got my first apartment, after I got my first house, yadda yadda yadda. While they were so very big, they were not quite as large as yo momma, so kudos, brotha', kudos!
    

The young women are important dawg

 I'm tired of having to play catchup everyday so late into the night because I was too lazy to write the day before but the laziness only makes for more laziness. One has to power through the boredom of constantly churning bullshit for days to an end and then doing it over and over again in bulk three days later.

So this is a rough post. It's an ideas thing, something I want to turn into a good piece that I'll get published in a paper or a journal or something physical. Medium maybe. Gotta get the eyeballs, all that matters.

we must care for young women, because teenage girls cannot do anything without being judged for their choices, they cannot like older rockstars for they are put in a vulnerable position and made fun of, they cannot like younger performers for the performers are degenerated and their choices made fun of, they cannot like long novels for their passions are mocked, liking poetry that they identify is not cool because the poetry is shallow and vain, their involvement in politics is selfish and hypocritical, and then there's the regular misogyny of being a young woman, their security is always uncertain, there's repression from family, their choices are severely limited, there's systematic discrimination in each layer of government and politics, if they aren't horny they're prude and homely if they are they're stupid sluts, if they care about something they're obsessive maniacs if they don't they're like boring stupid dead people, if they're into girly things they're fake feminists, if they're not they're tomboys or potentially gay.

Women, specially young women, must be given the privilege of making mistakes and making through it safe and sound, back for another battle. We must allow for women to be lame, lazy, stupid, annoying or any other negative things because the standards for them are very different than what men are held to. It is important to judge those qualities for themselves, and not associate the gender with them.

TO begin, to start the fire the great fucking conflagration that'll bring everything down, start with tiny sparks. Make young women, in their late teens and early twenties feel uncomfortable and dissatisfied with the system they're in. Make them understand that it is not their fault, that they have done everything that was expected of them, and they're being punished for no fault of theirs. Make them understand that rebellion is an option -- if they choose to they can completely subsume to the system and that's fine, but they can choose not to, that's an option. Give them the 'choice', to surrender or to not, and respect them for the decisions that go either way. Because one day, even if they choose to surrender to the system, one day when they want yet another choice, they'll realize their choice severely limits their future options, and they'll join the rebellion. You can only tolerate an unjust and unfair for so long even when you're benefiting from it.. The war's going to be a long one, but each one starts with the strike of a matchstick of knowledge and conversation.

We're all just unfortunate mutations, including the auditorily-disabled

 RIT professor Paul Taylor passed away last month.

He was a champion of the deaf community, and worked on various technologies right from the 60's to make life easier for them.

A great man, no doubt.

In their late sixties, Paul and his wife, who was also deaf, decided to get a cochlear implant and listen to the sounds of the world, and work towards producing them. It's a big freakin' deal. You've spent your entire life unaware of this world out there but you've learned to work around it, you've adapted. Deciding to get that sense is seen as treacherous in various communities with mutations leading to disability. They said, hey it's yet another thing you can do, I don't care much about the hearing itself but why not expand the set of senses I can feel the world using if I can afford to.

The story is documented in the touching documentary Hear and Now by his daughter Isabel, who several years later finds her four yearold losing his hearing.

Why am I writing this?

Because all our biological 'deficiencies' aren't really that, they're just mutations we couldn't do anything about. You can't complain about your mutations, you can't really cry about them, gotta' work the world with them. Which is why we need to make the world a better and more open place for people with a wide variety of mutations. Because we're all different, thanks to the way we're created. We have decided to favor a certain groups of mutations over other, but there's no fundamental why that should be the case. If we don't want to be on the losing side of history, we must fully work towards making the world accessible for as diverse a set of mutations as we can possibly, technologically and economically.

It's not just an ethical argument, it's also a logical one, from the point of view of meritocracy. You wouldn't reject somebody's college admission because they happen to be short, or happen to have a smaller-than-normal pinky-toe. You don't design the world around people's eye colors, or the length of their chin. It'd be a great freakin' loss if we were rejecting all the great geniuses and masters because of those minor imperfections. Same goes for our rejection of persons with the mutations that we are not inclusive towards.

I need to write this piece better. It's a work in progress. I intend to publish it somewhere.

The craving for crappy, cheap(?) food

There's food, good food and crappy food.

Sometimes you just want to eat shit food.

It's how the human body works. It craves for the greasy disgusting arse-blasting burgerking and some tummychurning unidentified mess of brown sludge to go with it. It is literally the law of biology.

Sometimes I want to get tackoebell so mad, the cheap but filling mostly tasteless still so worth it and tell people and they're like, oh you want tackoes why not go to a better place and I'm like yeahhh I'm not really...in...the...taco..mode, just the 'bell but I don't say that because what kinda' cheapass person craves for just the bells taco so one ends up not eating taco at all. Alas.

Here's the amazing thing about tacobell, for a buck sixty you can get a nice snack that'll fill you up for a couple of hours, the situation's bit trickier if you don't eat meat but not too far so. Yes, the 'bell's stopped serving the veggie-friendly dishes such as potatoes etcetera, but still it's not the worst in the world. For a buck fifty what else are you gonna get. 

Not that they taste amazing, not at all, and often they'll make you regret why you originally thought it'd be a good idea. You'll come around eventually and realize it's a fair trade, the excitement is like riding a rollercoaster where the risk is shitting your pants instead of like getting a heartattack or falling off the 'coaster and dying.

I didn't end up going to taco bell the other day, it was late in the day but more importantly I was far too embarrassed to do the deed. There is a healthy fear of disappointment as well...what if it's not filling enough what if it's really really bad and this is all just some romanticizing bullshit.

Funny thing about those cheap crappy fast-food places, they can end up not being cheap in the final calculation. Roommate BB will often order $20/$25 worth of McD and get it all down in one meal. He could've gotten much tastier, filling and self-respectable food at any other place, but he doesn't. Interesting thing, that.

What's going on at the ole' jobbie job

Work's had its up and downs and the downs are when I smoke or gummy up a little bit freak the fuck out in paranoia to the point that I'm certain literally every other employee in my company is in a massive conspiracy that involves me getting fired and humiliated from my work for no good reason and everybody laughing at me but feeling to awful and never telling me and they're going to jump it on me of course, why would they not. That was the thought from a week ago, exactly. So that was quite scary.

The ups have been pretty great, there's going to bonuses soon, and one hopes raises as well, the annual scheduled one. The situation is not too good but the company's investment returns have been quite solid so there's some chance good news might be coming. There's considerations of promotion in the foreseeable future as well. And then the co-curricular activity that I've been working for the past three months which has been stressing me to no end has finally concluded, I'll be getting the credit and it'll go towards being a product.

This afternoon I finished a large project that was causing me great agony, because I didn't understand what was happening underneath didn't understand who to ask, and the questions I was to be asking. Talked to coworker GF who 'did my homework', so to speak and now my masterpiece is out for review, out to the wolves who will surely tear it apart. I'll work on it again and again, until things are running sound, and then on to the next challenge.

Do I like my job? Yeah, it's an amazing place that pays alright, but pretty great coworkers, the company's freaking nice, and the work I do on an everyday basis is not terrible either. It's just the push and the lack of understanding of what da eff is happening underneath that's annoying. The technology is not tough to understand or rocket-science level. It's just a russian nesting doll of patterns on libraries on platforms on languages, all transpiled and compiled to one another and you never know which level to look into. And also how many of the 'hidden' magic methods should you be keeping track of anyway, it's wild.

But yeah if I can get back to doing checklists, it'd be an incredible achievement. Gods, give me strength.

I need to get a life, beyond taskmaster

 This afternoon I talked to a coworker about taskmaster. Apparently he too is a big fan of the show and a bigger one than myself in some sense since he's watched series 9 as well, the only season I haven't been able to watch as they've not uploaded it yet on Youtube.

I mean yes I've watched many of the episodes twice thrice even maybe, I follow the accompanying podcast as well as standups of the comedians who've appeared in the series but my lack of interest in following up the hidden season reveals quite a bit about me. I'm a casual fan, not a hardcore one, not the kind to go out of one's way to the point of piracy in order to watch an unreleased series.

Yes, I need to get a life beyond taskmaster

For the past two months I've been absolutely obsessed with it, watching it day and night, the podcast as well, and then rewinding back, poring over the special tasks, the collections on youtube, reading the comments for analyses and so much more. This is the only show I've recommended to everyone around in a long while. What a co-inkydink.

Watch anything that's not sped-up panel show hosted by the headmaster from inbetweeners.

Eight out of ten cats does countdown is what ST suggested, and what coworker GF suggested as well. Also FOTH I, but Jimmy Carr doesn't have the charisma of Greg you know?

Travel man, featuring Richard Ayode is another show everybody's been recommending me, that's next on my watchlist. If only they'd put it for free online. With my crappy chromebook I won't be getting too far with the piracy activities that's for sure.

Reminder that we've only been talking about British comedy shows. If there's one goddamn thing the Brits have going on for themselves, it's their comedy that I'll give.

Not much more though.

It's time to start writing like a boss again

 I keep promising how I'm going to be covering up all the things I've missed I've got my shit together there's nothing that's going to hold me promise this time for sure this is it and now I'm going to become such a disciplined person who won't have to catch up on posts, a concept I promised I wouldn't even entertain and here we are so far behind our plans playing catchup trying to understand where we got left behind how we can become a better person and if it's not the world that's wrong but us, our motivations desires and if we don't want this, to write is to be honest with yourself to look at the warts and all, while also realizing we aren't extraordinary after all happiness is not an elusive bird but a framework that's been rejected over and over again in favor of what...progress some say, growth...newness but to what end one wonders are these tough difficult often stupid things worth doing why do we put through so much pressure and stress, we must ask ourselves over and over again why are we not where we are meant to be, to what end is this going towards.

It gets boring after a while, nobody believes one's lies not even the self who desperately wants no needs to because what exactly is there to believe in are existential nihilism and enforced structured rigid rule-followism the only options can we not evaluate our life by the moment to identify things we can believe in and hope for make us optimistic about the future, one imagines it would be one's hopes and desires aspiration for oneself and plans for the future but when one lies to oneself and the world so goddamn often it's unclear what is true and what is a complete fabrication. Nobody wants to be a fool. The fabricated tales and hopes and desires eventually lose their shine.

And then what? What is it that remains.

Where is hope. What is there to count on. What is the thing that excites. If there's only lies, sadness, disappointment, and delusion, where is the opportunity for growth. Why make life so complicated and not live it the way it's been done for tens of thousands of years. Why resist, why not just give up. What is the point of all the bullshit drama.

In conclusion,

I must write like a boss once more. Or else...

I want to move to Philly

We've been here before. Sometime mid-year in 2020 we talked about how I was hoping to move to Philly, that didn't end up happening because I didn't find anybody to live in my room.

Now that I'm in Philly, I really really want to move here.

So many things going on right now. Friends are here. And friends' family, for at least another year. And the city is so goddamn affordable, a nice luxury apartment in the center of the city with nice amenities, three minute to the train station and right in front of a bus stop. All the stores and restaurants are downstairs, you wouldn't have to leave a 20-block radius for anything. The Amtrak stop is 20-min walk away, there's parks and museums and every other modern culture institution you can think of within three miles.

The prices though, the prices. An amazing top-of-the-class single-bedroom apartment in a modern rebuilt apartment building on the fifteenth floor going on for...fourteen hundred. It's not just a deal, it's a freakin' steal. I'd move here tomorrow if work was not a concern, if terminating the current lease was an option.

Philly prices are cheaper, food is as good for cheaper. Groceries are not any worse. Crime is decent, haven't heard anything bad. The city itself has a few taxes but in the big scheme of things, to be able to live a modern life, such that parents can go do groceries every day if they so wish, go on walks to the park, to the river, and between NYC and DC, that ticks all my boxes.

Perhaps my opinion will change when N and ST move, when other people I know right now are gone. It will be tall buildings and a lotta' soul but no people that I know. That's change though right, growth, to move to new places, meet new people, create new circles explore new options. If I have to learn to drive I'd consider that as well.

Why I'm staying in Boston if not for the job is unclear to me. Friends are leaving, the prices are ridiculous the weather goddamn miserable, it's a pitiful city. Not because it's a bad city, but because they intentionally make it so I can't afford to live there.

Go where love is, they say. Boston is not where the heart lies anymore.

Hydroponics situation here in Philly

Friend N got gifted a nice aero garden, which is a hydroponic gardening system for living rooms and kitchens by an American friend of his.

It's been growing a couple of tiny plants and germinating herb seeds. Some of them are rather slow to come up. The motor is slow and steady, has never disturbed me. I really wonder what the motor is even doing, where the water is going from where. Maybe it's just being aerated so the roots get oxygen. Unclear.

I've done a lot, and my that i mean A LOTTT of research on hydroponics and aeroponics systems in the past. I started growing sprouts and microgreens as a practice for my hydroponic system. In retrospect if I'd just gone to the technique I might have gotten somewhere.

In either case, the lights bother the heck out of me during the day when I stare at them, the full spectrum lamp that comes with the setup, it'd probably be really good for my eyes and head health if I didn't look at that general direction. The plants gotta eat though I guess.

Shit I'm making myself one of those and putting 'em out in prominent display in my next living abode, wherever it may be, however it might be.

Not to brag but I've gotten quite decent at cooking

This evening I had a pack of the 'stuffed spinach and cheese' pierogies with cheese and tomato sauce for dinner, the frozen version from Trader Joe's. Microwaved. Sad, I know.

But I've been impressed by TJ's frozen foods, they've never disappointed me, and always something to look forward towards. There's no shame in microwaving or heating up a container of a TJ's frozen dinner, unlike say the crap stuff from Walmart.

So the first spoonful was mighty tasteless. As in, I couldn't taste anything, and I had to scrounge into the fridge to check if there was any good hot sauce I could use to spice up the dish. Sadly nothing was to be found.

Eventually the dish was acceptable, but this made me remember something I've been suspecting for the last several months or years.

That I've turned, somewhat magically, into a decent cook. Like what I cook won't scare people or kill them and only on very very rare occasions will they find it disgusting or inedible. Often, my food is well-received and there's accolades given, not just for the sake of niceties -- people actually eat what I cook pretty quick.

That realization sorta' hit me the last weekend at the very crappy Italian restaurant. And then again today. Yeah, I make decent sauce, I know what goes well with what, and I can feed myself without being micromanaged. Maybe I'm not adept at knife skills or deep frying craft, but I can stand my ground in a well-organized and furnished kitchen.

I'm so goddamn proud, this is amazing. A work in progress, I want to write more on this in the coming days.

Federal donuts

 We went to get Federal Donuts earlier today for breakfast.

They're a popular donut place in Philly, known for their donuts, fried chicken, hot wings and fries. I considered getting fries there, but got a breakfast sandwich (no chicken, minus the bacon) and a donut.

The lavender flavored special donut wasn't extraordinary, but I'm told their specialty is cinnamon sugar donuts which they make afresh. The breakfast sandwich was quite good, the egg puck was yuuumm, McD's should take a hint from them. Not filling though, so few calories for the $6 bucks I paid.

Friend N ordered their $10 3-piece chicken, one large thigh and two beefy wings pardon the pun. So richly spiced, such great fragrance, probably tasted good as well.

Loved the ambience of the store, it's a nice fried-chicken place vibe, I could easily spend hours sitting there and chatting with friends. Definitely want to be back in person when things are normaler.

That's it, long night ahead because tomorrow's an internet meeting day, and lots of writing to catch up on.

Organizing for travel is already paying the dividends

 It's been four days -- fine, five by now technically, that I left Boston for the city of Philadelphia. Before the trip began I went to great pains to explain the organization I worked on: a nice pillow case as a laundry bag, all clothes packed inside freezer bags with air pulled out of them, stacked cleanly inside the large compartment with socks and undergarments in the small section. And all toiletries and medication in a small 'toiletries' bag that I could take anywhere. Plus a couple of extra chargers and wires and a power bank.

I've used them all. I've been changing as if I'm a regular person and not a hobo who wears clothes last cleaned in the second Bush administration. The charger's come handy, the powerbank has been useful, and the organization in the tiny pouches means I don't have to ruffle through everything, and also that my 'footprint' in N's room is negligible.

I feel at home here because I know where all of my belongings are, and the ease it is to get to them. Everything has its place and is neatly categorized and accessed. Not great for society and people, but great for travel planning.

The chromebook on which I write right now wasn't technically strictly necessary since my work laptop's around. However, this machine helps me maintain a clearer distinction between 'fun' and 'work', 'office' and 'away'. It's also a great machine to be sneaky about with as it doesn't look expensive and nobody suspects that you're working on your blog on it. It's purchase three months ago might finally be making total sense.

The two pieces of equipment that I brought with me that haven't seen much usage have been the wifi power socket and the book about dating that I thought I might need to use. The smart socket might probably not be used here at all, wondering if it'd make more sense in VA, the book for sure will be either read or used as a prop in an important piece, I think.

Since we're on the topic of travel, I haven't yet decided when I want to be leaving Philly on my way to VA. It wouldn't make sense until at least a week and it's only been four days now. So much more time to have fun, explore around in the weekend!

Sane of mind, taskmaster binge, nice walk to South Philly, hang with friend's sisters, fine-dining finally [Sun 21]

 I write this at 12.40 at night at the end of this day. I've written eight posts in the blog today, and need to get five more out if I want to be in a respectable place. Quality is not even a consideration anymore, length is neither. We're back to the shitty uncivilized days of considering the number of posts per month averaged out per day as a proxy for measuring my productivity and my journey towards writing and publishing a novel in order for me to become a read and popular novelist. There's nothing I can do about it, sorry. The hardest part is making a good habit and I'm at the stage where that's getting hard to keep up. No matter I'll punish myself with extreme posting like this to get a clearer head.

Right, I got up at 8.30 -- this one's interesting because ST usually gets up at 6 to go to the hospital but I haven't been woken up for the second day in a row. Either my sleep is getting real deep or he's become more careful with the sounds. Great news for me all around.

Binged watched Taskmaster on my cellphone until lunch time when I scrambled some eggs for myself as N made omlet, and we had omlet, hash and bread. I had fruits and kefir yogurt as well, for a complete meal.

Talked to my international friends, gave them shit about moving around too much, and went back to watching taskmaster. N watched four different matches from the Premier league, I don't understand how they've got all those games going on at the same time.

In the evening around 4, took a nice little shower and walked towards South Philly listening to no such thing as a fish podcast. Hung there for some time and explored a particularly crappy neighborhood where VD's sister MD will be working at starting tomorrow. The rest of the gang...N, MD and VD came on the train and after discovering there's not much happening there, we walked home. It was decided we wanted to go somewhere good to eat, folks were deciding between an Italian and a Japanese restaurant, until we finally agreed upon the Japanese one, MD had already been.

What an amazing restaurant, the review's already been published like 8 posts ago. I made fun of MD and VD, got to know both a little better, suggested they start a podcast because what an amazing show it'd be. Such different people who make it work together!

N and I got home, talked a bunch, I watched taskmaster, had more conversations about heady things, and he went to sleep at around 11.30. And I started writing nonstop for another 2 hours. It's about 10 to 1 in the morning, and I hope to get out five more posts so I'm only 3 days' worth of posts behind normal schedule.

Ta!

Philly exploration with friend's family, awful italian lunch, chips dinner and intense cardplaying [Sat 20]

 My first weekend in the city of brotherly love was a chill one. Got up way too late since the hosts didn't seem to be up until forever. We had hash browns and eggs for lunch again, really loving the situation here. A little bit after noon, N's cousin V came over, and we went to South Philly to the Italian Market.

We walked for about half-an-hour to get there, I took photos of so many pieces of street art. Philly is such an interesting city I've said that many times...if I had more friends and people I cared about living here on a more permanent basis, i'd so happily jump at an opportunity to shift here. It's close to my heart for some reason, much more so than Boston which I consider to be a soul-less corporate sick place. Friend N says he considers Philly to be a more manageable version of NYC and I agree. It should have more things going on for it, while hopefully maintaining the affordability. The affordability is one of the greatest things it's going on for itself. Just allow people to build more houses and they'll come!

We checked out a few places and in the end decided to go to an okay-looking Italian place. I've written about that before here, and I don't want to relive the trauma. It was bad. After the shitty lunch we went to an italian pastry shop that made us wait fuckin' fifteen minutes for tiramisu and cannolli and then seemingly forgot us. What a goddamn travesty, clearly not our day.

Walked back the longer way home, chilled watched some tv, talked a bunch about politics, living in various places and all of that. N made more chips and dip. Played a couple of rounds of the card game 'bullshit' and 'Call break'. I didn't lose the game, almost won it in fact. V won the game and she was ecstatic. She and I played heart attack as well.

After everybody else went to bed, N and I talked about life, friends, people we knew from way back and where they are now, and revelations I may or may not have known and suppressed deep in the mines of my memory since they didn't fit in very well with anything else happening.

Went to sleep at what must have been...1.30.

Chill day in cool apartment, movie watching and timewasting friends, latenight awake [Fri 19]

The morning of Friday I was still recovering from the zoinkedness of the whole trip and the surrealness of the preceding thirty-six hours.

We had hash browns, eggs, bread, and yogurt for lunch. Had dip and chips for dinner. Watched 'Sir' and another movie with N, stayed very late. Shot the shit with S and N. Where let's be honest we talked as three single mean rapidly approaching their thirties, all the women we knew, could set up each other with and no there weren't any women we could set anybody else with because unless that person was our literal blood sister we'd probably try to get something going on with them first. It sounds sad and desperate but I swear it was funny and fun and also we don't take any of that seriously as we're three single sassy successful in the big city who don't need no woman to complete their lives, yoww.

Went to sleep quite late because I was bored and had only begun to gain sanity, I wanted to really relish being aware and active and oh so alive, you know. I should really have known better ugh.

Went to TJ's the day before, but I'll pretend it was this day because honestly there's not much else to write for this day. N and I went to Trader Joe's that's three blocks from their new place. Got so much goddamn groceries I thought it'd be enough for like a week for three strong men but it's not looking like it's going to have us through half a week. Got some cool things as well, couldn't name them exactly since I was only 24 hours into the daze.

Workday was chill, learned new things, got disappointed but ultimately all the things that were working against my favor turned around. Got confirmed for sure I wasn't going to be fired and actually I was doing pretty well, no need to be so hard on myself.

The day-end was honestly quite pleasant and nice, even though it snowed outside. Having a regular life is wonderful, I'll cherish it more going forward.

Arrival in Philly, bare sleeps, mild panic, stressful day, apartment show, eat out at Hiro Ramen [Thu 18]

 I arrived in Philly at 5 to 5, and got a Lyft to friend N's apartment. It was only eight bucks which kinda blew my mind as similar rides in Boston are at least twice as expensive. Got up to his apartment, knocked a few times, called a few calls, until N was up and let me in.

We caught up for a little bit, he arranged the beddings for me and I fell asleep.

I am, at this point, twelve hours after having taken an extra-strong dose of gummies, extremely zoinked out, it feels like I just took the stuff. Also I've had barely any sleep through the night.

The workday was if I may say so, quite traumatic since i was sure I was going to get fired or get scolded or bad things were going to happen to me. I may have over-corrected by doing a bunch of stupid things, but the day was spent trying to convince myself that no it'd be fine there was no cause of concern just get a life and get on with it.

For lunch we had rice and leftover paneer curry.

In the evening friend N showed me around his apartment building. He's moved into this new apartment building right in the center of the city on the fourteenth floor and it is, in a word, exquisite. This is what city living is, if I could live like this I'd for sure consider myself to have 'made it'. Such nice kitchen, living room, two bathrooms, and a large kitchen Island(!), upon which I place this chromebook as I go on a binge writing session.

Since I was still not feeling well, we went to a Ramen place called Hiro Ramen, had a goodlooking vegetarian broth there. The food was decent, the fried chicken appetizer which N ordered and I took a small bite of was fanta-fucking-stic.

We came back, talked a bunch, and went to sleep since I was not yet completely sober and also very tired due to lack of proper sleep.

Fries and veggies all day long , departure from Boston, I get zoiiiinked, record public-transport speed to dtx [Wed 17]

Mistakes were made, mistakes that shouldn't have been made. Read on for more.

Got up at who remembers what time since I'm writing this six days after the fact. Day was pretty slow, I was stressing out about a lot of things, including my upcoming journey. Made sure, double and triple checked I'd packed everything and I was fully organized.

For breakfast I had yogurt with brown sugar and cinnamon-cocoa powder. Thus finishing my large container finally. For lunch I was too lazy to do something good so heated up some steak fries that I'd gotten from Wegman's the night before.

After work I was talking with the roommates, packing my things, and making dinner, all in parallel. For dinner I had drenched broccoli and green beans in oil and put in a few spices, mostly of the asian nature if I remember it right. They tasted amazing, roommate Bb said so and asked for recipe as well. Also baked up some steak fries as well because one always needs some solid filling carb before embarking on a journey.

Watched like two episodes of Shark tank while going through all of this.

Thirty minutes before departing home, I took a very healthy chunk of the gummy that has been sitting in our fridge for many months because the guys are too fearful of it, and then one of BB's sleep drinks. I dared it with the gummy because I figured the potency was way down and it'd help me sleep soundly. Alas how wrong I was!

Took the bus 101 to Sullivan, Orange line to DTX and walked from there to South Station. I was already pretty zoinked on the train, by the time I was at the station I was quite paranoid it was wild. Freaking finally the train arrived, I settled down and tried to sleep. I may or may not have slept, I don't remember, the only fact I remember is that I was extremely paranoid of losing my job and there being an international conspiracy to get me fired, and me missing my stop. I was surely not up for the entirety of the night, but it's unclear how much sleep I actually got. More on the journal entry for tomorrow but trust me when I say it was quite bad.

Also, got from home to dtx in a total of 25 minutes, which should be a record for some kind with public transport. How likely is that huh!?

Apologies for the barrage of journal posts that's coming ahead

I don't enjoy bunching up my journal posts into a group of four five or six, but circumstances force me to. In this particular situation, things transpired that took away my ability to be fully functional and thoughtful and considerate and now I need a way to make a comeback. Haven't written them journal posts for a long time now, so you'll see six days (!!!) worth of journal posts now. And then three more bullshit posts, so I'm more or less caught up with the planned post calendar.

Getting to a schedule or sitting down is not that difficult, all things considered. That's not been my problem in this particular occasion. I've been getting my fill of social interactions connections talking to people and having a jolly good time. If I were a betting man I'd wager towards posts coming in a lot more predictable and regular pattern in the coming days. Keeping fingers crossed.

Yeah, that's all I got for right now, lets do this.

The amazing restaurant experience at Double Knot in Center City, Philly

We went to the Double Knot restaurant here in City Center a few hours ago. What. An. Amazing. Goddamn Place.

I don't eat meat, and it's a sushi restaurant, my concern was that there was nothing good for me to eat at the place. Oh boy I was proven wrong!

There's not much to say in the way of ambience besides that the serving bowls and plates were cute, crafty and I would pay big bucks to own one day.  We were at an outside table in a cozy plastic-barricaded sitting thing...with a heavy air flow going on with the hvac system, it didn't disrupt our conversations as much as I feared it would. Our butts were cold, it is after all February in the Northeast and we were outside, but it was big deal eating outside so that shall be forgiven. It would have been great if we had one of them cool gas burners like a lot of places have put up -- the overhead bright warm bulb barely heated up our faces, but a warm tush is hard to come by with fair above your self anyway.

The server was nice, kind, and quite adept at reading the situation and making recommendations. The menu is limited for vegetarians, but everything is amazing, one wouldn't be faulted for ordering every vegetarian item on the menu. However, he made two 'sushi' recommendations that I particularly liked which were not on the menu... a veggie, sour sort of sushi, and then a silken tofu version, which I absolutely adored. It was nine small pieces of silken tofu for seven bucks, heaven.

The food was goddamnfuckingamazing. The silken tofu sushi, which sounded like a rebranded version of fried tofu was heavenly. I shared them with the folks I was having dinner with, it came up as one of their favorite items. Roasted Brussel sprouts, drenched in fat and yummy lemon juice and vinegar and could it have been a little bit of soy sauce as well...(?) was to die for. The Miitake mushroom -- my first Miitake ever -- tasted like a billion other things, so curious and exciting. Four tiny stalks of what may have been green onion were...heavenly. The long stalks of asparagus were perhaps on the lesser-exciting side if not just as juicy as everything else, and it was annoying to unstick bits from my teeth, but no problems there as well.

Oh and their lemongrass tea was so refreshing, it's a pity they had such small teapots, we ended up ordering five pots for the table.

We ended up paying three times as much as in the piece of shit Italian restaurant I reviewed the other day, dear gods please take the awful memory from the recesses of my mind. This was one heck of a pallette-cleanser in terms of restaurant experience and now I know the world is good and great again, good things are about to begin.

The most disappointing restaurant trip in recent years

The restaurant in question is called Villa di Roma, it's located in South Philly, and if you're reading this and are ever in the city of Philadelphia about to die of starvation even then, even in such dire circumstances where it's a life-or-death situation please dear gods make this place the last place you'd go to.

The only positive thing I can say about the location is this: it seemed 'authentic', in the sense it reminded me of going to medium-rage Nepali restaurants in late 2000's, and I imagine the ambience of the place reflects real-life restaurant conditions in lower-income parts of Italy. So if you want to get the lower-middle-class Italian person experience of going to a place where they don't give no fuck, this is the place to go. This is, to remind you, the best compliment I can give to this place.

Why do I not like the place?

The ambience. If we were paying five bucks an appetizer, ten for an entree I wouldn't complain, this is what this would be. The prices were twice that, so expectations were higher. Which brings me to the second point: the price. It's absurdly priced for the lower-tier place it intends to become.

Second, the effort put in. I'll come to the quality of food later on, but it's so clearly nobody really gives a crap about what goes into the patrons' mouth-hole, or the whole experience. I don't pretend that minimum-wage employees at fast-food drivethru's do either, but at least somebody does in the chain, there at least a couple of hundred people worrying about what's it's going to taste like, what your experience inside their establishment is going to be, etcetera. Billions of dollars are spent on researching and improving these experiences every year. Nobody in this places gives a crap. They don't care about how you feel, how you like the food, what you think about the place. There is zero, and I want to stress this, ZERO, fucks given here. Go only if you are a masochist of a certain type.

The food was extremely mediocre, that's the third reason, so shockingly awfully mediocre. Perhaps my standards have rose because of the Italian place close to our apartment back in Mefferd, but this was one of the most disappointing Italian places I've been to. N's sister VD basically didn't eat any of her mushroom pasta. "I make food better than this on a bad day," she said.

The hygiene was questionable. We found hair strands on everybody's plates. Who's hair? Why, why why.

When asked for 'cheese for the pasta', they gave us a shaken jar of powdered white crap. I don't want to be too harsh but. Ugh. I do better than that on a bad day, people.

We learned a lesson: where to not go for Italian food in Philly.

I'm in Philly and all is well

 I haven't been typing for a few days now, and part of it can be attributed to the disruptions caused by travel and disruption of everyday schedule. But mostly because I was really, and I mean quite really really really, I cannot stress that enough, zoinked out for a few days, and now things are back to normalish, a little bit stressed about work situation and everything else, but besides that I'm feeling quite decent I must say. That is all.

Progress will come. I'm 22 posts in the deficit, I've come back from much much worse, this is no cause of any concern.

The cool thing about the new setup where I'm parked at is that it's comfy cosy and in the city center, the apartment is quite modern and dare i say....'modular', with movable kitchen island etcetera, so I can pretend to be a cool young creative individual sipping his sparkling water and going mad at work on his new novel etcetera.

Which reminds me, oh yeah, I was supposed to be writing novels, lol.

Haircut, Wegmans, packing freezer bags, falling asleep hard [Tue 16]

I write this the next evening. Couldn't write this during the night of because I was packing for my trip, and crashed so hard in the evening.

Here's what I've been thinking about the journal-writing as of late: I'm doing a lot of it, need to change the format. This is consistently the format I've written the most in, ever, compared to everything. It's influencing my other writings. Everything's become too boring, dreary and matter-of-factly. Will write more on this later.

In any case, yesterday. Here. We. Go.

Got up pretty early, wrote a little bit in the morning, talked to people a lot, listened to like one or two podcasts. Work was decently productive. For lunch I had two fruits, and then half a pound of yogurt with brown sugar and cinnamon. Yum.

After work I went to get a haircut in teele square, wrote about this in a previous post. Had to run there because they were about to close, I was out of breath when I got there, embarrassing. Hair got cut a little shorter than what I was hoping for.

Got home, showered talked to roommates. Went to Wegman's got freezer bags and a bag of frozen steak fries. Spent a long time, listened to fake doctors real friends during.

Freakin' finally got the laundry from downstairs, it had dried, thank the gods.

Had rice dal that PK had made, with a bunch of other things, and maybe fruits as well. Watched tv with the roomies a bit, wasted a whole lotta' time in the common room.

Started doing the freezer-bag packing, for almost an hour-and-half, wrote a bunch, was so tired I couldn't continue, so literally crashed to bed at 11.

Got up at 1.30, cleared my bed and brushed, and finally slept for good.