Some disappointments

I have written in these pages about some disappointments I had after coming back to Seattle, the nature of which made me reset my expectations out of life and closest and dearest friends. Not all of them were entirely unexpected, but many were, and it was a lot to go through, and such  big freaking deal that it took me weeks to recover from entirely, psychologically speaking. It's not just that I'm a big weenie, which I may or may not be, but I'm usually not that expectant of life-changing circumstances, which I went through.

Something of similar nature has happened yet again, which has caused me to go stronger into my attempts to realign the vision for my life going forward and take significant steps towards a new direction. I have considered if this might be an overreaction to an aberration and if I'm extending two or three datapoints to an entire trend that might not exist at all. And even if that were to be the case, the realignment would make sense still, I've come to internalize.

To put it shortly and without hitting around the bush, people I expected to be aligned with me completely politically are not so, and in confounding ways. And confounding is the only word I can use. Because how the hell else could Nepali girls, who grew up in Nepal for 20 years and came to the US, have stayed here for the better part of the decade, be outstandingly sexist. And not just that, discovering that the person you found sexist might actually be one of the more liberal people around and that their other Nepali female friends don't like to talk politics much because they don't want to get into uncomfortable conversations was, let me put it clearly and precisely, mindblowing. A large, if not all, portion of the above population went to women's colleges and schools, actually all of them, and are like shockingly, confusingly, numbingly sexist and conservative. It doesn't make sense. Nothing in the world makes any fucking sense since I moved to Seattle.

So that's about it. It was a big disappointment, but something I kind of suspected and had suppressed the conversation of and it was not great digging deep and having that conversation. If I could wipe my memory of those conversations, I would have, because nothing was gained, and all the respect was lost (well not really, but still). It is not great. And now I'm forced to, yet again, realign my worldview and hold views near and dear to me more steadfastly, and also made to work towards destroying the fucking monstrosity that is the conservative Nepali society. Again something I'd rather not think about or worry to much for, but here we are. Yet again. Bummmmer.