Seven things to not say while in bed with your loved one(s)

1. Wait, was that an earthquake? Or a bomb blast? Oh wait nevermind haha my bad I was being stupid, it's just my farting furiously against the mattress that's shaking the bed and the entire room. Sorry, go back to you meditation.
   
   
2. Wouldn't t be so weird if one of your loved ones, people you love and trust so much, turned out to be a total psychopath underneath and just when you thought you had your life all figured out, they came out to you as the true monster that they are and randomly chose to attack and take your life....
   
   
3. I know I know I didn't wash my feet before getting on the bed, but you don't wash your hands or your body before you get into the bed either, and you know all the bodily fluids seep in through the underclothes, so this bed is as dirty as the toilet floor anyway so...my feet are probably way cleaner.
   
   
4. Oh I'm sorry totally my misunderstanding hahaha of course I knew it was a total misunderstanding lol do you really think that I thought you took me for a cannibal and when you said that I was actually trying to eat you piece by piece like how the japanese swallow tiny octupi in whole hahaha of course not i was so kiddinggg!
   
   
5. Don't worry babe the doctor said it would disappear in a night or two and until then whatever touched my skin would have to maintain that position or bad things might happen.
   
   
6. When I said all the things I just said I meant it in a joking manner and not in a serious way at all of course I wouldn't cheat on my husband and since you're my husband pretty much already hahah i'm not going to cheat on you hahaha that's what i meant but also i can't do anything sensual with you because i uhh have a headache and i'm religious we should save this for wedding or something.
   
   
7. You know what i know you've said otherwise and I've said otherwise but I'm thinking of changing my mind in the middle of this, lets fuck it and lets fucking create all the children we can!