This is going to be a short one.
Sometimes I'm too harsh on myself, my own fiercest critic, unable to act or thing or consider, because I hold myself to ridiculously high standards. Or even average standards that I'm unable to meet. The disappointment is intense. But this is not what this post's about. I've learned, over the last two years thanks in a large part to this blog, to temper expectations, to live with 'good enough' or 'at least I tried'. Showing up is better than not showing at all in the fear of not completely demolishing the entire thing.
This is about how risk-averse I am in taking chances. Like travelling, really, making new friends talking to new people, jumping into new plans and strategems etcetera. This is not like what I used to be, I was so open to the world and everybody in it as a younger man.
There is also the fear of disappointing others, that's where the fear from exposing myself comes from, probably. But these new friends, I tell myself, they won't have my low expectations and understanding, they'll get nothing out of me, I don't want to be a leech. Or I'll think, naaah everybody else has already got a stable comfortable situation going on, there's nothing to be added by my presence, besides they're going to think I'm such a weird for trying to be friends or hanging out. Or going out. Because there's fear of disappointing, of embarrassing myself, of failing, of shame.
Here's an alternative approach I've been considering in the more recent days.
The world is shit, the people are shit most of them. We try hard all of us, we really do, but it's tough out there and despite our best attempts we are barely accepting of our achievements. Our lives are so tough and complicated, we have barely any time for other people. As friends, partners, acquaintances, anything. We're just too much in love with ourselves.
That is not true for me, well I only like like myself not loove so that's it stop asking me about it, and I can turn that to an advantage because this is an opportunity to be there for other people. TO care, talk, guide, empower, and support, when in need. I may be disappointed in myself, but surely what I have done could be inspirational or interesting for other people, and I should take more active steps towards reaching out to those people.
In other words, I'm so great, the world needs me, the people really want me, and by limiting myself to me, I'm denying the world better opportunities, greater happiness and general wellbeing. If I didn't want to become a meanguy, the only way out is to actually help and go out. That's best for me, and best for the rest of the world. I should be giving more of myself away, as a common good.
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