So I've got four journal posts, and two serious posts incoming, and the serious posts are the ones I care about, and fear for, so I'm delaying writing those, because emotions, thoughts, feelings, anxiety, yadda yadda. They relate to clubhouse and the nepali online social community etc. Belch, right, same man same.
I got stomach cramps even thinking about it.
What else is new, what else is new, it's been a month and half easy since I moved into my new apartment, and I'm pretty settled, got a housewarming party situation in two weeks from now, hanging with people twice, thrice a week, any less than that and it feels weird. Clubbing is good and bad, mostly crap if you go to crap places, haven't made as many new friends I hoped to be making. But that's on me for taking naps when people are up and about. You gotta pay with your body for the privilege of doing cross-TZ work.
I hate hate hate committing to the middle-term future, and telling people what I want to do in five years, everybody's all about where do you want to get a house, where will you move eventually, and I have an answer that I've mentioned on multiple occasions here, but that seems to go paler by the day. What am I going to do there, eventually, what's the point of getting a house in the 'burbs and chilling there if it's not where I want to be at. Goddd I need more of my family and community around so I can have my freedoms etc. Somebody told me owning a house felt like they had a big block of concrete tied around their neck and I'm thinking, yeah that doesn't sound like something I'd put around my neck.
I joke that in the US, anybody getting a motorcycle must have a tinge of death-wish, for nobody sane who really really cared about their life and safety would ride on those things, knowing all the medical statistics and facts and what not. Can one extrapolate something similar for home ownership? Who even knows anymore.
Is this arrested development? Are me and my group of friends (and extended family) just delaying the inevitable adulthood. Or are the socio-economic and political systems so fucked up in this country that adulthood is unaffordable unless you make a lot of sacrifices, the sort of sacrifice we as young presumably independent and smart, hard-working adults are unwilling to make? Questions, questions.
I ask other people about their future plans, and their plans make even lesser sense. Even to them. I'm not alone in this boat, what a stinky, holey boat to be in, get me out of here right away, jeebus.
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