Early up, late to work, long meeting, cookie lunch, snowfall, good meditation, Wegmans groceries, call with friend, long cooking murahi dinner, feeling unproductive [Wed 27]

 I write this on the evening of the next day, it's 11.38, and I have felt extremely guilty about having screwed the pooch for the last month with nary a guilt and just getting on. Yesterday was a good meditation day but I abandoned it completely. I've castigated myself nonstop for the last several weeks, maybe I need to get my butt straight and actually do something about it. What the hell is with my motivation anyway.

So this day I woke up at 7.30, listened to podcasts, talked to international friends in the apps, just chilled and cleaned up, until 9 in the morning, when there was a meeting. The entire day was full of meetings, and when there was no meetings I was making diagrams. Also did I say that I held a meeting that lasted for three hours, throughout which I spoke nonstop? My voice was sore, but it felt like I was being productive, and also I realized that becoming a manager is where it is for me career-wise. It's going to be hard work for sure, but something I can tolerate more than the bs stupid work I take on currently.

SO for lunch I was too tired and lazy and I'd spoken so much there was no energy and also my head hurt for some reason even though I'd gotten so much goddamn highquality sleep whatthehellbody what is up with you, you don't let me be productive, you don't let me work, ugh. Since things were happening quick and there was little energy inside of me, I finished a small packet of those butter cookies that roommate PK had brought home from his in-person work thing the evening before. I knew that was gonna happen, which is why I'd told my roommates that the cookies weren't gonna be round for too long.

It snowfell the whole day, so lame, the snow didn't stay for long, but the day was dark gloomy cold and annoying. It was the same today, but at least it was in the mid oughts in celsius. Tomorrow it's going to be negative seven average in the Celsius. Ye gods.

In the evening, after work I was finally able to disentangle myself from socializing or technology, spent thirty minutes meditating all by myself, which felt really good. I need to be doing that in the mornings, so the entire day is full of energy and potential. After the meditation I was driven enough to go to wegmans for some basic groceries. Did like twelve bucks worth of groceries, five bucks of oats, some salt, a really large expensive onion, garlic, green onions and literally one piece of reed chillis, Why not.

Back home I cooked up the onion and garlic real good, dumped a can of tomatoes, let them simmer for like an hour or whatever until it really thickened. On the side I cleaned up two cans of beans, fried them a little bit, and dumped them into the sauce mix. Also boiled a half-dozen eggs, peeled 'em and put them with the veggies. It was a nice stew of sorts, the beans gave it nice texture and added protein, the egg was great too. A bit too sour, and too thick but whatever.

The original idea was to eat it with buckwheat pancakes, but I was too lazy and tired for that, so I heated up some murahi and that was my carbs. Talked to IA about a bunch of things as I ate. Watched a little bit of Suits with the roommates, felt so unproductive, but still wrote a couple of posts, until well into the night..

Slept at 12.30.