FAQ on Why you need to be more religious ASAP or else...

Q. What is it?
A. It's a large stone that has been occupied by a very angry and impatient god, and you better listen to him or bad things are going to happen to you. Like, very soon. Examples include: thieves will come into your house and steal valuables. Somebody will break your windows. You'll be robbed at gunpoint, the police will hassle you, etc etc.


Q. What can I do about it?
A. The easiest way to solve the problem would have been to worship lifelong, but clearly that's not an option at this point, so your best alternative is to go to the temple, and ask for forgiveness. From the innermost depths of your heart. And honestly, wallet too, obviously the gods don't care about money, but you do, and if you give donations to the temple, or just for the god, it means that you really care about this matter.


Q. How do I make sure the money goes to god and not the priests?
A. Excellent question, for which we have several answers! First, you need to trust the priests, what kind of god would allow his temple to be officiated by evil corrupts priests, huh? Second, in case one or few of the priests got corrupted, there's a whole busload of them around, to stop each other from getting corrupted. And we guarantee you, we're very accountable to the organization, so we'll catch any sort of irregularities right away. Third, just...do it okay, we are priests, what are we gonna do with your stupid money, all we care about is the gods, and religion, we don't got nothin' to do with all this wealth, just...shutup, and do as the god wishes you. Stop complaining already, by the way.


Q. Do I have any other alternatives?
A. Ohh suuuree. Why don't you try to test the god. Don't do anything, and see what bad things come off of it. I guess you could call the cops and try to protect yourself and your belongings, but trust us, without the god's help even the most powerful of other gods won't be able to protect you. Just go, just test it, you'll make a good example for other non-believers.

Q. This sounds like an extortion?
A. STFU. just give us your money already!