How things are right now

 The days have become noticeably longer, specially in the evenings, but the mornings are becoming remarkably nicer too. A month ago the Sun was going down at 4.20, quarter past four or even before that, now it's out until quarter to five, or actually pretty close to five. It feels like the worst of the season is over, which is not a good thought to have because January and February are the worst months in terms of temperature, in 2015 Dec and early Jan were unseasonably warm and then we saw the worst storms and delays and closures we'd seen on record. So the worst is not over yet temperature-wise. At least brightness wise there's funstuff to look forward to.

As the days become longer, my motivation is coming back. Sleep schedule has been getting back on track gradually. First it was the catchups then the smokes now it's the medication, anything for a nice round of sound sleep, and a comparable wake cycle. Don't want to wake up tired grumpy and groggy anymore, the whole day is wasted at being mad at myself and at the world. Even if the madness is justified, it's not a pleasant feeling. And then there's the cycle of skipping meditation, feeling anxious and guilty about it, which further takes away the motivation to meditate, until all my 'disciplined' actions are thrown off course and I lay alone in the middle of the golf course, friendless and confused, wondering what the hell I am doing in the strange land among rich white people who're eyeing me with suspicion. Wow what was THAT about, I ask myself as some douchebag in polo shirts shouts something at me. Am I here to cut the grass I wonder for a moment.

But that's being avoided now, hopefully, with proper care and workout and all the order. I'm still not on the checklists yet, the readings and workouts haven't come back, but we're getting closer. As long as I'm not feeling anxious about getting less than five hours of sleep every night, and can confidently wake up before 7.30, it's going to be good. For the past two weeks, getting up at 8.30 was the privilege as that would give be six hours of restless sleep. Now that I can do better than that, there's more to look forward to discipline wise as well.

Wine bottlings are going to be big coming soon, then there's going to be new batches I'll brew. Then obviously the mushroom farmings, and possibly the sprouts because that sprouting machine hasn't seen much usage over the past year. Haven't been to Haymarket in several months now, it's mostly due to the winter, but it's not right to get in the bus or the train when seven thousand new cases are being reported inside the state. There's some fear. And walking to and from the market in the winter is not a fun proposition, it's a three-hour roundtrip and I'll have at least fifteen or maybe twenty pounds of supplies in the backpack.

At least I've been cooking better, with limited supplies, and been making use of the flours and grains I have on stock. When I'm doing frequent groceries I tend to just keep adding new stuff and forget about eating what I already have. When those trips are lacking, there's a much higher focus on quantifying what already exists, and strategizing around finishing the supplies that are around. So in my case it's the more exotic grains and flours, buckwheat and barley have to really go, I need to discover better ways to make savory pancakes out of them.

Don't know how it's going to feel when they call us back to work, unlikely to be for the next four or six months at least, by the looks of it.