Yet another productive year wordcount-wise

 As one might imagine, this is a shameless attempt to fill in the wordcount so I can get to the 124 wordcount for this month without having to backdate, fair and square. It's not cheating if I'm doing something shitty I've always done.

This month was comically lame and unproductive in terms of my fiction writing, or motivation, writing of any kind really. I should have known better, planned better, got my shit together quicker, but that's not how it worked out. Alas. But still, here we are, right on time, only three more posts to go after this, two requiring some level of brainpower. The wordcount goal is all over the place, but that's not the major concern, this is a celebratory post.

This is going to be the 121st post of the year 2021. Which means that this year has already been productive in terms of counts of posts than every other year except 2010 (and the past two years, when my bout of productivity started, they obviously don't count). What that means is, even if something happened and I stopped writing the instance after finishing this, it's decently respectable, productivity-wise.

The goal is not the wordcount, or the psotcount obviously, they're terrible measures of productivity. But one's got to start somewhere, and the regularity by which one posts or writes could be taken as a proxy for how motivated and driven I've been feeling, and this month shows that...while I haven't be motivated and focused in the traditional sense, my habit of writing does eventually make it through. I cannot go without writing for two or three days, I've internalized that I have to write, it's become a part of my life now. The last month also saw me lag on the daily writing thing, but one can blame various reasons, there's no doubt in my mind I'll be back at it starting tomorrow.

Let's go back to the big picture. Two years ago, I'd never have thought I"d be able to keep at something for so long. And get caught back up after giving up for a month in between, and for several weeks due to the pandemic. And sometimes skip weeks almost, because of one reason or another. So in terms of grit, I'm proud.

Discipline, in terms of doing the same thing in a timetable everyday and sticking to it, hasn't been where I need it to be. Meditation needs to be taken more seriously, be a higher priority, just as writing is right now. It shouldn't come off as a burden, but a part of my life, to become a better person, to be more at one with myself, aware of the physical reality.

Need to be more in touch with the worldly things, be mindful of my surroundings, than live in the imaginary illusions of my mind's creation. Feel the feelings, smell the smells, see the things there are to see, just live, out large, unafraid, uncaring, a freed man at last. Need to get out of the mind's prison. Idk what it is, we'll see.

It's time to freak out, see the previous post. Jeeez.