Work's had its up and downs and the downs are when I smoke or gummy up a little bit freak the fuck out in paranoia to the point that I'm certain literally every other employee in my company is in a massive conspiracy that involves me getting fired and humiliated from my work for no good reason and everybody laughing at me but feeling to awful and never telling me and they're going to jump it on me of course, why would they not. That was the thought from a week ago, exactly. So that was quite scary.
The ups have been pretty great, there's going to bonuses soon, and one hopes raises as well, the annual scheduled one. The situation is not too good but the company's investment returns have been quite solid so there's some chance good news might be coming. There's considerations of promotion in the foreseeable future as well. And then the co-curricular activity that I've been working for the past three months which has been stressing me to no end has finally concluded, I'll be getting the credit and it'll go towards being a product.
This afternoon I finished a large project that was causing me great agony, because I didn't understand what was happening underneath didn't understand who to ask, and the questions I was to be asking. Talked to coworker GF who 'did my homework', so to speak and now my masterpiece is out for review, out to the wolves who will surely tear it apart. I'll work on it again and again, until things are running sound, and then on to the next challenge.
Do I like my job? Yeah, it's an amazing place that pays alright, but pretty great coworkers, the company's freaking nice, and the work I do on an everyday basis is not terrible either. It's just the push and the lack of understanding of what da eff is happening underneath that's annoying. The technology is not tough to understand or rocket-science level. It's just a russian nesting doll of patterns on libraries on platforms on languages, all transpiled and compiled to one another and you never know which level to look into. And also how many of the 'hidden' magic methods should you be keeping track of anyway, it's wild.
But yeah if I can get back to doing checklists, it'd be an incredible achievement. Gods, give me strength.
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