The lack of any writing in this blog for the last week has been concerning yes, but in my defence over the course of the last two weeks I'll have done 28 projects if my idea is to come to full fruition. That's the shit I've been upto lately, the same kinda' crap I promised this year wouldn't be about. The year has been tough, it's so cold outside though I don't want to talk about in detail haha I'm saving that for a post. The energy's being sapped kind o you know give me a break if I'm not feeling like living on my promises. Yes the more interesting writing ideas have been abandoned, fiction and experimental pieces have been on hold for the time being.
Still, I've come up with a list of fourteen titles I need to be writing this evening as that'll put me in par with where I'd otherwise have been. Serious goals and not entirely achievable either.
The writing is hacky boring untrained and repetitive I've realized. Perhaps I'm not cut out to become a writer.
But so what. Some people are born smart and gifted and hardworking. For me it was none of the above, I'm a anxious fearful ball of desperation, not too smart definitely not gifted and ahh hardworking I only wish. The self-discipline one works towards is nothing to talk about either.
But that's the thing about life, about America, about the modern world. Everybody gets a chance, even if you were not born with the right set of tools. If you put in your hours, your sweat and tears you get a decent shot at success you really do given you are starting with a base level of competence and privilege which I am.
This is tiring but so what I'll keep tiring understanding myself being so self aware the readers are tired and circle back to the world of competence from hackish incompetence. Wear out the boots of the keyboard...it's metaphors I guess...until my fingers get those bumps people get when working in the fields. I'll keep trying.
Somebody stop me. Cos ye can't, gonna killl itttt.
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