Sound sleep, cold weather, buckwheat pancake discovery, hibernation mode, talk with N, more sleep, no writing and meditation [Sat 30]

 I write this the day after, and there's only six more posts for me to complete this month, it's the last day, which means I've got to 'cover' only two posts, what an achievement it has been, it's hard work but I've made it. An hour and half of concentrated writing, and we'll be done! This is the opposite of what I wanted to be doing this year and the first month of the year, but when you all have is lemons, you cannot work towards making a cheesecake. We shall enjoy and cherish the lemonade!

So I got up at 6am, and thought about getting up, caught up with a few friends, texted a bunch of people. Hoped that my sleep schedule had magically fixed itself and that I as up for good. Decided to take a nap for a while...and got up again at 10. Talked to family and got caught up on everything happening back in the old country.

Took like two hours to make lunch, of buckwheat pancakes. The trick is to make the batter thin and flowy, so all of it is cooked, the heat quite low so there's no aggressive air bubbles, and the pancakes quite small so there's no 'fracturing' like parched land. It takes forever, so it's a better idea to cook in a large griddle or pan or whatever, instead of the regular cooking utensils, I discovered.

Had the pancake with the tomato-bean based veggies, and yummm! That was the exact situation I'd imagined in my head. Everything is preserved, nothing is unseasonable and unexpected. The garlics I could grow, I could eat this meal every day for years, and it would be quite possible as well since it was all made of canned goods. A perfect pandemic preserved food, maybe not super duper healthy in terms of...idk, freshness, but I'm a big fan.

Watched The Crown after lunch with PK and ND, puttered around a bunch, maybe did I meditate, question mark? Sat down to write, get at least a day's worth of writing done, couldn't. Called couple of friends, including I and N, in Philly, had conversations at length. Thought about leaving the house, then saw how cold and miserable ND was after coming back from work, decided against it. Napped for a while. Got up in the evening, had lots of water and related items, talked to ND and PK, and napped again. Got up, couldn't go back to sleep until like 3am, which was fine because I'd had enough sleep.

Came to a realization about sleep and drive and meditation and writing and motivation. That it's all inside me, I can make all sorts of excuses, about sleep, about chemicals, about hormones, depression, sadness, weather and what not, but these variables are in play for everybody. To put myself out there, I need to make myself different, and that's in the ability to succeed despite the poor hand I've given to play, not because of my ability to complain. There's no way about it. There's only do or do not, there's no trying. I mean half-assing is doing it too so.

The point is, I need to be living by the checklists, and be more serious about daily writing and meditation. I cannot be counting on myself to be writing like dozens of posts every couple of days, and consider myself to be an accomplished journal-keeper that way.