It's time to start writing like a boss again

 I keep promising how I'm going to be covering up all the things I've missed I've got my shit together there's nothing that's going to hold me promise this time for sure this is it and now I'm going to become such a disciplined person who won't have to catch up on posts, a concept I promised I wouldn't even entertain and here we are so far behind our plans playing catchup trying to understand where we got left behind how we can become a better person and if it's not the world that's wrong but us, our motivations desires and if we don't want this, to write is to be honest with yourself to look at the warts and all, while also realizing we aren't extraordinary after all happiness is not an elusive bird but a framework that's been rejected over and over again in favor of what...progress some say, growth...newness but to what end one wonders are these tough difficult often stupid things worth doing why do we put through so much pressure and stress, we must ask ourselves over and over again why are we not where we are meant to be, to what end is this going towards.

It gets boring after a while, nobody believes one's lies not even the self who desperately wants no needs to because what exactly is there to believe in are existential nihilism and enforced structured rigid rule-followism the only options can we not evaluate our life by the moment to identify things we can believe in and hope for make us optimistic about the future, one imagines it would be one's hopes and desires aspiration for oneself and plans for the future but when one lies to oneself and the world so goddamn often it's unclear what is true and what is a complete fabrication. Nobody wants to be a fool. The fabricated tales and hopes and desires eventually lose their shine.

And then what? What is it that remains.

Where is hope. What is there to count on. What is the thing that excites. If there's only lies, sadness, disappointment, and delusion, where is the opportunity for growth. Why make life so complicated and not live it the way it's been done for tens of thousands of years. Why resist, why not just give up. What is the point of all the bullshit drama.

In conclusion,

I must write like a boss once more. Or else...