It's late at night, and it'll be fine

This will be the theme of many-a-post in the upcoming 'blast' of posts. My blog-writing (or writing of any kind) goals have been all over the place in the last few weeks. So on one hand, I have been 'recovering' and adapted to the new schedule (3 weeks, it takes me, turns out). On the other, for some reason or other, I haven't been writing. Three or four nights in a row, writing was somehow the last thing on the list to be done. I'd sit down to write, 10 in the evening, and tell myself, this is it, I must write now, it's now or never. three or four hours later I'd go to bed, not having written a single post, besides the topics, wasted time on reddit(yuck) and mastodon. 

The thing is, you cannot be fearful. You might be putting your hands inside the mouth of a lion, and yes the lion comping down your hands (and the rest of your body) is your biggest threat, but fear is an even bigger enemy. For fear allows you to lose your composure, the confidence you have in front of the beast, and question the point of it all, during the critical moments. No, you go in, confidence that it's all a part of a plan, and you are in no danger whatsoever. It's that confidence, a delusion even, that keeps you alive.

Back to the writing habit. I haven't been doing well with my writing habits, but it's important to to not exaggerate the effect of it, the impact, and not generalize the implications to general life. Some weeks are good, some weeks are bad, some weeks I'm good at writing, some not. It's okay. To forgive yourself is to tell yourself, it's recoverable, you are not in trouble, it's not a big deal. It's unpleasant to find yourself in this situation and lets avoid doing it in the future, but don't worry about it!

Hence, the duality. Kindness in the face of uncertainty, love and self-care in the face of uncharted waters, lost habits. Have the confidence and trust in yourself, it's all gonna be fine, you need to be with yourself through and through.