Seattle public library system is still effed, three weeks on

Short one here. Seattle public library's online system is still fucked, thanks to the hackers who are holding it for ransom. What that means is all the books I borrowed from them are gone, beyond my control, unable to renew or reserve, or even hold. I can't even login into the system. It's quite annoying, the books I waited weeks for are gone just like that. Fortunately have the membership of other library systems, but had put a decent amount of eggs in their system, alas.

Haven't really read or listened to books from the system in more recent days and it's all my loss, wish something good was happening there. I miss the days I was going through a book a day, alas. It's not like I'm out of energy or anything, it's just that...I don't seem to want to. Which is funny, cos when I was reading them I was even higher in energy. Perhaps doing smarty things gives me energy? Which means the library being hacked is sapping me of energy.

Oh well. I should download the books and just make the at voice app read them aloud.

Cancelled office walk due to lost card, saywee groceries arrive for first time, getting to know yoga teacher [Wed 29]

 gloomy lazy day, chiya-biskut fruits and oats breakfast, productive at work but not personal stuff, cancelled office walk because of misplaced card, shin ramyun for lunch, saywee groceries arrive, amazing yoga session, getting to know the instructor, yogurt dai khaja, general chill, evening write and walk

Writing this five days later instead of a day or two, because the weekend was productive socially but not in terms of writing. Ah well, let's move on.

It was a gloomy day, didn't do much besides work etcetera. Had oats and fruits and chiya-biskut for breakfast. Work was super duper busy which is why no meditation etcetera happened. Didn't go to the office despite changing and almost at the door because I was too busy and lost my work card, need to get it remade.

In the afternoon Saywee groceries arrived and I was super pumped to be experimenting with them. Had the tofu snack, the entire packetful, right there and then. Had a packet of shin ramyun for lunch, with all the hot pot materials including mushrooms etcetera.

Two hours of amazing yoga session in the evening, I got to know one of my instructors better. We share great many similarities, and I was hoping to make a new friend but alas they were otherwise occupied and I didn't want to impose too much.

Had yogurt as khaja in the afternoon. Just hungout and used the internet.

Wrote quite a bit in the evening, and went on a short walk, not too long, just enough to get to 10k steps.

Some social things I want to consider doing in Seattle

1. Making more friends so I can know more people who I'd eventually want to date.
   
   
2. Expanding social circles by having friends bring over their extended friend groups too.
   
   
3. Road trips as a sneaky trick to create stronger friendship bonds.
   
   
4. Long walks are a great way to get to know new people, it turns out, not at all surprisingly.
   
   
5. "Cookouts" can be quite easy: all you do is provide raw ingredients, and your guests practically serve themselves!
   
   
6. Hobbies, fun activities, and regulars at bars or restaurants seem to create strong bonds, approaching friendship, need to consider looking at that.
   
   
7. Where are the cool people of my age group at in this town anyway, we must find them, and spend time with them anyhow!
   

The ball of putrid gas is falling, but it's no time for celebration yet

On the one hand it's looking like the convictions haven't made too too much difference in people's opinion of the clown. On the other hand, justice is rightfully being served, and it's becoming clearer nobody is beyond the reach of law. While the bloviating moron's existence and control adds greater uncertainty in the world, hopefully this situation leads to a change in momentum.

In the most sad and irritated times, I do hope and desire the gross blown-up gasbag wins the thing and takes this all down to the shitter. But that's going to cause far too much collateral damage. No no, instead we have to hope that the idiot will just go away. And even if not, all hope is not to be lost. We must learn to work around, and with, tricky situations and get rid of messianic morons from our minds. They may occupy our physical existence, but they must never occupy our internal mental peace!

How am I feeling after 4 belly-dancing classes? Lessons for life

With the recpass classes, the idea was to take as many variety of workouts as possible, but in the end I took only yoga classes, a zumba session, and four belly dancing hours. The previous post was about yoga, in this I'll discuss belly dancing classes.

The first class was overwhelming, I didn't have a clue where I was at, and was quite lost. The second was a bit better in that I knew what I was missing, but also awful as the discovery that this wasn't meant for me came through. The third class was the least good, as the shawls and everything just confused me, couldn't coordinate the head, hip, foot and hand movements. The fourth lessons was the best because I came around. It turns out I wasn't as bad as I had feared, and while it did take me quite a long time to memorize the steps, eventually one is beginning to see the pattern. It's as much a mental thing as it is physical. I need to improve my approach of it, come at it with a better mindset. Be more open-minded to learn new stuff.

So will I take it again next academic year? Absolutely! It was stressful for a lesson or two, but it's okay, that's a safe-space to make mistakes. If I don't make such low-stake errors and chances, then when will I actually get out of my comfort zone. This is the best chance to learn a new skill that I've been quite bad at since childhood. To retrain my emotional response, my physical response, and mental attitude. Be more receptive to learning physical steps. To not overthink things.

Zumba is just jumping around. This class was serious. I'm eagerly waiting for the next quarter in the fall when this class is offered again!

Very mid-day, nothing productive done at work or personally, the day wasted waiting for friend [Fri 31]

oats breakfast, quinoa lunch, sprouts tomato and cucumber with cheese dinner, I waste away my day waiting for friend

Such an unproductive day this Friday, I blame it for getting nothing done the entire day. Didn't get anything done at work, didn't do workouts or walks or anything, and most certainly no meditation etcetera, not even yoga.

Breakfast was oats, lunch was quinoa with tofu, dinner was tomato sprouts and cucumber with mozzarella on ezekiel bread sandwich. In the evening I was waiting for friend AS(y) to show up so we could make further plans, go to the club maybe, but he changed his plans and didn't tell me until way after everything was supposed to be done. It's a really good idea to not count on him at all to make plans at least in the short term it turns out. I guess I got lots of rest, so that was excellent.

A pretty mid-day, to be honest. Didn't even go to the office!

Reminder to self: write by hours, not by minutes and blog count

 The bad habit that's gotten me in trouble, with the need to play catch-up and daily-writing avoidance, is that I'm targeting the blog count. I'm trying to average less than five minutes, which is quite short. The process is important, the output is not. The idea is not to write amazing journal posts every day, and have a minimum ideal practice. My goal is to write everyday, make a habit out of observations and just get more comfortable with jotting down thoughts. This 'count-based' target system doesn't allow for that.

What's the idea then? Sit down for an hour, every day. Start timer for 12 minutes. Start writing. Don't stop until 12 minutes are over. Rest for a minute or two. Go again. And do that five times. Because the writing will be timeboxed at an hour, it won't feel like forever, and if I do it regularly, it won't feel tiring either. That's how one gets things done regularly, without the need to justify to the world, or to oneself. It's important to appreciate the process of writing, the thoughts and processes that go behind it. Writing is a discovery of the self, understanding how one's mind works, and using that as tool to understand a little more about humanity in general. Optimizing the process away gains nobody anything.

Write by hours, commit by the timeblock, not by the post count~

Turns out it's real: I'm officially the worst person at estimating food

On Saturday (the last ish day of May) we went to friend PS's place and made food for 14 people. I helped folks decide how much rice, dal, beans and achar was needed, and turns out I tend to overestimate the amount of dried ingredients required by exactly double. I think every item is eaten by everybody to fill themselves up fully, and forget to account for every other dish. As a result, friend P has enough leftovers for a couple of weeks. But it's better to overestimate than the other way round, no?

Wonder how I might be able to improve in this skill. Perhaps 'divide' the expected amount by the number of total dishes, so the total appetite is divided across several items? And then add a small margin of error. My current margin is far too large to be practical. The good news is that I know this now, it's not just at home, not just with my own dishes, not only when I'm hosting.

Which means that's the way to getting better. I can be more conscious about my thought patterns and how I might need to adapt them for the future. Fingers crossed, I don't have as much leftovers the next time around! I guess people don't need to be bursting at the seams all the time!

The pressure cooker of the self heats on

the pressure cooker of the self,
unable to release with travel,
not finding itself among old friends,
unable to place itself at family homes,
no distractions, no escape,
the steam builds
and builds and builds,
for the first time ever,
oh and now we must think
perhaps how others feel
at least a little bit, in part,
the loneliness and the abhorrence
of disconnected existence
oh and how they must learn
the ways of the world,
and create connections
as floating barges, not islands
to set themselves
for the wrong haul,
travel across the ocean
together strong.

The pressure cooker of the self
heats on, the pressure's on
and I must find my valve
the dal to my rice,
achar to my dal
and make it all happen.

Spring yoga is over. Thoughts, beliefs, evaluations

I have been unable to write anything at all for four days in a row. So. Very. tired. By too much food on some occasions. And too little at other times. Too sleepy sometime. Too active at others, far too much energy.

My body must be recovering from something. Such as YOGA.

Let's talk about Yoga. My Spring yoga classes are over. I paid 150 for the quarter, went only for a month, and attended about 25 classes, paying $6 a class on average. It was a better attendance than I had 'feared', and I had quite a lot of fun.

It's clear at this point that my primary workout is going to be yoga. It's going to be the grounding workout that inspires me to work harder at everything else. Which is why I'm going to be taking yoga classes in the summer too. Perhaps just one class a day, but that's enough!

But what until then? Thinking of taking local classes, or doing it at home. 45 minutes a day, no commute, and workout's a workout. It's not as good as in-person classes, but it'll be fine. It won't be as nauseating or intense as at-home pushups etcetera.

What do I think of yoga now? It's brilliant. It'll help me gain strength, it'll help me gain better balance and flexibility.

Love, love, love it. The initial investment was an amazing idea, what a revelation that was!

I need more, diverse and interesting, friends in Seattle. How do I do that?

How do I do that? I do I make multiple groups of friends? Some board gaming friends, some bar friends, some clubbing friends, other hiking friends, others could be activism friends, some could be comedy friends, of course my Nepali group always with me, oh and I need walking friends too, yes please? And ohh spirituality friends, yoga friends, personal growth, writing friends, fermenting friends, and so forth. I have so many hobbies, so many things I want to do, and stuff I do anyway, but nobody to do it with. One needs community to continue one's interests, explore deeper into a topic. When social support and group is not available, one's climb up the learning chain starts flattening. Human intelligence is 'social' after all, we are much smarter, knowledgeable and driven as a group versus individually. We are much bigger than the sum total of our individual components, and that's true for each and every single hobby and interest I have listed above.

So friend groups can only make our hobbies more focused, fun and expansive. Where might one search for them? One way to think about it is this: what would be the most wrong way to find friends and make groups? The answer is to stay at home forever and always, never leave it, never invite anybody, set ridiculous expectations that one is never able to meet, and roll up that self-hate treadmill. One of the best ways to limit one's abilities interests and motivations.

We must explore, the jungle is wild, but not going out there doesn't make one more civil. It only puts greater pressure, puts the single animal in greater danger. There's safety in number, there's solace, there's company. Let's go. There.

Productive at work, late office commute, quinoa with tofu tarkari, last yoga and belly dance class [Thu 30]

 super productive workday, not much personal stuff done, super late office commute, oats-fruits chiya-biskut breakfast, quinoa with tofu-greens-peas veggie, yoga and dance for the last time, veggie and cheese sandwich dinner

Writing this on Monday evening, because the weekends have been busy socially and slow productively and personally. Let's move on, no point complaining and moaning.

Workday was super productive, had so much done, but not much in terms of cooking or writing or meditation, personally. It was so busy in fact that I didn't even go to the office during the workday. Went after work instead, and checked in with security as my ID was lost. They're making me a new one.

Had oats-fruit and chiya-biskut for breakfast. Lunch was quinoa with tofu, greens and peas. Chinese style, yum yum.

Two hours at UW gym, had a pretty decent yoga workout, and the last belly dance session. The class was excessively productive, I am not at all as bad as I fear. There's gotta be a deeper message in there somewhere.

Dinner was tomato-cucumber-cheese sandwich on ezekiel bread. Didn't write much, so very tired.

Spending my personal time on reddit and hackernews is a form of self-punishment

On Friday evening and Sunday evening I felt extremely nervous and anxious. For no clear reason. It was the generalized anxiety due to not doing walks as regularly, and skipping out on the meditation. Oh and no writing because of other things. So that meant I was not grounded. I felt gross, disgusted, and wanted to punish myself. Which meant...dun dun dun, I was on the internet! All the time, hours and hours on random reddits looking through crap that I never ever needed to know about, that only messes up my minds, and feeling awful about it. Getting into hackernews and enraging myself, feeling bad about that, getting away, coming back to it, and repeating the goddamn cycle. I kept doing it over and over again until my body was tired, my eyes were dry, my brain hurt and I had to go sleep.

In the big picture, that's not the worse things that could happen to somebody. But it's so innocuous, one barely sees it as an active self-harm, that it's easy to perceive it as normal behavior. It is not. It's a way to punish oneself. Reminding oneself how everybody else is doing well, telling one they are not doing as good, and wallowing in pity and other painful emotions. It's disgusting.

I need to stop. Going on reddit and hackernews is self-harm, it makes me unhappy, it makes me addicted, I don't get new information out of it. It interrupts my productive hours, at work and at personal time. I hate it. This is an admission, I have a problem, and the only way to solve it is to understand the pattern of behavior and offer myself ways to deal with it!

The trouble I've been having with writing

And once again this week I thought, ugh no I don't want to write, not today. And said it the next day, and the next day. And the next day. And the next day. Until there was so much catchup to do I literally couldn't hold it anymore. The day I had to write it, anyhow, I kept moving it out to the very evening, end of the day, right before sleepytimes, so I couldn't avoid it anymore. So much problem writing. It's going to be written in the next post on what the solution is. But my approach is all wrong. It's not about the quality of the posts, or the novelty, or the ideas. It's not even about original observations, or understanding more about myself. Why it matters is because writing is supposed to be a daily habit, a meditation practice, a grounding event that I am unable to do everyday because I make stupid goals (5 posts a day) and focus more on the ends (the count) than the means (the process of producing it). That messes up my motives because I feel confident in getting all bashed out in one long sitting instead of daily writings. The daily writings ARE the point, eh nonstop writing every so often isn't.

But I'm learning, getting to know myself. Understanding how to work with the head on the top of my neck. Seeing what works and what does not. Forcing all posts into the final few minutes is not the way, therein lies danger, frustration and craziness. We can be better at this!

Completed quarter II of my art class

Today we did colored pencil drawings in my art class. And thus ended the 8 sessions of the second art class I took at the community college. I've already paid for the third iteration of the course (I've been repeating the same offering over and over) and am excited to take it over the summer. I can feel the growth happening inside me, and the amount of money spent is not a big deal, in the big picture. I'm even considering enrolling myself in additional courses later in the year, two art classes in one week just so I spend more time and get more guidance.

Having a teacher or a guide to tell you where you're going wrong, and how you can improve your practice is such an important factor in the learning process, it turns out. Not an original revelation, but a re-realization from my new experience.

The day I took a whole buncha friends to the party, and socialized till satiation

Saturday was a good day. I was supposed to be writing but ended up not, because I kept postponing it but social events got ahead of me. In the morning AS(m) and AS(y) came and hung out at my place, we talked and hung out for couple of hours. Then I went to PS's place where we had 14 people over, of which 7 were my people. It was solid socializing, getting to know new people and bonding with ones we already knew. Then I was supposed to meet a friend and his group from philly but they couldn't make it. So I went with AY to Kremwerk, (AS(y) too) and we met like four friends who perform and hang out in there. In conclusion I met almost 20 people through the day whom I know and have hung out with. And talked a lot too. In fact at the dinner party I was so energetic and positively bubbling with drive and motivation that I decided to drink two bottles of beer.

Bad idea, I think, what a terrible decision that was. I felt depressed the entirety of the following day. Couldn't write, couldn't work out or meditate. At least got my 10k steps in, but that was only because of the dance steps from the night before, and the fact that I had to take the friend who was visiting me somewhere.

Anyway, the weekend was a socially productive one, I feel amazing!

Lots of great writing and getting grove back, lazy at work and low on energy in the morning [Tue 28]

 twice time yoga, lazy at work, yogurt khaja, tj's fried rice lunch, oats and chiya-biskut breakfast, sandwich dinner, good workout, amazing writing, evening walk, getting back in the groove

Writing this literally the next day, early evening before the walk, so I'm doing pretty decently. Won't be TOO much to 'cover up' in the month-end tomorrow and the day after, hurrah! At most two days' worth of posts, which is pretty sweet considering the ridonkulous shit I've done before.

Yesterday I was super duper lazy at work. Still felt tired and lazy and a bit 'zoinked' from the weekend. Don't know if the mood was super relaxed or kinda tired, but I was feeling something for sure.

Breakfast was oats and chiya-biskut. For lunch I had TJ's fried rice with Asian addons. Khaja was yogurt and chiya as is standard. Didn't get much done personally etcetera.

Yoga was amazing, got lots done, plus 10 proper pushups in such a long time. Two hours of intense yoga are all I need, what a victory it'd be if the classes were closer to me. The timings work out, it's just the added hour of commute.

Wrote like 10 posts in the early evening, went on a relaxing walk to the Volunteer park, came back and made a nice dinner of tomato-cheese-basil sandwich.

I'm finding back my groove, that is for sure. The body is adjusting to yoga, and the whole timetable is being internalized. I could do with a summer of great balance!

My style of making noodles is / has always been hotpotish and its fine

 Pardon the three food posts in a row, but I ate well today, and food is high in my mind because of a new grocery-store experience. Plus, the weather is full of gloom, and there's not much else to do in terms of mood. I lost or misplaced my office ID card, which has put me in less-than-peak performance mentally and emotionally. Talking about hot soups on a cold rainy day is as good as it gets, no? Let's get on with it.

I got the wood ear mushrooms, tofu, loads of greens and other stuff...delivered from Saywee today, including 10-pack Shin Ramyun (who even knew they sold 10packs!?). So I did the easiest, laziest thing a boy could do: I made hot noodles in this cold day. A big bowl of noodle soup for the guy who claimed to be avoiding carbs and wheat and many costs. Because the pot I was cooking was my smallest, I couldn't just dump everything in it as they cooked together. So I gathered it all in the serving bowl, and added them one at a time, with hot water. That's when it hit me: what I do with my noodle-making is how hotpot works!

Get some boiling hot water, add your carbs, add your protein, add your veggies and spices, and get them simmering together. Add different things at different points, and keep eating. It's easy, not very messy, and honestly, doesn't dirty too many dishes. You will get only one favor -- in contrast to the South Asian way of cooking (or even Chinese) where each dish is supposed to have its own 'thing -- but who cares, you have a full belly, and a content mind!

A whole-pot noodle stew with veggies and spices and proteins is as 'old timey' and simple as it gets. Specially when cooking for one, when it's ideal to avoid complex recipes and too much added work that doesn't directly lead to better or more food, this is really the perfect way. Wish there was a way I could do this for rice and other proteins too. Or maybe there IS! Cook a carb, get a hotpot thing, and do it in your living room. Actually no, that doesn't work, I don't have a place to put it, without everything getting nasty dirty, but what a great idea.

Definitely something worth considering. A Nepali-style hotpot. Why don't we have it already!

A list of food items that I'm excited to have just received and include in my cooking and eating

Thoughts and opinions on new food items that I ordered and had experience with after recently ordering groceries from sayweee.

1. Fermented sweet rice (very little alcohol, as it says in the label, wink wink)
   
   
2. Spicy tofu achaar / snack (a packet of which I finished in a single goddamn sitting)
   
   
3. Wood ear mushrooms (so freaking good in all the soups!)
   
   
4. Laoganma's fermented chilli in salt
   
   
5. Tea eggs
    
6. Prickly ash oil!
   
   
7. Persian cucumbers
   
   
8. Kewpie mayo
   

Saywee first delivery review and evals

So. I got my first Saywee delivery today. It's the online Asian grocery store that I wrote about a few weeks ago, and I want to just explain how the whole process went, and what I might expect in the future.

First, the ordering was pretty easy. The prices were decent (more on that later) except for some remarkable exceptions on either end, and they waived all the fees (including delivery ones) and gave me a 10-dollar off on total purchase. Which made the deal irresistible to me. So I ordered about $65 worth of items, things that would otherwise have been carried home uphill from Hau Hau market.

It was delivered within two days, free of charge. So that's a great selling point, seeing as I've been procrastinating going to the Asian market for two weeks now. I could just do an order today, when bored, and expect to see it in a blink of an eye in terms of productive time spent. The weight of the whole package must have been hmmm..I don't want to overstate things, but at least 30lbs. It wouldn't have been a single grocery trip for me, nuh uh, no way. Or it'd have made for a miserable journey. So the fact that it was all avoided is a brilliant plus point.

They got all the items delivered, the veggies and the perishables were packaged with dry ice. It was my first 'hands-on' experience with the substance, so I had a good ole' time playing with it. The packaging was a bit much, but what's the other option? I didn't mind the packaging all told, and everything was clean and properly, way better than I would have brought them from the store.

In terms of pricing. I definitely overpaid for kimchi, paid gallon-jar price for much lesser kimchi. That I knew. Everything else was kinda...alright? Their sprouts are absurdly overpriced compared to Hau Hau, but they do look better and drier. I didn't buy bitter-gourd and eggplant, but then the ones at the local market are affordable likely due to their uhh quality. Great deal with cilantro and green onions though. For about sixty bucks, the amount of food received was highly satisfactory. This will take me through the next two weeks easy (in terms of Asian shopping).

I highly, highly rate the experience, and should the prices and fees continue to be this affordable, there's no question as to whether I'll order again. But I find that to be highly unlikely. Either way, lets keep our fingers crossed!

Seattle public library online borrowing system has been down for a week!

 This silly little thing of no little consequence is a minor issue that's been bothering me, but is of great importance in the 'big picture'. Apparently Seattle Public Library got hacked or something, and their entire system has been down for more than a week at this point. What that means is now I'm unable to borrow books, or renew them, or 'reclaim' them in any order. Placing hold on books is impossible at this point too. Not that it's a big loss, there was always ways to uh reclaim books for personal use, and the audiobooks were a great offering but I figured out ways around that too. Why this is bothersome to me is just the fact that my public library has been compromised, and is unable to serve its patrons for weeks and weeks. I'm guessing when they're back on they'll put everybody's books back on and go twiddling along.

The cybersecurity 'incidents' happening online these days are insane, and surely there must be a cleaner way ahead of us. Where everybody is almost always pwned, and nothing is protected from malicious threat actors. Ack.

Catching up on energy through sleep, bruchetta dne bread, relaxing walk at park [Mon 27]

holiday! apartment cleaning, evening write, relaxing walk, bread and bruschetta breakfast, yogurt lunch, popcorn khaja, cheese-tomato-basil sandwich for dinner, volunteer park walk

I hath done it, done it. Only one day behind on journal posts etcetera. Heck of a recovery. We'll have some free time starting next week when yoga class is done, and we'll plan the future. For the moment, let's get on with the journal.

It was a freaking holiday, a free holiday! It came as such a pleasant surprise, a much needed one because quite clearly the fuel was running low on this guy!

Slept until 10 or 11 in the morning, woke up at 7 in the living room (had decided to sleep there because reasons) and my eyes hurt. So went back to the bedroom and slept for a few more hours. So. Freaking. Relaxing.

Cleaned the apartment during the day, wrote a bunch, went on a relaxing walk to the volunteer park. Breakfast was bread and bruschetta, lunch was yogurt, khaja was popcorn, and dinner was the classic cheese-tomato-basil sandwich on ezekiel bread.

Went to sleep a bit later than I should have, and I'm regretful, but this day really got me the time to gain on energy!

Yoga classes for Spring are ending for 3 days, I'm sad

After almost a month(!) -- yikes -- of taking yoga classes, my body has begun to get used to the bends and stretches and the general vibe. As in, I'm not completely and overwhelmingly knackered at the end of the day, after the yoga classes. Obviously my body is still human and there's always some leftover soreness, but without that what's even the point of 2-hour classes, you know? I'm excited about how I approach yoga in the future. There's a yoga in the cathedral thing that happens every week nearby, but that's not enough.

That is of increasing importance though because my yoga class is ending in three days. The quarter is ending at UW, and with that my recpass membership. The instructors told us next week would be a limited special schedule, and after that no yoga classes for several weeks. Don't know if my body will revert back to its old lazy, inflexible form, or if that is going to be a period of recovery but also muscle formation, and the next quarter is going to be even better.

I have of course brought summer yoga before. They are offering it, and I'm taking it. It's quite likely going to be an average of 5 or so classes a week instead of 10-or-so that I'm doing right now, and the timings they offer might not work to my benefit. In which case it's possible we will have to explore electrocycle and the rest. It's not a big deal, so be it!

Over the course of the last four weeks, I got to know all of the instructors, who they are, what they do and so forth. With another quarter of yoga in my cap, the relationship is going to go stronger. I also had 'workout friends' and while we didn't really talk much (at all, really), eventually this is how social relationships blossom. We must keep our minds, eyes and ears open. Open ourselves to the possibilities the universe has to offer!

Ordering from sayweee for the first time

 I ordered from Saywee the online Asian retailer for the first time yesterday. Ordered like $75 worth of items, but they gave me a $10 discount, and free shipping plus no added costs, so it came out to like 60ish and a bit more. Ordered a large jar of kimchi as well, I'm eager to see how big it is because I might have significantly overpaid per volume.

Their prices for eggplant and bittergourd were insane and not worth giving a second thought. But everything was pretty reasonably priced. A slight increase from my regular grocery store perhaps, but not by that much more. And the effort it saves me is incredible, gotta remember that. Plus they gave me free 2-day delivery. If I'm impressed by the quality and amount in tomorrow's delivery, I will definitely consider ordering from them again. The costs in terms of fees are probably going to make future orders prohibitive, but I'm keeping an open mind, who knows maybe this will turn out in my favor for a change!?

Will update on how it turns out, but for the moment I'm quite excited on getting everyday groceries delivered to the doorstep! It's been such a hassle to go to Hau Hau and bring many many pounds every two weeks or so. Guess taking the bus is always an option...but still...

On the philosophy of expedience, and not being stuck with a martyr mindset

We have discussed the issue at hand on this blog before, but let me refresh things. Liz Gilbert in her book Big Magic talks about two mindsets: the martyr mindset, and the trickster mindset. Somebody with the martyr mindset wants things to go their way. They're often unwilling to compromise, and bend their principles. For them everything is a cause worth 'dying' for. They hold their principles exceedingly high. They are ready to martyr themselves for the smallest of causes. Compromise is a word that is not often used in their vocabulary. Contrast that with somebody with the trickster mindset. They have more-or-less clear vision of their goal. Or at least they know what they want. When they encounter challenges, they figure out what is the quickest way out of it. If they need to make compromises, they look at the big picture. If a compromise gets them to their destination, they make it. Much like a mythical trickster, they are wheeling and dealing, ready to gamble, ready to trick. All for the sake of their goal.

Gilbert is of course talking about psychological flexibility and inflexibility. If our values and principles, minor as they maybe, are unbending, we become martyrs to them. Racism is such a big deal, we say, I will not give people any benefit of doubt. Sexism is an epidemic, we say, and everyone who slights me the villain. We treat the world as an adversary, ready to fight it. On the other hand, if we are more flexible with our approach to the world, things become easier. Let's give people the benefit of doubt, we say, even if they don't deserve it. If it doesn't hurt us, and gets us closer to our goals, what's the matter? Corporate america may be sexist, we think, but if I can (as a woman, perhaps) make it work for me, that's another feather in the cap for a woman. We don't let big mountains get in our way, we squirrel away by the hedges. So greater souls, stronger minds mind be preparing for the last stand on the mountains they encounter, we've long past crossed them

This was something we discussed at PG's place the other day. The philosophy of expediency, the need to give people the benefit of doubt, and how we must make the system work for us. The point is not to be seen by history as 'the great fighter' because nobody cares, nobody will remember the pointless stand you took in a minor meeting. What they will see is what you accomplished, and how many you inspired.

Food for thought, yeah?

Biryani lunch, cleanup, four laundry loads, relaxing evening walk [Sun 26]

oatmeal-fruit and tea-biscuit breakfast, trader joe's veggie biryani for lunch, I do four rounds of laundry, cleanup and writing, egg-cheese-tomato sandwich for dinner, hardcore latenight walk that feels o-hgasmic, decent amount of writing

This is being written on Tuesday which seems like a fantastic day to write and be caught up on. Since google removed the ability to track oneself from the past, one has had to get better about these things.

Morning was decent, woke up super late, spent most of it listening to podcasts and youtube videos. Hate it that everybody releases new episodes at the same time now.

Breakfast was oatmeal-fruit and tea-biscuit, lunch was trader joe's veggie biryani. Finally got my ass straightened and did four freaking loads of laundry. One load was all the floormats and shoes, but that's still so many clothes to carry up and down thee building. Also cleaned up the house and did the dishes, so my place looks way less like a sty then it used to. Phew!

Wrote like a dozen posts during the day on this blog, felt great, writing after four days and what not. Did NOT go to yoga in the morning because I didn't get up on time. It meant no yoga for 4 days straight, but I'm okay with that. Need to be kind to oneself, and also if I want to get in the habit of doing it for the rest of my life, skipping a day or two or four should be fine. This was a test run that's been going on beautifully, no point in putting stress for not meeting the small print.

Dinner was egg-cheese-tomato in ezekiel bread. Headed out for a walk late at night, came back home a little before midnight. And lemme tell you, it. felt. amazing. Orgasmic even. So friggin good, like my entire life was changing. It could have been the green tea, it could have been that I'm taking my supplements more regularly, but the kind of peace and relaxation that enveloped me...People pay millions to find themselves in such peace without direct biochemical interventions.

Still wasted some time in the evening dicking around online, went to sleep way later than I should have!

Review of What Einstein Told His Cook 2: The Sequel: Further Adventures in Kitchen Science by Robert A Wolke

I read this book as an ebook over the course of hmm lets say a week, over a few sittings.

This is the second part of the "What Einstein Told His Cook" series by the author, and I absolutely loved it. It's filled with random tidbits of information as well as more foundational knowledge on kitchen science and the art of cooking. Most important of all (for me), the author works hard to scientifically verify (or disprove) common kitchen myths.

For example -- I've probably written about this -- I've added alcohol while cooking in the past to 'dissolve flavor compounds and bring em out' in the past. Wolke claims that it's nonsense, that alcohol in the concentrations used in cooking does nothing. He then tests his opinion rigorously, and most importantly of all, ask the foundational question: why do you want to dissolve the flavor out of your food into the 'sauce', why? I had never thought of it that way. If vodka did dissolve the flavor from the food, I'm not getting anything by bringing it out of the meat (or veggie) into the sauce anyway. It doesn't matter when eating because they both go to the same place. Either way, adding alcohol adds complex flavors and additional compounds but dissolving, the liquid does not.

I'm a much, much smarter, and informed cook thanks to Wolke's detailed experiments and points of advice. The many many recipes sprinkled throughout the book would be a useful resource to somebody interested in taking up cooking according to the author, but I skipped past most of them because I wasn't looking for recipes. Though even a disinterested reader might want to peruse the recipes since some of them have helpful tidbits included.

What a great find, I'm glad I got myself the second part of the series too. A strong "BUY and GIFT" recommendation from my side to anybody looking for food or cooking-related reads.

9+/10 stars!

A review of Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott

I listened to the book as an audiobook over almost a month, here are some quick thoughts.

The book is so.very. detailed. If you are an aspiring writer, or anybody in the creative field, this should be the go-to read because the author has thought of everything. Jealousy? Check! Fear? Check! Being sued for libel? Check? She's really thought it all!

She deeps dive into the art of the craft. How do you come up with ideas for characters? What about plots? What happens when you think you're out of ideas, all of them? How do you harvest your trauma and turn it into 'cash'? How do you deal with editors? Is it a good idea to take long writers' retreats?

The voice artist for the book, the original voiceover provider for Siri, was spectacular. The book was already topnotch, but the voice-artists diction and performance gave it that extra edge one could only dream of. I wouldn't be too surprised if the bigwigs at Apple decided to give her the offer after listening to this audiobook, because this is the perfect use of her ability to convey calmness and suggestion. Just. So. Good. Her diction is amazing too, she can bring out emotions to the words and sentences in ways very few others do. For the longest time I figured this was read by the author herself because the read felt so very honest.

I realize giving a book ten out of ten stars is a dangerous route to go, but there is no other way. If there was ever a book that deserved 10/10 points, this is it.

Highly, highly, recommend to anybody with even some aspirations of becoming a writer.

buhuhuhu i wanna write but can't focus what da heck

This is the third -- and one hopes final -- post in the 'oh noes I can't write anymore what is wrong' series of this month. So I've been having issues writing, sitting down to write and concentrating basically. Lots of staying awake until 3am to 'write' but never actually getting around to doing it.

Truth be told, the title tells it all. I would sit down, and promise to myself that I'd get the timer to write started 'in fifteen minutes'. The good thing is, once the timer does start, I can't go without writing, so some progress there at least. And then, four hours later I'd be like, oh no, where did the time go, shit I should write now. But then if I didn't sleep immediately the rest of the night would be lost too, so I'd give up and go to bed.

It's about building the discipline muscle, and that muscle's been losing practice, what with changing routines. So perhaps the downstream effects of a new routine are not that your habits get disrupted, because a day or two or four of disruption is in general not a big deal. Maybe it's that the 'habit muscles' get out of practice, and even when you are kind of back in practice, you forget to focus, and it takes an increasing amount of drive and (uh oh, m word coming ahead!) motivation to build it back up.

But as I write, things are changing. I wrote the topic on the 24th, it's the 28th now, and we are only a respectable number of posts 'behind' what we should be doing. Fingers crossed it doesn't get much worse.

Keep things neat and tidy, for greater productivity

One of the reasons my productivity in the previous weeks might have been down is because my apartment was so messy. I hadn't vacuumed in a couple of weeks, my sink was full of big dirty dishes that kept on piling up as I was done with leftovers from several preceding weeks, and the laundry pile got bigger and bigger. The psychological toll of not being in control of my immediate circumstances, let alone faraway things, dreams and desires might have been too much. It's important to keep one's surroundings neat and tidy to be inspired, to have a greater sense of control and purpose over one's surroundings. To want to write and create, I must clean first. To control the future, I must control the present. And to be in charge of the general present, I must control immediate present. Which is my immediate surroundings. I might feel lazy, tired or generally irritated by having to do basic chores, ones I don't enjoy. But there really is no way around it. I must learn to appreciate the process. I have learnt that eating ok food, basic farmer food, healthy food, is the best way to appreciate eating yummy food every so often in small amounts. I must understand that productivity doesn't come for free, satisfaction doesn't just arise, it must be created. The process of getting there is important. Monks in monastaries do menial tasks everyday to keep themselves grounded. Doing my dishes, cleaning up and doing everyday tasks is part of the process. It is something I must learn to enjoy if I want to transcend it, and everything else.

Double hang at friends' place, cleanup, serious conversations with friends, timewasting instead of writing [Sat 25]

eggs and oats breakfast with tea-biscuit, lunch at PS's with R, double friends hangouts, no writing, at PG's for dinner, bhat dal tarkari, nice long chats and realization of practicality, timewasting until 2, no yoga

Writing this on Monday evening, it's the end of the day and we're finally getting around to getting everything in order, hurray!

On Saturday morning I got up too late because I went to sleep super duper late the night before. Had eggs and oats for breakfast and tea-biscuit. Spent the day doing dishes, listening to podcasts, reading books and relaxing. Went in the afternoon to PS's and chatted with him and R, had a nice little lunch.

Went in the evening to PG's and met AD and S. Had dinner there, bhat dal tarkari, and talked about the practicality of going to Nepal, and also the fact that we need to be flexible psychologically, we can't afford to be martyrs to all the bullshit causes. Didn't go to yoga in the morning (or evening) because I was too tired and busy.

Thought of writing in the evening, stared in front of the computer for hours and ended up not writing anything at all. It was such a silly waste of time.

Seven edible items that bring me joy an excitement, sometimes unexpectedly

1. Taking the new lavender tablets twice daily, they're so much cheaper than Silexan, and uhhh not that much worse? I don't know if I can tell the difference, but maybe they do do something?
   
   
2. Green tea is so relaxing it's almost spooky. Yes it does increase the stomach acidity a bit, and is a bad idea to take in an empty tummy, but it's helped me focus and come to terms with everything. So. Zen.
   
   
3. Turns out all of the supplements I take are supposed to be taken twice daily, which means I was under half-dose until now. Doubling the dosage has improved my mood, somehow.
   
   
4. Bananas. When the blood sugar level is all over the place, just grabbing one of those cheap fruits brings about a remarkable change of mood, an instant turnaround. What a gift they are to humanity!
   
   
5. Bruschetta, olive oil, and french baguette. I will go for weeks and weeks without eating bread and buy a baguette once, only to absolutely jump at it and eat it to my heart's content. It feels so good, like a hole in my life has been filled. Who knew bread and oil, the simplest things in life, could bring so much joy!
   
   
6. The poorly-set yogurt has a jelly-like consistency that is wonderful.
   
   
7. Trader joe's sweet frozen treats bring me unexpected joy in days I don't feel like myself.
   

Giving up efficiency of large batches for accessibility, simplicity and ease of small batches: lessons in fermentation, laundry and everything else

We've discussed this before, but I've learned now that my lessons in chhyang production are quite generalizable, so lets talk about it more.

The problem with doing large batches of chhyang at once is that there's so much goddamn work, so many ingredients, that it takes almost half a day, if not the entirety of it. But doing it all at once means I am able to amortize the 'fixed costs' such as cleanup into basically nothing. I'm the kinda guy that likes 'efficiency' so doing large batches is preferable.

I've tried to replicate that attitude with laundry too. I rarely do laundry when it's fewer than two rounds, the other day I did four loads in fact. And as before, it does simplify things, save time and effort. It's more efficient, simple.

But the downsides are that you have to wait for the need for the batch, which rarely happens. Agility goes down. While the process  may be more efficient technically, the 'accessibility' in terms of mental load to get the process done, and the ease and simplicity, in terms of the total resources needed to do a task, goes up. If I'm doing small laundry rounds, it takes me only 1.5 hours, if I'm doing bigger loads, it's 3-4 hours right away. It's very similar for brewing, and everything else. So yes, I do get much better return for my time, but the gross time is higher. Because of that, I do it a lot less often, and the process can get so complicated and tiring, often don't want to do it at all.

It's a fine balance between outcome-focused versus process-focused attitude. I've gotten too far in the outcome-focused end, and should change my attitude to like the process better.

Trader Joe's trip, cleaning up hydroponics, latenight timewaste instead of writing [Fri 24]

harvesting all the green herbs and fixing hydroponics, oats etcetera for brunch, bruschetta and bread for dinner, walk to the volunteer park, no writing, timewasting away from writing until so very late

Writing this on Monday evening, we're so so very close now, and things are on track more or less.

On Friday I had oats and biscuits etcetera for breakfast. Workday was super duper busy. Harvested the herbs from my hydroponics setup and trimmed the roots of basil and mint because they were killing everything else.

Had yogurt for khaja, and bruschetta and bread for dinner. Oh I went for a quick grocery trip to trader joe's. In the evening I went on a walk to volunteer park, it was so quiet and serene.

Didn't write much in the evening, instead I avoided writing until late at night, until 2am in fact. The goddamn thing is I will waste four hours of my time to avoid 30 minutes of writing, an activity I presumably enjoy doing. At this point why even write then if I enjoy wasting frittering my life away ack.

The increasing need to be fit

 A little more than three weeks into taking yoga classes and I feel much stronger. I can feel the muscles in my arms straining and growing, I can feel the triceps take shape. There is greater power in the muscles, an increased stamina in the body. It's wonderful to feel this way again.

And the greatest feeling of strength is when one tightens their biceps and there's a sensation of fullness and tightness in the upper arm, oh how great that feels. That's where I was at four years ago right before covid, but then everything happened and I let go. Now thanks to Yoga I want to feel strong again, feel the power, feel the growth of arm muscles too. The walks will be for my cardiac health etcetera, I want to build a better musculature just to feel better.

My pushups have been disrupted, mostly because I am left with no energy after doing all the yoga lately. Thinking I should start some sort of (limited) personal workout again, to build greater strength. While yoga will take me all the way, I can complement it by building strength and stamina and work towards proper posture by myself too. Just as my pushups and situps have helped in my yoga, I should let the yoga practice drive my muscle-group specific workouts. Upper body and arms is where it needs to be at. Even if it's just for fifteen minutes a day, it's urgent to get back into it!

help, help, productivity issues befuddle me

This is the same old moan and complain about how not-great recent times have been in personal growth, and how the only thing going on at the moment appears to be yoga. Which is quite honestly, great, but one wonders, at what cost? At intense introduction to yoga, two hours daily has made me realize I love it, and would like to do it for the rest of my life, that is certain. The million-dollar question is: what is messing everything else up, yoga, or my general drive unrelated to it?

It's not that I've given in to random doom-scrolling, information-addiction, or general pointless behavior, the junk food of information in the fast. Junk food of that sort was the bread and butter of my information consumption in the past. I'm an adult now, a responsible person with dreams goals and ambitions, and there is a certain direction I want my life to take. With that, is it sensible to let myself indulge in these pointless, self-harming, stressful and wasteful pasttimes? One wonders.

The thing about writing is, I shouldn't even be counting the posts, it should be sit down for 1.5-2 hours a day, at these and these times, don't worry about everything else, start the timer, write. You don't need to worry about the topic, you don't need to worry about the quality, don't concern yourself with other nonsense. You are here to write, to dive deep in this brilliant world of imagination, don't let yourself be bounded by time or worries about anything else.

Then why have I forced myself to have such a narrow, focused, and unfortunately pointless attitude to writing where nothing gets done, and what gets done doesn't fulfill me? ?What gives?

The missing piece: general acquaintances and casual friend groups

After reading Paul Scheer's book, I realized this: what I am missing is a casual friend group, and general acquaintances who one doesn't maybe consider friends, but ready to hang out. People who will bring their friends to your party too, friends of friends, people in the periphery of your circle. An opportunity to expand your circle and get to know more people. Interesting connections worth exploring, cool people worth meeting, opportunities where random person can become casual friend, a potential prospect, a date, a partner and so forth. I have a strong group of people who hang out for hours and hours, and we organize events and so forth, but that sort of people don't exist in my group. Or anybody's, for that matter. Where does one even meet them, really? That's the problem, innit, in Nepal you got them for free, in college they were everywhere, even in Boston since my roommates were their own networks there were times when I met their friends, and had tonnes of those peripheral people. Not many, and not too great, but they were there, some of them women too. But here in Seattle? None. It's a New York thing, PS said yesterday, that's the sort of friendships the city is good at. And man, if so then I should be rushing over there because consider me old fashioned, but I like to know people before getting to know them, understand the circles they hang around in, hang out with their friends and so forth. My social approach is not suited for the Seattle of the 21st century, the hope is it is for the NYC of our era.

To be or not to be (back home): memoes from the conversation of going to Nepal from last night's dinner

 Last night at PG's place we were talking about going to Nepal, as her siblings are considering moving back, for good-ish. It's not the end-all, we agreed. There's great facilities, young people are returning and creating opportunities for others, the family and social structures are not as...feudalistic and traditional as olden times but still provide support when one needs them. Specially if outsourcing research or well-paid positions, living in Nepal with a good earning, having your car and house and driver is going to be amazing, and you will not suffer greatly. Going home is no more a curse that was.

That was the first half of the night.

In the second half we discovered despite everything, we'd still be in Nepal. Still the same lack of proper infrastructure, the crappy healthcare system, the corrupt and unaccountable system of governance, the lawlessness, and scary traffic, the dust and the smoke, the general lack of green spaces, lack of walking opportunities, and inflation. We agreed if you did have to go to Nepal, the ideal situation would be to be located there, but not actually be there. A virtual existence where you are not limited by your physical reality.

Tough nut to crack, this. More on this in the coming weeks and months.

It's late at night, and it'll be fine

This will be the theme of many-a-post in the upcoming 'blast' of posts. My blog-writing (or writing of any kind) goals have been all over the place in the last few weeks. So on one hand, I have been 'recovering' and adapted to the new schedule (3 weeks, it takes me, turns out). On the other, for some reason or other, I haven't been writing. Three or four nights in a row, writing was somehow the last thing on the list to be done. I'd sit down to write, 10 in the evening, and tell myself, this is it, I must write now, it's now or never. three or four hours later I'd go to bed, not having written a single post, besides the topics, wasted time on reddit(yuck) and mastodon. 

The thing is, you cannot be fearful. You might be putting your hands inside the mouth of a lion, and yes the lion comping down your hands (and the rest of your body) is your biggest threat, but fear is an even bigger enemy. For fear allows you to lose your composure, the confidence you have in front of the beast, and question the point of it all, during the critical moments. No, you go in, confidence that it's all a part of a plan, and you are in no danger whatsoever. It's that confidence, a delusion even, that keeps you alive.

Back to the writing habit. I haven't been doing well with my writing habits, but it's important to to not exaggerate the effect of it, the impact, and not generalize the implications to general life. Some weeks are good, some weeks are bad, some weeks I'm good at writing, some not. It's okay. To forgive yourself is to tell yourself, it's recoverable, you are not in trouble, it's not a big deal. It's unpleasant to find yourself in this situation and lets avoid doing it in the future, but don't worry about it!

Hence, the duality. Kindness in the face of uncertainty, love and self-care in the face of uncharted waters, lost habits. Have the confidence and trust in yourself, it's all gonna be fine, you need to be with yourself through and through.

poem, just some pooem bs

It's quite late at night
And my body resists the write
no no no no no, it tells me
anything to do but writing
Why don't you follow up on the news
and get caught up on the weirdo
social media feed where nobody you know is,
what about checking the matters of the world
that cause your stress to climb up,
or how about you explore new topics
or perhaps new hobbies, old friends, new travels?
never though, should you write, because this is not the time
so lets just ignore the blog,
perhaps some poem bs will go here
because the energy to think of a proper topic
is just nowhere
Why can't I write oh why can't I write
What has become of me, oh I might even cry
Reading has gone down, so has writing, and everything else
the internet has won perhaps,
my attention given in,
to the toxic world of online forum-ing.
Relax, meditate, think of the future,
trust yourself but, and just go on.
It will be fine,
just write some poem bs.

When you start walking after a long while, it's the strangest experience ever

The day before yesterday I didn't go to the yoga class, and walked for 2 hours at the part instead. Earlier in the week, I went to volunteer-interlaken parks.

I'm beginning to realize perhaps walking is indeed a more challenging and interesting activity than I had given it credit for. Because without the habit of regular walks, I get tired every 40 minutes or so, need rests, can feel the walk on my calves and certain muscles, and sore way earlier than I used to. My walking stamina has reduced. I'm building muscles and everything with yoga, yes, but these are different skillsets and workouts.

So walking intensely after some time was the strangest experience ever, because it felt like I was doing something new, something actually tiring, a proper 'workout'. What I'm thinking then is this: in the future, I'll keep yoga as a part of my rotation, but it cannot replace my personal workout such as pushups and situps etcetera, and the walks are unique in their own way. If I want to do PCT in the foreseeable future, I need to be walking 10k steps every day, no matter how many hours of yoga I'm doing....

I'm awful at learning to dance but progress, egg and roti dinner, bunking fromo belly dance [Thu 23]

oats and yogurt and tea-biscuit breakfast, at the office being productive, eggs and pasta for lunch, pasta and egg and roti dinner, two hours of yoga and dance, I bail out of the dance class because back and lack of comprehension

Writing this on Sunday evening, the journaling strategy will be changing soon.

Had oats and yogurt with tea-biscuit for breakfast. Went to the office pretty early on and worked super-duper extra hard, barely a time for my personal writing and productivity stuff etcetera. Had eggs and pasta for lunch, and egg and roti for dinner. Lots of pasta, I know, but I was running out of groceries and too l had to make use of everything that was available.

Went to yoga and belly dance. Yoga was intense, and the belly dance was scary because I discovered that I don't remember anything from the preceding classes, I'm unable to retain information for longer than ten seconds, and the steps are all a jumble for me. My sense of Proprioception is so very bad, it's not even funny. I read online people with ADHD can be quite bad at it, but that's not a good enough explanation or understanding of the matter. How might i be able to get better at it? What are the strategies people who're actually good at it do? And how can I succeed despite the hindrances, is there any existing strength I might leverage to be better at dancing? These were all the issues I considered as I bunked the last 30 minutes of the class because I didn't want to go back as I was just so so bad.

Love love love love love, makes the world go round

I wrote this title after reading Paul and June's love story. How they were friends before, fell in love, then were in a relationship for many years before they decided to get married and together. The old fashioned way. It's how things are done, and the way it's been now, through apps is artificial. The fact that your agenda towards the other person is clear, right from the start is a tough game to play, because you don't know what's there when you're starting. People learn, before are figuring themselves out, people change their attitudes and approaches. The current framework for meeting and spending time with people, based on online meetups is sick, it's unnatural, it's anti-social. It does not give anybody the space they need. It's based on mistrust and suspicion, mutual on all sides. It's aimed at creating atomized relationships, not communal bonds, through love and trust and so on.

But what wins, in the end, despite the cynicism, despite the shallow circumstances, is love, and people's affections for each other. The way things are right now, are unsustainable, and they will come to a thundering crash, and everyone will rejoice. Or people will remain bitter, annoyed, fearful zombies. That's not the stable configuration. People don't like being like that all the time.

The strangest and lovely youtube channel: Rinoa's auspicious travails

I've been following this youtuber called Rinoa's Auspicious Travails, and they're the sweetest, loveliest, strangest 'old-fashioned' channel on youtube. They're quite clearly not interested in increasing their reach, having lots of followers or whatever. All they care for is sharing what they do, how they do, and improvements they might be able to make. They significantly, and I mean considerably, underpay themselves for their labor, but it appears they do so to avoid doing anything they are not excited or eager to work on. And the fact they're doing that much right now is an accomplishment.

It's such an interesting exploration into the human spirit, and how people will keep on chugging no matter what. Recovery is hard, but almost always possible, and to come back from adverse conditions, and get back to the ring is what separates the noobs from real professionals. We've talked about that. Failure is not optional, but recovery from it and striking back is. Most people just give up, and that's such a disservice they're doing to themselves.

Which reminds me, I don't think I'll be going to my belly dance classes anymore, will write about it in a future post. My body, and my mind, are not trained to be receptive of trained dance. I need to change my mindset, attitude, approach, and hardwork to get better at it. That's the only way one can change there...

Oh right, Covid is still a thing

 Friend SA and N were invited to PG's place yesterday but they couldn't come. SA was stricken by covid. I'd forgotten that it was still in the population, that there's still outbreaks of it. It's been four years, and they've developed so many vaccines for it, but we haven't been able to get rid of it permanently. Guess it works the same as Influenza of 1919 or whatever. It becomes a seasonal thing that you need to take your shots for every year, and hope you don't get unlucky. The fortunate thing is I haven't caught it since...two years ago, but I was a bit alarmed that people are getting bedridden and seriously ill due to it.

Guess my 'social isolation' strategy of not really hanging out with people in recent times was a good way to live, huh? Will be writing on something similar soon, where I argue actually, no, that's a terrible way to live, and I need to change how I'm doing things.

Hydroponics update: mint and basil take over everything else

Couple of days ago I took a nice long look at the hydroponics setup and discovered I'd accidentally turned it off for a few days. Well I put it on, but not before harvesting some very large parts of the plants, mostly basil and mint. I decided to check their roots too to see how they were doing otherwise, and ugh, they've taken over the entire freaking machine, and the rosemary and oregano are really struggling. Well oregano is long since dead, don't know how to resuscitate it, and rosemary I might have to give up on, but mostly because there's a massive bush of it in the nearby park and what's the point of spending money to grow it at home that way?

So I trimmed some serious amount of roots from both basil and mint. Will keep my eyes fixed on them for a few more weeks, if they're still as strong, I'll reduce the plant count, repot them in plant pots, and keep only the more 'cooler/rare' herbs in the garden. Dhaniya, for example, apparently you can do it in a hydroponics system, now that's a piece i'd like, along with lettuce and spinach. But this will have been an uhhh interesting experiment even if things don't go the direction of my desire.

Double yoga, early to office, homemade pesto, yogurt bloats [Wed 22]

fruits and oats with tea-biscuit breakfast, yogurt and quinoa-eggs for lunch,  early commute to office, two hours of yoga, homemade pesto-pasta for dinner

Writing this on Sunday afternoon, not a big deal, just a slight disappointment.

Had fruits and oats with tea-biscuit for breakfast. Lunch was quinoa-eggs, and yogurt, separately. Went to the office pretty early on in the day, I can utilize my meetings to complete all the chores, and be ready for departure right as they're done. That way I can be there every day, write, be productive, meditate etcetera. The more I'm at the office, the better I'm at personal productivity, therefore office must be a must.

Went to two hours of yoga, as has been the standard. I really should stop eating semi-solid yogurt before my yoga class as it bloats me up and uhh reduces the ideal experience with everybody else. I had to use restrooms between my classes and it was a bit silly. So very tired by the end of the second class though.

Dinner was pesto-pasta with peas and leftover frozen vegetables. Classic struggle meal, there's nothing else in my fridge kinda situation, but what can one do, really?

The sadsack Seattle vibes

Is it perhaps
the entirety of
my destiny
to be with nobody else
but me me me,
and that's a fate
that I accept
to live a life full of peace
in control, and fully satiate,
but every so often one does want
a partner perhaps to hold one's hand,
and no no no no no, don't you give me
the Seattle style of affection
disconnected, uncaring, and full of
bullshit kumbaya justification
people need not just the flesh, but heart too
and if Seattle is not where I will find it
away I shall go,
a terrible place it is, I had bee told
to find a person to near hold
and one figured the darkness and the cold
was just in the seasons, not in the human fold
but alas one's worst fears have come to bite
and it must come out now, nowhere to hide
this is not a place, where people meet
it's not a land to create futures sweet.
Forget the struggle, forget the sweat
I shall make, my very own fate
I shall move, to where futures align
and somebody to care, I shall surely find.
Etcetera.

Changing default search apps and strategies

Quick note and it might be a big deal in the future, but whatever. I changed by default search engine in the cellphone and my personal device to be duckduckgo instead of google. Because google's started sucking so much, with their ai-generated results and so forth. Google images has been a third-grade product for quite some time now, and now the main product has degraded significantly in experience that I have considered my most basic daily tool. Still need to make the changes in the work computer: there I disabled the default behavior and forced google to do the 'web only, old style' search strategy. But even then, who knows how long they'll keep it for.

One another thing: I also changed my search app on the mobile, and replaced it with browser. So there's no 'other' place for search anymore. It's all in my browser. If it means I might end up using my browser a little more, so be it. But I'll need to learn to go without using google search in the future. Such a pity, they used to be so good too...

Google's changed their maps app, that's gonna complicate journaling, need to find some other flow

This is a bit annoying, but ah so be it.

I have done journal posts for the last two-ish years or so by looking at google maps location history, for it shows my location by the minute, as well as images that go with it. So I combine my location data and the photos I took then to 'reconstruct' events the following day or so, and write about them. I can't do that anymore because basically google removed the feature on the desktop, and on mobile the photos-and-location feature isn't available at all.

What this means is I cannot be doing past journals anymore, not in the way that's been the habit for the last few years. Every days journal entry must, MUST come at the day end, even if it's not on this blog then on my personal device, in the notes, somewhere. It's of the utmost importance to go back to taking notes, jotting points of interests, and basing my days on those. I cannot count on my digital clutter to reconstruct my days, and use them as the North star.

It's not going to be easy, and I might fall down for a long while, but there's no other way to do it. I must improve as a person, as a journal-ist, as a writer and a note-taker for the journal posts to get better. Let's do this.

Lost in the woods: how might I quickly return to my schedule, my grounding activities in the future?

The problem is that whenever my routine changes, if I add tiring or time-consuming events into my timetable, or I remove formerly useful or time-consuming things, my productivity goes way way below. And by productivity I mean my happiness, groundedness, general satisfaction with life.

So I must ask myself: what can I do to improve them? How do I get adapting to changing circumstances more quicker? I've identified a couple of grounding activities: walking, meditation, and writing. I must never, ever quit them. Even on rough days I must write, write write, because they give structure to my days. Then if I organize the new activities around the grounding activities, while not compromising my peace-oriented practice, I can more easily incorporate them.

On the other hand, if some productive activities disappear from my schedule, the lazy bum, the depressed version of me wants to take over and do nothing. Instead, I must expand my mindful practice. Write more, write interesting things, walk more, walk longer and more intensely. And oh meditation. Start visualizing exciting things that'd be done in the free time, things that would lead me to a wonderful future, make me happy, and vividly imagine all the sounds smells feels and emotions that'd flow through me. Manifest my new reality to occupy a new opened space in my life.

That's how I can ground, and rebuild my schedules.

Hopefully it'll be tested and proven in NYC in a few weeks ahead.

Double yoga, last of yummy cheese-sprouts sandwiches, strange tech meetup, chipotle dinner [Tue 21]

oats and fruits and tea-biscuit breakfast, the last of cheese-egg-and sprouts sandwich for lunch, two hours of yoga, tech meeting, chipotle for dinner

I write this on Sunday afternoon. I'm not at a huge loss because last week was quite tiring as well, plus the mental blockers created by the mess in my place, and the fact that fuking google changed their maps algorithm so everything is much harder to document has complicated matters. But on we shall persevere. There's more to discuss on this topic, watch out for it in future posts.

On Tuesday I had oats and fruits with tea-biscuit for breakfast. Lunch was the last pieces of bread with eggs cheese and sprouts. Last of that batch of groceries. Work was quite productive as they've assigned me to an exploratory project. Went for two hours of yoga, absolutely exhausted by the end of it. So very hungry that I came and attended the tech meeting at the nearby place. Fun group, not too many people because of the rain probably. I asked a person if she wanted to hear about responsible tech, she said yes, I started two sentences in, she said oh I have to go to the restroom, bye, and disappeared. What. A strange person.

Went to Chipotle for dinner because I wasn't feeling like cooking or doing anything, as my body was hurting in every goddamn muscle.

Didn't write too much in the evening.

Paul Scheer's book is funny and y.i.k.e.s serious: Joyful recollections of Trauma

I began reading, and completed Paul Scheer's book Joyful recollections of Trauma earlier this week. I started the book as an ebook, but soon enough the library gave me the audiobook version, so I immediately switched over to the audiobook version. Strongly recommend the audiobook read by the author, with additional material from his comedy podcast and other performance, over the ebook.

What a read it was! Paul shares his strange, and downright traumatic childhood, and how his experiences shaped him to become the person his he today. He writes about his comedy career, its trials and tribulations, his relationship to his partner, and their marriage. He is honest and forthcoming about all the complicated issues he went through, and offers the reader an opportunity to make the same considerations that he did.

Something I realized after reading the book, is that most people find (found) their partners through extended friend groups, through weak acquaintance connections, friends-of-friends who people see every so often, which turns into friendship, which turns into a relationship and eventually a marriage. It's unclear to me if I'm missing that social situation, or if the American society has fundamentally changed to not allow for such social structures. Regardless, another reason to move to NYC.

9.5 out of 10 stars, highly recommend.

Back to the schedule, more or less

 I write this on Thursday, but the topic was put out on Wednesday. I've been writing regularly-ish...every other day or so, but not running behind days and days is a big achievement. And walks, yoga, cooking, cleaning is all coming together nicely, which means I'm in ...flow...I really really should read that book, it was what started all of this productivity thing four or five years ago, and haven't gotten around to reading it. Back to the original point, it has taken me some time to pick up, specially aligning my 10k steps, writing, yoga, cooking and cleaning, groceries and laundry etcetera. And it seems I'm close to the point where I'm comfortable with my situation, without compromising on base expectations from self?

Three weeks to adjust to a new routine, provided one gives enough time for physical and emotional recovery, is kind to oneself, while being consistent in one's push for change. Meditation is still on-off, but getting better, I do it during walks, but the yoga is semi-meditation as well so that's a compromise I'm willing to have made. Now if only I could get better and cleaning and doing dishes and laundry, and do it on demand, i'd be such a mensch!

Summer yoga in the cards!

In the previous post I talked about how I'll be repeating the drawing class in the summer. Because my travel plans have been pulled back, and they're offering the same course again, why not take it. In a similar vein, it appears that UW is offering a good choice of gym classes and yoga and meditation classes over the summer too. What I'm planning on then, is to continue the membership there. Because there's not much to lose. 75 bucks a month is next to nothing compared to how much value I've been able to get out of it. They're apparently offering about 10 courses a week, which is half as many as the current yoga load, but that's fine. I can either choose to take it easy, or take other courses during the 'free' time. Cycling courses would be cool, could decide towards dance classes or other intense workout routines too.

The schedule for the new quarter comes out around June 10, I was told, and I'll be quite eagerly waiting for how they decide to put the offerings out, and what my interests will lead me to.

It's possible I might take this class, AND two art classes at central seattle college, depending on how learning-oriented i'm at the time.

I'm getting a lot better at drawing, and registered for my third quarter of the same art class

 I can see that I'm improving as an artist, or somebody drawing from observation in my drawing book. Earlier this book we drew self-portraits and my piece looked a lot like me. Which is not to say it was perfect: my face looked skewed, there were some interesting choices made on all sides, but those were just minor considerations. There's a clear pattern: one can learn to see patterns in the natural world, identify what's important and what's not, and use the essence of those images to create a copy of them as art. And it doesn't have to be an inborn skill, one can be taught it. Four or five months ago I wondered if I could be taught art at all, or if it was just silly desire to do something new. I can tell confidently that art -- drawing specifically -- is possible to teach.

My next goal is to keep taking this class. Registered for the summer version of it, the third iteration of the same course. We'll see how far we'll get by repeating this course, and once there's a decent level of comfort, 'graduate' to a class where I'll be able to draw human figures. Figure drawing classes will be useful because my eventual goal is to not draw naturalistic drawings but stick figures. But to draw those figures one must have a good understanding of how real people work, and how actual drawings are done, so one understands the process of distillation and representation. Might even take that class over the summer, we shall see how the yoga schedule turns out.

I'm excited!

Amazing self-portrait drawn, cancelling plans, sick and long sleep to recovery [Mon 20]

oats and eggs for breakfast, the most amazing selfie at the art class, feeling sick, cancelling plans, a long afternoon nap, quinoa, tj's rice and thenthuk mixed for dinner

Writing this on Thursday because three hours of yoga classes suck the hell out of my energy level seeing as I'm just starting out. It's okay, there's only one more week of classes. And then summer ones. A few months of these classes and I'm becoming a legit yogic practitioner huh.

On Monday breakfast and oats. Work was so-so, drawing class was incredibly fulfilling. We drew self-portraits, and mine was pretty remarkably similar to my appearance. Not perfect by any means, but the change in one's abilities is becoming clearer by the week and month.

Back home I made plans with friends from school to meetup. Sat down to write and felt a bit queasy, like wanting to throw up. So unwell. Called them to cancel the plans, cancelled the yoga class, and decided to nap a little bit. Slept for five hours, 5-10pm, had dinner, and went back to sleep at about midnight.

Dinner was quinoa, tj's rice and rye with thenthuk. Threw out the remainder of thenthuk because that batch's lasted too long.

Nine mythical creatures that really should exist

1.  A large elephant with an ant-eater's head, proportionately large vacuum sucker things too
   
   
2. A tibetan mastiff that is decorated to look like a lion, like they do in the Chinese zoos
   
   
3. A llama pretending to be an alpaca. Who would even find out!?
   
   
4. A sheep in Giraffe's clothing. Now that would be one to watch!
   
   
5. An owl dressed like a catholic priest, or a lawyer, for some reason
   
   
6. An ocelot pretending to be a rat
   
   
7. Armadillo but whale-sized
   
   
8. shrimp-sized blue whales
   
   
9. elephant sized rat, actually
   

How the hell to boil milk without burning

I'm making yogurt, and it's been such a hassle to leave milk unwatched and not have it burn. Two weeks ago I left the gas set on medium low, and there was a pretty chunky layer of burnt material at the bottom still. Now I'm questioning the very need to 'scald' the milk. The idea is, it's already scalded when they pasteurize the milk in the factory, so all I need to do it is heat it up to 55C (120F ish) and put it in similar temperature for half a day or so. That's what I'm trying at the moment. Put the milk on simmer right from the start, for 45-ish minutes, until it gets a bit too uncomfortable to touch, add the starter, and put it in the oven with the light on for half a day. If this works, I'm never boiling the milk again! Easiest yogurt ever.

Now to discuss the container situation...Hahah. Kidding. That'll be its own post. Possibly a novel. Because I HAVE opinions. (TM).

Weather is crappy but the heart is happy -- waah waah waah

This one relates to the previous post, but I wrote the topic just as I sat down to write exactly 40 minutes ago. Because my spirits are quite high, the motivation level is confusingly good, and all internal systems are check, check, check. Perhaps it's the good night's sleep, perhaps it's the generous amount of cheese for lunch, or perhaps it's the weather. I mean it's rainy as heck and everything, but I'd rather this than the alternative, which is to be cooked inside an oven, basically.

Ziiip, ziip, ziip, etcetera. Feeling good good good. Need to write poems, or meditate and all of that. Speaking of which, I'm supposed to be meditating and do all of that to make myself feel good for the rest of the day, and not the other way around, but I'm still taking time to set that routine up. I'm semi-regular on a consistent basis, so close to it becoming a proper habit though. So. Freaking. Close.

I slept for 6 hours in the day and slept off my illness

I'm writing this on Tuesday afternoon, and feeling good about stuff. Body's well-rested, mind is alert and ready for new good things to happen. The weather is..rainy and cold, which...this time of the year..is actually..quite preferable!

And all thanks to...the super-long nap I had yesterday? I came back from my art class, had some snacks, and got to writing, but couldn't. I was supposed to go meet friends later in the evening but felt like puking. Head hurt real bad, and the whole body was not in a positive disposition. Called my friends to cancel our plan, and napped. And napped. 5pm to 10pm. Awake for 2 hours, dinner etcetera, and back to sleep.

Now I don't feel like anything. Zippy, tip-top, so good. Don't know what the body was up to yesterday, but it appears to have recovered. And hopefully it has recovered from the 'weirdness' in adjusting to the new routine that's been bothersome for the last (exactly) 3 weeks as well.

Anyway, sometimes one just needs a long peaceful sleep to fix themselves.

Twice to volunteer park, lotsa writing, editor meeting, latenight stroll [Sun 19]

 fruits and oats and tea-biscuit brunch, volunteer park walk, dinner of quinoa and beans, aggressive writing in the day, work with the editor, latenight walk to the park

Writing this on Tuesday afternoon. This is as close to 'catching up' as we've been in a long while.

On Sunday had fruits and oats with tea-biscuit for brunch, as is standard. Cleaned the house some, and walked to the volunteer park. Hung out with friend A, and wrote several dozen posts -- almost -- in here.

Early dinner was of Quinoa and beans, and wrote a little piece for my editor. Talked to him for an hour and figured out the next step in my writing process. We went to the volunteer park once again late at night. For the first time in a long while, I was close to 20k steps in a single day!

Helicopters, mountains and fogs don't mix well, yet another reminder

 Many a Nepali politician has met their untimely end in a helicopter in the mountains. A regular, planned trip, A helicopter ride with many other 'notables' in the copter. Fog. Confusion. And an unexpected crash. No survivors. It's happened so many times in Nepal that it's a surprise anybody even flies during bad weather. They should really be better equipped to handle foggy, rainy weather, those machines.

Anyway, the Iranian president and a buncha fellows lost their lives in a helicopter crash, and that was a painful reminder of unfortunate crashes of similar nature from back home. Choppers are just uncomfortable air-trucks extremely liable to crash ah.

Oh the weekend soreness and sickness wasn't caused by yoga, it was caused by the gardening in the park

As I write this on Tuesday, I've missed Yoga four days in a row. Friday I missed because it was the weekend and I was tired. Saturday because of the day of service work which was way more tiring than I anticipated. Sunday I was still sore from the day before, and friend AS had come over and we were hanging out. And the classes were missed on Monday because I was quite ill and slept for many hours in the afternoon. Though even without that I'd have to see friends in the evening, so that was a lost cause. I'm heading out for a class today in fifteen minutes.

So I was sore on Sunday, and I attributed that to intense yoga last week. But it dawned on me slowly that the yoga wasn't the cause. It was the gardening on Saturday where I bent my back for hours and used hands for pretty strenuous physical work. Something I haven't done for years. Yes, gardening is my hobby and I used to be able to do it for hours without hurting myself. But I don't have the body of a 12 yearold (though my pudgy tummy disagrees), and I must be mindful of the situations I put it in.

Oh well. I've had enough rest at least, and ready for hours of intense yoga!

Seattle day of Service, some comments on

I've written in my 'real' blog about how a city would be able to increase civic participation and improve relationship with some sort of event where residents were able to help it out. Turns out Seattle has such a day annually called 'Day of Service' and I participated in it for the first time ever earlier this weekend.

The task was simple: clear out a couple of flowerbeds of all the weeds, and mulch them, but it took a group of seven or eight several hours. To be fair we weren't quite professional or experienced, but still, it's backbreaking work. It could have been better organized: our coordinator didn't show up for 30 minutes after the official time had begun, and there was no central coordination point. Also there were no snacks or water unlike last year, as someone said, but the previous year was sponsored by Amazon which explains everything.

Seattle should collaborate with local companies and organize these events throughout the year, and in more location. If coordinated and organized better, I could see the public participation, and connection to their city, increase quite a lot. Better public outreach would help too.

Seattle day of service weeding, volunteer-interlaken walk, Trader Joe's trip, drunk friend on cocktail, inbetweeners watch till late [Sat 18]

 tea-biscuit breakfast, roti-tarkari lunch, living room gets cleaned nicely, Seattle day of service at the park and long call with friend, walk to volunteer-interlaken park with friend AS(y), TJ's quick trip, fruit and yogurt for khaja, sprout sandwiches for dinner, I make mixed drinks that demotivates gang to go out, watching Inbetweeners late into the night

Writing this on Tuesday afternoon, things are getting cleaned up, joyous celebration abounds!

Had tea-biscuit for breakfast, and roti-tarkari with the remaining roti for lunch. Got my living room cleaned up because it was bothering me quite a bit and friend AS was visiting.

In the morning I spent a couple of hours cleaning up the park and weeding at the nearby flowerbed, for Seattle Day of Service. Turns out my back is a lot more susceptible to backache than back in the day, I didn't notice the pain until two days later. Talked to friend N for an hour or so while weeding, and quietly snuck out of the project around 1.

AS came in, and we went on a walk to Volunteer and Interlaken parks, a walk I hadn't done in almost a month because of some reason or other! On our way back we stopped by Trader Joe's and did some quick groceries.

I had fruit and yogurt for khaja, and made sprout sandwiches with cheese for dinner, as has been standard for many weeks now.

I made a mixed drink with cooking vodka and kombucha, which A loved, but it made him too tired and drunk to go out, so we spent the evening, until quite after midnight, watching Inbetweeners.

A realization: it's true, they pay senior-ish employees for thinking, not for daily execution

Regular readers of this blog are aware that I'm quite sensitive about one's contribution at work, the value one brings, and the potential future with regards to how one gives. And in the past I've said, when people get more senior, they're not paid to do things, even though they're assigned as such, but to think, to set direction, and to provide a vision. Motivating teams and people is an important job, so is looking into the future and evaluating what direction one's team must take. It appears that I find myself in such a situation where my guidance is more appreciated than day-to-day tasks, and I'm not complaining!

No book, no worry, downloading returned Library books to retain control over circumstances

 Part of the freakout of the last week and the one before may have been triggered by the fact that all of the 'good books' that I waited weeks and months to borrow all got returned automatically without me finishing them. It was because well...I hadn't been reading for weeks because of everything else happening, and the 'loss of control' caused by all the books might have caused me unexpected anxiety.

So, we must retain control over our surroundings and circumstances. I did what I did way back, but hadn't in more recent times not since using the Library app anyway. I uhh downloaded the books into my device and read them as if they'd been borrowed from the library. Not ideal, but one must move forward, and it was the only option available for the moment. At least it's brought me back to the reading habit.

My 35-day reading habit and streak was broken quite recently. I will get back to it, I'm on day 2.

No fun-writing? No problem! These navel-gazey journal posts are just setting me up for the future!

The last week or two (or three) has been a weird time for me. I've been doing some things exceedingly well, and others not so much. There's been so much recovery time, but not much writing or reading, you know things that bring me joy and things that I otherwise have always wanted to do. I've been planning for 'fun writing', aka writing for 1.5-2 hours daily since forever, but that doesn't come, never happens. Always in some sort of rush, always timed writes that take not very long, writing has always been a rush against the clock lately.

And that's okay. Self-reflection is an important part of one's growth and if I'm not ready to write more interesting, creative posts, I must be okay accepting that. There was a point in time when I was a lot more active writing poetry, and fiction and novels, and I'm not that anymore. Time will come when it's good to go once again. Patience, consistency and hard work are all needed. And kindness to oneself.

We're being set up for the future, a victorious and productive one. This is not what we want, not where we want to end up at, but the awareness of the very journey, and the sight of our destination must motivate us towards our end point!

Oats with eggs for breakfast, roti and beans in carbon steel finally, skipping yoga and early to bed [Fri 17]

oats and eggs for breakfast, yogurt for lunch, leftovers for dinner with beans and roti, skipping yoga, and sleeping at 7pm, no writing, a tired week ends, hopefully to a new productive time

Writing this on Tuesday afternoon, because I got sick on Monday, and the weekend was just...shrug... Let's get on with it, shall we.

On Friday, I had oats and eggs for breakfast, eggs because I'm thinking perhaps I need to switch things up in the morning and have protein with my oats every so often.

Lunch was lots and lots of oats and banana.

For dinner I freaking finally learned to heat rotis in the carbon steel pan and had those with the last of the beans with some onion added. It was way better than it deserved to be. Also carbon steel is NOT nonstick at all, and you need lots and lots of oil. That will still not guarantee you it'll all work.

Skipped yoga class because it was the end of the week and I was tired.

Didn't write, I had been tired for the entire week, so I fell asleep at 7pm ish, and had a super duper long and peaceful sleep. Dunno why but my body seems to be desiring more rest as of late, and it's unclear if it's just the yoga.

Summer classes in Seattle: a plan turnaround

There's a lot of uncertainty at work around what they want to do with us in July. Do they bring us in, or nah?  Or is the entire week of meetings scheduled fully remote? Nobody knows. So I decided maybe I don't want to go to Boston after all, don't want that extended east-coast trip, and just need a week or two off. Which means...the plan I had made previously, to be 'class-free' this summer, is cancelled. Instead, I'm taking the art class I've been taking for the last several months, for the third time in a row! It's definitely the most I've spent on an 'optional' class, and one I've been most interested in. It's fun! More on how I've been getting better etecetra in a future post, but summer class registration is ON!

My back is sore, and so are my arms and hips

As I write this on Sunday evening (along with like, 19 other posts, because we're SO back bayybee), this is the third day in a row that I'm missing my daily yoga classes. It's starting in 10 minutes and I'm still here, writing. Friday was justifiable, because I literally couldn't handle it anymore. Saturday 10am was almost impossible, and Sunday morning I wasn't planning to go anyway. This one though, hadn't been well-planned for. I was hungry and truth be told perhaps last week was a bit to intense or my sleeping was imperfect, because all my joints are terribly sore. I don't like it.

Three days to recover should be fine, so Monday will be a great day to start. The plan for the incoming week is to attend classes twice a day for 4 times in the week so the missed classes are 'covered for'. Mon-Thu, 2 hours each. That way I'll have gotten quite a decent value out of my yoga classes, and then can finally think about going down to an hour daily, without feeling too guilty.

Perhaps the financial approach to yoga classes wasn't the ideal motivation, but hey it's made me go consistently, and I genuinely enjoy it too, so no foul!

Important realization: constancy in schedule is quite vital for consistent daily routine

Obvious-in-hindsight realization, that if one wants to have a decent, predictable and fun timetable, then the activities need to go into 'predictable' time slots. What that means is: if there's a yoga class at 2.30-4.30 slot one day, and 6.30-8.30 slot the next, it becomes quite challenging to plan one's activities around it. Because the rest of the world does not adjust its schedule for you, and people tend to work on fixed routines. So if you've got a variable routine by design, aligning your workflow to everyone else's becomes extra complicated. I've come to realize this after taking almost 3 weeks of yoga classes and trying to figure out a predictable routine. The conclusion is this: going to different yoga classes is fine as long as they are in near-ish time blocks. My current approach, which is to go whenever looks cool is not sustainable in the long term, because it makes planning everything else quite challenging. Like, how does one even make dinner plans, or organize walks etcetera if the routine is so unknown?

The difference between my yoga classes and art class is that with my art class, I know where I'm going to every day, and it does not divide my block of free time into two chunks. So even if it's a big time commitment once a week, it doesn't feel that way. Yes, yoga classes happen more often and they're all I've given into now, but even then I could 'fit them' into my schedule better if I knew, for example, that I'd be gone from 4-6, or 5-7 or whatever it is, daily. Instead of it being variable. This should have been clearer to me from the get-go, but this was an experiment after all, and the idea was to push me to the limits, I guess, so no loss here.

Beyond the self: external causes of last week's distractions, and possible future ways to deal with them

I listed a bunch of reasons last week on why the last two weeks I have been low on energy and drive and motivation, and haven't really been writing much or doing work on my website etcetera. While they are all valid, here's a few more reasons external to myself that must have caused it too.

1. Too much of 'interesting' news happening. There was the memestock craze, and the bozo clown's car company crashing and burning. It was really hot-off-the-presses news that I really really couldn't avoid. It probably led me to use more of reddit etcetera, which caused hell to break lose.

2. Generally reddit etcetera had been under control because of multiple layers of protection in my network devices and the browsers themselves. Because of recent changes at work and at internet, some of those protections were useless, so my self-control was harder to impose.

3. The library books I'd borrowed for all these weeks were starting on their 'return journey' all at the same time, which made me feel like I was losing control. I didn't feel the need of, or the thought to 'download' those books and retain them long-term because this didn't feel like a big problem at the time.

4. The rent deadline was potentially taking lots of mindspace.

5. Work projects were lame.

6. I was traumatized by the couple of recent murders on random people and the violence of the unhoused druggies that's been happening in the neighborhood these past few weeks.

Pesto and pasta for 2 meals the entire day, yoga and bellydance, low on energy and grounding daily activities [Thu 16]

making pesto out of my plants, two meals of pesto-based pastas and frozen veggies, two hours of yoga and dancing, more pasta and tired and out of energy

Writing this on Sunday, we've come a long way, lets do this!

Made pesto out of peanuts, basil and the cheese and olive oil I had, used it on lunch and dinner with pasta and frozen veggies. So. Freaking. Good. I am not a big fan of pasta, which is why I've pretty much never ever bought it, but we are so close to being done with the pasta in my place.

Didn't go to the office because there were too many meetings, and anxiety o anxiety was overheating my brain.

Went to UW for yoga and then belly dancing class, hips and back still sore after four days, but the class was so worth the money!

Was tired and out of energy in the evening, and didn't write anything. Didn't meditate either, and walks were not done either. This was the beginning of me feeling I was being super unproductive!

Plans, considerations, hopes, of a move out

Ah yes, I've kind of hinted at this in the several preceding posts, but lets get on it right away. I'm considering moving out, after the lease that's been recently signed, ends next year. Places for future living are potentially nicer places in this town, expensive but less stressful, or even other cities including NYC.

NYC has never before been in serious consideration as a destination for a move. It was ever too expensive, too noisy, too tiring, not ever worth it. Now the calculus has changed. I'm not much more well-off than I was before, but my priorities have been reshaped. I'd be okay spending a much larger part of my earnings in a nice living situation if it meant the experience was worth it. It's understood that the rental market in the city is extremely shitty and competitive, specially in places where one might want to live, but that's okay. I will understand the market and decide accordingly. Right now I want to be IN the city, hopefully nearby where my friends are. My goal is to have fun and be a bit of a night owl obviously, but also appreciate nature a lot more, and be privileged enough to go on long nature walks right inside the city.

As SK said in a recent call, actually being in the city in your early thirties is perfect because that's when people can really afford to live there, and for most people it's the first time they are single, happy to explore opportunities, at a financially stable, and emotionally mature stage in their lives. That is...so very alluring to me. If those are facts, I'm easily sold.

All else remaining constant, obviously. Hopefully a decent raise in one's payment is on the cards.

A list of ten things I want to do in NYC in July

1.  Attend my friends' wedding in upstate
   
   
2. Go clubbing downtown
   
   
3. Look at the fireworks in the night
   
   
4. Eat incredible food in NYC
   
   
5. Wander around NYC's brilliant park system, including but not limited to Central Park
   
   
6. Meet up with the soulmate sst
   
   
7. Try out new things I've never done before in the city
   
   
8. Evaluate it as a place that might be worth consideration for the next place to move into.
   
   
9. Understand the housing and rental market better for the place.
   
   
10. Ride the boats and ships and shuttles, whatever they're called.
    
    
11. Meet other people who live there, whom I've not met for years or decades.
    
    
12. Have. So. Much. Fun. While still living by my routine to its maximum. Fun is funner when you're doing your everyday tasks and grounding yourself, it turns out!