Just some random updates about nothing don't mind me

 Motivation and focus are still pretty low, sleep is up and down, every time I come with a plan of action that I believe will help me fix the sleep situation, my body throws a new curveball and I'm always adapting, always chasing that elusive restful undisturbed sleep. I've begun wondering if that's been my problem all along: not good enough sleep and not eating well. Or perhaps that's everybody's problem, the 'bachelor syndrome' is young men and women not sleeping or eating properly, and when they get married they're forced to fix their shit because they're living with somebody and they think their lives are soo much better, but really if they hadn't gotten married, or even been dating and fixed just those two things, they'd have a solid stable life?

In any case, this could become more than a minor annoyance, I'm not in a mood to go back to not caring about work and not finding my life productive. I am goal oriented, process oriented, and need to be moving, need to be doing things, succeeding, learning. Consider me to be a shark, who will drown if he stops swimming, because the oxygen runs out in the stagnant water.

In any case, I slept a bit this afternoon, work was totally wasted doing nothing, got up too early, could have used that time to walk or meditate or write or work even, but nah, I listened to podcasts in bed. Did that pretty much the entire day. Didn't go on my walk either. In my defence it was raining, but still. I should really block the youtubes from my devices, it could get out of hand. On the other hand, if it's not youtube I'm afraid it could be something else, so as long as I'm watching goofy british comedy panel shows, it's safe probably. The work builds at...the work though, that's going to be a tough one.

Anyway, I write this right now because that's what I do now, I write no matter what, at least one post if not more, I'm going to do two more most definitely because then the pressure's going to be a lot less tomorrow. It's a bummer how you miss the simpler things in life when you're not in the perfect shape, things you take for granted in your everyday life. Though sleep, I never took it for granted, always appreciated and had such long restful sleeps and naps, this is not even ironic, why the effing frick is the universe doing this it's unclear, there's no ironic justice or some such bullshit here.