Maybe this is a big mistake

Thought of writing on this two weeks ago. I know I've written similar things in the very recent past. Just..bear...okay.

Maybe this is a big mistake.

Maybe I won't be able to live all by myself, maybe I'll find myself lost among the people with their own gangs in a new city. Maybe the people I'm hoping to hang out a lot will go to their own groups, forget about me and I'll be friendless lonely and lost in a new place. Maybe the city will be harsh and mean and I won't be able to figure it out. I might hate the place. What if my work invites me sooner than expected, and things go south from there.

But more importantly, maybe my life will be exactly the same there as it is here, mostly, except all the good parts will be gone, so I won't have anything or anyone to blame for my personal failures. Maybe life is unchanging, we as people cannot change unless we really really really really want to, and I don't have that willpower, and all the growing and learning and exploring of life on my part is done, developmentally the city will have made no impact on my personality and life. Maybe the change of scenery and coast and city and people isn't a big deal at all, maybe there's no reset button on one's life and being.

Maybe existence is stagnation. And regardless of how dynamic I become physically, I'll stagnate in a pool of filth and disgust, and nothing good will come of anything.

Maybe this is a big mistake. Maybe I should just have stayed.