You must be such a great cook, eh

 Hey yo, you must be such a great cook, I can tell already?

Oh why, you ask, I dunno it feels like you must be so great at making scrambled eggs if nothing else, because look how good you're at breaking hearts, letting the things inside pour out, cook them in fire until they congeal, add salt and spices to the wound, and devour whatever the concoction is, yum yum yum. Surely the skill must translate?

Oh, what's that, is this the most terrible pick up situation you've ever found yourself in, and anything you respond with is going to be an overcommitment to this interaction, an overstatement of how much you care about everything right now, which is very little  to none at all, perhaps you care from the basic humanity angle, as in you wouldn't want anybody involved to go through great pain and suffering and most certainly no deathwishes upon anybody despite you almost dying of boredom, but any more than that and you want to make it clear that it's just circumstantial, it's not a true statement of your feelings and emotions, huh? Well...fiine, by me.

Aaannyway how was your weekend, you were saying, before I began with the uhhh scrambled eggs distraction, right, ohh nice you saw some guy, huuh yup yup I remember that's where we were in the conversation, so exciting it must be for you, i'm so so so very happy, great coolly happy for you, the emotion on my face is happiness I know it looks a bit painted and very pained but trust me on this sister, these are the cheers of joy, what man wouldn't be happy about his fr...friend...friend, yes friend being happy all of that, with some guy who she met...where....originally... oh right right, yeah I remember that, the night before at a club and the only thing she remembered was that he'd texted her, and still chose to go with the rando for a brunch, sounds so cool, so exciting, yeay I. Am. So. Very. Excited. For. You. Couldn't express it more. Yippe dippy doo.