Big, perhaps even massive, hits to one's ego

This relates entirely to the previous post.

I've written in the past about how I've promised to make massive changes to the trajectory of my life if and when Trump wins the 2024 presidency. Or if Republicans win both houses etcetera. All the recent events, including the one from just the previous post, and the incidents from several months ago and the whole very uncomfortable situation where one cannot acknowledge a very stupid and avoidable situation if people just grew their fucking brains, have made me consider that the world is a lot less like what I thought, imagined, hoped it was, and more like what I feared, figured, and fantasized (to fight against) on rare occasions.

Which means I need to adapt my tacts to the the new world because my trajectory of freewheeling through life and chilling, not worrying about long term implications of my decisions and jumping into new experiences headfirst is not the ideal way to approach life anymore. It's a lot more dangerous, a lot annoying, and not great. And the trajectory is not where it should be going. It doesn't affect me that much directly, on  personal level, but it does in terms of the 'imaginary' things we believe about people and the world and that's a big deal.

So anyway I told my mom I was open to being introduced to people, something I thought I'd never ever ever ever ever ever ever do, even until a year and a half ago, or even a year ago, after I moved to Seattle. Because the world was a nice sweet place, people were up and about, eager to make friends, get into new places and just have fun and there was no urgent need to be set up or find or partner or hunker down because really, what's the rush. Now, the rush is that people are awful, they're out to get you, or they're really stupid and / or selfish and cannot be reasoned with and it's not possible to deal with the whole rigamarole on your own. In other words, I can't do this, all on my own, I'm no, I'm no supermaaaaan.

It was a big, very big, a massive hit to my ego, awful, I feel ashamed and embarrassed and it's not so great, but this is what it's come down to. Compared to the alternatives, this is the best course of action unfortunately because given the cards I have been dealt with, this is the only acceptable compromise I can make.

Life goes on. The fight shall continue.