Not all women are designed to wear your fantasy underpants

 Fiction.

The problem they don't understand is not all women are made for those clothes, I'm not fat or anything and I consider myself attractive there's no self-esteem issues here alright as my boyfriends of the past yes I said boyfriends, multiple and I even had sex with one or two european men once upon a time yes just like that a fling...that lasted several months each...and I don't remember the exact number because I'm trying to exa---shut up shut up why am I the one being interrogated, this is my goddamn testimony this is my story and what i want to say goes, so there are no self esteem issues at all, that's not the problem no, the real problem is that of...hmm...fashion, can it be called, or design or something and let me go there a little bit and say I have a decent body I workout not to irregularly walk a lot bike a bit swim if given a chance and sex when the opportunity presents itself if I may say so but that one ass friend tells me it's not working out if i'm not doing anything if I'm just...lying there, but my heart is beating and so is my lower body surely something good has to be coming out of all that sweaty messy and dare I say with fear of massive retaliation for literally every woke person on twitter and stupid young teenagers -- yucky crap that I think is overrated, so yeah I'm not totally out of shape but still the problem is..and that not all women are meant to be wearing those sexy silk underpants. There, there I said it.

You look at a sexy image of a cute tight model whose tush the underpants are taught against, you see the bubble, you see the bulge and your mind goes a thousand miles a minute, you think shit this stuff will make any woman feel empowered and hot and want to fuck you and that's what women want to feel wanted and desired and like a bombshell and heyy fucko that's true for all men and women if it's not true it's untrue for all genders as well but the important thing I'm trying to get at is that those don't necessarily make everybody feel sexy. Rather, they make people feel weird and super conscious. Opposite of horny, rather. Afraid, insecure.

It's not about our bodies.

It's about how they're designed. The seams aren't very tight. And they aren't meant to be worn on a regular basis. In fact, they're almost solely designed to be seen for like two minutes and taken off, to do whatever hopefully not the hot tiring sweaty lame not very exciting smelly grunty thought-provoking borking that makes one wonder why people can't think of more fun or exciting taboos that everybody wants to rebel against. Because the seams will ride up and up right onto our asscracks until the underpants smell like asscrack, and you feel gross and uncomfortable. If you're walking out you're constantly adjusting your panties, and finding excuses to do so. It is a travesty.

So shut up and stop it with the gifting of sexy panties. Why don't you give me your credit card number and a budget limit and I'll do the rest of the work huh?