Seven reasons you might actually be an insta-influencer

1. You love bargaining. But instead of offering lesser money to people, you offer no money, and instead promise to feature your counterparty on your feed because just the eyeballs and the attention is going to get them so much attention they won't be able to keep up with the new business, that's the best thing you could do for them really it's so much better than money.
   
   
2. You reflexively comment on photos with #nofilter and #realasitgets or whatever it might be to suggest that your photos and that of your friends are actually the 'realest' and the most authentic ones while everyone else is faking it, but of course you wouldn't put it that way because that's what haters do and if there's one thing you most definitely don't want to become, it's a hater.
   
   
3. Speaking of haters, you are surrounded by them. People who tell you being featured on your instafeed is not a valid form of payment, people who tell you to get a real job because you have a family to feed and this certainly ain't paying the bills, people who are competing with you people who think there's a moneytree in the influencering industry and just want a piece of the pie everyone every goddamn one of them is a hater trying to bring you down but you aren't gonna stoop to their level because you're as chill and real and honest as it gets.
   
   
4. You start your conversations with, 'as you saw in my insta story from the other day', or 'as I said in my insta post from last week', and if people haven't caught up with the latest and greatest updates of your life you make it a point to walk them through the last three weeks of your feed and open the floor for any questions.
   
   
5. Your life is documented completely in your instastories and insta posts and instamaps, your friends are right up there, you socialize with other influencers and it's become such an integral part of your life you can't imagine anything before it or anything after it. This is your world now.
   
   
6. You put 'instagram influencer' in your resume, in your linkedin, on your website which is just a thinly-veiled ad for your insta account and your blog which is literally the text version of your insta but without hashtags, and all the posts there point to your insta accounts anyway.
   
   
7. You have more than a thousand followers several hundred of whom you suspect to be scammers or russian election-manipulation bots, you don't have a job because that's not your journey at this point in time and you have a benefactor kindly supporting your lifestyle though for some reason they're barely ever featured in your posts.