Sometimes the smallest of things can make one feel down

I wanted to write this because i was so down and unmotivated on saturday, possibly due to some sort of hangover or something associated with the headache I had for the entire day. But it's also quite likely the reason was that somebody was trying to set me up with some relative of theirs, and I had a deep deep deeep, extremely deep self-disappointment and a bit of a re-assessment once I noticed what the perception of one must be if folks see certain people compatible. It's not that I have an identity crisis: I know quite clearly who I am, what I want and how i will go about getting it. But what one has found themselves in is that their family and extended uh tribe is quite unaware of that self-awareness, and still has assumptions let's say not in-line with the contemporary mores and expectations, and uhhh that causes one to find themselves be quite disappointed. And feel shit about themselves and not do anything for a day or two, just the act of online communication, because one feels one's worth has been sorely misjudged, and there's little point in putting so much effort into life if one's always to be hmmm 'pulled back' into one's 'true place' where one cannot be a being of independent existence.

Let's keep it at that.