Five books that won't do so well, in case you want to bankrupt a publishing company

1. Seven Signs of Shittyness, how to find out you are a crappy asshole and improve yourself from the inside so your friends and family don't hate you, you stop smelling so awful and domesticated pets don't want to tear you to pieces the moment they see you
   
   
2. It's Not Me, It's You, On why despite what they say it's actually all your fault and you're a goddamn moron for not getting it when they dropped so many hints maybe you need to wisen up learn the ways of the world or I'm afraid you might not make it for much longer, you don't seem to have basic survival skills or knowledge of how the world works.
   
   
3. You'll Die a Penniless Beggar, Accept it Already, the self-help book guide targeted at all the Americans on why they like to imagine they're temporarily embarrassed millionaires but in reality they're in the best financial situation of their lives it's only downhill from here no matter what they do their government is out to get them and they're quite certain to die penniless and homeless with no chance of a second chance or bootstrapping themselves and the only way to make good out of the situation is to accept the fact.
   
   
4. Two Shades of Very Light Brown, a sexy novel about a regular suburban couple with two kids that has to struggle to find time for intimacy, when they do get the time and space to get handsy with each other they're quite tired the sex they're having is boring both would rather not have the sex actually but admitting it would reveal deeper more fundamental problem, they've come around to realizing maybe they shouldn't have made out a big deal of how important sexual compatibility and a thriving sex life was to them when they were younger because this is going to get uncomfortable soon maybe it's time to see some kind of therapist soon obviously cant tell anyone about it.
   
   
5. The Sexy Boy Next Door, a story about a woman living in the city who knows nothing about the attractive man living next door to her except he comes in late leaves his apartment early isn't around in the weekends hasn't brought anyone over but she can't be sure about that, he seems too tired to even acknowledge her presence he definitely doesn't know she exists maybe she should just get on tinder or whatever and uh find someone to get intimate with because it was a stupid stupid idea to fall in love lol as if saying that will make it come true with a total random stranger who has absolutely nothing to do with her and oh yeah the moving season is coming and she needs to move to a different neighborhood because rental prices have come down now she can be closer to friends so she'll plan for that instead of thinking about the guy who she doesn't know is spending the six months at his parents' place in jersey working from home.