Eight things that you probably should not have lied about in your CV

1. What do you mean can I fly a commercial plane, OF COURSE I CAN, did you not see my cv? What do you mean the pilot is incapacitated?
   
   
2. Yes, no no I never lied, alright, I am, technically, a doctor, who has some understanding of medicine and so forth, it just happens that my education didn't strictly co-incide with the teaching of human body, and we played around with virtual bodies of birds etcetera, so I need to find a cloaca or something first...
   
   
3. Well just throw a couple of struts together and put nuts all around them, seriously people, bridge building is not too hard, okay, I should know I'm an engineer, as my resume says!
   
   
4. When I said that I had worked at Twitter before, what I really meant was that I go to twitter at work and use it while working, and not that I had experience in building a social media website that you need help replicating
   
   
5. Ahhhh you should have been more clearer in the job description, I have worked with various bangles and other jewellery that people wear in extremely cold climates, or ones that have been put in the fridge, and not, as you might have thought...
   
   
6. Yes, I'm a healthfood coach and nobody can tell me otherwise, because I get to choose who I am!
   
   
7. Sir, I did claim to be an expert fighter, a commando and a brave soldier in completely different contexts where I believed those pieces of information were going to get me laid, and not drafted, so...
   
   
8. I'm an EYE expert, getting, EYE-EXPERT, as in I used to examine people's eyes for a living, that's what I heard you ask for, and nothing to do with some computer thingamajig that I swear I've never claimed to be an expert with seventeen years of experience on...