As anybody with two eyes, two ears, one nose, one tail, and a large horn -- the unicorn who visits this blog once every few months -- can tell, things haven't been going well for this blog. I've gone AWOL, just when I promised things were going great, no really so so so great guys, don't worry about me, things are all so so so great now. And then bam, I don't post for many many days, has it almost been a week at this point? I'm afraid to even remember, to imagine, because I can't count back, the fear of having to write all those stupid stupid 'makeup' journal posts hurts me. It's fear, anger whatever.
The reason is obvious. I overcommmited at work, set too high standards for myself, couldn't bring myself to accept it, and got anxious all the time. I should really learn to deal with anxiety better than this, because this is total shutdown, collapse, etcetera. The meditations have been done for many weeks now, won't talk in this post because what else will I write for the next...22 posts, that I need to done with tomorrow? but yeah, this was a bad idea to have myself be in a tough deadline without clear rewards, guidance or motivation. It's like starting a senior thesis one week before it's due, during the finals week, and trying to get it done. Stupid stupid idea.
Anyway, meditation was supposed to be a way to deal it.
Also the weather is sucky.
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