Spent most of the day recovering from the night before. Talked to N on the phone, great stuff, felt a little bit pressured about life. Didn't feel like cooking anything so I went to Rancho Bravo tacos and got myself a big filling meal, so satisfying not having to cook for yourself while also not paying for the privilege of being at a sit-down place.
The rest of the day I spent walking around, chilling, cleaning up the house, and feeling like I should be doing something, but not really doing anything. Read more of Isy Suttie's book, and looking up plans for this week and coming weeks. It's three weeks until this apartment is more fully occupied.
In the evening we went to check up on SK who's not feeling well and chill. I got the dinner takeout from the mexican place from the morning because it was my treat. We talked about our future plans, what we want to do now in life, taking dance classes. A was being really really really annoying, and I scolded him quite harshly, I don't like doing it very often, but sometimes a person's gotta do...etcetera. Played with M the doggo so goddamn much.
The guys played a bunch of fifa, and we smoked, and S installed flight simulator and they tried flying the plane around for a few hours, but always above the clouds and it got to be extremely boring, for which we made fun of each other. The plan was to go to a club in the evening, but I discovered that the gig was to be over at 2, and we hadn't left by 1.15, so I proposed we not go, and just hang by S's place. Which we did, for another two and half hours.
By the time I left S's place, it was four in the morning, walked home, put on the hearing things, brushed and went to bed, to sound sleep.
Had trouble getting up in the morning because I'd gone to bed late, the entire body ached and didn't feel right. It was a good idea to have stopped drinking, but I need to socialize so I've been doing it again. Gotta find a good alternative.
Got some pretty exciting news at work, paused working, talked to coworker. For lunch I sauteed some potatoes with a bunch of herbs and spices, put them inside slices of bread, with kimchi, cheese, hummus. Dipped in ketchup and green tomato sauce. Yum.
After work chilled for a bit, went for a walk but not long enough. Read a bit, Isy Suttie's book too. As came over, we had watermelon for lunch, and went out. But before that we went on a walk, bought some joints. SB joined us at Chacha's, the large gang showed up too, but Chachas wasn't very happening, it was loud and disgusting and a goddamn sausage fest. Rest of the gang left to hang at SB's place, A and I went to Comet where I had a lot of fun dancing with random people. A was too tired, we smoked up a joined out in the open, a couple of people gave us free lighters forever, he went home, and I did too. Slept pretty quick after getting home. Realized maybe Cha Cha's is not as great as I had considered.
For brunch I had savory oatmeal, a very very large serving of it, that filled me up for the entire day.
The day was busy with serious work, and a tonne of meetings. Don't have records of what I did after work, but it must have been fun, walk around in the park I definitely remember.
Skipped the gym because SB had a barbecue in his rooftop. Went to his place, hung out for a couple of hours, bailed out early because I wanted to study for an upcoming situation. It didn't workout because there was a tonne of recently-released podcasts I was very excited about, so I listened to new episodes of podcasts for several hours, going to bed quite late.
For the entirety of the last month I've avoided 'doing my finances' aka figuring out the costs and expenses of various trips taken with friends, and splitting them up. It's not terribly hard, I just have to look at my credit card statement, figure out which of those were group expenses, mark them in an excel sheet, pass it on, and that'd be the end of it. That I don't seem to want to do, it's a bit of a pain in the bottom, because there's a tonne of potential money owed and owed to me that I haven't looked into. Should get into this quicker, because it'll reflect poorly etc.
In other news, I'm finally getting some money owed to me after five years of requests and coaxing, I gotta get better with my finances. And the reason they couldn't return it was they were deep deep in gambling debt, week after week, and the first thing they spent their money was on gambling, and not paying back the debt. What a fiasco, that.
I figured modern technology and tools would make doing these things simpler, but the complexity has just moved elsewhere, you still gotta handle your transactions. Like they say, the internet, and startups haven't really made things 'frictionless', and removed the 'middlemen', often they've become the universal middlemen, adding up layers into transactions that didn't exist before, and add more friction to otherwise-easy processes. While changing the economy and people's livelihoods on the way.
It's not going to be too long before people start wondering, what exactly are we gaining here, hmmm?
Sometimes people let their ego get the better of them, speak and utter words without giving any consideration to how it might affect their goals and objectives, or some people are just a little crazy, rebels without cause, and say whatever annoys and hurts other people the most for the heck of it. Because they enjoy practicing the little pathetic privilege they have over things.
I did that when I was younger. As a ten-yearold I'd knowingly prod and anger adults, even if that made my life a little bit more miserable, because the ego, the power in seeing others annoyed and irritated, getting a reaction out of people, felt quite something. As soon as I got a sense of the fact that those things were counterproductive, that childishness stopped.
Unfortunately the same can't be said for everybody, and that's such a pity.
With Boston people go to college, work there, stay around, move to the 'burbs nearby (or faraway) and just chill. They stay around for almost a decade.
I don't know if it's true for Seattle. It's like people come here for job, stay for a few years as long as the jobs are squeezed out for their worth, and bail out to some other place. Obviously the generalization is for folks like us, and people I know generally. Even PK who's bought a house here -- a sign one might imagine would be a signal of one's desire to settle down on a location -- is bailing out after renting his place. It is unclear if it's a place to be around longer-term.
I need to learn to root down better, after the hangouts that are so much fun end, and I wake up the next morning, I realize I can't just show up at somebody's place (except I guess few friends and family), as much as I could to in Boston. To be fair, this is a new place and I haven't put in as much effort as I could into friendmaking and for some strange reason people seem to connect here using facebook and insta mostly which is a big hindrance for my style, but still. I'd like to be more rooted. More chill and hang, and also out and about. But chill and hang in a more connected way, not in a rushed funtimes manner. Dunno.
My pants. Teeheheeeh. It was all a setup for this single point.
That alley a couple of blocks over because nobody else is there when I am, but it's clearly been used, and also homeless people seem to avoid it for some reason.
McD 'vicodin' restroom, syringes strewn about. That's the situation of the American middle class, it's our reality, yet nobody wants to deal with the cause of it, and those who're profiting off of other people's misery and death. Wow that got serious real quick.
Next door, buy a pizza slice next door just to use their restroom.
A different bar, any bar really that actually cares about its patrons' pissing situation. Now that I think about it, this is probably why there's fewer and fewer women in there. Because they've stopped caring for the bathrooms. And why there's so many women at Comet, because their bathrooms are top-class.
The grassy patch in the park, it won't stink up because it'll rain soon and also I don't want to burst my bladder.
By a tree, like a dog, if the doggoes can do it so can I.
One of those 'bladders' you can buy online, for certain sporting activities, where you connect it to your crotch, and can pee all you want, it'll collect in the packet and you can dispose of it later.
Maybe Cha Cha's is taking our patronage for granted.
Their upstairs bathroom was closed and they didn't tell anybody. Their downstairs bathroom, which doesn't have a proper door, a urinal and a commode stall, was overflowing with piss. There was a literal sea of piss on the ground, that you had to step over to piss on the urinal. Also, you couldn't do that because the urinal itself somehow 'filled up' how the hell does that happen, and it was overflowing...towards the person peeing. It was so disgusting I retched, I couldn't do it, didn't have the heart too, ran away and instead...Nothing. It's already a pretty nasty alley and everybody else does it, and it's socially accepted alright, and nobody lives there it's warehouses etc. Don't look at me like that. Anyway it was better than drenching myself in piss of a thousand drunks, or getting bladder infection.
Somebody's gotta do something about that. Our other favourite place -- quickly rising to the top now, is better because it's got really cute bathrooms and the ratio is much less of a sausage fest, often there's so many more women than guys in there.
That's it.
Sometimes though, with all this going-out business I do question the purpose of it all. Which I guess makes sense, maybe why the major philosophers etc were into drinking and partying because the following morning, the hammer of existential guilt and questioning you get is pretty terrible. So much thinking, so much evaluating.
People with interesting tattoos because they've got stories, and always so eager to tell them.
People with interesting items of clothing, such as a crocheted bra somebody wore to the bar the other day, that their friend, who maybe died last year (?) -- it was so noisy in my defense, I couldn't make much -- made for them, and they always get really get comments for it!
People with interesting beards who remind me of British comedians -- both the beard AND the person remind me.
People with cute dogs and cats who are trained to act like dogs.
Random people who are children of hippy parents who told them they could literally do whatever they wanted to, wouldn't have to go to college if they didn't care for it, and just amble about doing odd jobs here and there, waiting for their parents to die and inherit the multi-million estates. How the F are the hippies so rich, or were they always so?
Cute women who're checking me out.
Cute women who're blowing kisses at me for no good reason, and I wonder if it's a pity kiss or a passion one, but like who the hell cares, as long as I'm not working against apathy, I'm winning.
Bartenders and servers and bouncers, so I don't have to be in the line to get in, in the future, and also it feels good to be a regular.
People in the line waiting for the restroom, because the restroom is locked and we think it's somebody who's taking a big dump but it's quite possible they're doing coke in there, or OD'd and died, or maybe the restroom was never open.
Lifelike statues of popular celebrities that I mistake for a real person, whom I ask if they're a popular person because they seem familiar, and then get mad because they don't reply.
I was reading the biography by Issy Suttie that I bought last year since it was on discount, without knowing the author. It was cool, and I'd been halfway through. Now that I'm addicted to British comedy podcasts I've been noticing her popping up on all the major pods, perhaps to time with the release of her latest novel. And it turns out she's a pretty big comedian. I picked it up and man I'm so jealous of her writing, she's genuinely funny, knows what gets a laugh and what doesn't, and even when something's not funny she goes on these long tangents but knows when to stop. Unlike the guy here.
To get back to the matters on hand, I've been writing for a long time, here and offline. And the last three years...well you know, writing extra super duper much. Really going all-in with the situation. The idea was to originally prepare myself for the novel, then to create a writing habit, and now I write just out of habit. The material's terrible so half-hearted and not very fun to read. The two regular readers of this blog have abandoned it in recent weeks and months, and there's nobody reading these now.
Which makes me want to raise the good ole' question: what exactly am I doing, and why am I doing it? What's the goal? Do I intend on improving my writing with this, because without a teacher and proper review and guidance it's clear I ain't going nowhere. If it's about 'being funny', that boat sailed a long long time ago, in the era of the dinosaurs. And the habit part, ugh, yeah I've kept at it, more or less, but it's not become a daily habit yet, like brushing or...pooping, whatever. I write in spurts now, a couple of times every day.
So, why do I bother writing them? What's the point? Does it matter? Is it a waste of time? Am I torturing myself? Setting unnecessary expectations? Is this an escape from real things I should be doing? What, what is happening?
Answers.
The point in doing something is not just to 'excel' at it, to 'win' it, to beat everybody else who does it. You can do things for the sake of doing them, because you enjoy doing that (yes I do), because it's become a habit (yes it kinda' has), because you want to see how big of a history you created later (true). It doesn't matter if your output's good or bad, what matters is you're producing. It's hard, but you gotta do it every day, as often as you can. You'll improve. The mountain's tall, but not unscalable. You just travel one step at a time.
It's okay if I'm unlikely to be published in the next year, I'll keep writing. I'll need to realign my other longer-term goals elsewhere but that doesn't have anything to do with this task. Words on paper, words on screen, they'll come out.
This is the second occasion/episode the two have been on a date, we find out from Meena in the intro. And what she likes about him is that he is NOT a businessman. They keep referring to dates as 'sitting a date', which...I dunno...maybe sure, whatever, if that's the common parlance, I refuse to believe that's the case though.
As is regular, the date begins with conflict, a potentially escalating discussion about what Meena's wearing, but she deftly handles it and defuses the situation. She's dressed cute, he's dressed like he's going to somebody's wedding covered in synthetic shiny faux-fancy clothes.
From the comments I deduce that she's had a terrible experience with Deven, traumatized even, and is approaching the situation with great care and caution. You seem like a good guy, a decent person, not like some other horny businessmen, she tells him, making it obvious if it was unclear her opinion on the date.
He's excited that she's taking cooking classes, so he can be well-fed. Ahh Meena, our lovely compadre who's been turned cynical by the creeps in the world and decides that sanity only lies in the comfort of reliable men. I only need your love and support, don't need any of your material excesses, I can figure out the rest by myself, she tells him. He gives her a ring right as she says that, she rejects it, he raises her finger and threatens her in a manner one might scold a dog who's eyeing a big fat hunk of meat on the dinner table. She laughs it away. Are these scenes all scripted, or is there some personality of the performer that makes it through, because ooooof. Man do I cringe at this show. The conclusion of the conversation is, she returns it, and tells him to give her great gifts after they're married, but she doesn't care for gifts, mostly love.
"Classic domestic violence pattern….if he doesn’t like her he can simply leave…😒" says a commenter, I'm glad somebody else caught that, the signs have been there right from the start of the video.
I'm having trouble watching this episode because of the power dynamics, he's just so stupidly aggressive, and there's no pushback from her, she just gives and gives and gives. He does say, there's no girl as beautiful as Meena in the world, but you wonder, is that a guarantee that you're gonna treat her well?
And again, he starts dancing. I do NOT believe he's a choreographer, he's a terrible dancer, he doesn't know what he's doing, and whoever is actually choreographing those dance scenes is either a genius for choreographing dances that convince the viewer what a big fakey loser this pretend-dancer is, or it's a low-budget affair and there's really not much thought given.
Is a pane of mirror placed strategically a piece of art? What about regular mirrors?
And then, all of a sudden, conflict. As if we needed more of the shitty behavior. He goes crazy psycho right as she gives him a rose. It seems clearly scripted, but if not, every woman on this planet needs to be ten feet away from this guy. An man. More. He needs lots of psychological help.
Why the fuck is she still talking to him, instead of running away. Yeah he raised his hand, ready to hit her. I can't watch the rest of the video, it's not for me, yikes.
The thesis of this series, if I get this right, is that all Nepali men are monsters and should be locked up. Even the good ones, because they're just pretending to be, and you never know when their lid's gonna blow up and they turn into abusive psychos. I'm not fully in agreement with the thesis, but it does have minor merits that need to be considered.
WHOO would have thought that a sunless cool gloomy day in Seattle would be so welcome but here we are. No rains for months, the sun beating down on the trees and roads, making it uncomfortable to go out, but also stay in our apartments that we bought because we imagined Seattle to be a cool place generally, not realizing the change in global climate patterns had effed things up so bad, summers are quite tough and if you don't have an AC and fan in your apartment your friends almost don't want to show up in your place, alas, but this was a great day, gloomy on the outside and a little bit on the inside but refreshing nonetheless.
Palaces are places for power, and sometimes they can be prisons for those inside.
Ohh the king, what a lecherous bastard he is, they must think of me, spending time with his courtesans to entertain him, and with that all wine and rich food, no wonder that bastard's getting so fat. How I envy them!
If my dear mother were to allow me, I would hand over the matters of the state to her, or my wives, or by brothers, anybody willing to take the reign and responsibility of these millions of downtrodden souls barely surviving in this cruel harsh world, sucked to the bones by evil land lords, tax collectors, marauding band of thieves and robbers, and the terrible terrible wrath o mother nature. For as a King you feel the cries of every citizen, the hunger of every little child on the street. I would go to the forest, up the mountains, by the wise men, and live there. Be fed by the masses on bare sustenance, practice penance every day, cavort with the gods, discuss matters of great philosophical and intellectual importance. Make the lives of others better, serve others as a lowly man. Simple life, simple desires, content existence.
Instead, this. At the end of the day, after the royal duties have been completed, and I have avoided those regular parties with the excuse that my queens require my presence, I don't get to be gently cradled by my comfortable royal bed and onto the land of mother sleep. No, no, rather I will go to my wife, who will sing me praises before reminding me of my royal duties -- no, not the interesting kind -- of appointing an able treasurer because the former royal paymaster left a lot of holes in the books, and all the rest. And when I make an approach for physical intimacy, she will sigh and tell me to avail myself to my courtesans, 'ohh now you want me, I'm tired, go spend time with your whores, I'm sleeping now' she will say.
The courtesans have been trained in a thousand and one arts, from archery to poetry, their beauty is incomparable in all of the lands, and they would be suitable to hold any position whatsoever in the royal court. And yet they besiege me with tales of suspicious adversaries, questionable loyalty of others to the palace, and so forth as they massage me. By the end of the night, when my body is oily and fully massaged, my mind is running at a thousand mules a minute, I'm unable to concentrate on my royal duty. The Queen requires my services, I'll mumble before rushing into my personal chambers, surrounded by a small group of trusty guards. Oh how little they must think of me, how pathetic I must be in their minds, that my wife throws me to the courtesans and I use her excuse to run away to my chambers.
On good nights, and there are quite a few of those, the Queen will be waiting for me, in a mood to make amends. No words will be exchanged, my excuse to the courtesans won't have been a lie anymore. Often the decisions of the Palace are made with great forethought and consideration, and in the presence of an able Queen, the King will always remember why he prefers having her company over anybody else's.
And soon, cool breeze, and silence, save for the cry of the crickets faraway.
The problem with ruling a nation is this: you have to do the job, administratively speaking. Sure you could be like one of the less-motivated Kings and rulers, allowing their grand ministers and mothers and wives to do most of the ruling part while you live the life, but it is common knowledge most of their heads end up on top of a stake before getting under the ground on a short call, so that is not ideal. Besides, if you didn't want to do the administrative work, you could always go to the frontier to fight battles and bring glory in, and give the reign to somebody else, always an option. If you decided to live in the Palace and get the Lordship, you gotta put up with the work.
You wake up at five in the morning because the various assortment of birds and animals you have put up in the royal gardens won't stop crooning. You suspect it's something to do with the courtiers but have no definite evidence, and don't want to engage your spymaster yet because he's eventually going to turn all of this into a leverage for him personally. He's a sly sly man, that's why you hired him, but his personal greed which got him the job in the first place is getting a bit out of hand. Ah the things you have to worry about as the King. Eventually something will have to be done about the man. Lordship of a faraway land with special positions in the Capital for his children so he knows what's up.
You stretch, and look around to remind yourself where you are. As a King it's important to be in control of your surroundings, specially the situation with the courtesans has to be handled with great delicacy. It is not unknown that often they end up having a greater power over the matters of the state than the former court, it's only normal then that the palace intrigue and conspiracies play a greater role in this shadow palace. What do your Ministers know, they see you holding hands with a wife, or canoodling with not-a-wife, they give a slight not with that unmistakable smirk at the corner of their lips that they can't erase. Bastard, they're probably thinking, gets to have all the fun, no commitments yadda yadda, but truth be told you'd just avoid all of this business and live with one or two wives and deal with only one court. But your mother won't let you do that.
That old crone. Of course she won't let you get rid of the shadow court. It's the source of her power. She gets to choose your courtesans, she has every say over what is important in a girl, and what your schedule is like. It is not easy to overrule her even in the matters of choosing your own wife. Nobody else has that amount of leverage over you, the ruler of the lands, she holds the keys to the future.
The mornings are spent keeping whoever you're with, their entire group, happy. Oh her brother's going to be sent to the frontlines, she would be very verry sad if something were to happen to him, could I not just give him something in the palace? Ohh this one's village is being haunted by a terrible collector, would I please make sure his books are straight, and he's not overly burdening the poor villagers and also preferably have him sleep with the fishes. And on and on and on. They hold my hands, they hold my legs, and massage them, but my heart beats with great concern for the matters of the state.
Seattle hasn't had rain in...maybe two months now, on the other hand, East Cost has had unseasonably rainy and good weather, I'm told. There's the smoke and the haze from the pacific fires, yea but besides that not much. I on the other hand am struggling with lower-nineties and upper eighties every day, too tired and hot and annoyed to go out exploring the city because it's so fking hot. As I suspected, Seattle's bait-and-switch has been complete. It attracted me with the possibility of incredibly moderate, tolerable, friendly, warm but not intolerably so weather, and now has me stuck with the feeling of living inside somebody's armpit. I'm not even exaggerating. Exactly like an armpit. The smells -- Oh the smells! -- and all. Yeeeuccck!
A wholly expected and anticipated situation, along the lines of which I was writing blogs insinuating the possibility of, has arisen. It is on the whole not completely objectionable, aligns with one's interests and objectives, and will definitely be motivating to one to continue in the path of putting in greater effort to various predefined tasks. Additionally, it would provide one with a series of benefits that would, on the margin, be exceeding what is provided to the individual at current time. This is all relevant only if the other situation I've been heavily insinuating about doesn't occur, which is the likely outcome, but I will try my best to change destiny to otherwise. That's all I'm sayin.
I've been honest with my opinion that Narbada is the best. Asal I find a strange creature. This was a strange episode, Narbada was undersold here. She went realll hammy with her lines too, as if she was having trouble remembering them. Is she a musician or model, and not an actress? Regardless...
"
I'm here to find loyal and sexy girls here, Asal from Baneshwar says. Shame shame, makes me thankful I'm not from there anymore. They should have come up with a better pickup line.
"Narbada changes her personality according to her dress", a viewer underneath the video observes. That makes sense, because... this is not the person I came to adore and admire. What's going on, are the writers going crazy and testing the limits of credibility, or is she a less-than-ideal performer, and unable to keep a consistent character?
The comments inform me that Ram did something mean and rude to Meena, who's another contestant, and he only deserves pity and being humiliated by Narbada. Does Narbada know about the Meena situation, or did she decide to come in as a helpless needy young adult with no knowledge of other couple dynamics?
Another commenter observes that he's been brotherzoned (their words not mine) twice, ignored by the third person, out of his three dates yet. Which is terrible stats sure, but maan it's a tough world out there. Also she keeps asking him to buy her shit, and take her on shopping and trips etcetera. As if it was seventy years ago? Is it? Are we back in time, are our gender dynamics still old-timey?
Also, Asal apparently tells every new 'date' a different profession. He's a choreographer to Narbada. Who is being trolled, Narbada or us?
I can't watch anymore, after a 2-minute argument on where Narbada should sit, I can't, can't watch anymore. He wants her to sit somewhere, she won't sit there. And the date ends. There begins the second date. Do I care? What is happening? Am I going mad? Do I have nothing better to do? Has my life really come down to this? I need strength, this is terrible.
According to commenters on the internet, the most awaited combination on the show.
CLU starts rapping at the end, Ram takes this opportunity to make his escape. Viewers have compared the episode akin to "TOEFL vs IELTS" because both the actors errr participants speak in English throughout. "Is this a fighting show or a dating show, because they started arguing right from the beginning", somebody observed. Does that say more about the show, or the unfair representation of heterosexual romance, or the fucked up standards, where relationships are always, always represented as being conflict-driven. There is never a 'normal' regular couple who mostly almost always gets together and supports their partner, and has conflict rarely but it's figured out because they're both adults and respect and love each other deeply and small issues aren't a big deal for actual forreal couples.
She calls him Raa-may, accuses him of wanting to be with somebody who he can control and dominate. I'm too smart and independent for you, she says. I'm a businessman, a successful person, he replies. Oh yeah, can you even spell business, she dares him, just do it, spell it for me. He doesn't take the bait, spells character instead.
"I don't have time to date", he starts the date. CLU says she hates guys who say that because they're lying, making excuses for other weaknesses. He brags he's got his factories and businesses, and PA's and houses and cars. And then takes a call during the 'date', and cancels it. CLU is not happy, they meet again, but she's soured on him right away in the second meet.
"How was your trip here", he asks her on their second date. Well not worth talking about, it's not like I took an international flight, she says. I'm loving transcribing their date, almost feels like there is somebody else writing down the lines on the other end.
And now they're fighting again. A long conversation about who's controlling (him) and oversmart (i'm just independent, you asshole, go marry a village girl) she says. Again, this is supposed to be a...date? Yeah, did I get that right? Anyway. I'm getting bored, I need to be somewhere else. Later, toodles. This is wild, wild.
I write this at 10.35 PDT, so ready to sleep and get a good night's sleep, fortunately didn't nap for too long in the afternoon.
Got up a couple of times at night to use the restroom, then slept far too comfortably. When I woke up at 9.35 am, I was terrified, and also half-hour late to sign into work. Work was productive today, got multiple streams going on. Perhaps the Vitamin D tablets I've started taking, in addition to my B12 ones have been working. Feels good. Wrote 500 words at work journal too, another feather in the cap.
Got another appointment made for next week, we'll see hour things go, I'm cautiously optimistic, but the fact that I have to spend many many hours investing in preparation for just talking to people is something that I've never cared for.
For lunch I had the TJ's rotis and Dal. Extremely mediocre lunch.
After work I prepared for the conversation a bit, charged phone, showered, shaved, got ready for the world, and headed to Hau Hau for groceries. Bought a bunch of sauces, green veggies, mushroom and shin ramyun. Still need tomatoes and onion.
After getting back, I went overboard with achar-making, and used up all the tomatoes and dhaniya I had at home. I know have almost 2 mason jars full of achar. With not much onions in there. It's great but I'll spend weeks eating it.
Went for a walk to the part because I needed to get to my 10k. Came back, cut my watermelon into half, had a quarter for dinner. It was yum. Worried that it could mean I'll have to regularly use the restroom tonight.
Wrote a bunch, chilled, and got ready for the night. I need to get up at 8.30 for a meeting tomorrow, and it's quarter to two, so it's gonna be bedtime, toodles lovelies, haha, that podcast's really influencing my language huh.
Shin Ramyun is the premium South Korean noodle we all love to eat. It's a bit pricey, at a buck a piece, and one imagines other Asian noodles like Indomie are perhaps a better value for money. I looked around a couple Asian stores, compared price per unit and discovered that Shin is the best value for money, for the quality you get!
Here's my homework. Shin comes in 4.2 ounce packets, that translates to 120 g about. The Indomie is a smaller packet at 75g. The ratio of the weights of the two is 1.6. Multiply that by the price of Indomie (70 cents a piece at Uwajimaya) and we're at 1.12 bucks if Shin were to be priced at the same ratio. Except Shin costs a buck a packet. You're saving twelve percent there!
Truth be told, the price is for Shin at Hau Hau. And the place has cheaper noodles from Asia too. And more expensive ones. But for the Shin range, you really would be hard-pressed to improve on the price. Which is why I bought almost a dozen and half packets of Shin earlier in my shopping trip today.
This is a review of Sam's Tavern, a restro-bar in Capitol Hill Seattle.
It's less of a bar, and more of a restro. The bartenders are more like servers, and will actively serve the tables until wee hours of the night. It's got a little 'country' vibe, aka an american flag, tonne of American currency hung on the walls, moose head, a vibe of second-rate ski-lodge in the mountains somewhere. The booths are closed and personal, and there's not much 'open' space to reach out to new people and strike up conversations. Their drinks are pretty good apparently, but nothing particularly exciting. I'm told the people working in their locations (there's three or two more of these in the region) are great.
If you want to go to a bar with friends, but want to avoid the noisy rowdy annoying crowd, this is the place to be at, in comfort of near and dear ones, away from the grimy singles and desperados. Bar seating is limited, if you're in your mid-thirties and meeting other couple friends, this is probably the ideal 'divey' bar for you. Drinks ain't cheap outside their happy hours though.
It is often the case that one's mental and emotional situation influences one's attitude towards external experiences. The same restaurant food could be terrible, or incredibly good, depending on what's going inside of you. Add to that the fact that your future experiences are colored by your history, and it gets ever more complicated.
In short, Elysian Brewery in the Capitol Hill neighborhood of Seattle provides Beer food, lots of freshly-brewed beers -- dozens of sours and IPA's and porters -- and a nice chill ambience to spend time with friends. It's not particularly pricey, not compared to the surroundings anyway, and the service is pretty decent. If you're looking for a brewery to go to, with dozens of beers on taps, this is a good place to go, for brunch as well as latenight drinks. It doesn't have a 'bar' vibe, not the 'hit people up and just talk to them' environment at all. More of a 'hang with friends, possibly maybe a first or pre-first date' vibe. Ideal for double dates, even. Good place.
I had an incredible time there, spent three hours there, sober for the first fifteen minutes maybe, so much beer, we got the tasting set and man their beers are strong. Most of them above seven or eight percent abv. Fun, good value for money if that's what one is after. The beer food is just...okay, but you're not there to eat, and they know it too.
That's all I got. This neighborhood's got a lot of breweries, this is the more popular one. Worth exploring at least once.
On weekends, Q the nightclub in the Capitol Hill district of Seattle is one of 'those' clubs. Drunk fools get smooshed up and show to gyrate and jump, sweaty and tired, desperate for human contact, attention, fun, anything for some fun. Why won't the fun come to me, they tell themselves, jumping higher, trying to drown their terrible thoughts out with overpriced booze and severely loud music. Nobody's there to listen to the music, like I said, because lovers of music would avoid it like the 'rona. No good.
I went there on a Friday evening, didn't enjoy the vibe at all, despite going with a large group of friends. Not my style. It felt a little disjointed, a little desperate, not too much fun, nobody seemed to be enjoying the music.
I'm told that's because Q is in the middle of everything, that the weird vibe happens. Go there on Wednesdays or Thursday evenings, I'm told, that's when the normies, the drunks and the tourists aren't there, that's when the vibe is really interesting. I dunno, seems too tiring. Somebody else explained it to me this way: the most interesting thing to do with Q on weekend nights is to hang out outside after the bars have closed and people-watch because there's always some shit or other brewing. Interesting times.
And that's all I gotta say about the place. Nah, not for me. I'd rather just chill outside.
Kremwerk is a club in Downtown Seattle. They have two floors, the top one closes an hour early at two, is small and a lot more chill, while the underground floor is massive, dark, loud and very intense. We were there when Noise Control played.
Loved the vibe of this place. The people there are not drunk fools, they're not there to get drunk and crash into people, or make dance circles, or try to grind against randoms, necessarily. They enjoy the music, they love the EDM vibe, which is why they're at a place away from all the other bars and clubs. This is an event, they're there to dance and drink and dance and chill at the music. This is their vibe.
It is a pleasure to be around people doing something they're passionate about and enjoy. Because they're open to share their passions with other. They have no other agenda. And their expectations from others are to dance as well. There is a vibe of camaraderie, from the shared passion. Isn't this music wonderful, what a wonderful choice we made waiting in the line for an hour-and-half this night, they're telling each other.
Wonderful.
I didn't know different clubs had different vibes, different kinds of clubs had separate vibes. That there's rando creeps clubs -- guys and girls -- where drunk people pop into after losing their heads at the bars and gyrate around madly. They're not there for passion, their interest in the music playing may not be considerable. They just want to get fucked up and jump around. Sweaty drunk desperate people, not into the vibe, gyrating around. The music is always loud, way wayyy too loud. Clubs are generally loud, yeah, but you're supposed to enjoy the music. These clubs don't care. Because the drunks are not there to chill and listen. Jump like monkeys, that's what they do.
Kremwork is the good kind of club, for passionate people. Some day I'll eventually make it to Monkeyloft and be able to say good things about it -- it's very far away from anything else happening -- but until then, Kremwerk rocks, yeah!
At night, right after I slept I dreamt that I killed somebody, in self defence whatever, and got away with it. Nobody questioned me or asked any questions, the police never got close to me. My conscience complained, but not too loudly.
I got up to use the restroom and drink water over night. I thought about the weirdness of the dream and thought about how if I'd actually done that it'd be a good idea to bail out of the state, probably wouldn't have been a federal felony. And thought about what I'd to to avoid capture.
Then I had a few other dreams, minor ones.
Right as it was morning, and I know this because I went to sleep after using the restroom, they were closing in on me. People had started suspecting me, I was taunting that I was innocent, all the evidence available was circumstantial and they'd never get to me because I was innocent. Though eventually it came through that I was guilty with an annoying conscience. I was on the run, a terrorising personality, featured on TV, mother's told their kids about me to put them to sleep. It was wild. I was very very afraid, sad, desperate, confused.
When I got up I was sweating and looking for an escape. My heart was thumping, half hour after getting up. And I'd woken up late, thirty minutes into working hours, because of the fear. It was wild.
Keep increasing the level of difficulty of your technical interviews, pay not attention to the actual effectiveness in choosing good employees. The sort of person desperate, mad, unthinking enough to spend months and weeks and years grinding away their personal time to prepare for your bullshit questions, for the glorious honour of working for your lordship, will also be the kind of person who does not question sketchy decisions, they will be afraid to speak out when you're doing legally grey things, they will not complain a lot when they're asked to do very uncomfortable things. Because they've worked so hard to get here, they deserve it. This is the price you pay for success. This is what everybody does when they get up high. That's the sort of justification they'll come with. You know however that the sort of moron who'll grind, who'll treat this as an honor, does not have the sort of intelligence or courage to question, anything. The great thing about all of this is, when push comes to shove, it is these total ignoramusi who you'll push under the bus, as you escape any sort of consequence for your actions and they get hauled away to the clink. This is victory. You have won. While convincing the losers that victory is theirs.
Got up on time, pretty well rested. Work was not as productive as I hoped it'd be, but now I realize I need to get my shit together. I've written like 14-16 posts today, make up for all the fun days lost.
After work I had a conversation with an outside party, and napped for many hours, went on a walk in the evening. Did some take-home work, and cancelled gym plans because I was too confused and befuddled.
For lunch I got two rotis, put cheese on them, and kimchi in between, dipped in hot sauce, so so good. Went on 45-minute walk in the evening, realized I need to get my work ethic better and get my shit together, so much motivation, I gotta do better, came back home, wrote a lot, had peanut-butter-honey and wrote more, and now I'm gonna brush and go to bed. It's 2.20 EST, I got lots of naps and sleep so it's gonna be goood!
Also I ordered ear plugs in the day so I won't have to sleep struggle.
Had eggs and bread for breakfast. Drove to Redmond and Bellevue where V got coffee and got his picture taken in front of the Microsoft Campus.
Went to Snoqualmie falls, chilled there for an our or so, they had mulberries in there too. It's majestic, just wish you could go down the falls and swim there, that'd be awesome. There's also this really nice empty park there, chill place to sit down.
We had other plans, to go to airport, return the car, and hang more, but I was very tired, so V returned me home, and I slept. And slept and slept. Didn't leave the house for the rest of the day, slept the entire day, it was a hectic weekend. And cheese-and-roti with something spicy, it was pretty great. Slept late because I'd napped the entire day, alas.
Got up late, without getting much sleep. Quick shower yadda yadda yadda. V had somehow got us a reserved car near the airport, and we took the train to the rental car place. He had tried to go to the thrift store the night before to buy hiking shoes so we could go on a hike on Sunday but the store, which was about to close, didn't have good shoes, that trip was wasted, I forgot to write that the post earlier.
Went to Tukwila, I stayed in the line for Fox, V got clever and used Alamo, which had shorter line but much cheaper. We took the nice compact SUV, stopped at Auburn for large burritos and coffee (it was called Pollo something mexican truck). Drove all the way to Rainier Visitor center, after losing our way for about an hour when we were moving away from the mountain. It was chill, we stopped at like maybe ten locations.
Back home, V wanted to go out, I didn't, so I rested, he didn't find anything interesting happening, so he came back. He drank I looked, we just talked until 11 in the evening and slept, the first time I'd slept at a decent time in a while.
Got up far, far too early in the morning, barely four hours of sleep. Made us both lunches with bananas, cheesy eggs, pico, pan toasted french bread, and mango kefir. Yum. After cleaning up and figuring out logistics out, we walked to SLU where the rest of the gang was kayaking. We got there too late, so we waited in the line separately, and got into the boats, just the two of us, Kayaked around all by ourselves, connected with the guys later, they were jumping down from the bridge, right where they put on the signs that say jumping is banned. Tried to save a duck from a fishing hook, it kept running away, we sure hope it's fine.
Took the bus from there to Belltown, bought two joints, went to Pike place market, explored it, V got lunch I got some desserts. Sat out in the park, and ate our food after smoking the joint. By now I was tired and hungover and sleepy, so we walked back home, and napped for a couple of hours.
Then we went to S's place where they were having a rooftop party. Grilled food etc, chilled, caught up with all our friends. Went in, played foosball -- I'm no good at it -- and then Blackjack. P&S and P's sister P just came back from Vegas after a couple-day-long trip, so they were really in the mood. It was so much fun, I'd have wanted to keep playing it all night long.
V was bored, so we left and went to Cha Cha's, downstairs. It was too crowded, loud, not so great, and what a sausage fest it was. There was no good vibe. We went upstairs, sat on the bar, and got talking with at least four or five people, made good friends. No exchanges unfortunately, but solid conversations. Got to know the bartenders too.
Outside the bar, after it closed we were just chillin', started talking to a guy, and kept talking. The group just got bigger and bigger until there were 8 people in there. I had to go to an alley for clearance purposes, and on the way back I made a new friend who promised to help me in strategic times were they to be properly informed about the amount and type. By the time I came back the larger group was gone, but our new friend S was still around. Finished our joint with him. Later, he met some friends of his, and took us to them. They were beatboxing and rapping out in the streets at 3 in the morning. They were really really good. After smoking and talking and listening to them, we left for home at 3.30 in the morning. V wanted to get hotdogs so he went to the stall, I chilled around, started talking to N and B, who have a doglike cat, I'd met them before. They were also talking to some other guy. We got talking, kept talking, shes' such a lovely person, and we ended up driving to their place in the other guy's car. The new guy safely tucked his pistol/revolver in his trunk, said 'yeah i won't be needing it this night', and we walked to their place. We smoked more, talked, and connected heart-to-heart. I'm really mad I never got texted back because there was connection I could feel it okaaay.
They threw us out at 5.15 in the morning, we walked home, and slept at 6. Again, didn't get much sleep.
For lunch I had Naan, scrambled eggs, pico de gallo, and the potatoes from the night before. Work was extremely unproductive, didn't get much done.
After work wasted a lot of time, went to TJ's to get a bunch of supplies, including pre-made TJ's Indian food and Booze, to entertain VS. Two 6packs. Got home, drank two by myself, a lot of valerian, went to unicorn alone, had a very mediocre time there. So loud, such noobs, everybody's an outsider, a tourist. It's no fun. Made many friends out in the streets. Not very sober. Called Sk, embarrassed myself, talked about a stupid olympian in tokio I very much don't care about. At home made the class nepali lemon tea, it was great, a bit too salty though I'm going to get the combo right it's pretty clear. Decided to catch up with rest of the gang at Vue in belltown, the bus never showed up and V was on his way, so got back home and received him.
Talked, chilled, discussed personal lives, philosophy, politics, and future plans while drinking with V until 6 in the morning. It was impossible to sleep comfortably, so noisy outside, it's always really noisy, so fking annoying, first time the noises outside truly bothered me because I ended up getting less than five ours of sleep.
Very tired in the morning because of staying very late the previous night, but it was great that we got off of work at 12, which is 9 PDT. So slept and rested for most of the day.
Went on an intense walk, and did the gym even though I didn't feel like it, feel so proud about that.
For lunchI had the TJ's Biryani, heated on the stove for a change instead of the oven because it was quicker, it helps to add a couple of spoonfulls of water so the steam is breaking the ice blocks. Also added half a chopped onion and damn that adds so much flavor texture and depth to the biryani. Easy but incredible fix.
In the evening I was expecting VS to show up, called him and only too late discovered that he was arriving the following day. Which meant I wasn't going to do much else that day. Slept far to late, for sure, wrote a lot in the evening. Made sichuan grated potatoes for dinner, ate just some of it in sandwich form, most of it was leftover for the next day.
Can we just stop complaining about what was done and why was done and obsessing about the past and move on, be forward looking and think about the future, you say, even though it was you who made the bad decision in your crazed fervor about the past.
Yes the bad decision was made, you say, but let's look at the positive side, we're all alive and breathing and won't die much earlier than we'd have otherwise died anyway, and the sky is still blue, so all is not lost, we can make lemonades out of this lemon, you tell people, even though it was you who exchanged an orchard of ripe orange trees for a dozen pieces of lemon.
It's not us, you say, why is it always us who makes the mistake, you ever think other people can make mistakes too, and you know why I think it's not our fault, I think that because look how we're suffering and they're not, how come they didn't make the same mistakes we did, how is that possible?
Well yes, our shelves are empty, and nobody will want to do business with us anymore without us giving serious concessions because we have lost all the leverage, but think about all the good things that have come out of it, okay, they're too many to count and I can't even start listing them all, I'll just sit down it hurts to think of so many points.
Well yeah a lot of pain has come out of it, but remember, no pain no gain, so this is the pain that comes before the gain, as they say, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, and we aren't dead yet are we? we're just in the process of getting stronger and sure our muscles hurt right now, but in the end we'll be so jacked you'll be thanking us.
Yes, yes, our options are limited now, but think of the wage gains that'll happen when all the unemployed people who never ever intended to, nor will they ever take the jobs that we lost because they're too crappy no matter how much the wages rise, and if they rise enough they'll make us economically unviable, think about those jobs being so well-paid that our local citizens will take the jobs, and sure those jobs will last a very short time before everything gets outsourced to be globally competitive, but imagine those short few months! Glorious!
We did great in the past, and we'll do great in the past and nobody can stop us, regardless of whatever completely logical, fact and evidence based, emotion-based honest good faith arguments you might otherwise present. Rule Britannia!
That's it. I came to terms with it in this apartment, without a toaster but with the need to toast bread. PN do it all the time, but I thought it was just for the special occasions because it seemed like so much work but actually it's not that much more work than using a toaster, you need to keep track of time, and also put some fat down in the pan if you want it to taste better. That's it.
Actually, toaster-bread is bad because unless you want crouton-like texture, dark-toast is way to crunchy, it's hard and not malleable. With pan-toasts, hard toasts still gots a lot of give, though it's dark on the outside. And the darkened bits are somehow more tastier from pan than toaster, I don't know the chemistry for it, but if I had to commit something I'd say 'mallard reaction'.
Some butter in the pan, four slices of frozen bread, turned around a couple of times, oooof. So tasty, so classy-tasting. You begin wondering why anybody ever bothers with toasters at all.
Minor update, related to something I wrote earlier today, wanted to put this down as a reminder that this is something I was considering, or started thinking of, in the future when I question when I made a certain decision.
I'm considering a minor but meaningful horizontal move career-wise, to a different position with mostly the same expectations as what I do, but in a different subfield. The advantage of this move could be that I won't have to break my head doing bs algorithms and tricky leetcode questions, and I can make-do by just my work experience and knowledge gathered from books and guides. The downside might me that they'll still look for bs algorithm questions that I won't be able to figure out, and be back to square one. It's also possible I'll miss my existing situation and want to move back, which won't be too big of a jump because my current credentials already cover a pretty wide area and both position would work, but something work considering. And the openings for this new situation -- if I ever want to move jobs -- are severely more constrained and may not last forever. On the other hand, it's possible I might be able to leverage this horizontal jump into better benefits and returns etc. Either way, something to keep in mind.
I miss Wegmans and all the cool groceries I got there, including their dark chocolates, I've talked about that before. Finally though, I've grown to appreciate trader joe's and their consistency, and their unique combination and options. I want to talk in brief about the two brands of chocolates I've really loved these days.
The first one is the Uganda 85% dark chocolate, it's a small bar and a little pricey at maybe 3.50, but it's so dark and rich, not very different from the other 'super-dark' chocolates I've had. In my mind I'm paying the extra premium just for the origin and ethical processing. I'll work through a bar in less than a week, which means I'm back to spending many hundreds a year on chocolate.
The second is their 'pound chocolate' which I believe weighs slightly more than a pound, is massive -- so comically large that people have joked about it, and quite cheap at less than five bucks. Pound for pound it's a really cheap option, and at 72% it's really loved by everybody, even those who are not particularly into dark chocolate. Still, it's not dark enough for me and I find it too sweet so I'd rather have the other pricier chocolate instead of this when I can, but I'll keep this around when I've company. You can't feed a dozen people with the smaller bar, after all. With this, you certainly can, haha.
I wrote a month away I desperately hoped I wouldn't have to write on the topic again, and this is not a full post, just a pointer that I might have to eat my words.
It's becoming clearer that the 'delta variant' is not as bad, but wayyy more spreading, in places where people have been vaccinated, and the numbers are bound to increase in the US/West for some time. That won't translate to deaths/hospitalizations, and the ones who were not vaccinated the first time around will be way more motivated to get their shots, and eventually things will be under control, it will be like yet another strain.
In poorer countries that cannot vaccinate in enough numbers, or use the less-proven vaccines, the situation will be much worse, and the waves after waves that we're observing won't stop. It'll be more common to get very sick and die, and that'll be a part of everyday calculation. Which will suck but also will make people very much not want to live there and go to better places with, sure shittier people, but at least you're safe from deadly disease etcetera. Years and years of education years will have been wasted, people will be very frustrated and the youth drain to nicer places will rapidly accelerate.
It's not clear I would go to Nepal in the foreseeable future, with the numbers rising at alarming rates, the lockdowns happening in extremely unplanned fashion and over and over again. There's no endgame in sight, only whatever the fuck people decide to do. You have to pay for institutions one way or another. Either you spend resources building them and reaping the benefits, or you pay it through disruptions like these, with extra extra interest. Whaddya gunna do.
Really hope by early 2022 things are better. Yet another wasted year, alas.
Because I need to desperately get more posts out, without enough time because I'm on a mission to sleep on time finally today, I'm putting out whatever the heck is in my head, so here's the plan ahead on how I plan to go out.
Regular weekdays, Sun-Wed go to bed on time, at 10PM, no questions asked. Even if I'm hanging out with friends, tell them sleep is important otherwise I can't wake up, and in bed at latest by 10.30.
On Thursdays, either nap for a bit in the afternoon, or figure something out. But go to bars and become regular, chill out with other regulars and bar friends and bartenders, come back home at 1 or 2 and go to bed. It won't be too bad because of the nap in the afternoon. Sleep after work on Friday for a bit to cover up.
On Fridays, go with the flow, if hanging out with friends do that. If intending to go to a bar, don't go to the noisier rowdier part but the cooler chiller part where you can converse with people. Also, don't worry about missing out on the fun, because you'll have more fun when your sleep cycle's not fucked up.
On Saturdays, nap a bit in the morning, but treat it like other days, don't oversleep, get a whole lotta workout, even if you don't get enough sleep. Either sleep early if there's no plans, or nap at the same time you did on Friday, so your body knows what to expect. Don't spend the entire day in the bed.
On Sunday, go hiking, have fun, rowing boating etcetera, groceries, don't spend too much time 'recuperating', instead go to bed at 8/9 if you must, so you're caught up on the rest.
The conscience of having murdered too many innocent human beings, probably. This is a joke, it's supposed to be funny, grow up.
Because of the ambulance, cop cars, fire trucks
And the assholes that drive loud racecars without silencers at 3am and 4am without so much as a hint of human decency
And the homeless person who is shouting at 4.30 in the morning, nonstop for two hours where is he even getting the energy from how are his vocal chords not fried, about how judgment is nigh and you all are going to hell you must repent yadda yadda yadda jeeebus man just go to sleep and let us sleep.
Because you didn't go to bed on time and now your sleep's all messed up
Because you napped for many hours in the afternoon and now you're sleep's messed up
Because you drank a lot of water before going to bed, due to the danger of dehydration caused by high heat, and can't go back to sleep because you'll need to go to sleep again
Work is only 1 hour away and you're afraid if you go to sleep now, you won't wake up on time
Stress and anxiety related to not sleeping properly
Those goddang podcasts are so good, they're releasing new episodes every day and you decided to play one of them in the background to make you go to sleep, except you're hooked and paying attention so OOPS it didn't the opposite of what you intended it to cause.
Even though friend SK has been in this town for almost a year, and drives plus has a car, he's never been to Mt. Rainier. I don't own a car, and don't drive, and I've been here on a permanent basis for less than two months (yiiikes though it's getting uncomfortably close to the two months, I should be getting my shit together at this point), I've gone to to the Visitor Center (and just the visitor center, mind) of the great mountain twice already, averaging a trip a month.
It wouldn't be so bad if I was actually going there for hiking or camping or other cool interesting physically demanding tasks but no, we just drive, chill, take a lot of photos, like everybody else, and return. It's great, I love the revered mountain, the looming presence in the Emerald City, but it's starting to feel like I'm overdoing it without purpose.
Sure, a lot of this involves hosting people/being shown round, but there's cooler more interesting place too, other mountains I haven't been to. St. Helens, the one that recently erupted less than 30 years ago is one, and Mt. Hood, the Rainier of Portland is other. Great places worth exploring. The great city of Portland is another great location I've not yet explored, because I've gone to Rainier so often.
Gotta take it easy with Rainier, and look into exploring other natural wonders of the Pacific North West, that's going to be my goal for the future.
Back in Boston, calling friends and family wasn't a big deal, they were always just a phone call away even though by bus or train -- my travel medium of choice -- they were many hours from me.
Now that I'm across the country -- though perhaps not as far away in terms of practical time to get there -- it's been harder to stay in touch. It's the time zone, when I'm done from work and ready to do things, it's bright outside, and doesn't feel like I should call, and then in the evening when it's time to get in touch, it's already far far to late in there. Weekends are busy and tiring, and everybody has plans. Plans are made to call and talk, but they get postponed or forgotten. I didn't realize this disruption would happen. Bummer.
But of course, if I stay consistently in one time zone, and think in terms of where I need to be at, and assume the day outside is just weird, I can keep it going. That's what I've been doing. Plus, the friends I usually call have been unusually busy, which has disrupted our regular communication channels. It's a bummer, but something I'll fix, no doubt.
Finally, I've decided that texting people is strictly inferior to just calling them and chatting them up for hours, and I've started just calling friends and acquaintances I want to actually converse with. It's so much more personal, you talk about so many more things even if the calls are short-ish and irregular, and you feel more in-sync.
Sleep hygeine is the most important. Yeah I live in a terribly noisy part of the town and getting proper sleep is hard, but I've not been totally sincere in there either. I go to bed late for no reason, don't have a proper fixed time to sleep, take naps randomly in the evenings, and don't do morning rituals properly. If I set a strict bed-time and wake-up time, and did the regular rituals everyday, that'd be good.
Which gets me to the second point, setting up rituals that actually help me be productive. Shower in the morning instead of afternoon, drink tea even if it's non-caffeine, show up to work on time, get things done properly, and depart on time. Actually give a crap about work, don't get distracted by the internet. That's the most important one.
One certain days, I'm so distracted by useless junk food information that I'm spending five/six hours a day reading cool interesting things that have absolutely no bearing on my existence, have never mattered and will never matter, and in no shape or form will help me forward my cause, get me closer to the goal. They need to be nipped at the bud. And often it's because of some random anxiety or other that I don't want to deal with reality when I'd rather distract myself with these tantalizing facts and information.
So now we're talking about anxiety, which I need to learn to deal in a better, more disciplined manner. I've got some techniques down that have helped me feel more relaxed and in control, but it's easy to forget them, and lose your own time and mental faculties. I need to be more in charge of my emotions and time, and just get shit done.
That involves more writing, more reading, more socializing, and more intense physical activities. Once those things are in place, the other more interesting aspects, such as hobbies interests and new explorations, come automatically.
Consider the diversity of the human existence and the neurodiversity of the human mind. We all have vastly different experiences growing up, interacting with other people, and in our perspectives of the world. And the way we analyze the world, perceive it, and desire different things is different, from even the biological perspective. In other words, vastly different people want vastly different things out of life. Even if they don't have particular preferences, they will actively reject certain things, and those things are different too.
With that in mind, consider if there was a POINT to life, if there was something specific, something universal that gave it meaning. Say it's having a child, or being the noblest being ever, or whatever. And imagine that you didn't fully align with it, because you know, you were different, your mom moved a certain way when you were in her belly, or you saw something disturbing at a particularly formative point, and the neurons diverged to make you unlike most other people. It's not something wild or out of ordinary, after all as we discussed earlier, that happens all the time. And now imagine if your circumstances set your preferences such that you didn't fully align with the point or meaning of life.
Imagine what a pathetic, miserable life that would be, to be told that there is a meaning and point to living, but you didn't care for it at all, and had to lie about it all the time, telling people that ooh yeah you care for kids so much, and of course, you want to nobler than everybody else. Though you really reallly didn't.
Isn't it incredible we get to make our own choices, set our own expectations, and get what we want out of life, in our own terms? Sure the paradox of choice makes it seem like it'd be better if it were pre-set, if we didn't have to do our own soul searching and discovery, but even though the journey is harder this way, the destination -- which is not pre-set, and doesn't even need to be there -- is better for everybody. Nobody is tormented by the anti-existence nature of their being. They just are.
So if you're ever in the situation where you think 'what's the point, it's all pointless anyway', consider that it's a feature, not a bug, and that the entire thing works out because you can set the point, nobody sets it by diktat. Cool, yeah?
The thing is, I live in the middle of the goddamn city, on a lower flower but not low enough that sounds don't matter, right at a very busy intersection with bars and clubs and restaurants and liquor stores. Which means 24/7 of loud partiers, ambulance fire trucks cop cars, regular cars, annoying bikes, etcetera, I can't get any peace and silence ever. Sleep has ever-increasingly been hard to come by, I've needed a break every couple of weeks to get caught up on rest. And then I've been out and about a bunch, which means I need more rest all the time, to be able to recuperate and hang out the following day and night again. These factors are not meshing in together and my times have been rough as of now. So the solution is to get a better, more regular sleep cycle, get ear covers so I sleep soundly and without being bothered, and be more disciplined about personal timetable. It's almost an oxymoron that you need to be disciplined personally to be a partier, and 'undisciplined' but that's how things work, ya gotta pay one way or the other, and I intend to pay with better sleep hygeine and timetable.
I was drunk, in my defence, but I fistbumped a cop and told them they were doing a great job, though in my defence, 'folks of color' did that first, and I got carried away. I'm filled with deep deep shame, trust me, nothing else, all those embarrassing texts I've sent, or the ridiculous situations I've found myself in, compares to this. Ah well, I live, I learn, yeah.
I have mentioned here before how the current economic situation is unsustainable, and there's changes that need to be made if this lifestyle were to be continued. There's ongoing processes and conversations that might alleviate some questions, across multiple channels, so good things are in the pipeline, hopefully, fingers crossed. AKA I'm going to get a promotion, whoppity doodah. Something great there, as well as other potentially interesting avenues I'm exploring. Stay tuned, as always.
Really large 3-egg and cheese and onion omlet for lunch, with half a french bread. Napped for a couple of hours after work, showered at went for a walk to the Volunteer Park. Chilled and napped on the grass for half an hour there. Listened to the Michael Scott podcast company throughout, their Ted Lasso episodes, so good.
Walked back, got my shit in order, tried writing but could get barely one post out. Had dinner, made fruit plate and drinks for A&A. A showed up by himself, we pregamed, had a bunch of snacks, and headed out to Comet. Met a couple from Cali there who were visiting, bored their heads off, went to Chacha's, chilled for sometime, unintentionally impressed a bunch of people. Called it a night, super duper late to bed at 4.40 in the morning, Eastern Time, needed to be up at 8.30 for work the next morning, yikes.
Fortunately the next day was half-off so not much was lost.
Had the TJ's roti and tarkari for lunch, it's getting bad, I won't eat anything as long as there's premade TJ's stuff in the fridge. I gotta stop bringing those in and make quality food myself.
Walked to the Train station, after work, to take a bus to downtown. Went to the Nordstorm there because I had to pee so bad, and took the E bus all the way to North Seattle, to the Dollartree. Hurried away to the nearby bougie grocery store to use their bathroom, had to buy a stupid protein bar in exchange. Bought 25 bucks work of goodies at the dollartree, so much good crap. I don't know where the wax melter that I bought went, but I'll now have three wax melters in this apartment, meaning it'll smell so. good. all. the.time now.
After the dollartree, waited for a bit for the bus, went to the UW strip, to the thrift store there. Bought two containers there to make a cute little fountain. I've got all the raw materials now, only need to drill holes and get going, gotta borrow drill from somebody. Asked A&A to come by and help me make buying decision. They did, I spent four bucks on the containers, we walked around UW campus for two hours. Went to their place, chilled and had the spicy peanuts from dollartree that used to be my staple for lunch back in the day. Also got a cup of coffee, and headed out at 10, so I'd sleep on time.
Got back, wrote a few posts half-heartedly, listened to the Office Ladies podcast, and went to sleep.
The workouts -- pushups in my apartment, and the machine work at SB's apartment's gym -- are beginning to have an impact on my arms and chest, and thighs. Climbing the four flights of stairs has become less than easy. Which means my body is up on its task of rebuilding muscles and making me look ripped, so much excitement there. I'm still running only 15 minutes in the gym, which takes me to exactly half a mile in the elliptical machine -- I know these numbers are terrible for mileage numbers but the difficulty level is set to high, plus I'm just starting out okay, I don't want to fall flat on my face every day I do the gym. Which is actually what's been happening, but I don't want it to get worse.
Speaking of workouts and other physically demanding tasks, I'm thinking of joining yoga and/or dance classes, go a day or two every week to stay in top shape, not just in terms of power or shape, but also balance and flexibility. And I discovered this interesting site called classpass which lets you buy yoga classes on the cheap per session, meaning I won't have to worry about cancelling stuff, and the credits carry over the months. Plus you can attend those classes wherever you go, so I could be traveling, and still attending the classes at a studio in a new town. The possibilities are endless, I'm excited.
It's unnecessary things like these that annoy me. I dunno if people have real low expectations of me, or real high, because they're easily impressed by what I do, no matter the actual merit and outcome of the tasks. And then set expectations accordingly, aka super high, which I'm almost certain to never meet again because I didn't know TF what I was doing. And then the next time, it repeats, on and on and on, until it becomes intolerable, probably.
Yesterday -- ya it was a wedneday, we're goons like that now -- A and I went to a bar to chill, as his days with us are limited. They might not be as well, who knows but one can keep their fingers crossed... Anywho, we were just talking and getting ready to bail out of the very slow bar, when a random person -- a girl -- waved at me and blew me a kiss. Which is like honh honh honh I gettit, but here's the problem, I'd never ever looked at her, or interacted with her in anyway, and my friend kept insisting something must have happened and I was rude for not wanting to share...what I'd done? And I was like, maan you really have an inflated sense of what I'm capable of, you need to restrain these beliefs man. Etc.
I've said this before, but podcasts have really helped me get through this year, and basically allowed me to focus my mind on one thing, whatever it is that I'm doing. Because when my mind is empty, it is easily distracted, jumps to a bunch of different things and I have trouble focusing. But when I'm already focusing, sort of, on something else, it becomes easier to pay attention to the real actual task at hand, and get it done.
Richard Herring is great, so is Lou Sanders, Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe too, Paul Novellie and Phil Wang are funny AF, James Acaster and Ed Gamble too. All of them recent podcasts I've subscribed too, all of them British comedians. It's hilarious. Always on the prowl for some quality British comedy. And obviously Jamie, James and Alice from MDWAP are awesome.
A couple of months ago I randomly wrote about Blind Date, the dating show and forgot about it. I don't generally look at Blog stats, mostly because I've not set them right so I don't know where my traffic comes from except at a very coarse scale, but I looked at it the other day, and that post is verrry quickly becoming the post popular post on this site. And then I set up a bait post later, to get more traffic, but that one's getting zero hits, I'm a bit pissed. What I should do is go in and modify the post, and link it to a bunch of unrelated crap and see if people fall for that.
Anywho, I do wonder what kind of person goes to read 'reviews' of realllly lowbrow shows on Google, and whatever made google decide that I was the authority on the topic. I mean...yeaaa as far as authorities go I'm a big one on it, no doubt, but I'd like to think there's other more interesting serious things I have shown my expertise in but unfortunately been unable to attract the relevant traffic. Maybe all the SEO optimizers and the influencers haven't figured out the value of this cash-cow and I'm getting their leftover drippings?
I mean...I don't mind, just tell me what I'm doing wrong so I can keep doing this consistently, that's all I'm sayin'.
Also, as I write this, Britney's Baby One More Time is playing in the background, and I'm wondering...what's the status of the Free Britney movement again?
1/2 gallon or 64 oz canning jars are nowhere to be found, I looked it up online and apparently the rest of this goshdarned country got into canning and preservation and kimchi making and what not, and everybody's hoarding them like they're precious supply so now you cannot buy them anywhere unless you want to pay 5x markup. And I mean you can buy NOwhere, not at Walmart, not on Amazon, not target, Home Depot, not Ace Hardware, not at Tractor Supply, etc. If somebody knows a good supplier for them lemme know because I'm hella annoyed, the bs TP shortage didn't hurt me like this one has. Oh and the thrift stores are out of those too, WHO is raiding the thrift stores across the country for used canned jars, this is quite bizarre. Yeah I'm hella annoyed.
So they said I should come as early as I could, I looked up the tickets and they were sold out. Come by bus if you must, you have to come, they will say things about you and the family if you don't make it on time. It's happening in two weeks, until then we ill take care of the outsiders, beyond that there are no guarantees, they told me. Of course I'd go.
I would have to take four different buses to get home. It was to be a perilous journey. Traveling on those roads in the best of times was no feat, traveling in the smack middle of monsoon was to stare Death itself in the face. Floods, avalanche, who new what else would stop me on my path, but not making the journey was not an option let for me anymore. I had to make the trip, to get back home on time for ceremonies, if that meant I'd not make it alive, so it be. And so I set, with one of my new friends in the town. He had been with my side right from the start and was well-aware of my relationships around, and he knew that a certain amount of secrecy was required to not upset anybody at home. Yea stay in my place for a few days and I'll make sure you can get back in the best flights we can find, I assured him fully knowing it wouldn't be surprising to have no new flights for several incoming months.
We took the 5.30 train in the morning, somehow it was packed like fish so early in the morning, where were these people going to, it was not quite sensible or possible he hadn't yet made a move on any of those incredibly warm and interesting diesels. We couldn't go empty handed, so on our second stop we bought some fruits and jars of malted drinks, and some desserts, specialty for the little village wee were, the one where one's idea of good night out was telling women they were actually, quote good, on the internet.
The bridge that had been swept away for the third time in the season -- don't ask -- had been recently repaired but the tracks hadn't been put on yet. A porter helped us cross it, and we boarded a small bus that was to take us through the great pass.
Oh what a journey that was. Every single soul in the bus, save for my friend and myself, would have vomited by the end of the perilous journey. The insides stank exactly like that...the insides of a very sick person, but our resolve and the seriousness of the matter gave us strength to make it all the way through.
Our man in the skies, Shows up reluctantly Intently on the phone Are his eyes, His physical being Amongst us, Surely we're not doing It again, He asks, with great frustration, Has it ever Worked for you guys?
A pause, a plan, Our man in white Comes up with the response, Yo man, he says, Your ways, they work, but they're not the best This is where the past laid, it's where the future lays We are free, we are honest Our hearts are pure, our desires earnest We are brave, we are chill The victory will be ours, In the air I can sense the feel, Just you wait, just you wait Until our plans Have been clearly laid You will see What our man in Reds Will do, how the game will be played.
The man in Red, he is afraid He is tired, he is lame Too much pressure, so much fame To live up, without an acclaim, Come on boys, Let us chill We are here, just for the feels Let us not, get afraid We aren't here to get played Just ride it out, let it pass Have our fun, Until we're done. No pressure, no angst, No, we are not Repeating last Saturday night. Just a night Out with boys Only a drink, and it's sleepytime.
Who knows what it means But persist we will Though the friend Who won't stop complaining Will keep reminding, Get at it bro, get at it, And you think, Bruh, you're gonna get me Beaten up By a gang of angry young men Recently besotted But then You keep going and going Though of course You know That halfhearted hugs And unexcited glugs Of surely what must have been Distemper Can only mean one thing That the stars Are not in your favor It's time to Surrender. Why did you not Hug her harder The man will ask, And you will reply, Annoyed, Because she didn't Want to, And he, Ever more curious, Asks, What if she wanted it, A final nice tight hug Before she's on the plane You considered that My friend, And you sigh, Make a bigger fool Out of yourself And thus continues The cycle of Foolishness
I write this in the afternoon of the next day. I wrote until 3am ET last night and didn't get enough time to write, but as I have insisted for the last year and a half, 'things are so so sooo fine now, no reason to worry, go back to your regular...whatever'.
In any case, yesterday in the afternoon I made lots of fruits for lunch. Listened to Clubhouse pretty much the entire workday and got very anxious. Because I'd gotten barely four hours of sleep, I decided to take a nap, and chill for a bit, that went until quite late. After I got up, whipped myself roti-tarkari from TJ's, went on a walk to the park.
Came back, wasted a lot more time, and wrote a bunch. It was a solid day, productive in terms of walking and eating and getting things written. But otherwise the sleep felt wasteful and dear gods I'd rather do anything than be on that terrible app again. The only thing it was good for was opening my own club and channel and having other people listen to me, but the people there are super annoying, everybody insists on taking too, and it's...not good. I'm so done. I do need to think about coming up with my own podcast though.
Slept at 3am ET, which is veryy late but hey those 4 hours of naptime had to account for something.
Had three large slices of fruit for breakfast. A very well-made omlet, with roti, and green onions, plus cheese and various sauces. It was yum, so filling.
Went to TJ's for groceries, fifty bucks worth of fruits, frozen indian foods, and mostly more baking supplies.
Rested and napped during the day, because long weekend. Headed to the barber's, waited for fifteen minutes, and got a solid haircut, it's pretty swanky, though I'm afraid they're not cutting it as short as I tell them to so I go every weekend and give them their sweet sweet 25% tips. Also the lady there said, 'when you come here next, bring your friend for me', which could either mean maybe she wanted to bring my lady friend to get her hair cut, or my guy friend, or a male friend to set her up with, or that she was poking around to check if I was single. I felt gross with tiny bits of hair all over me so I was not very curious, I smiled politely and nodded, and agreed that's what I'd do, and headed home.
A nice long shower and more nap later, headed to S's place. Played with the doggo, and drove to A's place, where we loaded the car with a tv. Yes I got a small tv. We then drove to the Magnusson Park. Walked for an hour, played with the doggo, played soccer, saw cuties, took off our clothes and swam in our shorts. The doggo started swimming for the first time in her life! Found massive bush of mulberries, and had so many there. Had a bit of trouble finding the car on our way back, but we did eventually.
Went to the UW strip to get something to eat. I got chipotle bowl dinner, the cheapest option and 9.30. The rest of the group tried getting noodles, but the wait was too long. They called G, who said he'd be out in 10 and have food for everybody, so they didn't even pay for anything. Drove to A's place and G had already gotten there. I ate my chipotle and sabudana ko kheer despite being lactose intolerant, the rest of the group (A and brother A, S, and G) had rice, chicken curry, goat curry, and naans from the place G worked at.
Gave each other shit, talked a bunch, smoked up a bit. S dropped me at my place, I carried the tv upstairs while high, and tried going to sleep. Sleep was shockingly hard to come by. Eventually slept soundly for 5 hours. Horrible dreams though, so disturbing don't even want to think about it. Not as in violent etc, but you know, ugh.
I'm writing this on Monday evening, and it's 3am est so gonna sleep now, the Mon journal comes later.
Got up at a decent time, which was bad because I slept really really late. Wanted to sleep more but couldn't make myself. Cleaned up the house from last night's mess, drops of curry everywhere, table had deep oil marks, I need to learn to clean coffee table of stains, gotta boy wood polish whatever, that can apparently change color. Also, apparently toothpaste and salt works great to clean wood, who knew.
For lunch I dumped three spoonfulls of cumin seeds on the pan with oil, let them burn, and fried some rice. The ratio of rice to cumin seeds was 4:1, which means that was a ridiculous amount of cumin compared to rice, but it was good, no complaints here. Heated up the Japanese curry I'd gotten from Uwajimaya -- it was my understanding I'd gotten the boullion cubes but it was premade curry -- and had the curry with rice.
AK kept inviting S and I to a party in the Uni district, we kept delaying. Finally at 6.30 I got my butt out of the house after shower and stuff, and went to get the bus. Waited 40 minutes for the bus, a wait that should have been like 10 minutes long. The buses in Seattle aren't as reliable as I hoped they'd be it seems. The sad part is that they're nowhere as well-tracked as Boston either, so it's the worst of all the worlds.
Eventually I made it to the party house, A opened the door for me. Discovered it was hosted by AN -- who's the brother of somebody I went to school with, and also went to college with my friends back in Boston, and we had a tonne of mutual friends -- and his partner AS, who I'd hung out with for a long weekend exactly ten years ago.
We played cards, codenames, talked about songs, lives, plans, jobs, funny things, through the day, and well into the night. Even though the couple apparently slept early, didn't feel like we bothered them too much as they were enjoying our company. This was after SK and our regular gang of goodtimers showed up at 9.30, for an invitation that was originally for 4.30. They'd been drinking and making momos since 11.30 in the afternoon, apparently. Long day for them alas. Great veggie momos, since the couple was vegetarian.
We headed out at 2 in the morning, our plans to go clubbing/bar-hopping dashed after the fun long night. There were plans to go swimming on the lake after, but most people bailed out beside P&S and G. They apparently jumped into the lake at 3 in the morning.
TD dropped me home, and I went to sleep right away, slept so soundly.
In the morning I really really overcooked egg and had it with leftover Jasmine rice from the night before. With kimchi and all the other addons, it was yum. For dinner stuff, had bread and butter, finished yet another loaf, and whatever was remaining of the yogurt.
In the afternoon, I delayed going to the barber or doing anything productive because I wasn't feeling too well. The group made karaoke plans at 6.30, which was ridiculous so I went on nice walk to get my steps out of the way instead. And also wrote a bunch because I knew not much was going to be written later in the night.
In the evening, brought the plant sent by PN upstairs, unwrapped it and put it by the window. It looks so good, like a real apartment!
Went on a walk with a friend that lives nearby, and then to the karaoke place. The one time I didn't have a proper ID on me, throughout my stay in this new town, they sent me away. It was a bummer. Got back in my apartment, picked up the 'port, and back to the place. Caught up with the group which didn't seem to know what the plan was, so I invited them over to my place. It was the first time I hosted anybody in here, and it was so goddamn hot! Cos' the windows were all closed through the day, it was a hot and dry greenhouse. Eventually it cooled down a bit.
Nobody had had dinner, so I used up all the packets of noodles I'd bought from Uwajimaya the night before, dumped a tonne of spices, sauces, and szechuan pepper balls, to make a really filling, healthy, spicy, yummy noodles. It fed eight people. Everybody loved it. Also mushroom and bokchoy. Everybody got high and drunk, and we headed out to the nearby club Q.
It was alright. I didn't drink anything through the night because it didn't feel like the kinda' place where I'd enjoy dancing. Talked to SK's friend, what a fun person they were! They left early at 1.30 apparently, and I was a little bit mad because I'd have wanted that as well! AR lost her phone, we spent sometime looking for it, but the rest of the gang had to go. It was 2.40. AS and I came back to my apartment, and talked until 5am, and slept in my living room, because we just slept as we talked.
This will be a short one, because there's not much to talk about this except it happened. haah.
So yesterday a couple of us boys, and a girliedog, went to Mangusson park. Swam in the pond, etcetera, so much fun, and then played soccer with the doggo as the 'money' who'd try to intercept the ball between us.
The best part was, there were large thorny bush of berries surrounding the park. And nobody else knew what they were, and if they were edible. Except I did. Because they were Kimbu berries! Yes, the same old berries we had at our home back in Kathmandu. And I recognized, and had maybe two pounds of freshly-picked wholly-ripe berries, and that's from two plants out of the thousands there were. So many more berries to eat.
I'm confident the stomach bother that happened later in the night was due to the milk porridge I had without using lactase tablets. And yea, I pooped out all the berries then. But even if it was caused by the berries, totally worth it. I'd do it again a thousand times. Yum yum.
What a pleasant surprise it was to find fully-ripe berries nobody else knows about, from your childhood. It's nice to win one these days, even if the victories are minor.
As a reminder, this is part 3, and the final part, of the series I was inspired to write after being on Clubhouse for 36 hours, for the second time. In the first post, we talked about the general ecosystem, the second was about the crass commercialization of Nepali social media. In this, we will look at the politics of online Nepali engagement, and how shit's gonna be fucked up, yoo.
I don't want to get in too deep with this because books and theses have been written about this probably, and this is a surface observation that'll play out way more clearly in the future.
Let me get to the point straight: when social and cultural mores around sex and sexuality haven't changed for thousands of years, but the availability of media and the pattern of consumption of sexual content has, there are many potential legal and ethical concerns around people being mistreated. More specifically, when a culture hasn't developed a clear concept of active consent, and the language and culture to discuss it in a cool, clearheaded manner, but has been made well-aware of all the nasty wild gross strange weird things people do to one another, and one to many another, and many another to one, a lot of people are going to be very sad, frustrated, confused, annoyed, and potentially violated by the mismatch. AKA, stupid conservative people who watch porn and have associated expectations with their partners, without the full understanding of sex not being perfomative, without understanding consent, and power dynamics in a sexual situation, will be creating a very unsafe environment, specially for their partners. The thousands of years of sexual violence will go on, with a slightly different mask, and it's possible things could get worse.
And that's just the start.
The American political discourse has been globalized in the strangest possible way. Cultures that have no concept of 'left' and the 'right' that parallel the political structure of the States have been using the discourse from the political conversations in the US. There are people in the right, in third-world countries complaining about 'wokeism' and 'cancel culture', and 'libtards', with very very limited understanding of the fact that these enemies are almost entirely fictional, in those specific societies. On the other hand, young women have started setting their expectations according to those of young American women, setting themselves up for certain disappointment, disillusionment, defeat, depression. And this all without bothering to understand the evolution and histories of their own societies. Because being told you deserve such and such, and it is your inalienable rights, is easy pill to swallow, being told oops those don't apply to you because you live among very different people with very different set of expectations and politics, is...not great.
The American political wars have been globalized. It's not great. Nobody will win this. But the biggest losers will be the ones who were going to lose anyway. This is most obvious in Nepali Social media, on apps like Clubhouse.
The root of this problem lies herein: barely-educated folks, who have little understanding of nuance in politics, rights for people besides themselves, economics, politics, etc, should not have been given these giant megaphones to shout at the world, to shout at each other and froth up anger and desperation, and angst. But that has happened, and the world going onward, if it keeps remaining this online, without proper interventions, is going to be angrier, more divided, less open, less progressive.
The internet would never have suddenly made the global social order liberal. Just like bringing the internet to Nazi Germany wouldn't have helped anybody. It was American overconfidence, and the liberal swagger to have believed otherwise, and the pandora's box of dangerous political polarization may have been opened.
This is the second part of my observations on Clubhouse and Nepali social media in general. Read the previous post if you want to get caught up. This is a direction follow-up.
The part I found most concerning -- and it was not the amateur audio sex groups with thousands of members, not by a long shot -- was the astroturfing. There's a LOT of astro-turfing going on, and it goes rather deep. Allow me to explain.
It appears there's large groups of women, mostly from smaller towns in Nepal, who'll dress up nicely and put cute insta and twitter profiles and DP's on their profiles, and show up on various clubs and shows. And in return, they're paid. And they're paid on the basis of how much interest they've drummed up for a club. So somebody can say, if you can get up my subscriber count to 5000 people, I'll give you a hundred thousand rupees, and they'll drum up the interest, pretend to flirt with people, play those 'dating games', where they'll pretend-date with their friends, froth up fake drama, create a lot more interest, and a mirage of natural interaction. And when the groups have enough followers, they bail onto the next project, having been paid for their project.
Two things.
First, it appears at this point, the position of 'influencer' is becoming a lot more cynical, base, and dare I say, despicable. They're hype-folks, but they don't care about what they're hyping, and they'll hype seven things in a day. And they don't let on that they're hype-people. It's misleading. It's a mirage. It's all lies. And the biggest lie is they keep insisting there's nothing unnatural.
Second. Why are people paying so much money to get more followers? Because it's become big business. Shit facebook and instagram groups have become oligarchy in the Nepali social media world, they charge hundreds of thousands, they're unrelated to the original cause. They've commercialized every possible interest group, in the most at-your-face, disgusting way possible. A group that was against strikes is now the biggest meme slash social media influencing group. A lot of money involved, and those people don't want to let their influence fade away in new media. Welcome to the new feudal oligarchy of online social media influencers. I fuckin' hate it.
That's my first concern, how obviously scripted online interaction is, how much big money is shaping online interactions, and the cynicism and crass consumerism it's bound to breed. The only way to win is to not play, as they say.
By second concern is the messed-up politics of online Nepali crowd, gonna post that in another post, because it's gotten longer than I was hoping.