Happy new year: Review of a movie I've watched less than a quarter of

 I haven't watched this movie in full, barely a quarter of it. The main heroine of the movie -- and the only one in a film that seems overly ambitious in showing shirtless male bodies all around -- hasn't showed up yet, and I've grown impatient at this point. I'm told she's is the dancer who's going to teach them to dance, the group of 'losers' who will be pulling a great heist, but they've wasted a lot of time on poorly-choreographed and repetitive fight scenes and there's no sign of her yet. I can't wait. So here's my thoughts on it.

It's a stinker. Unless you are high and drunk -- and I was high af while watching it which is why I was able to tolerate it up to the point it's gotten -- avoid watching this movie except in cases of extreme boredom. It's predictable to the T, formulaic, and hammy. The songs aren't particularly exciting, and the glitz and the shine of the set is...suspicious. Nothing seems real, there's an aura of fakeness about the walls, the mountains, the actors' bodies. Are the sets real or digitally inserted, are the bodies digital or real, and are the emotions real in the universe of the story or real, nobody can tell.

For such an expensive movie, and it's expensive as heck -- cost $21Mill to make, the most expensive Bollywood movie ever, it seems to have cheapened out on editing and writing. But they licensed "Eye of the Tiger" from Rocky for one of their montages, so well done. Great show off.

That's what the movie seems to making a point about: showing off. Look how rich I am, Shahrukh Khan the King of Bollywood that even at sixty plus I can play the lead with eight packs, go on with actresses the age of my daughter. See how much fakery and bullshit Indian jingoism I can put, where white people are just fair-skinned Indians, black people dark-skinned Indians. The world is India, and everybody is Indian, even if it makes no sense within the universe of the movie. I can do it because that's how rich I am. I'm SRK dammit, and if you want proof of my wealth, see how I will spend a good half million licensing the song most symbolic of America in the 80's. Daddy's here, and this is a movie for all of you Indians.

He's not hiding it, he's pretty much saying it literally. Which would have been fine by me if the vehicle was an interesting one. It's not. It's tedious to watch, the eyes hurt with the glare and shine, and one's always looking to figure out what's wrong with the background, why all scenes seem to be shot in green screen. And the audio is terrible. None of it recorded on-location, all of it, a whole hundred percent ADR'd, aka recorded in the studio after the fact. Did the Great Rich King K not find enough moolah in his budget to get competent sound engineers and technicians? Why does it sound like a dubbed version of a C-grade Hollywood movie?

But. If you're high out of your mind and aren't curious about the movie, if you'd rather make fun of it, this one's an easy win. Lots of weaknesses, and not much to like. And yet it's the highest grossing hindi movie of all time. Because this is what sells. Possibly the best hateworthy movie you could watch.