Quick FAQ on the firestorms raging across the globe currently

Q: Who will be affected by the new policy?
A: Everyone who breathes will likely be affected, so contact our helpline if that means you. However, if you use special breathing equipment such as ventilator, iron long, or a constant supply of helium balloons so you always have a funny voice, you'll remain unaffected, and will not need to do anything.

Q: I've been told this might have negative impact on my health, is that true?
A: We have seen out in the wild, among various websites of questionable repute and scientific variety, claims that the changes could potentially be harmful to individuals' breathing, long-term respiratory health, or cardiac health. Be assured that no reputable scientific study has with a hundred percent certainty showed that such effects are likely. The results of the experiments held are conflicting, so it's hard to say either way. Besides, a large portion of the folks claiming ill-health from our actions somehow also happen to be selling expensive medical devices, or equipment to protect your respiratory system, so there's bound to be a lot of conflict of interest that's not been declared.

Q: How did it happen?
A: Details are hazy (pun hahaha), but according to our remote sensing instruments, around noontime on Wednesday, one of our valves broke and got set on fire from the forestfire nearby. Since we were storing a gazillion tonne of highly inflammable petroleum products in that depo, it started a long chain of firestorms that has not yet ended four weeks since. Due to the nature of the smoke, and the prevailing weather conditions, the hot noxious fumes got carried away to nearby oil fields and set them on fire as well, which is why the entire globe is now covered in dark grey-brown-red fumes blocking the sun. However our scientists tell us that it is not of immediate concern, and things will be back to normal ones the direction of the wind changes.

Q: What are you doing to help the victims?
A: Glad you asked! We take social responsibility quite seriously, and consider ourselves to be at the forefront of caring for the environment. We are terribly apologetic at the situation we find ourselves in, and therefore, to make up for the trouble, we are offering $50 gift card to anybody who's affected by the fires. Thank you for being loyal customers!