A whole lotta rambling about writing and journaling and great expectations

 Fiction and other experimental pieces coming back soon, that's a promise, now that my mojo is back, and energy level is flowin', and I've closely identified what the effing eff was up with everything, and how it needs to be dealt. Also this three-day weekend has been extremely relaxing, I should work on the professional stuff today, without freaking out too much, and then do some hobby things, and boyoboy, only thing remaining will be to generate my checklists and tick them, or explain why I didn't live by them going forward. This is going to be good, I'm eager for the things to come.

With that said, one is still not in a mood to go back where we were at, not yet anyway, so this is going to be a thosuand words of rambling total nonsense, you're reading this so you're the idiot, it is therapy for me, a way to give sense and meaning to life, to spend my time feeling as if I'm improving myself you tell me why the hell you're reading this and maybe we can come upon an understanding where I have a better idea about my readers preferences and can work towards actually publishing a book or whatever, something people will pay money towards. Because the idea that I'd be writing and have published a book by now was ambitious, yes, but still something I want to move towards, there's still one year before I need freaking out about not having published or even self-published anything, any crap or nonsense nobody will read, as long as it's out there and i can tell people I'm a published novelist, that's good enough for oneself, that could be the end of my writing career as a professional panderer and creator of shitty pieces, or it could be something great. But the journaling, ohhhboi, it's going to be with be for one heck of a long time because I've put myself out there, with set expectations, and learned that half assing is often better than full-assing, and the best way to getting things done is just showing up, you know. Just. Showing up. You don't need to perform extraordinarily, you don't need to be passionate about it or all gaga over the thing you're working on. You just need to clock in, put in the hours, have something to show for the day's work, no matter how bad it may be, and clock out. TO tell people you're still on the game, that you've not abandoned your passion etecetera. That is it. Now worries. You shouldn't be freaking out. Baybeee.

Yeah. And sometimes the most unexpected actions will help you explore new territories, you know. For example, the last few weeks have been lame and annoying and overly too personal I know, it's all about review this and review that, sometimes of movies and shows I didn't even watch properly, note to myself, I need to review the movie Sir, the hindi one that I've barely watched like twenty minutes of, but it's good and it's so touching I'm like overwhelmed by it, can't pay attention but will definitely be writing a glowing review of it so you all can watch. It's on netflix, and even TD who doesn't watch as much was recommended it by her Indonesian friend who works in the indie movie circles. So highly, highly recommend you give it a shot at least.

Or you realize it's not about the destination, it's about how you get there. It could take me ten more years, all the time I could complaining and moaning about how I've disappointed myself and everyone who loves me and cares for me and it wouldn't matter because that would be the writerly journey, it would influence how I approach my writing and shape the characters, and maybe they're going to be people who hold themselvs to too high of standards, or perhaps folks who don't care about being judged and expectations and all but that would be a theme that would be arching so to speak and my readers could see that it's all so authentic, because I've experienced that and so much more in these crappuy pages. So these pieces, these disappointing pieces of shit are making me a better more rounded, self-loving, kind adorable person. A proud and confident writer, lover and a gentleman, and I'm so freakin' proud of it. So, so very proud of it all. Maybe, maybe not. I could be just saying it. Dunno. Ehh, something works out, usually. I'm not too afraid.